Has Anyone Ever Used A Dating Site?

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Yes, they work. I know plenty of people personally who have been married through these services.

I nearly was one of them. Praise be to God that it fell through last minute(won't go through the details)!

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[HarvestTheFields]

I've joined a few over the years, mostly out of curiosity, but never really used them. The profiles I saw weren't compelling enough. A few single moms reached out to me, but I'm not interested in dating single moms. The big takeaway was that my type is rarely, if ever, on dating sites. Some were cute enough, but it takes more than that to get me interested.

Then again, some people have good luck with them. They might work for you. You'll never know until you try.

For what it's worth, the best I've seen is OkCupid. The women on there seemed more real than on other dating sites, if that makes sense.

Thanks to everyone for the responses.

Are there a lot of single mothers in general? I'm 25 years old, so I'm not sure how many people already have children at this age.

Anyways, that would be an interesting dynamic haha.

 

[bèlla]

There are people from different age groups which include single mothers and fathers. But I wouldn’t say that’s prevalent in women your age.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Has anyone ever used a dating site? If so, do you have any tips?

It seems like the big ones are Match.com, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony.
As a Christian, maybe ChristianMingle and eHarmony are the best options.
Do you have any recommendations? I'd like to avoid options like Tinder if possible.

I'm thinking about trying it out next month, just to see how it goes. Maybe I'll give updates haha.

I was talking to a Christian friend of mine, she says Christian Mingle tends to have a lot of fake/catfish profiles on them. She dealt with 4 of them.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

That's been my experience too. More often than not on the rare occasions I get a message, it's from a single mother. That even happens on sites where I'm able to specify that I don't want kids, and if I don't want any of my own then what makes you think I'm going to want yours?

Actually, it's big difference between the two.

For me, I'm okay with dating someone with kids (that are older), but don't want kids of my own. No one can assume that just because you don't want to biologically create children from your own loins, but still be open to dating single parents.

Same again with me. It seems like most of the women I see on dating sites are into some combination of dancing, travel, drinking wine and/or coffee, trail running, spending time outdoors, or eating out (when they've actually written something in their profile, which is a different complaint). Some of those I don't do while the others I don't mind but aren't particularly high on my list of interests, so finding someone with whom I have enough common ground to start a conversation is a very small needle in a very big haystack.

Um...these are very, VERY normal activities.

You mean you don't spend time outdoors nor eat out? By the way, when you go on a date, "eating out" is typically the #1 choice.

Noticed I picked the most normal activities of ones listed. You may want to consider being open to at least those 2.

 

[Citanul]

Um...these are very, VERY normal activities.

You mean you don't spend time outdoors nor eat out? By the way, when you go on a date, "eating out" is typically the #1 choice.

Noticed I picked the most normal activities of ones listed. You may want to consider being open to at least those 2.

It's not that those are things that I don't do (apart from dancing, drinking wine, or running), but they're not particular passions of mine e.g. some people like to frequently try out new restaurants, but I'm not that much of a foodie so it's something I can take or leave. The same with the other things - I don't have have a sufficiently high interest to warrant putting them on a dating profile, so mine ends up not having that much in common with the typical profiles out there.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It's not that those are things that I don't do (apart from dancing, drinking wine, or running), but they're not particular passions of mine e.g. some people like to frequently try out new restaurants, but I'm not that much of a foodie so it's something I can take or leave. The same with the other things - I don't have have a sufficiently high interest to warrant putting them on a dating profile, so mine ends up not having that much in common with the typical profiles out there.

Sorry I'm still not following.
I think you're just making excuses.

You may want to try to be open to very common activities.
No offense but you don't want to be seen at as a boring person,do you?

 

[bèlla]

I see little reason to present an inaccurate picture of yourself. Most profiles are ideal lifestyles rather than the one they’re living at present.

And the absence of stuffing doesn’t make you less interesting or boring. The truth will come out at some point. It’s better to appeal to someone for who you are. That way, you know they’re interested.

 

[Citanul]

Sorry I'm still not following.
I think you're just making excuses.

