You didn't cause trouble, you brought out the differences in people.
God's purpose for us is to glorify Him.
If only you could believe, you would see the light. Your sight may be swallowed by darkness but the light is still there. Look around, change your focus, and let the light find you.
The above is the first thing I read when I sat down to try and respond to your post, it made me think of this situation. I did not plan to write so much but apparently I had a lot to say which is nothing new!
I woke up to this feeling of being 19 like it was yesterday, and in a panic, no, more like a feeling of bouncing off the walls, no, that's not a good way to describe my feelings at the time either. I just could feel what we all feel when things seem to pile up, one on top of the other and there does not seem to be anywhere to turn that makes any sense. It's natural to have these feelings. Life is full of times when we feel the pain of something giving us trouble. Something making things difficult, if not impossible, to deal with in the moment. I remember my Mom used to tell me, "Think about good things". She didn't tell me not to worry, didn't tell me what to do.
No one can tell us what to do when we go through dark times. All we can do for each other is to try and comfort each other. So, in all my years I have learned many things that work for me and that I understand but that is for me, everyone else is different and what works for me may not work for them.
For example, I learned that whenever I go through pain of any kind, after it's over I always learn something really good about the situation or myself. I call it no pain, no gain. I never think of that while I am in pain and only understand how important it is, afterward. There is no point here but to tell you all of us go through pain and after we live through it, we have something to be thankful for. That's God's profound way of turning something bad into good if you can understand what I am saying. Another saying that follows this idea is, "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you a better man!"
What I see happening here, with you, is that you are experiencing a time of choice and you know that in your heart. That is the truth of the matter. The choice is really difficult to understand for you and you do not know which way to turn. That type of situation is also common for all of us, so you are not alone in your thinking. That is part of aging and maturing, we learn how to change from thinking like children to thinking like adults, or at least that is the idea.
So, God enters into this in so many different ways and I'm the one who has been appointed to tell you this apparently because I woke up and felt it necessary to pray about you, the people that challenged what I had said to you earlier and how to handle it all and I had no idea what to do. For me back at 19 and to this day also with how to handle this situation which seems impossible to get it all into words without sounding stupid or saying the wrong thing or mis-leading you or coming off like a know-it-all or putting the wrong idea in your head and on and on. Instead of going into frustration or making myself panic, or bouncing off the walls, I do/did what God leads me to do. I think about the good things I could tell you, and I thought about how easy things could be for you if you could go into the future 10 years- to only look back to now and realize how things just are not as they seem.
And how wonderfully things worked out and all the good things you learned. Or, because you kept doing what you keep doing, nothing changed and you remained in the same state of going nowhere fast or upward and onward. Another way of saying, "Keep doing the same [insert word here] thing, keep getting the same [insert the same word here] results." Choose a word- stupid, sinful, positive.
Choices are easy if you bring Jesus into your life. Choices become impossible most of the time when Jesus is not in your life. It's because we do what makes us feel good if we can. We have little self-control and make way too many bad decisions.
All these things I say to you come straight out of the bible. God's book of instruction to live successfully. When people judge you and label you or tell you to do this or that, that goes against what God teaches. You are for Jesus or you are against Him. If it goes against God then it is against Christ. It is anti-Christ.
People are going to make comments about what I am saying they are going to pick it apart and make it sound like something else, they do the devil's work because they have evil in their hearts. They do not have the Holy Spirit with them. But you know what I say is true because you understand it and that's because you have the Spirit of truth in your heart, that is obvious to me but not to the anti-Christ.
So, do you have a bible? If not, I like using the Blue Letter Bible. There is an app and an online version. It has mega resources for Bibles and associated tools to study God's word. In particular, what I like, is listening to a pastor who is long gone from the world but will live on forever because of his work recording his thoughts on every chapter and verse in the bible. He did this so that he could help those people willing to climb on board his bus and take a 5-year trip reading through the bible. His name is Vernon McGee and if you decide to check it out you can search him out and listen. It's just another way to learn and I think Vernon's style is what I can relate to and enjoy. You may like something else, the point is to use the tools that fit your hands because the work will be so much easier.
I bring this up because in your plight of not knowing which way to turn you could choose to refocus on that which is good for you because God is good, He will be good for you. And every time from now on you could stop and realize that when you start to have these uncomfortable feelings and start to bounce off the walls you can stop yourself and say, I can turn to God because God will never leave me or forsake me. He will always provide what I need at the time that He thinks is best for me. And you know that everything will come to pass and you will have made it through with God's help to become a better man. The most important thing is to wait for the Lord. You do not have to do anything else. He will, without a dought guide you at the time you need to move and go forward. Everything in any direction will be good. If it is bad, it is not God guiding you. Wait for the Lord. weight for the good. You have a lifetime. Patience is a virtue. This takes the pressure off you as you give your trouble to Him and WAIT FOR HIM. TRUST HIM. The truth will set you free.
This seems to me to be a good choice. I have lived a wonderful life in the truth. Challenging, difficult, painful, and with no regrets because of my strong faith in the truth and God. I have been blessed. As my life nears the end I see so many things differently and how important being young is. We have to remain innocent like children to enter the kingdom of God yet life in this world constantly tries to steal our innocence away. The balancing act God created between one extreme to the other (young and old, this or that, ying vs yang, black and white, up vs down, etc) is how he teaches us to survive throughout a lifetime, which in the short term or long term means coming to Him. How do we survive between two extremes? We have to have a standard to follow. Do you follow what is tried and true, God's word, or what you think or your buddies think? God tells us straight out not to trust other men. Not even your own family! It is all truth as said in the bible.
But who am I? Who could believe what I say So not rust me, I am just another man? Why does it matter?
All this is up to you. You should do the right thing and as I have signed, be well (take care of yourself physically and mentally) and good (do the right thing, live in the light and the truth) in hope ( keep praying in faith for those things you cannot understand or see).
