Genesis 2:8 And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, where He placed the man He had formed.

To often we hear about the Garden OF Eden. But the Bible says that the Garden was IN Eden, in the east. So there was more to Eden than just the Garden that God gave to Adam and Eve to dwell or live in and tend. Could be all of ancient Mesopotamia was Eden. The land between the rivers. As some like to say about the size of New Jersey today.

I have heard from ministers that this cannot be done today.

That in order to commit the unforgivable sin, Jesus must be physically present in front of you. And that you would probably have to do it deliberately and knowing what your doing.

I have heard that there is no unforgivable sin, and that even cult leaders who led others astray and even knew what they were doing can repent and be saved.

But what about those who purposely tried to change the Bible? What about those who society would consider monsters and the worst of the worst and are not forgiven by society.

Can someone like Hitler, or the worse person you can think of be saved?

Doesn't God have a line that cannot be crossed?

Hi there,

I need advice on finding a church in Topeka for a believer and ex addict being released from prison.

This man will need a mature oversight to help him work though issues. Solid and gifted ministry will be needed.

Any recommendations greatly appreciated.

Having established the exact timing of 2000 years between each of the pivotal points of human history, we are now aware of the soon to come 6000th year since Adam.
This approaching critical point is plainly obvious from many aspects of our current situation.

But will Jesus Return at year 6000? I now consider that 2000 years since Jesus was acclaimed King, will not see His Return, for this reason:

What I think will constitute that hugely important mark will be Satan declaring himself to be God, after he has conquered God’s holy people: Daniel 7:25, Revelation 13:5-8, which happens 3 ½ years before Jesus Returns.


So we have Jesus being declared as King: John 12:12-15.then 2000 years later; Satan usurps Jesus: 2 Thessalonians 2:4, and rules the world until Jesus Returns; 1260 days later and defeats Satan and his armies: Revelation 19:17-21

This 1260 day period will be a hiatus, a pause in God’s timing and the last part of the silence in heaven, recommencing when Jesus Returns as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords to reign on earth for the next thousand years.

As I maintain that all the Prophesied end times events will take at least 10 years, then this scenario fits with where we are at today: 1993 years since 30 AD.

I have several photos of nature I took while living in the mountains in our off grid cabin

If you wish, please post your photos and some verbiage (a text from The Bible is always nice)

I took this one during the first few weeks up there

I call it After The Storm
Because, well, it was after a storm
Up there, storms were rather severe
Gusts to 80 and 100 miles per hour
They'd rattle the walls of our tiny cabin
Rather unsettling
Horizontal snow
Quite the relief to see it pass
There's a peace after a storm
Makes one thankful

Excellent article.

"The Lord’s Supper is Christ’s last will and testament in His blood. It is not a synergistic deal but a monergistic bestowal of forgiveness, life and salvation effected through His death (see Hebrews 9). The Lord has His say – distinctly and clearly. Our say waits for when He has had Hi When it comes to priorities and what is prominent in the Divine Service, it is the Lord’s speaking and doing that takes precedence. Ours is to respond to His initiative."


Yours in the Lord,

jm

Please pray for Steve, a 53 year old veteran. He has many physical problems. He has diabetes, severe neuropathy and had a toe amputated 2 days ago. Please pray for physical healing

