What is a healthy view of sex ?( personal/mature)

[Far Side Of the Moon]

The wages of our sin is death. You can't expect any sexual relationship outside of marriage to work out. You are opening the door to great disappointment in your life.

I know. I've been disappointed before. Just try to learn from mistakes.

 

[mnphysicist]

The wages of our sin is death. You can't expect any sexual relationship outside of marriage to work out. You are opening the door to great disappointment in your life.

Its very couple dependent, albeit statistics show that really high numbers of premarital sex partners increase the probability of divorce. Dennis Prager has info on this... I'm not convinced with the lower numbers as his group likes to cherry pick things to reflect their world view... but the high end of the charts are hard to ignore.

And on the other side of the coin, sexual purity can be turned into a form of idolatry which brings about post marital sin / sexual dysfunction. This too increases the probability of divorce multifold. Joshua Harris and Bill Gothard set in motion some incredibly unhealthy sexual worldviews... I don't necessarily know for sure they preached the idolatry of purity, but far too many folks who ascribed to their materials ended up there. (And for some folks, things did work out ok... not unlike folks who have successful marriages despite 10+ premarital sex partners).

 

[Kutte]

Hi BukiRob,
Thanks for pointing to scriptures in the Old Testament which are sensible as well as acceptable. They do not, however, point to sex being a sin before marriage for a couple engaged to be married. Rape is obviously not an act of making love.
God bless

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.
There's a lot of "talking" going on but it seems people be talking about having sex but they leaving out talking about the
rising STD rates... https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/20/...ly-transmitted-diseases-are-on-rise.html?_r=0

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..
Healthy view of sex? it's a beautiful gift and when it's "opened" in marriage then it is part of honoring the marriage bed...Hebrews 13:4.

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

The connection be made...that's why he's still on your mind.
The first time for a girl takes a lot out of her emotionally...'cause many girls tend to tie having sex with their love interest as making "the commitment" of all commitments...then when the relationship sours/ends...she will be feeling "some kind of way" about it...like you are experiencing.
You created a bond or tie with someone outside of marriage, even though you were engaged it don't mean or make it's OK to have sex.
I've heard so many stories from the single moms around here, all of them heartbreaking.

Like, I tell these young girls who live around me, you really have to guard what you have because the majority of the men will try to lure
you into going further and further into they web so they can get what you have...many are only there for the thrill of the conquest, don't
be fooled by an engagement ring and smooth talk...I know of men who get engaged just so they can "have their way" and once their done,
they move onto someone else.
Many of the girls around here don't listen and that's why they single and parenting a couple of children....or single and struggling with an
STD that's moved in on them like a bad relative.

Getting through what you lost...
Acknowledge that you "let your guard" down.
Repent/ask the Lord to help you heal emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Apply forgiveness...forgiving is a process not a one time thing.
Renew your mind on God's Word...Put on the full armor of God...Taking Up The Whole Armor of God > Free Bible Study Guides

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

The connection be made...that's why he's still on your mind.
The first time for a girl takes a lot out of her emotionally...'cause many girls tend to tie having sex with their love interest as making "the commitment" of all commitments...then when the relationship sours/ends...she will be feeling "some kind of way" about it...like you are experiencing.
You created a bond or tie with someone outside of marriage, even though you were engaged it don't mean or make it's OK to have sex.
I've heard so many stories from the single moms around here, all of them heartbreaking.

Like, I tell these young girls who live around me, you really have to guard what you have because the majority of the men will try to lure
you into going further and further into they web so they can get what you have...many are only there for the thrill of the conquest, don't
be fooled by an engagement ring and smooth talk...I know of men who get engaged just so they can "have their way" and once their done,
they move onto someone else.
Many of the girls around here don't listen and that's why they single and parenting a couple of children....or single and struggling with an
STD that's moved in on them like a bad relative.

Getting through what you lost...
Acknowledge that you "let your guard" down.
Repent/ask the Lord to help you heal emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Apply forgiveness...forgiving is a process not a one time thing.
Renew your mind on God's Word...Put on the full armor of God...Taking Up The Whole Armor of God > Free Bible Study Guides

No I wasn't in love with the guy at all, the reason why isn't on my mind is because I didn't experience that feeling of connect and thought maybe I'm just weird or somethings wrong. That's why,

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

The connection be made...that's why he's still on your mind.
The first time for a girl takes a lot out of her emotionally...'cause many girls tend to tie having sex with their love interest as making "the commitment" of all commitments...then when the relationship sours/ends...she will be feeling "some kind of way" about it...like you are experiencing.
You created a bond or tie with someone outside of marriage, even though you were engaged it don't mean or make it's OK to have sex.
I've heard so many stories from the single moms around here, all of them heartbreaking.

