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Featured What is a healthy view of sex ?( personal/mature)

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Far Side Of the Moon, Mar 19, 2017 at 7:19 PM.

  1. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon "You dont have to save the world" :)

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    I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
    I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

    I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

    I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

    Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.
     
  2. CrystalDragon

    CrystalDragon Well-Known Member

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    My view is that sex is gross and why didn't God create us to reproduce asexually like sponges.

    And I never want to have sex EVER.
     
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  3. RascaLinFaith

    RascaLinFaith Your Word became the joy and delight of my heart.

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    What are you thoughts on how God feels about sex before marriage?
     
  4. Soyeong

    Soyeong Well-Known Member

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    Hello,

    Sex is a beautiful and wonderful gift from God, but it is a gift that can easily be abused and perverted, so God has given us instructions for its best and most fulfilling use for our own good. I recommend this video:

     
  5. CrystalDragon

    CrystalDragon Well-Known Member

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    He seemed to be okay with David having concubines...

    (By the way, IMO sex before marriage shouldn't happen because it breaks trust in relationships.)
     
  6. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon "You dont have to save the world" :)

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    I feel like an asexual sponge sometimes lol
     
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  7. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon "You dont have to save the world" :)

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    I know , I know.
     
  8. RascaLinFaith

    RascaLinFaith Your Word became the joy and delight of my heart.

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    No judgement, I promise! It was an honest question.
     
  9. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

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    In Hebrews 13:4 it says "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled". Sex in marriage is a good thing. Sex between married people is not like sex with someone outside of marriage.

    God tells us to wait. And God is good and doesn't withhold anything good from his children. So if we wait, we will be blessed for waiting.
     
  10. Near

    Near In Christ we rise

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    No, he wasn't okay with concubines. He put up with the children of Israel despite their rebellion. What Jesus said in Matt 5:28 applies to back then as well from a moral perspective. God has the same view of adultery then, as he does now.
    So, David, as well as his son, were not dedicated to the Lord all their lives.
    David basically used "prostitutes". A good man does not use prostitutes, or engage in fornication.
    Sex before marriage is a sin, it's fornication and specifically labeled as a sin, and those who practice it are committing a grave sin.
    With that said, as long as one puts faith in Jesus, they repent and turn away from the sin that would damn their souls.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2017 at 12:12 PM
  11. CrystalDragon

    CrystalDragon Well-Known Member

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    Wasn't it said though that God saw David as righteous? Why would that be the case if he had concubines? (Which God could have easily stopped from happening).
     
  12. RascaLinFaith

    RascaLinFaith Your Word became the joy and delight of my heart.

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    I would also add Jesus speaking in Matthew 19

    “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'" (Mt 19:4–5).

    Seems to imply that God's way is for one wife only.
     
  13. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Actually that verse is saying David did have a heart towards God all his days. It's saying "as David did", aka, "unlike his father David"

    Not looking to jump into the debate, just thought I'd point that out.
     
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  14. Paidiske

    Paidiske Bodily member Staff Member Red Team - Moderator Supporter

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    I think you're probably right in linking your anxiety to your past experience. This is something that is quite common and recognised.

    I would say, at this point, you can't do much to work on your desire for sex while you're single. But you can tackle your anxiety, and if you are able to deal with that well, it may help your sex life if you're ever married. Is it time for a chat with your GP about anxiety management?
     
  15. Near

    Near In Christ we rise

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    Well, yes, David at a point in his life, was righteous. However, righteousness isn't a permanent condition. A man can become unrighteous, and later in life righteous, and perhaps later unrighteous. It's called change. At one point every single murder, and rapist was a innocent baby, then something happened and they became corrupted individuals.

    But lets say I'm wrong, and God saw David as righteous while he was sleeping with 10 concubines at the same time. Fine, I guess that means I can go around impregnating multiple women, and walk with them through parks while on the way to abortion clinics months later.
     
