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Featured Married Woman needs help and advice to stop Adulterous Feelings

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Girl4God86, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

    +3,369
    Christian
    Married
    It's better to be without a job than to fall into adulterous thoughts. I do think you need to be honest with your husband as to why you want to quit your job and look elsewhere (you mentioned he might be mad). And as to anyone else in your family being mad; it's none of their business- it's between you and your husband as to if you work and what decisions you make concerning your job.
     
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  2. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    21
    +30
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Thank you so much for your amazing response! I really, really appreciate you taking the time to help me and being so very kind. I especially like what you said about this maybe being a test. I do feel compelled enough by my conviction to obey God so as not to fall into an affair, but the temptation and feelings involved are what I dread. I do believe this is Satan trying to distract me from my calling to serve God, he's trying to get me caught up in an emotional mess and likely hopes it would lead me to ruin. But I will not betray my God nor my husband and I agree with you 100% that I need to give this over to God completely and let his strength sustain me. I will continue to pray more and more each day for God to deliver me from this because I don't want to let Satan win in making me feel helpless to sin or make me throw away what is potentially a really good job that God may be trying to bless me with, if I can only overcome this test. I don't want to let God down. Thank you again, your post is very uplifting and encouraging and gives me strength!
     
  3. YesMe

    YesMe Member

    248
    +257
    Christian
    Private
    This is what I try do to when temptation comes, I call the Lord: "Blessed be His Holy Name!!"; ( you can make your own words ) and I try to do it again and again, it's not easy, you have to train yourself by studying His Word, the power is in the Word of God.

    I had this problem for years, but in my case, everything started because of porn, but now, I am free, blessed be Christ!!
     
  4. Dorothy Mae

    Dorothy Mae Well-Known Member

    +568
    Switzerland
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Being attracted to another man is not a sin. I know, I was there. But as soon as I realized I was attracted to a married man, me being married too, I took steps to put the fire out. I never closed the door when we had to talk in his office. I made sure we were never alone in a room. I nipped the thoughts about him in the bud as soon as they started. If you feed a fire, it grows. If you stop feeding it, it dies. What you need is for God to put the fear of God in your heart so that you hate adultery more than you love the feelings. THis is your battle and the tactics are as I said.

    1. make sure you are never alone if possible
    2. stop all fantasizing about him
    3. beg God to put the fear of God (hatred of sin) in you that is stronger than your feelings.

    All the best!!
     
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  5. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +758
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Said every Christian who then went on to have an affair....ever. This "feeling" will not protect you from your temptations.

    You are one flesh with your husband. By your description he is very sweet. Engage him to help you fight this battle. Ensure he has 100% access to all of your devices and social media passwords. The two of you together can guard your marriage against this. An affair will be a tremendous pain and disruption in your husband's life. Give him the information he needs to protect his marriage from one.

    Said every Christian who then went on to have an affair....ever.

    God gives you the knowledge and the tools to be wise and prudent. Don't be a fool and expect Him to stop you from the outcome of your foolishness.

    God doesn't bless marriages by enticing one of the spouses to have an affair. Please consider who is doing the "blessing" here.

    Perhaps your test is whether you will put your faithfulness to Him above your job. My sister, the reason I keep jumping in here, although you are not acknowledging my advice, is because I already detect foggy thinking in your posts.

    All of your willpower and elevated Spiritual thoughts (or even intentions) will not be enough to keep you from a growing addiction of which you keep placing yourself in its path.
     
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  6. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yankees fan Supporter

    +2,995
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    Hello. If your boss is godly as you suggest, then he'll only treat you as an employee and hopefully sister-in-Christ. As for your own feelings, convert them from romantic to brotherly love. Put on the full armor of God and pray that the Lord will shield you from temptation. I'm always surrounded by beautiful female students. When I feel the way you're, I remind myself that they're like my daughters. Hope that helps. God bless.
     
  7. gym_class_hero

    gym_class_hero Well-Known Member

    634
    +681
    Christian
    Married
    find an older mentor to lean on. One you can trust. I do not think telling your husband is a good idea. I heard a sermon about this recently and the pastor said we are to confess our sins to one another except when confessing will cause problems to other people. If you haven't acted on your thoughts and you haven't treated your husband poorly during this time, there's no reason I can see to tell him about a sin that hasn't happened. Why cause him to doubt your marriage?

    Above all, take logical steps to avoid committing adultery. Try to find a different job, or if you have to talk to this man, do so in an open area. Keep your conversations with him brief and only business related.

    God bless you.

    "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. "
     
  8. gym_class_hero

    gym_class_hero Well-Known Member

    634
    +681
    Christian
    Married
    .
     
  9. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,350
    Christian
    Single
    You are married. You are only allowed one husband. Maintain thoughts of celibacy towards men you meet in your workplace. Set your boundaries. Reject romantic advances, if they occur. Sexual harassment is an offense.
     
  10. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +758
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    What about confessing your temptation to sin to another who would be profoundly hurt if you followed through with the temptation? In her case, NOT confessing could potentially cause perhaps the greatest and most devastating hurt to another person that they have ever experienced in their life.

    If this were me, I would absolutely enlist my husband's help, get another job and enjoy a richly bonded, loving future with my husband in a marriage that escaped this blemish. The future together is irrevocably changed even if he forgives her of the affair and continues with the marriage. The marriage will never be the same. He will suffer from triggers and much pain.

    Edited to add: The fact that she feels these temptations don't necessarily mean she is trying to sin. The guy could be grooming her. The end result will sadly be the same, though.
     
