Super Meanie Genie!

[LaSorcia]

Granted, but knowledge puffs up, while love builds up. You're now so full of knowledge that there's no space in your ego left for love.

I wish I had the entire Bible memorized.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but it is the Joseph Smith revision in the Kx'a language, which alas you do not speak.

I wish to be free of tax issues.

 

[public hermit]

Granted, you no longer need to pay taxes. Unfortunately, you may not use the paved roads, the fire department will not put out your fire, the police will watch the assault, and your mail will become kindling for Postmaster Jeff's wood stove (who for some reason hasn't gotten electricity, but that's another wish I need to grant).

I wish for my next week of vacation to be very relaxing. Thank you.

 

[LaSorcia]

Oh, it's very relaxing... you spend your next vacation in a flotation tank.

I wish Thanksgiving dinner would cook itself.

 

[Lord Give Me A Sign]

Granted but the Thanksgiving dinner automatic cooking machine was built with defective parts and caught on fire causing everyone to have to evacuate the house and stand outside in cold rainy weather while a pack of wild coyotes who had been displaced from their home due to woods being cut down for new homes to be built began to tactically move in and surround your family

I wish i could do something to stop the wild coyotes from hurting anyone

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted. Your name is changed to Wiley and you are in charge of a 10,000 acre coyote refuge. The constant fund raising is getting to you though.

I really wish winter weren't so long.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. From now on ten years worth of winter will occur all in one hour, every ten years. So if Kalamazoo averages about 77 inches of snow a year. Now it will be 770 inches within an hour.

I wish for a ginormous snow shovel.

 

[Jimmy P]

Granted, I give you my sister in law's cereal spoon

I wish for 3 feet of snow

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but they'll melt in spring and then you'll just have three stubby legs like a tripod.

I wish it was always Christmas and never New Years.

 

[LaSorcia]

No, no, no! You can only have it so that it's always winter but never Christmas! And no Turkish delight for you either!

I wish my sheep had golden fleece.

 

[Jimmy P]

Granted *Pees on sheep*

I wish for $50

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. Now you fall in a higher tax bracket, raising your taxes by 23% overall.

I wish dinner is on the table when I get home.

 

[mama2one]

granted as your children decided to surprise you!

unfortunately, you now have to pick up broken glass in the sink, get jelly & peanut butter off of EVERY surface, and somehow figure out why there's flour all over the floor...have fun, lol





have my husband sweep me off my feet

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. The broom fractures your ankle which it hits on an oblique angle, and falling onto your back, you break L3-5 of the lumbar vertebrae. Your husband is so shocked, he develops a deep and enduring phobia of any and all housework.

I wish to get along with people.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You get along with people. But all animals despise you and want to tear you apart.

I wish I could live on nothing but ice cream.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. Only while directly standing on ice cream can you stay alive.

I wish to go on holiday

 

[LaSorcia]

Granted. You go, via a sudden heart attack, whilst on holiday in Greece.

I wish summer were here already.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, without effort. It is summer on the other half of the world.

I wish my garden was a paradise of luxuriant plantlife.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. And your plantlife is so luxuriant it has to be watered with Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani.

I wish to travel in space.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You now live on a large sphere hurtling constantly through space. It has all the amenities necessary for life, such as air and water, and to make sure you aren't lonely, about 7 billion other passengers.

I wish I was in Dixie, hooray, hooray.