Like, I tell these young girls who live around me, you really have to guard what you have because the majority of the men will try to lure
you into going further and further into they web so they can get what you have...many are only there for the thrill of the conquest, don't
be fooled by an engagement ring and smooth talk...I know of men who get engaged just so they can "have their way" and once their done,
they move onto someone else.
Many of the girls around here don't listen and that's why they single and parenting a couple of children....or single and struggling with an
STD that's moved in on them like a bad relative.

Getting through what you lost...
Acknowledge that you "let your guard" down.
Repent/ask the Lord to help you heal emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Apply forgiveness...forgiving is a process not a one time thing.
Renew your mind on God's Word...Put on the full armor of God...Taking Up The Whole Armor of God > Free Bible Study Guides

That's really messed up to just be engaged to someone just to get what you want. Crazy.

 

[BukiRob]

Hi BukiRob,
Thanks for pointing to scriptures in the Old Testament which are sensible as well as acceptable. They do not, however, point to sex being a sin before marriage for a couple engaged to be married. Rape is obviously not an act of making love.
God bless

I think you missed what those scriptures are saying. The one deals with CONSENSUAL sex. The man is required to pay the virgin bride price and he MUST marry her. The fist one does explicitly deal with what you are speaking to regarding premarital consensual sex.

The second deals with the accusation of non-consensual relations in which rape could not be proven (if there are no witnesses) in this case the man must pay the bride price AND HE CAN NOT issue a get to her (decree of a divorce)

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I regret my attitude to sex when I was young. Actually I think there are advantages to getting married young. You mature more quickly and learn about relationship over the physical act.
Trouble with having an opinion about sex, is that you reveal either your addiction or hangups about it.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I regret my attitude to sex when I was young. Actually I think there are advantages to getting married young. You mature more quickly and learn about relationship over the physical act.
Trouble with having an opinion about sex, is that you reveal either your addiction or hangups about it.

Right. I wished I got married young.

 

[Near]

Your basically wrong. The ONLY difference between a concubine and a wife...... IS THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT.

A woman who has sex with a man outside of marriage is like a prostitute, because prostitutes are sexually immoral people.
I don't see your deal. Do you agree that use of concubines is immoral?
Also, what are you going on about with this "marriage contract" idea? Did you read about it in the bible, or on Chabad.org?

 

[Near]

Sex is something very beautiful within the context of marriage, to share your soul with another person.

Soul? haha, you mean body!
and it's not beautiful it's gross. As a kid I opened the door and my parents were doing it, and it was disgusting as hell.
Some things cannot be unseen.
Search deep, and you may recall the time you witnessed the abhorrence!
IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!

 

[thesunisout]

I know. I've been disappointed before. Just try to learn from mistakes.

Well, the correct word for that is repentance. That means to change your mind about it and go the right direction. You need to trust God with this..it's our flesh which wants what we shouldn't have, but the Spirit will keep us pure if we listen to Him and follow Him. That is the only way we are going to find what we are ultimately looking for, because Jesus Christ offers us the living water which satisfies our thirsting in this life.

John 4:14

but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life

 

[thesunisout]

Its very couple dependent, albeit statistics show that really high numbers of premarital sex partners increase the probability of divorce. Dennis Prager has info on this... I'm not convinced with the lower numbers as his group likes to cherry pick things to reflect their world view... but the high end of the charts are hard to ignore.

And on the other side of the coin, sexual purity can be turned into a form of idolatry which brings about post marital sin / sexual dysfunction. This too increases the probability of divorce multifold. Joshua Harris and Bill Gothard set in motion some incredibly unhealthy sexual worldviews... I don't necessarily know for sure they preached the idolatry of purity, but far too many folks who ascribed to their materials ended up there. (And for some folks, things did work out ok... not unlike folks who have successful marriages despite 10+ premarital sex partners).

Sex before marriage is called fornication, which is a sin. It's not something we can debate and say well, it is actually not so bad in these certain situations. It's all bad:

Revelation 21:8

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death

God said that all fornicators will be thrown into the lake of fire. That should tell us it isn't relatively bad, it is absolutely bad.

 

[Near]

Right. I wished I got married young.

you are young. I'm saying that and I'm 23.

 

[zoidar]

Soul? haha, you mean body!
and it's not beautiful it's gross. As a kid I opened the door and my parents were doing it, and it was disgusting as hell.
Some things cannot be unseen.
Search deep, and you may recall the time you witnessed the abhorrence!
IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!