In James chapter 1 it says of us being begotten of the word of truth, and having the engrafted word. This rebirth, the new creature, new manner of man can forgot who he is now when he beholding himself in the glass (vs.1:23,24). But we can also look into this which we have become which is called the perfect law of liberty and continue therein and be blessed in our deed (vs. 25). By being a doer of this work which we become. We are only blessed in the doing of that which we have become. Not forgetting what manner of man we are now through God.
This new creature we have become. This perfect law of liberty that has become part of us and who we are includes the Royal Law which is the Ten commandments, the other moral laws that are contained in Scripture, and things God would have us do personally through Him telling us directly or moving us to do it through Christ and His Spirit. It is the engrafted Word and has no bounds. This we know because verse 1:26 and 27 tell us we should be bridling our tongues, taking care of the fatherless and widows in their infliction and remain unspotted, unblemished from the world. Verses 2:1-7 go into us not treating anyone different regardless of their status. And then verses 8 mentions loving our neighbor as ourselves as being key in us fulfilling the royal law. Which is shown to be the Ten commandments through the fact that some of them are brought up in the context of if we offend, trip up in one we are guilty as if we tripped up in all of it. For a little leaven leavens the whole. Then in verse 12 the law of liberty is mentioned in conjunction with all the a fore mentioned admonitions from verse 1:26 to 2:11. In doing this God is showing us that the engrafted word that is now part of us (vs. 1:21) that is able to save our souls. This new creature we have become. This manner of man that we should now see. This perfect Law of Liberty which of the Word of truth includes the royal law, the ten commandments and the other things that are of the Word of truth of which we have been begotten through. Even more so, It goes on to say now we will be judged by what we have become, this perfect law of liberty (vs.2:13), this new manner of man with the engrafted word. And this judgment that will come within us, our conscience; will be without mercy. Bearing witness, reasoning as a plaintiff. Accusing or excusing in the day that God shall judge the secrets of men through Jesus Christ in us and thereby the engrafted word. ( James 2:13; Romans 2:14-16)
Continuing a question was asked in verse 14 in respect to the judgment that we will experience within ourselves through Jesus Christ through the engrafted word, the word or truth, the law of liberty. That which has become part of us and governs our conscience. It was asked, "What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?"
Let us keep in mind what James shared through God in chapter 1. He shared that the faith that saves is one that doesn't waver. For one that does waver is tossed like the waves of the sea. Let not that one think that they shall receive anything from the Lord. He shared that we have been enabled to have such a faith because we have been begotten by the word of truth and have the engrafted word which is able to save our souls. As it is written, His Law is in our hearts and minds. His Word in our hearts and mouths that we may do it, Which IS the faith in which we preach. Christ, the Anointed Anointing us. This is the hope, the expectation of His glory. That He be the first among many brethren. The just living by this faith (Rom 1:16) founded in His Spirit. For it is God that works in us both to will and do His good pleasure. In Him we are to live, move and have are being. For that which may be known of God is manifested in us, His eternal power and divinity so we are without excuse. (Heb 8:10; Phil 2:13; Acts 17; Rom 10:8: Deut 30:14: Rom 1:17,19 ) This Faith governed by the new heart and mind through His Spirit does those things that are needful for our brothers and sisters. For the Just live by faith. ( Jam 2:15,16). This Faith works the works of our new hearts founded in Him because we can't help ourselves because it is who we are created in Him through Christ Jesus. This faith is shown, seen by our works, for the just shall live by faith. It is not as the devils believe and tremble. Our Faith is what we are therefore what we do, not dead without fruit. (Jam 2:19,20)
Shew in James 2:18 from the KJV comes from the Greek word δίκη and is the root of the Greek word δικαιόω which is translated justified in verses 21-25. (See below) Verse 18 says, I will shew you my faith by my works. Real faith is seen. This is the context. Couple that with the fact that James through God is being specific when he speaks of faith without works. He says in verse 14 in the Greek, "my brethren if faith say anyone he has, but works have not, is THIS faith able to save him?"
Add that to what is being said of Abraham, it is translated in most English translations, Abraham believed God and was imputed to him for righteousness. And that is fine. But the Greek is a little deeper than that. The clause is in the Dative case. So it can and should be read, Abraham believe to the or by the God and it was imputed unto Him for (into) righteousness.

ABC NEWS(Australia)

Former US president Donald Trump says he expects to be arrested on Tuesday - calls for protest



Former US president Donald Trump has said he expects to be arrested on Tuesday in a case brought by the Manhattan district attorney's office and called on his supporters to protest.

Mr Trump said in a post on his Truth Social network on Saturday that "illegal leaks" from the district attorney's office indicated that he would be taken into custody next week.

"Illegal leaks from a corrupt & highly political Manhattan district attorney's office … indicate that, with no crime being able to be proven … the far & away leading Republican candidate & former president of the United States of America, will be arrested on Tuesday of next week," he wrote.

"Protest, take our nation back!"

He did not say what the charges would be.

A spokesperson for the district attorney's office declined to comment.

Source:
Former US president Donald Trump says he expects to be arrested on Tuesday - ABC News

Hello everyone! I am happy to be here. I am 26, going to be 27 in 11 days.

For most of my life I've always had a belief that God was real, but I never really got close to God. I was baptized as Roman Catholic but never went to church or a catholic school or even got serious with praying. I would occasionally pray here and there in life, but nothing else. I was more attracted to new age spirituality. First I was hooked into the Law of Attraction, then to Neville Goddard. I was obsessed with Neville Goddard. I thought he was the answer to all of my problems. I even began to read more of the Bible (since he uses it in his teachings).

