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Cant Turn Off The Old Think Melon

  1. Its 5:18am and my phone with its lovely cracked screen is at 37% battery. And my brain won't turn off or even settle down so I can sleep.
    So here I am. Blogging. Again.
    But God will use this for some beautiful purpose. That I am sure of.
    Cut me down to size Lord for I don't want to take credit for Your work. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" ( that's scriptural but honestly I'm a bit too lazy right now to look up where it's from for you. Tsk Tsk shame on me) Lord let my heart be filled with You so that everything I say and do points to You.
    Yes the think melon aka my brain (sorry, a "think melon" isn't some new exotic hybrid fruit lol) won't turn off or settle. I don't remember what my thoughts were, but while I was sleeping the same thoughts kept repeating like a broken record. This is not out of the ordinary for me, especially lately. And its particularly annoying! I want to say, " can someone please change the station!"
    That brings me to one of the things on my mind. Ticks, I guess you call them, that i have. Like not changing the radio station. It has to be k-love. If you're ever riding in my car don't touch my radio. Lol. I think I'm only kidding. I can venture to other stations I just choose not to. I do have a slight thought that if I change the station...I will "miss something". But... it's really not a big deal. If a passenger wanted to listen to something else... maybe put a CD in ( does my car have a CD drive? Good question. I will have to check that out in the morning. Oh wait it is morning. Well not right now my tush is in bed) I think I would allow that...with minimal anxiety. Just never asked me to turn my K-LOVE off because you don't want to hear Christian music. As my mother did. I did not accommodate that request. Then when we got to the restaurant for lunch they were playing Christian music too! Hehe that was pretty funny. Then I sang along and she asked me to stop that too.
    " please Christina no signing"
    Alright. Ill hum.
    I am unashamed.
    You should see the looks from people at the gas station! I pull up with my K-Love going on pretty decent volume especially if I'm by myself. I turn my engine off but leave the radio on and usually as I pump I'm singing along. Its funny to me how quickly people get back in their car and race off. Im listening to Christian music people I'm not about to rob the gas station! Honestly, some of them couldn't get away fast enough.
    Maybe it's your singing Christina!
    Oh hush.
    Let's see other ticks...
    I have to read over my texts. This can get annoying. I send texts then I "have to" read it over after I send it. I also read over my blogs after they've been published. You guys see how much I write. It can get tedious. But I do it. Why? Good question. I guess I have to check and make sure I didn't put my foot in my mouth. Sometimes I will analyze something either that I said or was said to me and I will do this to the point that I twist it until its something different than what it was meant to be. Let me see if I can explain it better...um. Ugh. Ok, like with text- infliction is hard to read. Sometimes if a person's tone or infliction is not clear I may take their words and analyze them so much that I start to see something negative. Ill get anxious about it. It'll eat me up not being sure how to take something someone said. But I always assume the worst. This does not happen very often. I don't go around getting everything that is said to me twisted up. But every once in a while either out of insecurity or lack of clarity this happens.
    Another tick, keeping old reciepts, old envelopes and other old papers. I don't know why I do this. I will keep receipts I don't need. I'll open my mail and keep the empty envelope. Sometimes I'll even keep just a wrinkled piece of paper that might have gotten scribbles or something on it. I don't know why but I can't throw these things away right away. Most of these papers like the receipts and envelopes get tucked in my purse. After a while and I do mean a while my purse will start to look really awful. And eventually I'll clean that sucker out. There will be piles of receipts all " mangled up in Tangled Up knots" (yes that is a quote from the Grinch who stole Christmas). When I do finally clean out my purse and I see all the old receipts and envelopes and whatnot... I always think " I don't know why I couldn't just throw this away before". But...there it is. Me. It's what I do.
    Sometimes but rarely, I have trouble throwing away something that is broken even though I don't have a way of fixing it. Ill hold on to it for a while much like the receipts. Perhaps this is because my mom Always threw things away. If it's not nice and new and pretty and stor bought she doesn't want it. This type of mentality was often harmful to me. I always loved to craft things. Crafts are not store bought. Crafts are handmade. For a long time every Christmas I tried and tried to make an ornament that would be fitting enough to make it onto the tree. I did not usually have much to work with. I recall one year using a clamshell and cotton balls trying to make a Santa face. Poor shell face Santa didn't make it on the tree. One year when I had a bit more to work with, I made an angel. She was made out of felt... I think she had a foam ball that I painted a face on. And gold yarn for her hair. ( I should see if my mom still has this). My angel made it on the tree! Finally after years of trying and years of rejection. What kind of breaks my heart about it is that my mom crafted things all the time when she was growing up. She actually still crafts now. She mainly makes wreaths. But she never tried to craft with me. She saw we had that same passion and we could have bonded over it. But I suppose that would have been too "mushy". Bonding? With your only daughter? What kind of idea is that?