Nope, i meant soul. If you don't understand what I mean, then you don't fully understand what making love is. I'm sorry about you walking in on your parents, and if that is a reason that you have a somehow distorted view on this matter.

 

[mnphysicist]

Sex before marriage is called fornication, which is a sin. It's not something we can debate and say well, it is actually not so bad in these certain situations. It's all bad:

Revelation 21:8

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death

God said that all fornicators will be thrown into the lake of fire. That should tell us it isn't relatively bad, it is absolutely bad.

Sadly, many well meaning folks have redefined πορνεία to equate to premarital sex, and scriptural evidence is pretty clear that a much more nuanced definition is needed. However, just because a few verses in the scriptures do not directly apply, this does not negate the scriptures as a whole, nor does it negate a whole multitude of reasons why premarital sex in general is a bad idea. Alas, such often turns into debate and thus would derail the purpose of this subforum... but if you run the search function here on CF, I'm pretty confident you will find any number of threads where this has been pounded into the ground.

 

[BukiRob]

A woman who has sex with a man outside of marriage is like a prostitute, because prostitutes are sexually immoral people.
I don't see your deal. Do you agree that use of concubines is immoral?
Also, what are you going on about with this "marriage contract" idea? Did you read about it in the bible, or on Chabad.org?

In the context of the biblical text? No. I do not.

 

[EmethAlethia]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty.. I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

First, I suggest everyone who is even thinking about dating anyone to read 1 Cor. 7. That sets the entire tone of what “should” be the focus when it comes to “sex”. Most “other” views, where all sexual desires are sinful, including those for the person they are currently married to, completely ignore this passage, or set up a strong contradiction to it with their beliefs. If we want truth EVERYTHING that might pertain needs to be considered and our final beliefs need to make God, God’s word, and God’s people 100% consistent in all they say and do and don’t say and don’t do. When everything is cut-straight everything fits 100%. That is what I am striving to do. Hopefully what follows helps.

1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of fornication, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. …20 Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. 24 Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. …25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. …32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. 36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. 37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. 38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. 39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.



First some issues: Unless you are claiming that Paul didn’t have the Holy Spirit, which would make your N.T. considerably shorter, (Verse 40), understand that there is no COMMAND to get married or to remain single. If Paul had the Holy Spirit (Again, if he didn’t cut everything from him and his disciples out of your bibles) then the “OPINIONS” you see here are God’s “opinions”. And if he didn’t, everything he wrote is not the word of God and should be torn out and passed through a shredder.

What’s the “opinion” of God on these issues? Vs. 6, 25 … THERE IS NO “COMMAND”! Guidelines, principles, thinking of God on the issue, statements as to what you are getting yourself in for and the results of your choices … yes. Commands … no.

In the O.T. the target was marriage and family, lots of kids … or everyone … A good wife who can find, blessed is a man whose quiver is full … In the N.T. the focus is on TRYING to remain free and undistracted so that you can do whatever the Lord wants of you any time, and you have no encumbrances at all. IF YOU WANT GOD’S BEST! That’s what this passage is about. But … verse 7, some have the “Gift” of being able to remain single. Some got the “other” “gift”. And yes it is a gift. It is a gift with a lot of caveats, issues, problems, lessened ability to pick up and go as the Lord desires … divided allegiances … please your husband/wife / please the Lord … but it is still a gift.



How do you know which gift you have? Verses 1 “touch a woman” in the context of vs. 2 “fornication”. Most “hand shakes” don’t lead to fornication. This is a very specific form of touching. It is the touching that leads to fornication. ALL fornication is sin. What is fornication according to scripture? It is unlawful sexual intercourse. What is unlawful sexual intercourse? According to the O.T. it is: pre-marital sex, Adultery (The destruction of an existing marriage relationship to form another one.), inappropriate behavior with animals and homosexual sex. Understand that in the O.T. a family was a husband, his wife/wives/concubines and all the children of those relationships. Note: David had at least 18 wives, possibly into the mid twenties. Solomon had around 1000. How many times does the word of God claim adultery was committed? Once. What happened there? A woman married to a living husband was physically joined to a different man. The consequences were severe. The child died, and there were other consequences as well. GOD IS SILENT FOR EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP.