But then about a week ago I had this sudden urge to stop everything. Stop reading Neville. Stop listening to Neville. Stop posting on Facebook groups and a subreddit dedicated to him. I don't know why, but I just stopped.

Since then I've been thinking about what my purpose in life is, what the meaning of life is, and how I can make my life worth living. Because I have always struggled with that, and thought going to new age would help, but sometimes I'd feel more lost than not. Sometimes I'd feel more disconnected from reality - especially with one of Neville's concepts which is "everyone is you pushed out". How could everyone in the world be myself pushed out when I am just one person? How can I really look at myself in the mirror and say that I am God? Isn't that blasphemy? It just felt off to me. I just couldn't understand it, and I suppose last week I had enough, and that leads to today!

So now I am on a mission. I am on a mission to get closer to God. I've been doing a lot of praying the last couple days and I feel it's working. I will continue praying, continue reading the Bible, and continue reading testimonials + engaging with people about God!

Thank you and God bless you all!

There are certain Bible passages that make me think of Donald Trumps current situation.

"If they persecuted me, they will persecute you too". John 15:20

"You will be hated by all people because of my name". Matthew 10:22

"Then they will hand you over to be persecuted, and they will put you to death. You will be hated by all nations because of my name." Matthew 24:9

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18

Donald Trump promotes Christianity. That's why people hate him.

So lately I have been studying the different forms of Buddhism, because I noticed a lot of connections between Christianity and Buddhism. This is just for info. Orthodoxy has hesychasm simlar to the meditative practices of Buddhism, but interestingly has icons just like how Tibetans have a lot of very colorful paintings, and icons used in their practice. The US and Russia are similar in that Tibetan Buddhism is very popular here as compared to Shin in Japan; There are 3 regions in Russia where Buddhism is the native religion, as well as Bhutan, and Mongolia which uses Cyrillic. There is a Lutheran theologian named Paul S Knitter who believes in the usefulness of Buddhism. There are others who have studied in from the Lutheran side. A Lutheran systematic theologian named Tillich was a big influence on such research, Tillich was influenced by Boehme, and both have influenced the Russian religious philosophy; however, these are disparate fields studied in isolation, not together so to piece the connections together comes with a lot of time. There is research on sunyata for example in the understanding of the trinity (this is all at the philosophical/systematic level). One of the main draws of Lutherans/ Orthodoxy to studying Buddhism is the idea of universal atonement since Buddhists seek to liberate all people, unlike a Reformed who believes only the elect can be saved. This idea of the gospel being "for you" in Lutherans and "radical Lutheranism" is believed to be key because without it, preaching the gospel to all seems disingenous (from a Lutheran view); however, Orthodoxy and Buddhism are most similar in the belief of free will, meditative practice, and iconography. I know there is interaction between Japanese "Kyoto" school shin Buddhists and Lutherans with Nishida at the philosophical level, but am curious as to why Lutherans have devoted so much time to the Shin branch rather than the Tibetan branch of Buddhism, or the philosophical arguments. There is a new Vietnamese religion called "Caodaism" which is similar to Christianity in that it is monotheistic, coming from a Mahayana country in Vietnam. This is mainly why I remain in the Lutheran camp despite agreeing with Presbyterians on some points because I can't see how many can be saved under such a branch, however, it seems that the most global impact on the world has been Lutheranism in multiple continents. Even in my rural area there is a Tibetan Buddhist temple area but no OPC churches or Eldona churches, showing the far reach of Tibetan Buddhism is actually greater than some denominations of Protestantism. Anyway, these are just some musings I have. I think meditation might be useful for anxiety but haven't tried it. It seems to be popular in evangelicalism, which makes sense when you consider the evangelicals, many of whom, convert to Eastern Orthodoxy, but then again, that kinda of contradicts Seraphim Rose's book railing against Hinduism (Tibetan Buddhism has more Hindu influence than Theravada and Shin); anyway, thought this was interesting so if anyone cares to muse with me, I'm not drawing any real conclusions from this.