I'm not making excuses. On my profile I list the things that I'm most interested in, and I'm assuming that women do the same thing (as it doesn't make sense if that's not why they're listed). But in general there doesn't seem to be a great deal of overlap between the lists.

One of the flaws of online dating is that you're forced to make an assessment of the other person based on what's in their profile, and not seeing anything in common with someone is a reason you would pass on them, even though it's not impossible that you might have formed a connection if you'd had the opportunity to engage in real life.

You may want to try to be open to very common activities.

I am open to most of them, but I just don't put them in my profile as to have them ahead of the things that interest me the most would be to misrepresent myself.

No offense but you don't want to be seen at as a boring person,do you?

Boring is in the eye of the beholder. There are things that I find boring that other people wouldn't. And if there's someone who shares my interests then they wouldn't find me boring. It's just that finding that someone has proved to be a difficult task.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm not making excuses. On my profile I list the things that I'm most interested in, and I'm assuming that women do the same thing (as it doesn't make sense if that's not why they're listed). But in general there doesn't seem to be a great deal of overlap between the lists.

One of the flaws of online dating is that you're forced to make an assessment of the other person based on what's in their profile, and not seeing anything in common with someone is a reason you would pass on them, even though it's not impossible that you might have formed a connection if you'd had the opportunity to engage in real life.



I am open to most of them, but I just don't put them in my profile as to have them ahead of the things that interest me the most would be to misrepresent myself.



Boring is in the eye of the beholder. There are things that I find boring that other people wouldn't. And if there's someone who shares my interests then they wouldn't find me boring. It's just that finding that someone has proved to be a difficult task.

Okay, what are your interests then? There are those though, that actually are the types that will join their partner in the hobby that they enjoy, even though they

So they are a pretty good option. Sometimes it's good to have different interests, that way you can partake in each other's interests.

I had a female friend, has no interest in fishing, but would sit on the boat with her boyfriend while reading a book, as he fished.

 

[Citanul]

Okay, what are your interests then? There are those though, that actually are the types that will join their partner in the hobby that they enjoy, even though they

So they are a pretty good option. Sometimes it's good to have different interests, that way you can partake in each other's interests.

I had a female friend, has no interest in fishing, but would sit on the boat with her boyfriend while reading a book, as he fished.

That can definitely happen, but it's probably more likely to occur if you've met in real life and had a chance to get to know each other, unlike a dating site where you're using the profile to decide whether or not you want to make the effort to get to know that person.

As for my interests, they would be science fiction and fantasy books/movies, music - for which I usually specify metal and progressive rock but my current batch of profile pictures includes one of me with a bass guitar as an attempt to indicate that my interest is in playing as well as listening, board games, and writing fiction. I'm not looking for someone who shares all of those interests, as that would be a bit ridiculous, but at least one gives me something I can use as a starting point for a conversation. Unfortunately, finding someone who's into any of those, who doesn't smoke (there seems to be a disproportionate number of smokers on dating sites compared to real life), who doesn't have children, and who replies to my message (or swipes right on me) hasn't been all that easy.

I didn't mean to give the impression that if I see a profile mentioning those things I listed that I'm not so interested I'll immediately pass as I will still assess them based on what else they've written. But attempts at trying to contact them usually don't work out, and while I can't know for certain that it's a lack of things in common that has resulting in no response, it's not unreasonable to think that it could at least sometimes be the case.

Also, if we don't have much in common then it feels too much like I'd be contacting someone based on not much more than their looks, and that's not the way I want to do things.

 

[HarvestTheFields]

I was talking to a Christian friend of mine, she says Christian Mingle tends to have a lot of fake/catfish profiles on them. She dealt with 4 of them.

Did she ever mention whether it was just the free accounts that were catfish?
Why would someone pay for an accounting and then just use it for catfishing

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I used Match many years ago and met a few nice ladies that were pleasant but not right for me. My experience with Plenty of Fish or Zoosk was that they were more for secular folks looking to hook up (Tinder wasn't around back then).

 

[Gnarwhal]

Has anyone ever used a dating site? If so, do you have any tips?