There is also a passage where God takes 2 wives, and both commit adultery against Him. Eze. 23 (Note: he didn’t commit adultery by taking a second wife. They did by taking other men … in a figurative sense.) To take a different view makes God an adulterer worthy of death, and gives you a sinful God worthy of being judged and stoned to death. Plus, it makes God HORRIBLY inconsistent and unjust. Why kill one woman’s child out of well over 1000 instances of adultery, if multiple wives is adultery. (Solomon sinned, according to scripture, by taking “foreign” wives who took his heart from God. His sin wasn’t adultery.) (We can discuss what constitutes a “heap” elsewhere. What is a “heap” of gold for a kingdom, a heap of horses for a kingdom, a heap of wives … and we could discuss what God’s promise to Solomon after his great sacrifice overrode with regards to those things, but that’s not the focus of this discussion.)



The point is this. ALL the commands, and “opinions” in scripture are designed to protect the family unit (husband, wives and concubines and all kids by those relationships, and prevent sexual deviation and the destruction of existing relationships. Premarital sex = Marriage with no possibility of divorce for either of them. In the O.T. a married man having sex with a single woman other than his preexisting wives got another wife, paid the bride price, and could never divorce her. If she was married, both were stoned for adultery. Adultery in the O.T. always REQUIRED a woman married to a living husband having intercourse with a man not her husband.

I know, there is no end to the convoluted means by which people will try and justify a belief other than this view of what adultery / polygamy is in the O.T.. Trying to “force” scripture to justify their beliefs is nothing new. (Rom. 10:1-3, 2 Thes. 2:10-13) And everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and whatever is not from faith is sin, so for those who hold to opposing beliefs, scriptural or not, if they “believe” there beliefs are truth, they are responsible for living in accordance with them. That said, any “other” view makes God horribly inconsistent, makes the word of God just as inconsistent, makes godly men and women sinners when God says nothing at all about it … and makes God Himself a sinner, and unjust, and horribly evil … from the perspective of Bathsheba... and no, Genesis 2:24 is not a command … it is a reason for the natural tendency … because woman was taken from man, a man shall leave his childhood family to have sex, i.e. one flesh. It is not a commandment. Be fruitful and multiply is a command. It was given to Adam and Eve and again after God destroyed the earth in a flood to Noah and his kids/kids wives. And no one in the O.T. ever interpreted it to be a commandment of God, either. No Godly man or woman, and God Himself never said or did anything against this practice. Just against adultery. There is only one view that makes God, God’s people, God’s prophets … 100% consistent.

N.T. the O.T. definition is clarified. “If a man looks at a married woman to dwell on lust with her he has committed adultery with her in his heart.” Keep in mind the definition of adultery. If God chose the word fornication instead, the meaning would be completely different. The word is ADULTERY, not fornication. The word for woman is the only possible word that can refer to a married woman in Greek. The ONLY time a violation of this NEW clarification of when adultery starts COULD occur was in the presence of a woman already married to another living man. If the woman is married to someone else already, and you are close enough to dwell on lust in her presence, you are committing adultery in your heart, and that is ALWAYS the precursor to committing actual adultery.


Other cases in the N.T. where clarifications are made involve getting divorced to marry someone else. (Remember the definition: Adultery = the destruction of an existing marriage relationship to form another one.)

Back to the topic. Is lust a sin? Ungodly lust is a sin. Look at 1 Cor. 7 again. Verse 1. Let’s say things are getting out of hand … er, rather into hand, and you are in danger of committing unlawful intercourse. (Verse 2) what should you do? Verse 2 Get married, right? Verse 7 again … if your gift is singleness, and you aren’t having any issues with the type of touching in verse 1, great. Stay single. If you have the “other” giftedness, get married. You each have 100% control of the other’s body for sex. You can’t even take a break for prayer if your spouse wants it. (Vs. 5 Except by agreement) … Is lust for your spouse a sin? No, it is to be fully indulged in, and taken advantage of anytime either of you has a desire. That’s what you are signing up for IF you choose to get married, and that is a command.

Vs. 9 AGAIN states the reason to get married … lack of self-control with regards to verse 1, which can lead to the violation of fornication in verse 2. (Yes, here we have fornication, not adultery. This includes ALL versions of unlawful intercourse that marriage, if you follow those guidelines, will prevent.) vs. 28 So you are having these issues, and you get married. Are the things that led to your “needing” to get married, i.e. vs. 1 a sin? Nope. Disagree? Well look at another verse: verse 36. Are you “acting unbecomingly” are you touching in such a way as to be heading for fornication? Or do you have control so as to NEVER touch each other in those ways? (vs. 37 also).

