Church policy about rides with the opposite sex

[Christfollower7]

They can't control them.

Agreed! Not over-shepherding or controlling, but having an in-house policy (spoken or not spoken), to watch out for predators that come in with ulterior motives. I think its normal that most churches have security. At least here in California. If you are in a small country bumpkin church, awesome...its great to have freedom from the world! But from where I am from...you see it all!!!

One guys came in on an Easter Sunday and he asked the pastor to help him with his laptop for something. The pastor knows a thing or two about computers. What was discovered on the laptop in the pastor's fixing...inappropriate contentography. To me, that was just satan sending someone to get to the pastor. Since I was the only one left in the church, besides the pastor and this guy, the pastor asked me to come over as accountability. And the pastor approach the man about what was discovered, so that it could be dealt with in the light. We interceded for this guy like none other. He battled back and forth with surrender. It looked like he was going to give it up, but then kept falling back on "every guy does it" or "I can't help it." He has been looking at inappropriate contentography for 40 years! In the end, the guy refused to change and said he would never come back to the church. Well, months later, he came back and was trying to offer a single lady a ride home. The pastor intervened and got the lady an Uber. Would you not do the same or just let the lady go away and fend for herself?

How about the registered sex offenders that come into the church!? Do you think there should be a policy in play, that they are not allowed around the children? Or should a blind eye be turned saying, "They are reformed" or "They are a Christian now. We need to accept, embrace them every which way possible!" I know this happens, because their parole paperwork got signed for them to be allowed to come to church. Of course, we don't want to throw anyone out of the church because of specific sins, but we sure are going to keep a watchful eye on former predators, because of that sin nature. We are told to be ready in season and out of season. And to be on alert, because satan looks for someone whom he may devour.

I can't tell you how many youth pastors have fallen to sexual immorality with kids, all because the pastor gave an underage gal a ride home. Don't you think their should be church policy there!?

You might say, "What a horrible church you go to." The Apostle Paul addressed a lot of issues like this in his day, which can be read about in the epistles...most of which are correcting letters.

Do I lump all men into the category of predator...of course not! But I know the flesh and the heart, which is deceitfully wicked among all other things! If you give satan an inch, he will take a mile!

By the way, a lady attempted to seduce me in the church, when I was walking in an area of church alone. She surprised me out of nowhere and started rubbing my chest, telling me how good of a person I was. She was not a Christian. I mentioned this immediately to my wife and pastor. It turns out, the lady had also target the youth pastor and the senior pastor. The matter was addressed with the lady about boundaries. She latter targeted another weak Christian man, which they ended up moving in together and leaving the church...and you know where the rest of the story goes.

 

[bèlla]

He has been looking at inappropriate contentography for 40 years! In the end, the guy refused to change and said he would never come back to the church. Well, months later, he came back and was trying to offer a single lady a ride home. The pastor intervened and got the lady an Uber. Would you not do the same or just let the lady go away and fend for herself?

Since I wasn't privy to the details the question must be handled differently. If the content you saw was illegal that's one thing. If it depicted consenting adults that's another. I will not make the leap in assumption to suggest that viewing inappropriate contentography makes one likely to violate someone.

More importantly, your examples seem to treat women like helpless victims. Why do you need to tell her not to get in if they aren't acquainted? Most adults received the stranger conversation as children. It seems odd you're beset with women with no discrimination. As you noted you're in California. Why are they so trusting?

That strikes me as a deficiency in maturity and much needed common sense. I live in a large city. Women don't typically jump in cars with strange men unless they want something in return.

How about the registered sex offenders that come into the church!? Do you think there should be a policy in play, that they are not allowed around the children?

I don't believe most congregations would be that irresponsible. Nor are the majority privy to that information.

I can't tell you how many youth pastors have fallen to sexual immorality with kids, all because the pastor gave an underage gal a ride home. Don't you think their should be church policy there!?

I'm not going to answer that. You're veering from reason to folly and have an odd preoccupation with sexual deviance and church correction. And for reasons that escape me you enjoy discussing it.

By the way, a lady attempted to seduce me in the church, when I was walking in an area of church alone. She surprised me out of nowhere and started rubbing my chest, telling me how good of a person I was. She was not a Christian. I mentioned this immediately to my wife and pastor. It turns out, the lady had also target the youth pastor and the senior pastor. The matter was addressed with the lady about boundaries. She latter targeted another weak Christian man, which they ended up moving in together and leaving the church...and you know where the rest of the story goes.