  11. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

    +2,602
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    First, If you desire to not become an adulteress sinful wife you must first stop calling yourself an adulteress sinful wife. Start calling yourself a loving faithful wife instead....and see how this changes your mood and your life.... When a thought of another man comes to you, say " I am a loving faithful wife" and watch it flee from your presence. Continue to feed the negative thoughts with affirmations of the same, and it will grow, stick around and eventually manifest itself in your outer world.

    Second, I would not quit...and would stay at your job and overcome your temptation....pass this test.....and after you have overcome, God will move you to a new better job and you will be ready for your next test(of a different nature as you have already overcome this type and need experience it no longer).

    Imagine if the only reason your husband hasnt cheated on you was the fact that He stayed away from girls he started having feelings for? He continues to run from place to place after seeing girls he wanted because if he stayed, he would cheat. Who would want to be in a marriage like this? What kind of marriage would anyone call this? You should be with a husband who is with you because no one can separate him from his love of you.......not because he runs from the people who can separate his love.......there should be no one.

    Your husband deserves the same kind of wife.

    And how can you become this wife if you run from temptation instead of overcoming them?

    After you overcome, there is no more need to run.....and the temptation will not come to you again.

    If you run, you will have to run all your life......and I would hate to be the husband of a wife who must run from other men, lest she cheats on me.
     
  12. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +758
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    My sister, no one here should be digitally stoning you. We are here to help you gird up your strength in the Lord.

    If you stay in the path of this addiction that is growing, you will likely succumb to an affair. The attention you will receive from your friends and loved ones in that case will be far different than what you are receiving now.

    Amen!! You go girl, but go righteously. You are falling down a spiral of temptation that will lead to devastating hurt to you and to those you love. Arrest your fall and turn to a different path. We are all praying for your success.
     
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  13. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

    +5,123
    Messianic
    Private
    The feelings aren't the first area of problem. It starts with the mind. "The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty to the destroying of strongholds..." as in inappropriate romantic feelings. What are those weapons? Fighting the feelings? Not really, instead we are told they are "..casting down vain imaginations and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of YHWH" aka God "and bringing every thought captive to him."

    It is not easy to reign in those wandering romantic thoughts as they give pleasure - though disaster in the long run of course if followed up on. But you can do it! "Be transformed by the renewing of your..." what? Do you know?

    "...the renewing of your mind."

    I also agree with those who advise you not to work with this man or share anything personal, cozy and familiar, with him and that maybe you should seek employment elsewhere.
     
  14. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +2,584
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I don't see the need to drag the husband into this at this time, it will just deflate him and bring in some dark shadows. Bring it to God ( He is more than capable), let the Holy Spirit work in the hearts. Besides, what we know of this fantasy guy is just that, fantasizing, no relationship. Now it's going to be a working relationship and I doubt he will match up to the fantasy world.

    Suppose she leaves this job and lands someplace with another guy to fantasize over. No, temptation is everywhere, we have the power in Christ to stand our ground and Satan and his minions flee ( I worked for 44 years at a certain place and more than one beautiful woman came into my space there, you deal with it, don't act out, treat them with respect). An old pastors advice I once heard was " Never Quit" ! He would say that softly, then repeat it louder and louder till he finally yelled it out with a fist in the air " NEVER QUIT" ! Then softly in perfect composure state " We don't quit, we overcome by the blood of the lamb"..

    Now if the Holy Spirit shows you another path, go for it. It's not beyond His capability. Until then hold your ground.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2019
  15. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,113
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    You need to be having more sex with your husband.

    In the mean time, quit the job. Stop looking at money. All the money, 401K, stock options in the world, is not worth losing your soul.
     
  16. PaulCyp1

    PaulCyp1 Well-Known Member Supporter

    553
    +417
    United States
    Catholic
    Married
    Feelings come and go, and are often beyond our control. Feelings are not sinful, in and of themselves. When they occur, try to turn your mind to other things, especially to God, and ask Him to help heal you of this tendency. They can become sinful if we intentionally hang onto therm and dwell on them and fantasize about them.
     
  17. gym_class_hero

    gym_class_hero Well-Known Member

    634
    +681
    Christian
    Married
    welp..if she confessed to this, what's going to stop him from thinking she may develop feelings for the guy at the next job?

    do you confess every sin to everyone who may be affected after fleeing thoughts of sin cross your mind?

    if someone cuts you off in traffic and for a second you consider running into them, do you stop them and confess to them?
     
  18. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    21
    +30
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Wow thank you so much for your wonderful post and taking the time to write such a sincere and kind response to my problem! I love all the scriptures you quoted and I especially felt 1 Corinthians 10:13 really hit home for me on this issue. I will take your advice and use the power of God's word when I experience these temptations! I am giving this over to God and allowing for him to take control, asking him to remove all these thoughts and feelings from my heart and mind. And keeping faith that he will be faithful and deliver me from these temptations and make things right again. Also thank you so much to remind me that the temptation itself isn't the sin but the thoughts are, being made more aware of this will definitely help me to be more conscientious about what types of thoughts I am having so if sinful thoughts do enter my mind I will cast them down as you said with God's word. Thank you again so much for offering your help to me as I deeply appreciate it and your words have given me hope and strength and encouragement to get over this.
     
  19. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    21
    +30
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Yes I think you are right, the sin is the romantic fantasy so I am taking the advice of @LoveGodsWord to use the word of God to cast out these thoughts when they enter my mind. Like when Jesus used God's word against Satan when Satan was trying to tempt him in the desert. When I experience Satan trying to tempt me I will follow Jesus' example and respond with God's word and keep faith God will deliver me from the temptation as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says.
     
  20. Girl4God86

    Girl4God86 New Member

    21
    +30
    United States
    Protestant
    Married
    Thank you so much, yes I am trying to do this!
     
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