A final caveat. Vs. 39 ONLY IN THE LORD. Remember Solomon’s consequences for taking “foreign wives”? Same here. You have no business EVER getting into any relationship with anyone not fully qualified, as in not a true Christian. We can look at the passage about being unequally yoked, but that passage is on business relationships. There are other passages that talk about it as harlotry … so … BEFORE you start in on any relationship make darn sure that their relationship with Christ / His word is 100% in line and they are seeking to figure out and follow His commands / what He says and means for themselves and by themselves. Finally, another passage:

1Th 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from fornication; 4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.

Some details. The entire passage, including the defrauding part, is about avoiding fornication, just like 1 Cor. 7. The Gentiles who do not know God don’t worry about those limitations. In 1 Cor. 7, is it a sin to let your desires go rampant with your spouse (Again, in the Lord, avoiding all unlawful intercourse…) Nope. This is in contrast to God’s plan for those who are His who have the other area of giftedness. Those who are married have a God given outlet where they can indulge in these things to His honor and glory and do so with sanctification and honor. If a man or woman who “claims” to be a Christian inflames these desires and does not get married to the person they enflamed them with (Again, why the only person you should ever spend ANY time with had best be Christian.) then they are transgressing against the other party and defrauding them, i.e. showing that they also have these issues, and whether God commands you get married or not, they are disobedient to God and have falsely placed themselves on the market… so to speak. God Himself will avenge such things. DON’T GO HERE WITH ANYONE AND NOT BE WILLING TO MARRY THEM IF/WHEN THIS OCCURS.

Let me state this again, no Christian has any business spending ANY time alone with someone they cannot, or will not, marry in the Lord, EVER. And when they are married all rights to their body are over. They belong to their spouse.

Finally, while I see nothing that prevents polygamy in the scriptures, there is no command to practice polygamy, ergo we are to seek to follow all the laws of the land we are in. Next, we should remain as unencumbered to serve the Lord as we can (1 Co. 7). Even having lots of children increases your “encumberedness”. Certainly adding more wives, with more kids, is contrary to this principle in the fullest sense. Plus, having more than one wife prevents you from serving as an elder or deacon.

 

[thesunisout]

Sadly, many well meaning folks have redefined πορνεία to equate to premarital sex, and scriptural evidence is pretty clear that a much more nuanced definition is needed. However, just because a few verses in the scriptures do not directly apply, this does not negate the scriptures as a whole, nor does it negate a whole multitude of reasons why premarital sex in general is a bad idea. Alas, such often turns into debate and thus would derail the purpose of this subforum... but if you run the search function here on CF, I'm pretty confident you will find any number of threads where this has been pounded into the ground.

Any sex between a man and a woman outside of marriage is fornication. Scripture is black and white on this issue; read the proverbs and see how many warnings God gives us about illicit sexual relationships.

 

[puregrl]

I feel at 25 I still somewhat cringe I guess because Idk maybe I'm not emotionally ready. But I also feel my anxiety has walls built around me to where I can't feel anything, you know?
I just feel weird bc everyone my age is just going crazy about sex ...and one of the reasons I don't mind not having a bf is because I feel sex would be apart of that relationship and I just don't crave sex as much as other people...my libido is very low.

I just wonder as a Christian what is a healthy view of sex? I don't see it as dirty..I think its beautiful with the right person and under the right circumstances..

I just ask this question because I can't get the guy I had sex with out of my mind(first and only) and I felt numb, no connection at all...and I worry ...in the future if I happen to find a great guy if my anxiety will prevent me from making that connection that's made during that intimate moment. And it worries me, that's one of the reasons I don't want to be in a relationship because of the pressure of sex

Please no immature answers, just honest thoughts.

How did you learn about sex? Did your parents teach you that everything was wrong? Was it an avoided topic? I only ask because our original perceptions on sex has a great influence on how we view it as we age.

To me, the Christian, healthy view of sex, is that within the confines of a married and loving, reciprocal relationship, it is amazing. Which seems to be how you view it (under the right circumstances with the right person). Peoples view on sex and when to have it varies. But as a Christian, i believe it was created to be within marriage, and is healthiest in a reciprocal loving relationship.

It seems like you developed no emotional connection with the guy you were with for the first time. Perhaps it is because he was the wrong one, or you were not ready. Whatever the reason, dont think that because it happened the first time that it will happen every time after. When you find the right guy, you will have established that emotional connection before being physical with them. You cannot expect the emotional to come after the physical...we are not made for that to be the sequence. It can happen, but it is more based on the physical experience. So establish a closeness with him, feel love for him. Sex is not solely based on the physical, and if it is with the wrong person you will be left feeling empty.

What specifically causes your anxiety? Where are you and what are you doing or thinking of when you feel anxious?