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Long Lost Daughter

  1. I really didn’t know where to put this as a thread, so I just put it as a blog. But I am looking for responses.
    I’ll try to be brief.
    Two weeks ago I made contact with my father through email after 23 years of nothing at all. Long story short, my dad had tried unsuccessfully to find me. See, my mother had taken my brother and I when we were very small and moved out of state. Dad tried to keep contact but my mom’s family wouldn’t let him to speak to us and eventually when we moved again he no longer had a number to call nor an address.
    So 23 years passed with nothing.
    And now here we are, dad and I talking. At times it feels surreal. And sometimes I think...it’s just too much-the emotional aspect is too much and I can’t handle it. I think that’s the devil trying to get me to give up-stop talking to dad. And that’s my sign that this is God’s doing. I know that it is.
    Anyway, last night I found my three aunts on Facebook. My dad’s sisters. I never knew any of them and I actually got to talk to one through messenger. I gave all of them my number. I’d love to know my family.
    The thing is though....it feels awkward. Here I am all of a sudden, Alvin’s long lost daughter. No one in dad’s side has ever known me. Now suddenly I’m on his Facebook and sending messages to his sisters like “Hi! I’m Christina, your brother’s daughter and your niece...”
    I don’t know how to explain this feeling of being this long lost daughter...I’m a stranger to everyone. I have cousins I never knew about. (One is just a year younger than me and we May have met as babies). We could have grown up together. But didn’t. I didn’t know anyone on my dad’s side. I wasn’t given the chance to. I was taken away. Gone. For 23 years.
    Now nobody knows me. I’m a stranger. The long lost daughter.
    Is there anyone reading this who has been through something similar?
    Part of me just wants to leave my aunts alone. They haven’t known me. And here I am popping up as a grown adult. Surprise! I’m your niece! It’s a wierd, exciting, scary, surreal experience all wrapped in one. I have to fight the devil’s whispers saying “they won’t want to know you. They won’t like you. You’ve been gone so long. Just stay gone.”
    I think it would just break my heart if I gave up on knowing my family. I’d always wonder how it might have been. So I’m not giving up.
    Anyone been through a similar situation?


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  1. Dave-W
    Almost had something similar.

    When I was in my 30s my dad called and told me he had an unusual "present" for my birthday, an uncle.

    It seemed my uncle George's son was in the dorms at Western Michigan and had another guy lived down the hall with the same last name (same spelling) so they joked all year about being cousins. in the spring, they decided to track down if they were actually related and it turned out they both had the same paternal grandfather.

    My dad knew his dad had been married 2 times; but apparently there was a 3rd marriage between those 2 that only lasted a few months and produced my uncle Claire that none of the rest of the family knew about. Dad had dinner with him once, and before we could set up for me to meet him, he died of a heart attack. (same way my grandad and uncle George went)

    I did have a friendly email exchange with one of his daughters.
      Sam91 and Emli like this.
  2. Sam91
    Haven't had similar but i know the feeling. I have barely seen either sets of Aunts and uncles. I have cousins both sides who don't kmow who I am. I was 8 when my parents divorced. I didn't see my uncle A from the Age of 6 until 34. Uncle D I saw three times between the age 8-14 and never since. My older cousin (about 11 yrs my junior) has one memory of me. We are in touch now. On my mum's side it is even less contact. The grandparents I was close to are both dead now. I dnt have a real family of my own. I live far away from them all.

    Have a few of them on my fb but there is nothing to talk of except with my cousin who has the fleeting memory. She always wanted to know me, so it makes convo easier.
      Emli likes this.
    1. Emli
      I'm actually not in contact with anyone in my family either, except my mom, sister and grandmother. I lost contact with everyone on my father's side when he died. But I don't see that changing any time soon.
      Sam91 likes this.
  3. Emli
    I haven't been in your situation, but I can imagine how many feelings must be involved in it. I hope they will want to get to know you, and why wouldn't they? Even though you are an adult, you're still a part of their family.

    Thank you for sharing. :) I'm praying that this goes well for you.
    1. Sam91
      Be prepared for this possibility though. On my mums side it was all pretence. One aunt said the nicest things but never had time to message back. My cousins and other aunt are not interested. It is no reflection on me, they just have enough people in their lives already.