I am thinking of leaving my Lutheran congregation. I met with the pastor in a final bid to protest the policies at my congregation that were aimed at deterring the homeless, and the pastor basically said that it's my job to get involved in the church more and persuade people to see my point of view. However, I doubt people will change based on any kind of argument I would present, as they seem quite stubborn and sure what they are doing is right, not matter how much I gently try to get them to see another perspective. They seem to be stuck in their ways and conventional thinking, that the homeless are a problem to manage and deter. An attitude I consider wrong, and against which my conscience is bound.

The only problem is... I don't know any churches to go to that would present anything like the religion I am accustomed to. The local Episcopalians are all conservative Evangelicals, and the only parish that isn't dominated by this kind of religion is further away and would cost alot to get to every week. They are the only parish in the diocese authorized to perform same-sex blessings, and their vicar is from California originally, and is broad church in her orientation. The other churches in the area prohibit same-sex blessings, have participated in the past in supporting "reparative therapy" and other anti-LGBT activities, and many of the clergy in this diocese are and were involved in GAFCON and other anti-TEC activities in the past and present.

I talked to the local Congregationalist pastor, who is part of the UCC, and her church only provides monthly communion and she said this is the norm in her denomination. She suggested the local Disciple of Christ as another option for liberal mainline denominations that have weekly communion, but I pointed out to her that they wouldn't accept my baptism and that re-baptism wasn't an option for me. I really like the local Congregationalists, but the once per month communion service is disheartening, and I don't think it's justified except "it's traditional", despite all the other liturgical reforms the UCC has gone through as a denomination. I am not into overly cerebral or emotional worship, and I value some kind of physical or embodied experience in my church service, being a former Orthodox Christian. I just want to participate in the "ancient disciplines", as Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it: prayer and the sacraments.

There are some Methodist churches nearby, but I doubt they have weekly communion. I also don't know their attitude towards LGBT persons. I prefer to associate with churches that are at least more LGBT welcoming, if not outright affirming.

State education officials say the hotline so far has received 2,000 emails and 600 calls and voicemails.

Of which a half dozen have been deemed credible. Article also notes a similar system in Virginia has already been shut down, and parallel efforts in NC and LA also seem to be getting very few relevant tips.

While the majority of Christians in India owe their fellowship in Christ due to the influence of European colonialism starting in the 16th century, there is a small Christian community in the southern state called Kerala who claim to have existed from the 1st century having been converted by the Apostle Thomas. This community is called the "Malankara Church", the name Malankara being the name of the place where St. Thomas landed in 52 AD.

Today, this community consists of all the major denominations of the Christian Church, except Eastern Orthodoxy.


This is a thread which seeks explore the history of this church as well as its current state.

In Isaiah 1:18, God allows us some flexibility. That is, He permits us to use reasoning in our understanding of Him. He seems to allow that there are Passages in the Bible which may seem ambiguous at first glance, so He lets us interpret these Passages in terms of what we know from the Bible and other sources, so long as our conclusions are in line with what God wants from us. But there is also an understanding, emphasized in Passages such as 2 Timothy 3:16-17, that the Bible is the final Word; we are to accept the Bible in terms of its principles and premises, since it is the Word of God.

Some may say that people wrote the Bible, but that’s like saying that, for instance, Lincoln’s secretary wrote the Gettysburg Address. Did Lincoln’s secretary not write what Lincoln wanted her to write? In the same sense, did not those who penned the Bible not write what God wanted them to write? Now some may say that God did not dictate to those who penned the Bible, but does the Bible not infer that God is in the hearts of those who love Him? I tell you that God dictated to the hearts and souls of those who penned the Bible.

So, at first glance, John 10:30-39 brings up an idea that we who love God are gods ourselves, albeit not as most high as He is. In John 10, Jesus says things that the Jews who listened to him pretty much find palatable at least. But when he says in Verse 30 “I and the father are one,” the Jews pick up stones to throw at Jesus in Verse 31.

When Jesus asks in Verse 32 why they want to stone him, they answer in Verse 33 that it’s because Jesus makes himself the equivalent of God. What is Jesus’ response? He says in Verses 34-36, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I said, you are gods’? If he called them gods to whom the word of God came—AND SCRIPTURE CANNOT BE BROKEN— do you say of him whom the Father consecrated and sent into the world, ‘You are blaspheming,’ because I said, ‘I am the Son of God’?