  16. THE W

    THE W Your friendly neighborhood vagabond

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  17. Near

    Near In Christ we rise

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    Well, you're (edit: semi)right about that one :D whoops, but I think the general point stands doesn't it?
    I'm pretty sure that God wasn't pleased with David's sins either though.
    Edit: (sigh), it doesn't say "all his days". Generally speaking, he had a heart towards God, but not for all of his days. "I'm David fornicating with my concubines, Praise God!", and can you honestly tell me he had a heart towards God while sleeping with another man's wife? Bathsheba?
    Geez, I might as well be a muslim believing I'll get 100 virgins to sleep with in heaven when I die, if the "version" of Christianity that says you can have a heart towards God while fornicating is correct.
    Also, I'm not debating either, *wink* just pointing stuff out.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2017 at 8:07 PM
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  18. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon "You dont have to save the world" :)

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    No I totally got it :) I didn't feel bad, that's one of the many reasons I'm waiting
    .
     
  19. PloverWing

    PloverWing Episcopalian

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    There could be lots of reasons that you felt "numb" during your encounter with that earlier boyfriend. One is that you may not yet have had a strong enough emotional bond with him; it sounds like you're one of the people for whom strong emotion is necessary for sexual attraction and enjoyment, and maybe the emotion wasn't strong enough yet. A second possibility is that bodies are complicated, and women's bodies are especially complicated; it takes time to figure out how to give and receive pleasure in sex, and you and your boyfriend were new at it.

    I suspect that sex will be better for you when it's in a better emotional context. In a relationship where there is a caring, emotional connection that has built up over time, and in which you and your partner are willing to invest time to find out how each other's bodies work, and make mistakes, and still keep trying until you succeed -- in that kind of long-term relationship, I think you will feel less numb and disconnected. So I don't think that one bad bedroom experience needs to "jinx" your entire future sexuality.

    You already know, I assume, that Christian tradition recommends that sex is best within marriage. Marriage does give a context of long-term, caring commitment in which you and your spouse can explore your sexuality together.

    You speak of the "pressure of sex". One thing that bothers me in current culture is that pressure, the sense that partners (women especially, but men too) feel obligated to have sex when they're not truly willing. Our culture has started to recognize the importance of consent, but we've got a long way to go. Even if you choose not to wait until marriage, the principle of loving one's neighbor as one's self says that no one should be pressuring anyone else into sex. Sex should be a gift freely given, with full, free consent, never stolen from an unwilling partner. A partner who is coercing you into having sex when you don't really want it is not loving you as himself.

    To end on a positive: A Christian view of sex sees sex as a wonderful gift from God. God could have made humans so that we laid eggs or something, but he didn't; he made us so that we get to experience pleasure and joy and deep human connection in sex.
     
  20. rturner76

    rturner76 Senior Veteran Supporter

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    Where you are in your love life (if I have an accurate picture), how you feel is probably spot on. I believe you are correct in that you are not emotionally ready. The anxiety you feel is your body/brain telling you "being in a sexual relationship is the last thing you need right now." Please do not be concerned with other people's attitudes toward sex. I watched the entire video @Soyeong posted. It was like 45 minutes. It was awesome. I say don't even worry about your sexually active friends because according to the statistics, the more men you sleep with before marriage, the less likely you will get married, and if you do get married you are more likely to get a divorce, be a single parent, get an abortion, get an STD, or suffer from depression. The longer you wait, the more likely you will stay married, less likely you will suffer all those other things and the more likely you will have a happy marriage. All the statistics say to wait as long as you can and sleep with as few people as you can. This was not a religious organization that did this research and they followed 10,000 women.

    Besides all that, you will not be comfortable with a man sexually until you know each other so well that you have no embarrassment about anything. You can fart in front of him, use the bathroom in front of him and have the communication to be able to talk about sex, what you like and what he likes. Complete 100% openness is required to get rid of the anxiety and awkward feelings during sex and have a pleasurable experience. I'll let it go there I think I already said too much. One final thought is don't be in a hurry for anybody. Wait for your Prince Charming and make him prove himself by taking all the time you need to get comfortable, don't let anybody rush you and don't rush yourself. I think I'm practicing for if I ever have a daughter or something ^_^