Super Meanie Genie!

[Chesterton]

Granted. You are not here. But you are also not there. You've become irrelevant as you're neither here nor there.

I wish I was a lot better at doing sign language, so I could talk to deaf people without the embarrassing misunderstandings which get me slapped and punched.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, but due to your speech impediment, everyone else thinks you are some sort of medium or shaman. As a consequence they either avoid you, spam you to try and sell beads and candles, or constantly request you call up their departed kitten Mittens.

I wish I could get along better with people.

 

[Chesterton]

Dude, you don't need a genie for that. Just stop correcting people when they talk about history! If someone doesn't know that Vespasian's son and successor Titus didn't have a wife at the time of the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius because he was divorced and had the Jewess Berenice as a mistress, it's okay, just let it slide.

I wish I wasn't so lazy.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You are gifted with super-efficiency so that everyone else stops doing their work, expecting you to take care of it.

I wish there were no boring bureaucratic tasks to do.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You have no boring bureaucratic tasks to do. You're now the guy in charge of filling out long complicated forms in triplicate reviewing and assessing the boring bureaucratic tasks done by others.

I wish I were in charge of everything.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You now owe debt for everything, but at least they charged you for it, instead of upfront deposits. You even get a 30 day period before your first payment kicks in!

I wish I could just sit on the beach and relax.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. But the beach is at Haina in the Dominican Republic, also known as the "Dominican Chernobyl".

I wish it would stop raining.