• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.

Featured Married Woman needs help and advice to stop Adulterous Feelings

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Girl4God86, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    35
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

    I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

    612
    +417
    Catholic
    Single
    If you can't control your romantic fantasies towards this man, don't take the job. Don't place yourself in a situation where you'll be further tempted to commit adultery, it's not worth it. Keep searching for another job, God can give you another good one if you persist in asking Him. Don't lose hope, God bless
     
    • Agree Agree x 8
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  3. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +4,872
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Keep looking for another job. Don't accept any extracurricular help that your boss may offer you. Don't share any home life stress with him.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  4. Brightmoon

    Brightmoon Apes and humans are all in family Hominidae.

    +2,612
    United States
    Episcopalian
    Single
    US-Others
    Just try to avoid being alone as much as possible. I had a crush on a married coworker but I avoided him as a possible until the feeling went away if you don’t want to cause problems for yourself . It’s not easy
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  5. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +2,603
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    First if you are a born again believer then as such we are not what our flesh desires. We are what we are in our new spirit, in our spirit we belong to Jesus Christ and are ministered to by the Holy Spirit. As such, we give no place to the devil and if we do slip ( looking at this guy and allowing desire in that) then we confess that to God and move on. You need to look at this journey in that way and ask Father, Son, Holy spirit for the help to get through this.

    You could use a good spiritual mentor or adviser. Everything you brought up is beatable but you're caught living in the flesh in a worldly system ( the term carnal Christian comes to mind). So get out of the flesh and into the spirit. Satan rules in the fleshly realm and will win if you give him a foothold. So give no place to him. Pray the blood of Jesus over this situation, ask Jesus Christ to deal with this, remove Satan and satanic desires. If let go this will ruin your life, it could ruin your marriage and all you have going for you with your husband. Read scripture, listen to sermons on this stuff vs things like soap operas and other secular shows featuring lusty people. Present yourself before God and ask Him to work in your heart.

    This is going to be a test or it is a test already. Believe God can do this, because you don't win this by your strength but His. You just show up giving no place to those desires. You can only be a spiritually strong woman in Christ, So Focus On Christ ! From here on out your new boss is just a boss.
     
  6. LoveGodsWord

    LoveGodsWord Well-Known Member

    +1,155
    Australia
    SDA
    Married
    Hello Sister Girl4God86,

    Temptation to sin is not sin. All Christians have temptation to sin. Temptation only becomes sin when we act upon it in our thoughts and feelings. God's WORD tells us when temptation comes to our thoughts and feeling the first thing we must do is to submit ourselves to God (through prayer and faith in God's Word to deliever you from sin), resist the devil and he will flee from you.

    JAMES 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore unto God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

    When temptation comes to us, it comes to our thoughts and feelings, so when you are tempted to have sinful thoughts we are to submit ourselves to GOD in prayer asking JESUS to deliver us from temptation..

    MATTHEW 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..

    God's WORD tells us when temptation comes that we are to BELIEVE God's WORD and cast the temptation away from our thoughts as soon as they come..

    2 CORINTHIANS 10:3-5 [3], For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh
    [4], for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds),[5], casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

    We need to remember sister that salvation is from sin not to continue in it. We are weak indeed but Christ strength is made perfect in weakness if you have faith in His Word alone to deliver you..

    2 CORINTHIANS 12:9 [9], And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

    We are weak but God's WORD is strong if you CONTINUE in by faith in God's WORD the promises of JESUS save us from sin...

    JOHN 8:31-36 [31], Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye truly my disciples; [32], and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. [33], They answered unto him, We are Abraham's seed, and have never yet been in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free? [34], Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Every one that committeth sin is the servant of sin. [35], And the bondservant abideth not in the house for ever: the son abideth for ever. [36], If therefore the Son shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

    Let JESUS set you free from your sins. He has give you power today if you through his Word alone believe it. God's power is in His WORD. It is yours today if you BELIEVE. It is God who works in us to will and to do of His own good pleasure if we believe His WORD. BELIEVE God's WORD only like blind Bartemaus and you will see. When JESUS bids you come and you believe the Word only you will walk on water.

    Remember sister, temptation is not sin until you make it your very own in your thoughts and feelings. When temptation comes to your thoughts and feelings, Cast them down *2 CORINTHIANS 10:5, submit yourself to God in prayer and BELIEVE HIS WORD *JAMES 4:7 resist the devil (TEMPTATIONS) and he will flee from you.

    2 PETER 1:4 [4], Whereby are given to us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

    1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 [13] There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.

    1 JOHN 1:9 [9], If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    Not only does JESUS forgive us from our sins if you believe God's WORD he will cleanse you from them.

    Your strength is made perfect in JESUS (the Word) if you believe.. :)

    May God bless you as you seek him through His Word.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  7. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,614
    Italy
    Christian
    Married
    I agree fully with post no. 6
    The only sin you're involved in right now is the romantic fantasies.

    We can't control how we fell about a person, but we can surely control our thoughts.

    I think if the feelings really bother you a lot and it affects your life,,,you might want to consider leaving that job. No one here knows you well enough to give proper advice.
     
  8. Lost4words

    Lost4words Like a puppy, i need guidance. Supporter

    +2,973
    United Kingdom
    Catholic
    Single
    Offer up your thoughts and feelings to God. Ask Him to replace them with His grace.

