- Apr 12, 2011
- 17,007
- 6,087
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Anglican
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I am starting to get incredibly homesick. I don't know what to do, I've never been homesick before. In fact, I liked being away from home as a kid. It's not that things are vastly different or unfamiliar here, I just don't feel like I've found my, for lack of a better word, group. I do have acquaintances and am starting to make friends. I wouldn't say I feel lonely, I know what loneliness feels like and this isn't it. It really is like I miss my old life, the community, I miss seeing friends literally all of the time. Yeah, it took a good year to get to that point in Abilene, but I never felt like I didn't have that community. I had a group from pretty much day one and just my network expanded. I don't really feel like an outsider or that I don't fit in.
Is the "real world" really going to be like this? I like my job, I look forward to going into work every morning, even though it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm just thinking, well, after I become a cop and really do what I want to do...how is that going to change? Will I ever get that strong sense of community again? Even at church, I'd only see them two, maybe three times a week? Back in Abilene, it was an every day occurrence. My "church" friends were friends I say primarily at church things instead of on campus. I'm just not sure that if the real world is going to be like this, that I really have any interest in living in it. It really just seems like a really terrible way to live, I'll even say it seems Hellish. I made two promises to myself at some point in my life: 1) I will never work a job I don't like and/or for the money 2) My life is always going to be about relationships and never about money or power. I've never broken these promises, and I will never break them because I don't ever want to be person that younger me would disapprove of. The point of that, even if I don't ever break those promises, am I really ever going to have that community again?
Is the "real world" really going to be like this? I like my job, I look forward to going into work every morning, even though it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm just thinking, well, after I become a cop and really do what I want to do...how is that going to change? Will I ever get that strong sense of community again? Even at church, I'd only see them two, maybe three times a week? Back in Abilene, it was an every day occurrence. My "church" friends were friends I say primarily at church things instead of on campus. I'm just not sure that if the real world is going to be like this, that I really have any interest in living in it. It really just seems like a really terrible way to live, I'll even say it seems Hellish. I made two promises to myself at some point in my life: 1) I will never work a job I don't like and/or for the money 2) My life is always going to be about relationships and never about money or power. I've never broken these promises, and I will never break them because I don't ever want to be person that younger me would disapprove of. The point of that, even if I don't ever break those promises, am I really ever going to have that community again?