    Can you sense my sarcasm?
    I also used to craft Valentine cards. I really enjoyed cutting hearts out of construction paper. Particularly with white I would cut the heart to look lacy, a bit like a snowflake, and glue red or pink ones on top. I did this one year for my mother. Got the usual absent-minded "that's nice". She put it away in the kitchen cabinet for about 2 days. After that I went to throw something away and there it was in the top of the trash can. I don't remember how old I was when this happened. Middle School age I imagine. I am 28 years old now and still remember this. I know, it's kind of pathetic. But... perhaps it's a reason why I don't throw papers away right away. Perhaps it's a reason I don't throw broken things away immediately.
    Broken things. There is another subject.
    One day I was riding in my aunts van. I did not have my car then. I love my Toyota. Anyhoo... I'm riding and my aunt and her daughter are talking amongst themselves as usual. They do this when they're on the phone with me too. They put me on speaker and then they end up talking to each other and I'm sitting there like, " well I guess I'm not needed". But so they're talking to each other and they get on the subject of some lady. And of course she's crazy. Because everyone that isn't them is crazy. ( it's possible I'm being a little snarky. But the truth shall set you free!) Anyway my aunt says to my cousin " she's just broken. And you can't fix broken things even broken people. It's true! It even says so in the Bible."
    Ahhhhhhhh!!! Really? Show me the verse! Show me the book! I'll read the whole thing looking for it. Where is this supposed to be in the Bible that says God can't even fix broken things or broken people?! Its Not in there Aunt Toni!! Its Not!! No no no!
    Blood pressure...Rising.
    " nothing is impossible with God" Nothing! Not even The Mending or the healing of broken things or broken people!!!!
    Can I get an Amen!
    God is it not sitting there going "Ah well, Cindy, Frank, or whoever, is broken. Too bad. I can't do anything about it. So sad."
    No no no. Let's try Spanish. No! Italian. No! German? Nine! ( maybe I didn't spell it right but no in German is pronounced the way we say nine) I believe in French it is non.
    No, God sees your hurting heart, He sees your "brokenness" and He does not say "Ah well, poor dear." He says,
    "Come and find rest in Me. Allow me to heal you. Restore you. Renew you. Let My love wash over you. Lay those burdens down at My feet."
    Im paraphrasing Lord, is that cool? Lol. You love me.
    Yes there are plenty of scriptures to support that God is not only fully capable of healing broken people but He does. Im sure many of you can testify to this. I know I can. He also often uses the broken for the good of His glory. Somebody say Amen!
    " oh I'm just a beggar in the presence of a king. I wish I could bring so much more. But if its true You use BROKEN things, here I am Lord, I'm all Yours"
    I don't know about you, but I'm all His. Here I am Lord.
    "All the misfit Heroes you chose tell me there's hope for Sinners Like Me"
    Whether you know that song Or Not- give it a listen. Its..."broken things" by Matthew West.
    I want all of you who struggle with temptation, who keep looking back at all the awful things you've done, who feel unworthy of being used by God to reread this part of the song over and over and really let it sink in.
    "All the Misfit Heroes You chose tell me there's hope for sinners like me"
    "Chose" not randomly drew names out of a hat. Not spun around with His finger out and whoever He was pointing at when He stopped spinning. He did not randomly decide who He used. Nor did He leave it to chance. ( for chance does not exist as I discussed in another blog) Chance insinuates that something can happen outside of God's Grand Design, without his knowledge or consent or planning. This type of occurrence does not exist. Neither does the word Coincidence, as it is commonly diffined. Also discussed in a previous blog.
    The word used is "CHOSE" a deliberate action. Not random.
    ....someone tell me how even when I come here to blog my thoughts I still end up getting preachy? Natural inclination?
    "But You love me anyway. Its like nothing in life that I've ever known"
    That is also a good song. I believe its " you love me anyway" by sidewalk prophets.
    See, K-love isn't so bad after all. Not at all.
    Wulp (lol its catchy. That's an inside joke I suppose.) goodness...lost my train of thought.... so scatterbrained. Ah, I think I was going to say: wulp now that is is seven am and my kids will be up in probably an hour... I'll go ahead and end this and jump off of here.
    If anyone would like for me to write a blog including scripture supporting that God can " fix broken things" please cast your vote down below.
    Comment people. Comment. Good bad ugly and indifferent. I can take it.
    Peace out dearies. Lol.
    Spirit Reborn and Aleksandros like this.

Comments

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  1. Aleksandros
    It seems like you have built up a bit of pain and hurt over time around them :(

    Make sure to pray about that.
    I hope all is well!

    It sure is an odd thing to say Scripture says broken people can't be fixed - it says the opposite in multiple places!

    Cool thing: some early Church Fathers took the parable of the good Samaritan to mean Christ is the Good Samaritan, and that we're the wounded men lying on the road.

    There was more to it, but that part of the parable seems well suited to this topic!
  2. mukk_in
    I'm glad you're well. God bless you child and your children too:).