    God bless you
     
    • Useful Useful x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  9. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +3,160
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Republican
    Others have said it, but I will add: it is not sin to be tempted. That condemnation is from the devil, who is trying to wear you down. Do not identify as an adulteress. Identify as a daughter of the Most High who is being attacked and is looking for ways to overcome. With that positive identity you will begin to gain strength and confidence in yourself and your God's ability to deliver. And you will not fall.

    What to do about the problem? If you can't get control over the emotion, it comes down to this situation that is tearing you apart and the financial perqs of the job. This could be a tough choice, or at least seem like one, but I have to go with the spiritual over the financial. It need be, find another job.

    It's very godly to humble yourself and reach out for help, That is mature Christian character in action. May you gain the strength to resist temptation, and may the Lord provide a way out, just as His word promises (1Cor 10). Seek His peace, and there you will find clarity and wisdom (James 3).
     
  10. maintenance man

    maintenance man Well-Known Member Supporter

    720
    +954
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Welcome to CF. I think you've taken the first step by confessing your problem here. That was a very brave step to take and I commend you for doing so. I'm praying the Holy Spirit gives you strength to overcome your inappropriate feelings.

    I'm not sure leaving the job is what God wants. I think God wants you to stand toe-to-toe with the devil and tell him who your God is. Who's to say moving to another job won't include finding another man equally attractive that causes this same problem? You've made a commitment before God to love and honor your husband - do that. God is giving you an opportunity to prove yourself. Take His hand and let Him show you what He can do. The power to overcome is inside of you. I don't think you should run away from this - my feeling is you should confront it head on and be done with it forever.

    Blessings!
     
  11. (° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)

    (° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ) Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,604
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Obviously you have a need that is not being met with your current husband. You are not fulfilled for some reason. You don't have to say what that is. But my recommendation is to identify exactly what that void is and talk to your husband about it so he can better understand how to fulfill your needs.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  12. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,101
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Those feelings can seem so convincing, but they are a lie. But God's love can easily keep you from giving in to romantic feelings for someone who is not your husband.

    And you love your children. So, you want to be a real example for them, in the sight of God.

    "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  13. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +801
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Getting caught up in an affair is a matter of not maintaining proper boundaries with the opposite sex and/or allowing opposite sex friendships.

    You are at a moment right now where you can save yourself and your husband untold depths of pain if you turn from this attraction, quit your job, find another job and never see this man you are attracted to again. Yes, it's that serious.

    Place yourself, in your imagination, in the position where you have had an affair and were caught. Imagine for a moment your husband and every person you know is now in on your "secret". Not such a beautiful fantasy anymore, is it?

    Please save yourself from this terrible situation, and from the pain you will impose on your husband, yourself, the other man's wife and his family. Turn from this man, quit your job, purposefully put him out of your mind and never see him again. The economy is doing great right now; you will be able to find another job. Don't let a silly 401(k) vesting schedule ruin the rest of your life. Divorce will be far more expensive as will be the emotional reparations and sufferings you will need to repay, than whatever your minuscule financial gain would be in staying in this job and falling into an affair.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  14. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +801
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I really **REALLY** hope and pray you won't need to be on here several months from now confessing to an affair, describing the wave of destruction it has caused over your life, your husband's life and this other man's family's life.

    Affairs are like addictions. Once your attraction to this man reaches a certain point, your addiction will do your thinking instead of your brain. It is just like the delectable piece of chocolate that you smell, handle and savor, dreamily wanting a bite. Eventually you WILL take that bite.

    Quit your job immediately so it doesn't reach this point and run far, far away from this man. It's very important that you never see him and that you completely put him out of your mind.

    Edited to add: A great mental exercise for you right now would be to draft that post and let it sink in. Trust me... you do NOT want to live it.

    Also, please read this article. Wow.

    The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage (Marriage...
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  15. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +801
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    @Girl4God86, the reason I'm making three posts for you is from the love of my heart that is crying out to you to turn while you can.

    Please don't cause this unbearable pain to either yourself or, as you described "your sweet husband".

    Please read this post:
    My Affair = Hurt, Pain, Anger, Sorrow (long post)
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  16. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

    +931
    Christian
    Married
    The bible tells us to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ. We can all be plagued by wrong thinking, but the bible tells us to "resist the devil and he will flee from you". We can not for even a moment allow Satan to fester a thought in our mind. We must be quick and forceful, pushing out the wrong thought. Don't let any wrong thought sit with you, push it out with the word of God. Continually mediate upon what God says, make it a wall of defence for you.

    Also if you don't pray often, increase your prayer times. The bible says "pray that you enter not into temptation, for the Spirit is willing but the flesh weak". Of ourselves we are prone to sin, only by inviting Jesus into your daily life will you be free from the temptation to sin, His Spirit will strengthen you.
     
  17. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    35
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Thank you for your kind response. I will consider what you said carefully and keep this as an option.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  18. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    35
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Thank you so much for your kind advice. I will keep this in mind and definitely won't share personal things with him as you said. And I'll be sure to avoid extracurricular help too or topics that may lead to that. Good thinking
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  19. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    35
    +36
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Thank you so much for your advice. Unfortunately there will be times where we work together just the two of us as it's a very small department. I wish it was bigger so I could avoid being around him but any day he's working he will be in close proximity.
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  20. royal priest

    royal priest debtor to grace

    +1,324
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Please take Endeavorer's advise. Jesus said to pluck out eyes and cut off hands. In other words, there is no such thing as being too careful and dealing too radically with sin. In the words of John Owen, we must be killing sin or it will kill us. Do whatever it takes until these embers are cold and lifeless.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
Loading...