Has anyone ever suffered domestic violence and their attacker reformed?

[Neostarwcc]

I'm really hoping this stays exclusively on CF and doesn't spread to either my wife or through Google but I have a question and need some advice. Has anyone ever suffered domestic violence before on here and their spouse actually fully repent and change?

When I was growing up my dad hit me a lot. I've discussed this several times during my time here on CF and my wife also struck me a few times when we were dating.

I think knowing that I already suffered lifelong physical abuse that my then girlfriend took advantage of that. I really do it makes sense. I don't think she expected that hitting me twice would have such devastating effects on me. Either or, she's been spending seven years trying to make it up to me but the damage has been done. I just can't get over it. It's really weird. I suffered over 20 years of physical abuse with my dad and I forgave him after I left home and my dad apologizes without really saying anything. But for some reason my future wife hits me twice in a year and I can't get over it over seven years later. We've been married for seven years now and I forgave her enough to marry her and remain loyal to her. I mean, she stopped physically abusing me years ago and has done nothing but try to make up for what she did.

So what's wrong with me? Why do I suffer from PTSD and want to avoid both of them at any cost? In fact i make my wife talk with my dad when it arises because i dont really feel comfortable talking to him. I mean, my wife has apologized countless times and never once has my dad apologize for hitting me hundreds of times. I just don't get it and I don't get why I'm so terrified of her. Men get hit by women almost all the time and it's actually more normal than childhood abuse. I just don't understand. So has anyone ever suffered from domestic abuse stuck by with the person and had them reform? If yes, how did you forgive them? I've been doing nothing but googling domestic violence for days now and I've only come across hopeless cases and hopeless reactions. As if domestic abusers never change and its a divorce only option (even though Jesus said the only cause for divorce that's accepted by God is sexual immorality).

I refuse to get divorced. I'd rather be physically abused for the rest of my life. And my wife hasn't even touched me in years and probably will never touch me again. I'm mostly just wondering if I'm being paranoid or not.

 

[Mark Quayle]

I know of a few situations where it happened just once, and never again. Twice, no. But God can do anything.

 

[timewerx]

In my experience, abusers they don't change unless they suffer a terrible illness or a major blow to their finances or both.

Usually, the sickness or poverty is a blessing if the abuser is changed for the better by the situation.

Abusive people who never has a thing go wrong their whole lives and never change until they died means that God is no longer interested in saving them. It still happens in the New Testament for people like the Pharisees stuck on harsh traditions and doctrines than be merciful to the weak.

 

[disciple Clint]

I'm really hoping this stays exclusively on CF and doesn't spread to either my wife or through Google but I have a question and need some advice. Has anyone ever suffered domestic violence before on here and their spouse actually fully repent and change?

When I was growing up my dad hit me a lot. I've discussed this several times during my time here on CF and my wife also struck me a few times when we were dating.

I think knowing that I already suffered lifelong physical abuse that my then girlfriend took advantage of that. I really do it makes sense. I don't think she expected that hitting me twice would have such devastating effects on me. Either or, she's been spending seven years trying to make it up to me but the damage has been done. I just can't get over it. It's really weird. I suffered over 20 years of physical abuse with my dad and I forgave him after I left home and my dad apologizes without really saying anything. But for some reason my future wife hits me twice in a year and I can't get over it over seven years later. We've been married for seven years now and I forgave her enough to marry her and remain loyal to her. I mean, she stopped physically abusing me years ago and has done nothing but try to make up for what she did.

So what's wrong with me? Why do I suffer from PTSD and want to avoid both of them at any cost? In fact i make my wife talk with my dad when it arises because i dont really feel comfortable talking to him. I mean, my wife has apologized countless times and never once has my dad apologize for hitting me hundreds of times. I just don't get it and I don't get why I'm so terrified of her. Men get hit by women almost all the time and it's actually more normal than childhood abuse. I just don't understand. So has anyone ever suffered from domestic abuse stuck by with the person and had them reform? If yes, how did you forgive them? I've been doing nothing but googling domestic violence for days now and I've only come across hopeless cases and hopeless reactions. As if domestic abusers never change and its a divorce only option (even though Jesus said the only cause for divorce that's accepted by God is sexual immorality).

I refuse to get divorced. I'd rather be physically abused for the rest of my life. And my wife hasn't even touched me in years and probably will never touch me again. I'm mostly just wondering if I'm being paranoid or not.

Please allow me to cut to the chase if I may. You have never forgiven your wife or your father, you need to ask God for help in forgiving them, remember we are to forgive others as we wish to be forgiven. Professional help may be needed or at least helpful. Love your wife as Jesus loves the church.

 

[Tolworth John]

forgave her enough to marry her

my wife also struck me a few times when we were dating.

don't think she expected that hitting me twice would have such devastating effects on me.

These quotes came out in the wrong order, sorry.

You need two things.
1. to talk to your wife and explain how that violence is effecting you. This will be difficult and painful for you and probably shocking to your wife, as she doesn't know about how your dad treated you.
2. In order for you to forgive her, she has to apologise.
There is no real forgiveness without repentance.

 

[lastofall]

Please cast away all secular notions of what man's wisdom teaches, and rather learn to not think above that which is written, where there is no exaggeration or over-estimation, but only Truth: as for suffering, as it is written; it is better to suffer for well doing than for evil doing: so if we must needs suffer, which by the way we must in the course of life; then let us rather suffer for well doing, even as Christ suffered for the cause of right; the just for the unjust: this is the Cross, to deny (disown) our own will, that we may submit to His will.
(1 Peter 2:19-24)
(1 Peter 3:14-18)
(1 Peter 4:1-2)
(1 Peter 4:12-13)
(Romans 8:18)
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
(Matthew 16:24)

 

[Joined2krist]

Forgive her. Don't give the evil one any chance to keep tormenting you based on your unwillingness to forgive your wife, pray for help to forgive her. God bless

 

[Mark Quayle]

Please allow me to cut to the chase if I may. You have never forgiven your wife or your father, you need to ask God for help in forgiving them, remember we are to forgive others as we wish to be forgiven. Professional help may be needed or at least helpful. Love your wife as Jesus loves the church.

The burned child may forgive the fire for burning them. But they will not soon forget that the fire is hot.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I know of a few situations where it happened just once, and never again. Twice, no. But God can do anything.

Yeah. You would think that God would work in the hearts of domestic abusers. My wife is a proclaimed Christian after all. That's why we liked each other in the first place we both were Christians back then.

There has to be a hope other than divorce. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone or without her. I would miss her because we've been together nonstop 24/7 for almost 10 years now.

 

[Neostarwcc]

How can I forgive them and what is proper forgiveness?

 

[disciple Clint]

The burned child may forgive the fire for burning them. But they will not soon forget that the fire is hot.

I know what you are saying but we are talking about loving and forgiving here which is something Jesus had a good deal to say about.