It is believed that the Verse that Jesus quotes is Psalms 82:6 in which God says “You are gods, sons of the Most High, all of you...” But who is God speaking to? Jesus seems to imply that God is speaking to men. But is it men that God is speaking to? In the very next Verse, Verse 7, it says “nevertheless, LIKE MEN you shall die, and fall like any prince.” The insertion “like men,” strongly implies that God is not speaking to men. So who is God speaking to?

Some context is warranted regarding Psalms 82. In verses 1-5, God severely criticizes what the Bible refers to as his “divine council.” He calls out this council for failing to act and judge in a righteous manner, so He says in Verse 7 that they “shall die, and fall like any prince.” This comes to mind Satan, who is considered a fallen angel. In that regard, was not God speaking to a divine council of angels?

Unless there’s a translation issue that muddies the waters, it seems that Jesus is equating men with the angels that God was talking to. So, it seems that Jesus extends to men what God says to His angels that they are gods as well. A question might come up as to what basis Jesus might believe that angels and men are the same? But something like this may very well be one of the things that are beyond explanation, so in showing our faith and love in God through Jesus, we can only accept what the Bible tells us. If the Bible says that to Jesus, God’s divine council is a council of men, then it is what it is. If the Bible infers that Jesus equates men with the angels, then it is what that is.

How to create prophecies keeping them as zany as possible with a Gary Larson type outline...

1. Skeleton - Come up with some rough prophecy
2. Brain - Keep the thought small so it can appear as zany as possible
3. Health - Make sure your content appears out of context with the rest of the word (noting American prophecies are generally not as healthy as foreign ones).
4. Content - Create your desire for final outcomes such as - "Run fer yer lives!"
5. Adding – If you can appear such as Ellen White or a Charles Taze Russell you really did well! Even if your date predictions fail people will still follow you!

I have formed no opinion on this subject, I have done very little research but I am interested to learn about this issue.

I would like to see where Christians stand on this subject, and share why they are either opposed to citizens owning guns or in support of it.

Walmart is getting out of Portland, Oregon because of theft and lack of law enforcement. This city is a prime example of Democrat Party poverty creation, poverty perpetuation, & political control. There is always a problem, someone else to blame, and false social concerns over those impacted by the economic fallout.

The NY Post points out the reason for the closures:



The Portland demopravda media reports on Walmart’s decision in dry business rationales divorced from the main reason: crime. They already focus on the impact of the closures on the needy and ignore why access to needed goods & services breaks down to begin with.

~ I don’t matter ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are some of the most freeing words on the planet, for because one matters to God, one does not need to matter to oneself….. For knowing that all things come from God and that all things are His; ‘being that in Him we live and move and have our being’…… For living in the knowledge of; because of Him there is something and not nothing, which knowledge produces a strength that comes from an eternal truth… Likewise the eternal truth of one being joined with Christ in both His death and resurrection is the strength of life that is offered in Christ….

For the strength that is offered in Christ is the heart resting in it’s death in Christ, for it being the effect brought forth by the proper cause…. For though the world may reject this truth, this truth causes the heart to rest in the reality of Christ’s death being it’s death, and Christ now living His life in and through, for this truth being the truth of the salvation offered in Christ… Then comes the rejoicing, as faith grabs unto this truth for the experiencing of all the goodness, love and mercy, and all the blessings of Christ’s life which are brought forth by being joined with Christ in His death and resurrection by faith…..

For the salvation offered by God goes to the very ground of life itself, for so very blessed is the heart that is willing to embrace God’s salvation on His terms…. For reckoning oneself dead in Christ is the opener of all God’s good things, for once the heart would rather die then sin, then the simple faith of the heart embracing it’s death in Christ is the way of entering into God’s rest…. Because of this most assured fact; ‘I don’t matter because I have died and my life is hidden with Christ in God’….

For all that matters now is walking in all the light one sees, for walking in that light is living up to the standard one has achieved, for it being the food which causes the growth of the new creation, for it being that life that will live on in Heaven….

For being set free from oneself is a matter of being willing to die rather then sin, then believing into one’s death in Christ, for Jesus did die and we in Him, blessed is the heart that hears those words….

May we all be blessed in the freedom that comes from not mattering to oneself…


Onto Him be our all, Not me

hi all,

As a few of you may know, I have bipolar 1. I was diagnosed around ten years ago. My parents always thought it was because of genetics, because my maternal grand aunt was retarded (I do not know what she had, but she had the IQ of a toddler) and 1 of my paternal uncle had a personality disorder that made him act impulsively and start a lot of fist fights.

