I have waited so long for answers. Years before I was saved before I even became a Christian, I knew there was something more. More then breathing in and out. More than sadness and longing and waiting. Time literally seemed to mock me as it passed, waiting for me to figure it out. Waiting for me to step into something greater. There was something deeper that I was missing.
And now I have found it.
I'm not only talking about a relationship with God, but also I'm talking about finding his purpose for me. It still feels a little nuts and I still question it, but I believe I know what He wants me to do. There are too many people on this Earth for me not to share what I know. Too many people go through life like I did, lost and hurting on the inside. Feeling that something is missing. Something deeper more meaningful than they could imagine, something not quite tangible.
My heart feels almost ready to burst as I remember the words,
I dreamt once that I was talking to God and right before I woke up I said to Him,
"I will Lord."
That is all I remember. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe I was agreeing to share my story. To "tell them" of the saving grace of God.
I can think of a thousand ways in which I'm not capable. And Satan taunts me to give in and give up, do something "easier", less stressful, follow the world and not God.
But there is more than breathing in and out. There is purpose. I know that aching in my soul. That yearning to come into something deeper. I don't want to yearn anymore. I don't want to hear the tick of the clock.
I can't give up.
Because I can't go back.
Your friendly neighborhood Christina.
(Its a spider-man reference. Don't judge me I have a four year old son)
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