Question about Dating an Unbeliever

[MarkEvan]

IMO if you havn`t already told her that a believer is not to be unequally yoked to an unbeliever then you need to. This isn`t a question of "the relationship is harder and needs more work," what it is, is disobediance to God. All through the scriptures old and new testaments God has been against believers having relationships with unbelievers. And if there are no believers around..........then God will give her the grace to stand, because He always provides the way out.

Mark

 

[Sketcher]

Well, she saw a sign where it doesn't exist. What else can you do but pray for her.

 

[dawnsday]

how about this. dating someone doesn't yoke you to them. it's just dating. if he converts then she can marry him, if not, she should move on...

it just came to me...thought i'd put it out there.

 

[Blank123]

how about this. dating someone doesn't yoke you to them. it's just dating. if he converts then she can marry him, if not, she should move on...

it just came to me...thought i'd put it out there.

the OP said she was already talking about marriage.

besides, and i'm speaking generally now of unequally yoked dating/courting relationship, whats the point of starting a relationship that is intended to head to marriage if thats not a real option unless he converts? its not only playing with hearts its probably also the best way to get him or her to "convert" just for the sake of keeping the relationship, not necessarily out of any genuine love for truth or recognition that he or she needs a Saviour.

 

[Moonlight Lady]

Well I've held my tongue so far but based on some of the advice I see I think I'm going to have an initial chat with her. I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I didn't at least have one talk with her.

Thanks guys.

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[Moonlight Lady]

You're joking. Look through the old testament and see what problems occured when God's people married unbelievers. If that doesn't work for you, check out the unequally yoked thread in the marriage forum.

My cousin isn't a member of CF, but I think this is fantastic advice; I will send her a link of that thread and tell her to have a look see at what may be her possible future. Thanks EBL!




And thanks everyone for your valuable contributions. I am now reading through all of the posts and I am warmed by your thoughts and support.

 

[Moonlight Lady]

*duplicate post.....deleted*

 

[Moonlight Lady]

God's love transends our wrong choices - THANKFULLY.

This will always be her (and our) saving grace!

Thank you Jesus!

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[Moonlight Lady]

the OP said she was already talking about marriage.

besides, and i'm speaking generally now of unequally yoked dating/courting relationship, whats the point of starting a relationship that is intended to head to marriage if thats not a real option unless he converts? its not only playing with hearts its probably also the best way to get him or her to "convert" just for the sake of keeping the relationship, not necessarily out of any genuine love for truth or recognition that he or she needs a Saviour.

Yes L'Tigress, they are already talking marriage, which is why a little red flag popped up in my head. And I fear the same things: that he may end up converting just to appease the situation, but there would still be no real conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord in his heart.

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[Miles]

Though I don't pursue non-believers, and in all likelyhood will not find myself romantically involved with one, I would rather marry a non-believer who actually lives a Christian-esque lifestyle than a believer who does not. It's her actions I'm interested in, more than her words. If the guy is as decent as you say, and your cousin is also decent person, then the relationship is equally yoked in many ways. The kind of ethics that people demonstrate in their daily life is vitally important.

That said, your cousin's situation sounds pretty rare. In the typically unequally yoked couple, at least the kind that people talk about, the non-believer doesn't have much of a moral compass. It doesn't exactly sound like she has to rescue him from a life of booze, drugs, womanizing, satanic tirades or anything like that. In a world of deceit and abuse, it's something special to find a decent significant other. I wouldn't write the guy off so quickly.

 

[Gardener101]

I agree with the above ^^

 

[Blank123]

Well I've held my tongue so far but based on some of the advice I see I think I'm going to have an initial chat with her. I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I didn't at least have one talk with her.

praying for the situations

 

[Mskedi]

For easing your own conscience, there'd be no harm in talking to her. But when she defends her boyfriend, and she very likely will, listen with an open ear to why she loves him and why she thinks things will work. It's her choice in the end. Also, if you do bring it up, I'd make sure to end with saying something along the lines of, "I support you no matter what and this is the only time I'll mention it..." or something along those lines. Let's say that things do turn sour -- you'd want her to be able to come to you without fearing an "I told you so" lecture, right?

In their defense, not all marriages with a mixture in religious beliefs are doomed to failure. I've been a witness to a good number of successful ones.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I think threads like thios are here to help so many of us, even the strongest of Christians can fall in over our head with a non-believer. We then start making excuses and so on..

Good Thread

 

[eatenbylocusts]

With all respect, the unequally yoked forum is going to be negative precisely because its a support forum for people with negative experiences.

