What is a healthy view of sex ?( personal/mature)

[zoidar]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

I was in a relationship for about 14 months. I was engaged, with the purpose of being married in the future. At first we started out with "not ..." It was my view as a Christian I should wait until marriage. But somehow things happened, and we started to be intimate. In the back of my head there was this voice telling me that it wasn't right, but we were engaged right, shouldn't that make it all right? A few months ago we parted and now I'm thinking: "Ok, I have been intimate, and now we aren't even together, so what good came out of that?"

I believe that is a good reason why to wait until marriage, because then you know and have made a promise to God to be together your whole life. So I'm more sure now about my "No sex before marriage - opinion." I also believe that a relationship can turn out wrong if you start out with being intimate. You have to know each other very well first, and sex can be an hinderance for really knowing each other and learning to love each other for the right reasons.

 

[BukiRob]

No, he wasn't okay with concubines. He put up with the children of Israel despite their rebellion. What Jesus said in Matt 5:28 applies to back then as well from a moral perspective. God has the same view of adultery then, as he does now.

So, David, as well as his son, were not dedicated to the Lord all their lives.
David basically used prostitutes. A good man does not use prostitutes, or engage in fornication.
Sex before marriage is a sin, it's fornication and specifically labeled as a sin, and those who practice it are committing a grave sin.
With that said, as long as one puts faith in Jesus, they repent and turn away from the sin that would damn their souls.

A concubine is NOT, NOT, NOT a prostitute. Geesh. A concubine is a woman who does Not have ketubbah and kiddushin. A ketubbah is the marriage contract and a Kiddushin is the betrothal stage leading to the marriage. In the case of King David the concubine would be exclusively dedicated to the King. No other man could touch or interact with her. She was like a wife in every way except that she did not have the marriage contract.

Or do you disagree with what Samuel the prophet said to David? 2 Samuel 12:8
I also gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your care, and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these!

Its pretty clear here that G-d ALLOWED this. It falls under G-d's permissive will.

 

[lsume]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

 

[lsume]

There are no fornicators in The Kingdom of Heaven. You are blessed to be free of the urges that most people have. When Christ sets you free, you are free indeed. I thank God regularly to be free of those desires. Perhaps when you look at your situation in this light, you can rejoice in your freedom.

 

[JesusIsMyTicket]

God intended sex as a unity between two married lovers for life.

Nonetheless I share a low "libido" I consider myself on the asexual spectrum. I grew up thinking I was broken but I just kind of accepted sex doesn't seem appealing to me.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Listen to Jesus. Follow Jesus. He will prompt you for the right man. Don't think about physical intimacy apart from complete relationship and love. "Seek the Kingdom of God first and the rest will be added to you". If you seek things of Jesus first of all, any relationship will work out in best possible way, including the intimacy part.

Don't be scared by not wanting to be with man physically as much as others seem to be. It's OK. The right man can change it. But also you know, it's not right to emphasize the physical aspect of relationship. Nowadays all advertisement, all entertainment, all mass culture etc. are circling about sex. It conditions the minds of people that it's number one important thing ever. Not true!

Only Jesus and His Kingdom are most important.

 

[KnitReadRepeat]

Wasn't it said though that God saw David as righteous? Why would that be the case if he had concubines? (Which God could have easily stopped from happening).

David repented very well. He messed up horrifically, but when it was pointed out to him in a clear and unmistakable way, he would listen and repent. That willingness to listen is where he was 'a man after God's own heart'. It is absolutely not that David did well all the time. A lot of the stories in the Bible are about how people messed up and God used them anyway, or object lessons of 'here's why you don't do that thing I said not to'. David's family was incredibly dysfunctional (rape, incest, murder and rebellion among his kids) because that kind of structure is bad for kids.

There are some people for whom sex is not going to matter. Jesus in Matthew 19:12 speaks of those 'born eunuchs' - I think today that would be asexuals. and Paul in 1 Corinthians 2 makes it clear sex in marriage is important - marry rather than risk immorality, but if you don't want to get married, you don't have to. Be like him, and you won't be distracted by all that and can focus on God. It's okay not to want sex. If you do decide you want it, keep to the boundaries God laid out.

 

[Ralph Mintah]

I think your question has a lot of eyes. You are not just interested in just having sex for the sex but you are also struggling with your sexuality. Maybe you feel asexual (because you did it and never felt it was right for you and I know you are contemplating about a lot of stuffs and sexuality is not becoming a problem for you.