I think the moderators should look at this thread. It's nearing the point of fodder which is neither helpful or edifying. I don't know how much you've fabricated but the whole thing sounds questionable and I won't respond any further and advise others to follow suit.

~bella

 

[BibleLinguist]

One guys came in on an Easter Sunday and he asked the pastor to help him with his laptop for something. The pastor knows a thing or two about computers. What was discovered on the laptop in the pastor's fixing...inappropriate contentography. To me, that was just satan sending someone to get to the pastor. Since I was the only one left in the church, besides the pastor and this guy, the pastor asked me to come over as accountability. And the pastor approach the man about what was discovered, so that it could be dealt with in the light. We interceded for this guy like none other. He battled back and forth with surrender. It looked like he was going to give it up, but then kept falling back on "every guy does it" or "I can't help it." He has been looking at inappropriate contentography for 40 years! In the end, the guy refused to change and said he would never come back to the church. Well, months later, he came back and was trying to offer a single lady a ride home. The pastor intervened and got the lady an Uber. Would you not do the same or just let the lady go away and fend for herself?

I would side with the pastor in this instance. If that young lady wishes to get together with the man, she can do it later on her own. The pastor is not preventing her from doing as she chooses, he is just maintaining proper decorum with respect to the church premises. The church is seen as God's house, and God's honor is connected with what happens there. The pastor does well to preserve God's honor in this way.

I can't tell you how many youth pastors have fallen to sexual immorality with kids, all because the pastor gave an underage gal a ride home. Don't you think their should be church policy there!?

Fortunately, there are some pastors' cases that fall on the other side of this fence. A young pastor once shared his story with me which had strong parallels to Joseph in the Bible. In this pastor's case, he was away from home on account of a seminar, and was staying in a room temporarily converted to a guest room for this occasion. As he was preparing to rest, alone in the room, he heard a knock at the door. He answered it to find a completely disrobed woman who promptly entered the room to entice him. He was so shocked, he hardly knew what to do. He chose to lie, inviting the woman to join him in another room, and he went out the door with the woman at his heels. As soon as she had left the room, though, he quickly re-entered it, and locked the door, leaving her outside. Later, fully clothed, the woman apologized to him--and as far as I know, he never saw her again.

Since I wasn't privy to the details the question must be handled differently. If the content you saw was illegal that's one thing. If it depicted consenting adults that's another. I will not make the leap in assumption to suggest that viewing inappropriate contentography makes one likely to violate someone.

In God's sight, any "contentography" is a transgression of the law, don't you think? Why should it matter what our earthly governments think about it? Religion and politics ought to stay separate. And as far as saying what viewing the inappropriate images might do to a person's disposition, let us not forget that we are told that by beholding we become changed. It is important to choose wisely what we allow our eyes to rest upon.

I'm not going to answer that. You're veering from reason to folly and have an odd preoccupation with sexual deviance and church correction. And for reasons that escape me you enjoy discussing it.

Just because someone chooses to speak directly to this topic does not mean one has an unwholesome fascination with it, as you seem to be judgmentally implying. It is not necessary to impugn Christfollower7's motives. Remember Matthew 7:1.

As I see it, we should not walk around viewing our brethren with suspicion. But in the example given by the OP, there was no longer mere suspicion of the man courting the woman--the case had come to light, to the knowledge of multiple persons. Not taking action when a known sin of this nature afflicts the church is itself a sin. Paul had a few things to say about similar cases of immorality in the Corinthian church, and he spared no words in decrying such sins, and in saying such immoral persons should no longer be fellowshiped with the other believers, saying, "he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you" (1 Corinthians 5:2).

In other words, the pastor has already been quite gracious--gracious to allow the man to attend church. He might, instead, have required the man to leave the premises and to remain away from the church. Restraining orders can have this effect. A shepherd's duty is to protect his flock from the wolves, regardless of whether the member of the flock were a mature ram, a gentle ewe, or a newborn lamb. The pastor will one day answer to God for his actions, not to you. It is not your place, nor mine, to judge him for acting according to his conscience in this instance for the protection of a member of his flock. Let God be the Judge.