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Lost Faith

  1. I have come to a point where I don’t know if I could be convinced that my prayers matter.
    Mark 11:24 says “Therefore believe whatever you ask for in prayer and you shall receive it.” Those are Jesus’s words (though I may not have quoted exactly, I’m working on memory here.) But if I’m to have it right, He was saying if you believe it can be done, then it can. (“For nothing is impossible with God”)
    Another verse says “Go boldly in prayer.” (Again, working with memory here, no references in front of me, so I don’t know where that verse is, I just recall hearing it.”
    Well, when I do pray, I don’t “go boldly”. And boldly, in the case of prayer, means in faith. (Not bold as in blunt, or harsh. But bold as in confident.) Both faith and confidence are lacking in my prayers. Before I even start I’m telling myself “what’s the use?”
    God does what He wants when He wants. He has His will. And as far as I’m aware, no amount of my desire could break it. Please understand, I don’t pray for crap like winning the lottery (let me tell you something about that, in some places in this world the “lottery” prize is a large some of money. In other places they hold lotteries to see which children in the hospital get to eat. They pray to win a completely different lottery. Think about that.) I don’t pray for a new car, new home, new clothes or any mess like that. I pray for things like the health and well being of those I love or to make safely over a bridge, or the day to go well. (Just some examples). I believe it matters What we pray for because The Word says “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (From memory, probably not perfect).
    Here’s a question though: what if the desires of your heart aren’t in His will? However pure that desire/those desires may be. Again, I’m not after worldly crap. God is not a magic 8 ball. That’s not to say that I don’t have my moments where I don’t desire something that isn’t a Need in my life but only a want (like nicer clothes or jewelry) but I do not lust over these things nor do I ever go to God and ask for them. I Do desire, however, the health, happiness and healing of one I love. Seems like a pure desire to me. But I can pray about it until I’m blue in the face. But if it’s not in His will to heal him, for whatever reason, He won’t. Regardless of what I want, how often I ask, and probably how ever much I believe. He has His will and it’s beyond my knowledge. Who am I to ask Him to change it? I’ve already been told He’s not taking the problem away so what does My Prayer matter? It doesn’t.

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