Church policy about rides with the opposite sex

[Christfollower7]

I would post this in the "Christian Ministries" section, but this question does NOT fit any of the categories. So here it is:

Do you think churches should have a policy about not allowing rides by the opposite sex, when the couple is not married, engaged, or dating?

I have personally seen men that have come into the church with an agenda in mind, to target women for their own lust and entices. Yes, people come to the church for the wrong reason! Many years ago, I watch the pastor stop a few men from preying on single ladies, by offering them a ride home. He would stop them in the parking lot and explain that we don't allow that here. And then he would order an Uber for the lady.

I 100% agree with that intervention! But what about two singles of the opposite sex that might have an interest in each other. Should there be a church policy to discourage rides from the opposite sex? I mean, at some point, if two people of the opposite sex like each other, they will go on dates together and ride in the same car. The church should not heavily shepherd the people to try to keep from all presence of evil. Don't get me wrong, there should always be accountability.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I would post this in the "Christian Ministries" section, but this question does NOT fit any of the categories. So here it is:

Do you think churches should have a policy about not allowing rides by the opposite sex, when the couple is not married, engaged, or dating?

I have personally seen men that have come into the church with an agenda in mind, to target women for their own lust and entices. Yes, people come to the church for the wrong reason! Many years ago, I watch the pastor stop a few men from preying on single ladies, by offering them a ride home. He would stop them in the parking lot and explain that we don't allow that here. And then he would order an Uber for the lady.

I 100% agree with that intervention! But what about two singles of the opposite sex that might have an interest in each other. Should there be a church policy to discourage rides from the opposite sex? I mean, at some point, if two people of the opposite sex like each other, they will go on dates together and ride in the same car. The church should not heavily shepherd the people to try to keep from all presence of evil. Don't get me wrong, there should always be accountability.

Your post sounds strange to me. Not sure what to make of it. Men preying on women after church?? Women drive their own cars.A 21st century perk I presume.
Be blessed.

 

[public hermit]

Instead of policies, train young folks proper boundaries. Make it clear in early training and on from there so that it is properly understood and expected. How can one expect virtue without teaching it? I think this is especially needed in church settings since virtuous behavior is the expectation.

 

[Christfollower7]

Women drive their own cars.A 21st century perk I presume.

That is presumptious and naive! I don't think you have spent much time in the church to know the needs of a church. You have ladies that are disabled, blind, never got their driver's license. Sometimes the doctor has to put in a order to the DMV to revoke a license. There are also those who have had their license suspended for DUI. And others cannot afford to drive.

Yes, men prey on women...that is not a 21st century thing...its been going on since the Garden of Eden, when satan preyed on Eve. Of course, that was not a sexual thing. But, men preying on women has happened since man multiplied on the earth.

 

[BibleLinguist]

Do you think churches should have a policy about not allowing rides by the opposite sex, when the couple is not married, engaged, or dating?

If churches simply follow the Bible, no such policy will be necessary.

"Abstain from all appearance of evil." (1 Thessalonians 5:22)

If people do not understand the kind of tongue-wagging they might set off by such actions, they need a little education.

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32)

Paul gave his advice on the matter:

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)

If the senior women of the church would teach the young women according as the Bible here instructs, there should be no need for any other policy.

 

[Paidiske]

If there is someone whose behaviour is a known problem, there may be a reason for managing/supervising their interactions. Otherwise, no. Adults can sort out their own transport. (Minors are another matter).

 

[bèlla]

Broaching safety concerns and the appropriate response to the congregation is possible without administrative policies. Age appropriate discussions may continue as required. But instituting a policy to discourage impropriety by forbidding travel with the opposite sex or maligning it without cause is irresponsible. Incidents should be addressed and thwarted when possible. But no one should be under a cloud of suspicion because they're traveling with a man or woman.

It reeks of control and coercion which doesn't bode well for healthy communities. More liberties will follow if put in place. You can see this in action in The Handmaid's Tale.

~bella

 

[Maria Billingsley]

That is presumptious and naive! I don't think you have spent much time in the church to know the needs of a church. You have ladies that are disabled, blind, never got their driver's license. Sometimes the doctor has to put in a order to the DMV to revoke a license. There are also those who have had their license suspended for DUI. And others cannot afford to drive.

Yes, men prey on women...that is not a 21st century thing...its been going on since the Garden of Eden, when satan preyed on Eve. Of course, that was not a sexual thing. But, men preying on women has happened since man multiplied on the earth.