Recently, I talked to my maternal and paternal uncles and aunts, and they all told me that they believed I do not have my paternal uncle and my maternal grand aunt's illness, one likely low IQ and the other probably middle to low functioning psychopathy.

I have also tested for slightly above average IQ, around 140, my mother got her results and her score was slightly below average, my father average, but on the low side.

My parents have always been very cruel to me. my mother was extremely strict towards me since a young age, and when my brother was born five years late, she became very cold and withdrawn towards me. I distinctly remember how I fell (I was 8) and skinned my knee terribly. to this day I have the scar and I'm almost thirty, and she ignored me while I was crying (even though I hardly cried) and continued to teach my brother how to read. She also reported my 'misbehaviour' such as being annoyed with her and using a bad word ( mild ones like "shut up"). Every little thing I did she had to tell my father, who would either yell at me or slap me. I was annoyed easily, still am. anyway my father was worse. like I've said, he would shout at me or slap me, and whenever I had ideas about anything, he would shoot them down. it's only after I was diagnosed with bipolar they stopped their cruel abuse and started being genial to me. which is actually what hurts even more. they weren't genial with me because they loved me, but because they finally 'understood' why I was so 'difficult', and that it was 'genetic' and I couldn't 'help' being that way.

the truth is, they were the only people in my life who thought I was difficult. everyone else, adult or peers, recognised my high IQ and maturity for my age.

I can't help but think that I developed bipolar because of my parents. they didn't want a child, they wanted a robot. my brother was the model child, he did everything they wanted and asked him to. I was precocious, I had a very active mind and got bored and annoyed often. I asked them questions they didn't understand so they thought I was the one with low iq.

I know both my family grew up in non conducive environments. my father was the last child in a 13 children household. he had no time to read or do anything good for his mental development. he had no educated parents to guide him either. his mother died when he was five, when his father came back from his work trip only to know his wife had died, he stopped talking and sat on his rocking chair all day, everyday, never uttering a word. he died a few years later. my father grew up with no worthy role models. he was also an introvert, and he was bad at presenting himself, and they were dirt poor anyway, so his idols are people who are poor but still made time to entertain or help other poor children. to this day he has a distaste for anything 'luxurious'. we are no longer poor but he likes to dress in faded clothes and keeps his hair unkempt. He talks loudly, almost rudely. this is the picture of someone worthy of respect, to him. and then he puzzles over why some people doesn't like to associate with him. He has average IQ, but on the low side, his beliefs and worldview are strongly affected by emotion. there is almost no introspection. But he is good at other things, because of his high profile job, he has learnt how to deal with dangerous people, like mob bosses, et cetera.
Disclaimer my father is not involved in anything illegal, he is a consultant for hotel management issues and some of the people who hire him are connected to the mafia, or other secret societies.

As for my mother, only she turned out the way she is. my aunt and uncle are very emotionally intelligent. I have an explanation for this. My grandmother probably has low IQ as well, the way she behaves. My grandfather divorced her when my mother and her siblings were 3 years old. My grandma sent my uncle to New York to study, and my mom and aunt were left with her. My aunt was very young, and since my uncle was away at New York and my grandma had to work long hours to be able to pay the bills, my mom, as young as age 5, had to take care of her little sister, and do the cooking, cleaning, and they didn't have a car, so she had to walk to school. my grandma returned from work late at night, and my mom had to pick her little sister from one of the bus stops, so from five years of age to fifteen, she had to run to the bus stop daily to pick my aunt up. my aunt was very young, so my grandma had no choice but to ask my mom to pick her up. my mom had to run because my grandma didn't want my aunt to wait too long at the bus stop because she was young and tiny.

they could hardly afford any food, so my mom probably didn't have much nutrients to grow her brain, all her life, and because she liked sports, she probably didn't have enough nutrients at all, both for her body and brain. Also, my grandma used to be one hell of a volcano. she was very strict with my mom, my mom was always terrified of her getting angry.

I know the histories of both my parents, but still, I feel so angry. and I feel hurt. I can't help but feel that if they were smarter or more educated or had more patience I wouldn't have ended up with bipolar. Most people with bipolar apparently have average or below average IQ, all the more convinces me that mine isn't hereditary. but I know my parents love me. it was just very circumstantial, everything was. but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. it's been ten years since I was diagnosed, and it still hurts so much.