It seems like the big ones are Match.com, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony.
As a Christian, maybe ChristianMingle and eHarmony are the best options.
Do you have any recommendations? I'd like to avoid options like Tinder if possible.

I'm thinking about trying it out next month, just to see how it goes. Maybe I'll give updates haha.

I would avoid Tinder, OKCupid and Plenty of Fish cause they're generally secular and full of people just interested in hookups and casual sex.

E-Harmony and Match.com might be your best bets if you're looking for a longterm commitment, it seems like most users on those sites are looking for a spouse.

Also, I heard Facebook just rolled out their own dating platform that's integrated with their app. I don't know if you have Facebook but if you do it might be worth a shot. Supposedly it's private, and it uses your profile info to match you up with people who share your interests, views and beliefs. Seems like a good idea in theory but who knows.

Good luck.

 

[Rigatoni]

Christian Mingle, E-Harmony, Match and CDFF are probably the best sites, in my opinion. Plenty of Fish is overrun by scammers and catfish, although they will be present to some extent on any dating site, even paid sites.

In terms of tips, I would recommend not to take it personally if someone doesn't respond, or if she drops communication after a while. She may just be shy, feel uncomfortable or not be sure how to reply. Focus on creating a positive, enjoyable and comfortable environment for her to reply, and leave the results up to God. Don't treat it like a question-answer session basically (which I'm guilty of in the past lol), and if the conversation does stall, don't fret - it can still be revived.

Some members online are also incredibly shallow and self-centered, even on Christian dating sites. They're just looking for fun, not something serious. I see it as a form of protection from God when He doesn't bless a conversation, and recognize His intervention in the midst of it.

Also, make sure you establish clear intent and direction in the conversation early on, perhaps after you break the ice. If you're seeking a companion in contrast to friendship, make sure the person you're getting to know truly has a heart for God, and is good relationship or marriage material. She doesn't have to be perfect. But, if she's at least willing to adapt to some extent, communicate and work things out, a relationship is possible.

Hope the search is going well.

 

[AlexRose88]

Hey HarvestTheFields,

Dating sites can be super helpful in meeting other Christians outside of the church, especially those that are specific for Christians. I can across the top 7 dating sites for Christians, hope this helps.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

I've used dating sites before. I've went on a couple of dates because of them. I think they're fine, and I would recommend them, but they aren't for everyone.

Also in my humble opinion don't get antsy to meet someone. I like to take my time and get to know someone a little bit before meeting them, and a lot of the guys I've contacted like want to meet the day after. I'm just not into that if I'm meeting someone from the online world.

If I meet a guy in a store and he's like "want to meet at a coffee shop tomorrow?" I'd be like sure.

If I meet a guy on a dating site and we've only just exchanged a couple of words and he's already asking to meet, for some reason that just hits different with me. I feel like he's rushing it. I feel like this is a guy who could be anyone. I need like a week or two for online stuff, lol. And I don't like when a guy rushes about wanting to meet.


Also this quarantine mess might be the perfect time to use a dating site You can talk to them for a few days and meet up once the quarantine is over to see if you guys hit it off as well in "real time" rather than online.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I've been on POF for years. It has done me no good.

 

[bèlla]

If I meet a guy on a dating site and we've only just exchanged a couple of words and he's already asking to meet, for some reason that just hits different with me. I feel like he's rushing it. I feel like this is a guy who could be anyone. I need like a week or two for online stuff, lol. And I don't like when a guy rushes about wanting to meet.

I agree. I don't take forever but I wouldn't meet immediately either. I need time outside of the site and Internet to gauge his character and truthfulness. If he's too secretive or reluctant to talk outside of the venue my warning bells go off. Oftentimes they're married or living with someone. That isn't true for every case. But I've seen enough to press pass and spare myself the aggravation and headache.

Also this quarantine mess might be the perfect time to use a dating site You can talk to them for a few days and meet up once the quarantine is over to see if you guys hit it off as well in "real time" rather than online.

I'm not sure about that. I think the quarantine can heighten feelings of loneliness and a desire to bond. But we won't remain in this state forever. Eventually, life resumes. I would proceed carefully and reserve judgment until the lockdown ends.

~Bella