Yet somehow they were able to get to church to find themselves abandoned? I'm sorry, this whole post just seems off to me. If male parishioners are preying on women, there is a serious problem beyond a simple car ride. Time to weed out these predators .
On a side note, your post is not addressing the elderly, disabled etc., you are addressing young women who are targets ( apparently) by men in this congregation. Pretty bad scene unfortunately.
Thanks for engaging.

 

[com7fy8]

Well, it can be wise not to take a ride with someone you do not know.

God can guide you.

 

[tturt]

Matt 21, Mark 6 Luke 7, 10, 19, & Acts 19 they were sent out in pairs.

Think glass walls are needed in offices where private counseling sessions are held, too.

 

[BibleLinguist]

It is a sad truth that the crimes of adultery and immorality far more commonly occur among "Christians." Our Enemy knows that his temptations in this area will succeed well among us because he can tempt us to think the sin can be hidden--no one will ever know. Other crimes and vices tend to be more public, but Christians want to maintain an appearance of piety, and many think they can live a double life without getting caught.

Perhaps they can, for a time. But the Bible promises: "...be sure your sin will find you out." (Numbers 32:23).

 

[Ain't Zwinglian]

It is a sad truth that the crimes of adultery and immorality far more commonly occur among "Christians."

And your evidence for this is what?

How is it even possible to demonstrate this supposed fact?

Statistical sampling? Polls? Objective data?

 

[BibleLinguist]

And your evidence for this is what?

How is it even possible to demonstrate this supposed fact?

Statistical sampling? Polls? Objective data?

I have multiple sources for this. Related to this, my mother worked at a medium-security/low-security state penitentiary for a few years, and became acquainted with the inmates' history and what they were convicted of. She observed that the ones who seemed most gentlemanly, smiled winsomely, and were most clean-cut and well-groomed were usually the ones convicted of sex crimes.

I know of no poll that could verify this, but this was my mother's observation, having met hundreds of these men.

Women would do well to be cautious about trusting outward appearances. Handsome men with good etiquette exist who are honest and upright, but because a person appears pious does not make it so.

 

[bèlla]

And your evidence for this is what?

How is it even possible to demonstrate this supposed fact?

Statistical sampling? Polls? Objective data?

Data...

• Survey Reveals Many Evangelicals Are Confused About Adultery - Gospel Coalition
• Half of U.S. Christians say casual sex between consenting adults is sometimes or always acceptable - Pew Research
• Piety and Profanity: The Raunchy Christians Are Here - NY Times
• More Evangelical Women Have Had Sex With Women Than You Might Think - Christianity Today

~bella

 

[Ain't Zwinglian]

She observed that the ones who seemed most gentlemanly, smiled winsomely, and were most clean-cut and well-groomed were usually the ones convicted of sex crimes.

So your selection of the population who commit adultery are criminals. Are you saying most Christians are criminals? Just plain dumb.

 

[BibleLinguist]

So your selection of the population who commit adultery are criminals. Are you saying most Christians are criminals? Just plain dumb.

Do you prefer to believe that adulterers are not criminals?

I once worked for a Christian man, head of a wonderful Christian family, who was adopting neglected children and bringing them up in a Christian home. He was an honest man in all of his business dealings, a faithful member of one of the churches in town, and even though he and I were of different denominations, he was always very considerate of my beliefs and made sure I had no conflicts with conscience. His sons learned his business and worked with him in it--always very playful in their work, but did their work very well. Customers were always satisfied, and he had plenty of work opportunities. I remember many occasions in his home where he invited the community for some fellowship. I looked up to the man, and often had discussions with him as we traveled together for work.

I never suspected a thing. Neither did his own wife.

Years later, after I had been overseas for quite some time already, I heard most unwelcome and shocking news. This wonderful "Christian" man had been taking his children to nudist camps, requiring them to say nothing about this to their mother, and had molested some of the girls, including his own natural-born daughters. He is presently in jail, and may spend the rest of his life there. The arrest and prosecution of his case was not published: he had been good friends with even the sheriff, and no one wanted to badmouth him. I think most could not, or did not want to believe that the rumors could possibly be true. But his children, once they had found strength to open up to their mother, refused to be anywhere near him. (And, yes, even in middle age, he is very handsome and clean-cut.)

This is but one example among many that I might share--personal testimonies. I've seen more than I care to.

Oh...and when the man confessed to his deeds, he did not think his crimes so heinous; he truly believed he would be in jail for only a short time, and then be released...that he would receive clemency and forgiveness for having confessed. He was quite shocked to learn that the authorities would keep him for many years.

 

[Ain't Zwinglian]

I am out'a this conversation.

 

[Christfollower7]

I'm sorry, this whole post just seems off to me.