You want to find someone and do it so that you would just get to know who you are. If that is the case, I would not recommend you doing it, but waiting and finding someone who would understand your feelings and how you feel about it so that when you tie the knot, it would not be a problem,

The main decision I feel is not up to us but its up to you because you know what you want out of this, it is as broad and complex as it could be.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I think you should pursue counseling for the anxiety in general, as it seems to affect many areas of your life.

As for the sex part, I do believe when you meet the right person and communicate openly and honestly, it would no longer be such a problem. Your husband should be loving and understanding toward you, and that sense of security and acceptance in itself would help you to feel more comfortable. Although people have premarital sex all the time, it is not the kind of experience God intended. I'm not saying that being married just erases all problems and hang-ups, as it does not.

But I think it is highly likely you were uncomfortable with your prior sexual experience because there was little or no emotional intimacy. When you are ready to date, and then meet someone, date for a decent length of time, get engaged, and eventually get married, the ideal is to reach a state of true emotional intimacy such that the physical intimacy will be a natural extension of your love for one another. I honestly would not worry about the sexual aspect so much as waiting until you are sure you have met the right person first (and by this I mean, your husband).

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

God intended sex as a unity between two married lovers for life.

Nonetheless I share a low "libido" I consider myself on the asexual spectrum. I grew up thinking I was broken but I just kind of accepted sex doesn't seem appealing to me.

Right that's how I feel a bit broken because I just don't share the drive people my age have.

God intended sex as a unity between two married lovers for life.

Nonetheless I share a low "libido" I consider myself on the asexual spectrum. I grew up thinking I was broken but I just kind of accepted sex doesn't seem appealing to me.

I thought the same thing, feeling like I'm broken too, however I don't think I'm asexual. I'm very much attracted to men but I don't like the pressure to have sex that comes with a relationship. If I could just have the emotional part, I'm more than good.

 

[FireDragon76]

I think Christians have a lot of problems with sex. Some people act like sexual ethics begins and ends with marriage, and it really doesn't.

 

[JoeP222w]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

God designed one and only one acceptable expression of sexual relationships between humans, and that is in the covenant bond of marriage between one man and one woman as husband and wife. Any other form of sexual expression outside of the covenant of marriage is sin.

One of the reasons you may have felt uncomfortable having sex the guy you said you had sex with is because you knew it was not within the design had created. There was apparently no covenant of marriage between the guy you mention and yourself in marriage, so there is no Godly commitment to one another, no selfless love. Your discomfort could have very well been from the Holy Spirit exposing the sin of the sexual relationship you had with him.

The good news of the gospel is that there is forgiveness and restoration if you repent of your sins (by your own admission) and trust in Jesus Christ. And as you walk with Him, He will give your heart a new desire for sexual expression in the context of covenant marriage with a man who loves your soul and who will live selflessly for God and for you, and he will do all that he can to protect your heart and want what is best for you, and not be pursuing his own selfish desires. Only then will sexual relationship be a most beautiful thing where God will grant you the right desires for your husband.

 

[JoeP222w]

He seemed to be okay with David having concubines...

God never said David was "okay" or righteous for having concubines.

 

[Near]

A concubine is NOT, NOT, NOT a prostitute. Geesh. A concubine is a woman who does Not have ketubbah and kiddushin. A ketubbah is the marriage contract and a Kiddushin is the betrothal stage leading to the marriage. In the case of King David the concubine would be exclusively dedicated to the King. No other man could touch or interact with her. She was like a wife in every way except that she did not have the marriage contract.

Or do you disagree with what Samuel the prophet said to David? 2 Samuel 12:8
I also gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your care, and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these!

Its pretty clear here that G-d ALLOWED this. It falls under G-d's permissive will.

There's a difference between God's permitting something, and God viewing something as good or amoral. Use of concubines obviously are not part of God's will in our lives for the sake of righteous living. God explicitly commanded for kings not to multiply wives as well.
Deut:17"He shall not multiply wives for himself, or else his heart will turn away; nor shall he greatly increase silver and gold for himself.

Also, the verse you mentioned doesn't clearly state whether or not those wives would become his wives, since some translations read, "into your care".
God allowed it just like God allowed sin to exist because of man's freewill. So, basically, the concubine was a private prostitute, and by that I am just using a deregatory term. Whether or not they were paid for their sex, I'd bet they were paid somehow... so yeah, a private prostitute for the king. The king could commit adultery by going "into" his concubines, fornication, sex apart from marriage. But, if you're advocating the belief that christians are allowed to use concubines, then I'd like to hear more!
not...

