Homesick/Is this really what adulthood is like?

[SnowyMacie]

I am starting to get incredibly homesick. I don't know what to do, I've never been homesick before. In fact, I liked being away from home as a kid. It's not that things are vastly different or unfamiliar here, I just don't feel like I've found my, for lack of a better word, group. I do have acquaintances and am starting to make friends. I wouldn't say I feel lonely, I know what loneliness feels like and this isn't it. It really is like I miss my old life, the community, I miss seeing friends literally all of the time. Yeah, it took a good year to get to that point in Abilene, but I never felt like I didn't have that community. I had a group from pretty much day one and just my network expanded. I don't really feel like an outsider or that I don't fit in.

Is the "real world" really going to be like this? I like my job, I look forward to going into work every morning, even though it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm just thinking, well, after I become a cop and really do what I want to do...how is that going to change? Will I ever get that strong sense of community again? Even at church, I'd only see them two, maybe three times a week? Back in Abilene, it was an every day occurrence. My "church" friends were friends I say primarily at church things instead of on campus. I'm just not sure that if the real world is going to be like this, that I really have any interest in living in it. It really just seems like a really terrible way to live, I'll even say it seems Hellish. I made two promises to myself at some point in my life: 1) I will never work a job I don't like and/or for the money 2) My life is always going to be about relationships and never about money or power. I've never broken these promises, and I will never break them because I don't ever want to be person that younger me would disapprove of. The point of that, even if I don't ever break those promises, am I really ever going to have that community again?

 

[Nanopants]

The real world is what you make of it, and it won't always be like what you had, but it's possible to find a sense of community, somewhere.

The most difficult thing about it, in my opinion, are the barriers that people often have built up. Why talk or connect with someone you know that you'll probably never run into again? But, then, at a certain point, it almost becomes normal and expected to strike up conversations with people you would have considered outsiders if you were younger.

 

[Bobthemotorcycle]

.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

If it's literal homesickness, try calling family and old friends when you're feeling down. It'll help lift your spirits.

It's possible you're just feeling the absence of your old community. Even if there's nothing wrong with your new one, it's not exactly the same and it hasn't fully grown to really compare and fill the void. To an extent you have to give it time, sometimes 1-2 years, sometimes more. As my mother says, she met her best friend not at church but on a mission trip the church went on. Because it was only then they had the time to realize how much they had in common. It takes time and opportunity for relationships to form.

In some ways, yeah real life is like that. You don't always have time to do what you want, when you want, or how you'd like it. But unless you have money in excess and stability -or- few physical concerns and responsibilities, that's how it is. Life is a disappointment and it will disillusion you. The are times the desires of our hearts will only be met completely and continuously in Christ and the life thereafter. But like Nanopants said, life is also what you make of it. You make choices and properties. Do you sit in front of the PC or go volunteer at the local Food Bank? Do you tell your boss "yes" or make time for family/friends? Do you focus on complaints or seek to lift others up? Do you spend money on merchandise or a trip with family/friends? We all make choices that either help or sabotage the relationships in our lives. You can work and have a healthy community ties.

You may also have to look for community in different forms than you've had to. I don't know what you normally do, but you might have to make bonds in the workplace to have the "every day" meaningful exchanges. Even if "the church" doesn't meet up, invite church members over or out even if just for tea/coffee. I know of a gentlemen (who was a cop) and him and his 3 buddies would buy $100 in cheese burgers and hand them out downtown. Nothing organized, they just did it.

To be honest, I haven't figured things out myself. I've been suffering the loss of church community for some time (though my situation is probably more complicated). I'd just recommend to not let doubts, hopelessness, desperation, negativity to dictate your life choices, including work. Those feelings cannot lead to good things or a full life. And look to Christ as your ultimate source of hope, relief, and communion.

 

[Messy]

When I was 19 I studied in a place 60 km from my parents, stayed in a students' home. I liked it but I came back every weekend.

 

[Sketcher]

Some people live very lonely lives. I work at a company which is overwhelmingly young. Many are not believers. Some have moved great distances and are working with us. Others have taken other jobs several states away from us. The common thread is the loneliness that I became aware of for some of these people, we're a company of nerds. I have church, and a social life mainly through church. Some of these people don't even have that. If you find a good church community where your job now is, you at least have a start. People who don't . . . they don't have any friends in their new locations for months. There was this one kid who was only 20, so that rules out bars. Being as he worked second shift, which will murder your social life, he really seemed to have nothing.

 

[RedDragon4444]

this is where you start to accept the imperfect ones for you.

 

[Blue Wren]

I'm in the US, for the year, and all my family and my boyfriend, are in Europe. I understand homesickness, very well. Texting, Skyping, Facebook, that all helps me, so much. It would be unbearable, otherwise. I do have, a great group of friends that I've made, and enjoy this time here, very much. I do think, you have to make a social life, for yourself, where you live now, and put effort into it.

 

[sundewgrower]

I'm in the US, for the year, and all my family and my boyfriend, are in Europe. I understand homesickness, very well. Texting, Skyping, Facebook, that all helps me, so much. It would be unbearable, otherwise. I do have, a great group of friends that I've made, and enjoy this time here, very much. I do think, you have to make a social life, for yourself, where you live now, and put effort into it.

I agree with you fully. My best friend is 5,000 + miles away and I'm not lonely since I keep in contact all the time. If you keep that up then you can fend of loneliness and isolation with ease.

 

[MehGuy]

I love being homesick, it's such a bittersweet feeling.

You rarely feel closer to the divine than in those heart wrenching moments.

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

Yes, you will get there... You said it yourself:

"Yeah, it took a good year to get to that point in Abilene..."

It takes some time. Once you get adjusted, you will get to the point that you don't even notice. Promise.

 

[blackribbon]

Give it time...you didn't build those other relationships overnight.

 

[Orange Crow]

When I was 19 I studied in a place 60 km from my parents, stayed in a students' home. I liked it but I came back every weekend.

That still applies to many of my friends are studying like that right now, It's fairly common to get back to your parents, In a few years I'm also living 200 kilometers from home so the desire to get back to parents will be big enough.

My advice would be to take the time as well, try settling down as best as you can..?