I'm not saying we go randomly 'shacking up' with people from different faith journies, but neither should it be ruled out entirely. Besides, if you want to bring the old testament into it... there are all sorts of marriage possibilities in there including polygamy, marrying women from foreign countries that have been conqered and enslaved, so on and so forth. Some of these people are actually in Jesus' lineage. In other words, there is more flexibility than we sometimes give the bible credit for.

Where does God express his approval or state that, for example polygamy is His plan? The Bible contains the good and bad, the mistakes and successes just like real life. David screwed up many times. The including of his sins in the Bible are not supposed to tell us that we should do the same things.

I'm sorry I don't remember book or verse, but I do remember occasions when God told people not to intermarry, they did, and there were problems because of it.

Gardener posted Johnnz's statements about not condemning a Christian already married to an unbeliever. I don't seek to condemn anyone in such a relationship. The saved spouse should be an example and pray and certainly stay in the marriage unless it is not safe. Johnnz also commented that there are many miserable Christian marriages, and I concur. That doesn't mean we should ignore what was important enough to be included in the Bible and ignore other people's painful experiences. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee wedded bliss. I think all churches should take a more active role in requiring pre-marital classes so that couples are more prepared for marriage and either don't get married or are better prepared.

But, if children are a possibility, then choosing a non-Christian for their parent in most cases is just selfish and short-sighted. I don't think you can really understand this until you become a parent. My dad did not accept Christ until I was 11, but no one ever told him that was something he needed to do to be saved. He believed in God and grew up in church. My dad was 1 in a million and was a wonderful father and husband before he was saved. The odds of finding someone like him in a non-Christian are not good at all.

 

[PassionateOne]

Do you know what he said? He said that "he was bored because it was just another one of those preacher guys saying the same thing over and over again". He said that he knows church is really important to my cousin, but that it's just not his thing, and that he's still not sure how he feels about the bible.

Okay, I need something 'cleared up' for me?

Is an "unbeliever" someone who just doesn't believe in God, altogether? Or is 'on the fence' about about Religon and doesn't believe 100% what we believe?

Because from his response, he just seems 'on the fense' about it all and maybe he needs someone, like your cousin, to help him be saved......maybe that's why God put these two together?

 

[AbidingInHim]

With all respect, the unequally yoked forum is going to be negative precisely because its a support forum for people with negative experiences.

I'm not saying we go randomly 'shacking up' with people from different faith journies, but neither should it be ruled out entirely. Besides, if you want to bring the old testament into it... there are all sorts of marriage possibilities in there including polygamy, marrying women from foreign countries that have been conqered and enslaved, so on and so forth. Some of these people are actually in Jesus' lineage. In other words, there is more flexibility than we sometimes give the bible credit for.

I would like to boldly tell you you are wrong! Your preconcieved opinion saddens me.

I am unequally yoked. I was saved after my marriage. The UY Forum, is for support but by no means do we dwell and sulk and not all of us have had bad experiences. I am very happy in my marriage and love my husband very much and we have a great realationship....better then many equally yoked couples I know.

But marrying a non-believer goes against God's word and it is a terrible feeling to love somebody sooo much and know they are not right with God. I'm sure we all have loved ones we pray for thier salvation.....it is more intense when that person is the person you are unified with.

It is also very difficult to submit to a husband who is not seeking God's will.

I would highly recommend that you post in the uy section...or rather have your cousin get on line with you and go through some posts. There are several people there that married as believers with no reserves and will tell her not to do it and give her the some experienced advice, sometimes, those in your cousins position are more willing to listen to those that have been where they are rather then a loving friend or family member. Most often they won't listen and say it'll be different for them...in which case by her the power of a praying wife and pray with her fervently for his salvation.

We also have a reading list in the uy forum, you might look at the reading list and suggest a few to her to read. one that jumps into my mind is beloved unbeliever.

God Bless you for caring!

Roxanna

 

[Moonlight Lady]

UPDATE:


Well I have all kinds of news: good, and hopefully better!

The good news is that they decided to go to counseling at her church. This way they will both get proper advice before they make any major permanent decisions.

The great news is that he apparently has started attending bible study. Well, my prayer is that I hope this turns out to be great news for her.

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[Moonlight Lady]

Okay, I need something 'cleared up' for me?

Is an "unbeliever" someone who just doesn't believe in God, altogether? Or is 'on the fence' about about Religon and doesn't believe 100% what we believe?

Because from his response, he just seems 'on the fense' about it all and maybe he needs someone, like your cousin, to help him be saved......maybe that's why God put these two together?

To tell you the truth... I'm not really sure. Maybe he is just on the fence - who knows.... He seems to be a good guy but I don't really know much about him. My fiance told me to leave it up to the Lord (and have faith in the counseling they're getting from her pastor) - or in other words: to mind my own business....lol.

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