 

[geiroffenberg]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

Sex is highly overrated lol. Its for procreation, and so it's only relevant for people who plans a family. Its really not meant to be anything more than that.
Practically all hollywood productions for young people tries to indoctrinate us that sex is something huge and that getting into a sexual relationship is almost the fulfillment of everything we would ever want in life....this is of course just a designed distraction from God. It is not important, it is not fulfilling - in fact the realanships of this sort comes with a hgue amount of problems - and having inflated expectations will only lead to great disapointment.

 

[mnphysicist]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?

If the anxiety issue remains unaddressed, it can come back to bite in relationships even apart from sex. It can bite in marriage too even if you wait to have sex until you are married.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

This is a healthy approach, but a subset of Christianity teaches it to be disgustingly dirty, up until the marriage cert is signed, and then all of a sudden, its an incredible beautiful and wondrous gift from God. Its fine to teach waiting until marriage... its not fine to mind game young folks into becoming asexual beings in pursuit of this goal. And while Gothardism is an extreme version of such mind gaming, lots of young folks are caught up in collateral damage with spin offs like purity balls taken to an extreme.

Do you really view sex as a beautiful thing with the right person and circumstance deep in your heart? If so, great! If not, its something to engage with before getting too far down the path in future relationships. This does not mean I'm advocating sex outside of marriage... but more so that the errant sex is dirty thinking must be turned off well before the marriage cert is signed or its pretty likely there will be sexual as well as marital dysfunction.

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex.

Anxiety can do this... but anxiety can also be mitigated, maybe not 100%, but likely more than enough to allow connection.

That being said, sex without the relationship scaffolding rarely makes a connection, or rarely makes a sustainable connection, as it can create an illusion of something being there that truly isn't. Apart from the scriptures concerning sexuality, such is huge anthropological reason not to jump the gun when it comes to sex.

I do also get the point that many folks, including Christians, both male and female like to explore sexual compatibility before spending too much time in a relationship... but without the requisite scaffolding, are they truly finding out if they are compatible or not?

 

[Winken]

they were paid somehow... so yeah, a private prostitute for the king. But, if you're advocating the belief that christians are allowed to use concubines, then I'd like to hear more!
not...

NOT! Happy to see you here today..........

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I thought the same thing, feeling like I'm broken too, however I don't think I'm asexual. I'm very much attracted to men but I don't like the pressure to have sex that comes with a relationship. If I could just have the emotional part, I'm more than good.

looks like you may have the gift of celibacy.

 

[BukiRob]

There's a difference between God's permitting something, and God viewing something as good or amoral. Use of concubines obviously are not part of God's will in our lives for the sake of righteous living. God explicitly commanded for kings not to multiply wives as well.
Deut:17"He shall not multiply wives for himself, or else his heart will turn away; nor shall he greatly increase silver and gold for himself.

Also, the verse you mentioned doesn't clearly state whether or not those wives would become his wives, since some translations read, "into your care".
God allowed it just like God allowed sin to exist because of man's freewill. So, basically, the concubine was a private prostitute, and by that I am just using a derogatory term. Whether or not they were paid for their sex, I'd bet they were paid somehow... so yeah, a private prostitute for the king. The king could commit adultery by going "into" his concubines, fornication, sex apart from marriage. But, if you're advocating the belief that christians are allowed to use concubines, then I'd like to hear more!
not...

Uhmmm hello.... Did I not say that it was within G-d PERMISSIVE WILL??????????????

No, they did NOT become his wives. They were concubines its very easy to see this if you bother to look at the Jewish .

You seem to have a bizarre obsession with prostitution. Instead of giving us your GENTILE perspective on this perhaps a wise person would look to see what the Jewish view in this would be? I gave you explicit in Judiasm what the difference is between a wife and a concubine and you choose to completely ignore what the facts are and instead go off on this wild, irresponsible tirade.

No where did I suggest or say directly or indirectly that I am advocating for concubines.

Stop putting words in my mouth and try actually READING.

 

[BukiRob]

I think Christians have a lot of problems with sex. Some people act like sexual ethics begins and ends with marriage, and it really doesn't.

It does start and end with marriage. Intimate relations (sexual ) are confined STRICTLY within the confines of marriage.