What exactly does that mean that it seems off? What are you getting at or inferring? Your answering is rooted in skepticism, criticism, and cynicism. You don't know me, nor I you, but I can deduce from your response in this thread, that you tend to look at the negative on things with a very critical nature. Instead of responding informatively, you look to judge and be critical.

If male parishioners are preying on women, there is a serious problem beyond a simple car ride. Time to weed out these predators.

Yes, we actually live in a world where men prey on women...not just in the world, but in the church as well. I am guessing you live in the country somewhere away from much crime. I am surrounded by crime everywhere. Yes, God is not just in the nice feel good and comfort churches...he is in the ghettos, gang infested, crime invested areas. I am so thankful that Jesus came for the sick!

I do agree with you about the predators...they should be weeded out. Leadership and pastors should have a watchful eye for those who come in by stealth, a wolf in sheep's clothing! satan is always looking for someone whom he may devour.

On a side note, your post is not addressing the elderly, disabled etc., you are addressing young women who are targets ( apparently) by men in this congregation. Pretty bad scene unfortunately.

Again, you are presumptuous! I am addressing anyone and everyone! Every women is a target! I am guessing you don't serve in the ministry at all. You sit back and point the finger and judge, but never get your hands and feet dirty. You have no idea what church is really about. It is just like the person who doesn't have kids, but they want to tell parents how to raise their kids. Or the single person who is not married and wants to tell married people who to have their marriage.

Maria, we live in a fallen world and it affects all areas in the world! Everyone and anyone is a target! Did you know that 55% of all abortions are done by Christians and Catholics! 33% of abortions are done by those who regularly attend church. That is a lot of murder in the church! And of course, there are many churches out there that are pro-choice. And of course, like what was reported by others in this thread, the church is full of compromise in all areas. A long time ago, satan realized he could not beat the church, so he decided to join it! We are told be ready in season and out of season, to keep a watching eye, to endure until the end!

 

[bèlla]

I don't @Maria Billingsley is denying the prevalence of sin. But it's evident the behavior you're discussing isn't occurring everywhere. I've never heard the same at the churches I've attended and I was very active. Nor am I certain if you're discussing a real issue you're experiencing in your community or it's a hypothetical question. It reads like the latter.

You asked if churches "should have a policy about not allowing rides by the opposite sex, when the couple is not married, engaged, or dating?"

I don't think you realize how bizarre this sounds and I'm not being unkind. This is the sort of thing you find in cults or sects with odd beliefs. Most churches would never impose on their guests or members in that manner. They can't control them.

~bella

 

[Maria Billingsley]

What exactly does that mean that it seems off? What are you getting at or inferring? Your answering is rooted in skepticism, criticism, and cynicism. You don't know me, nor I you, but I can deduce from your response in this thread, that you tend to look at the negative on things with a very critical nature. Instead of responding informatively, you look to judge and be critical.



Yes, we actually live in a world where men prey on women...not just in the world, but in the church as well. I am guessing you live in the country somewhere away from much crime. I am surrounded by crime everywhere. Yes, God is not just in the nice feel good and comfort churches...he is in the ghettos, gang infested, crime invested areas. I am so thankful that Jesus came for the sick!

I do agree with you about the predators...they should be weeded out. Leadership and pastors should have a watchful eye for those who come in by stealth, a wolf in sheep's clothing! satan is always looking for someone whom he may devour.




Again, you are presumptuous! I am addressing anyone and everyone! Every women is a target! I am guessing you don't serve in the ministry at all. You sit back and point the finger and judge, but never get your hands and feet dirty. You have no idea what church is really about. It is just like the person who doesn't have kids, but they want to tell parents how to raise their kids. Or the single person who is not married and wants to tell married people who to have their marriage.

Maria, we live in a fallen world and it affects all areas in the world! Everyone and anyone is a target! Did you know that 55% of all abortions are done by Christians and Catholics! 33% of abortions are done by those who regularly attend church. That is a lot of murder in the church! And of course, there are many churches out there that are pro-choice. And of course, like what was reported by others in this thread, the church is full of compromise in all areas. A long time ago, satan realized he could not beat the church, so he decided to join it! We are told be ready in season and out of season, to keep a watching eye, to endure until the end!

I will avoid cynicism, judgment, negativity and criticism as I continue to address your post. I now understand what seems off to me. You have demonized men for some reason. If you go back to your postings, the main theme is " men prey on women " period. You leave no room for the righteous men who do not have an agenda of lasciviousness. This is what I truly find sad.
Be blessed.
I am leaving this thread.