My First Dating Story. Thoughts and Advice?

[CoffeeClaw_1986]

So, I met someone via mutual friends about 5 months ago. I thought he seemed like a nice guy, although we didn't have a lot of conversation at that point. Eventually, we began going out about once a week starting at the end of January. We live about two hours away from each other and we both have pretty busy schedules, with him driving public transit for a college town several days a week, and me working night shifts three to four nights a week as a university security officer (different town). He's pretty much had to do all the traveling to get together, as my car wouldn't be able to make frequent trips to his town. He's had a few other prior short-term relationships while I have never dated or had a relationship.


We were both pretty awkward when we were seeing each other for the past couple of months and were learning as we went along. I'm not really the greatest at carrying the conversation and am pretty introverted. He had more stories to tell about his adventures as a transit driver, although his language was kind of salty and had some f-bombs thrown around, which I wasn't too thrilled with. He is certainly more extroverted and outspoken than I am.


We hadn't really had the talk about what we were looking to get out of dating and our values in deal breakers. I finally brought up the topic when I was chatting with him a couple of nights ago, as I wasn't sure what his faith beliefs and values truly were. He seemed pretty liberal based on his Facebook content, which in and of itself probably isn't much, but as I am fairly conservative, having major philosophical differences would be pretty stressful for both of us, and I wasn't sure about his faith beliefs, even though I suspected he was a non-believer. In answering my questions, he did say he's not religious, so not really a believer.


I told him I am a born-again Christian and need a partner who was and basically said the differences in our faith beliefs would not work in the long run. I also said I would still value friendship even if a relationship didn't work. He said he appreciated my honesty and wished me well in my endeavors, but in having my suspicions confirmed, I didn't want to lead him on, but I kind of feel bad letting him down like this when he probably caught the feels a little more than I did, and I know he's dissapointed about it. Most of the time I take longer to establish an emotional connection to someone, and it makes it tougher to let someone down when they're more emotionally invested early in the relationship and something that can't be reconciled pops up.

 

[DragonFox91]

A non-believer would be a deal-breaker for me. I struggle even being friends w/ non-believers b/c they always want to take you down their path. If it’s a deal-breaker for you too, then move on.

Maybe try talking to him some more about his beliefs? Ask the hard questions. Be honest. Not saying what you really think would only hurt you long-run.

 

[TheRealAriel]

You did the right thing. It’s ok to have dealbreakers, especially in regards to something so important. Feelings get hurt in the process of dating and looking for your person. In the end it was kind of you to let him know it’s a no as soon as you realized it then distance yourself so you can both move on.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

It's probably best this ended now before things got too far along and too many emotions became at play. Everyone has different red lines that can't be crossed, and it's totally understandable why this would be one for you, as it would be for most people of faith. I too wish you the best in your future endeavors. I know you'll find someone great when the time is right.

 

[Miles]

That sounds like a healthy dating experience to me. The best outcome isn't necessarily a long term relationship. It's learning whether the two of you are compatible and then making an informed decision.

 

[peaceful-forest]

You did the right thing by breaking it off when you found out that he did not share the same values and beliefs as you. Not only is it a sin for a Christian to date a non-believer, but also any of his godless beliefs and/or behaviors could've rubbed off on you.

See this experience as a lesson. Any concerns, questions, or needed guidance, you should always direct to God. God wants to help and be involved.

 

[CoffeeClaw_1986]

I appreciate everyone's insight and of course, welcome more. I'm thinking it would probably be a good idea for me to put dating on the back-burner and focus on self-improvement for now.

 

[bèlla]

One of the most important decisions you'll ever make beyond belief is who you'll marry. One of the unsung traits of strong relationships is prayer. Get someone who'll pray you out and through the things you'll face alone and together. You'll need it more than you know.

A man who battles on his knees fearlessly is a holy samurai. The next time you meet someone pray with him and keep doing it. Put the connection on the altar and allow its unfolding in a godly manner. You'll avert a lot of temptation and keep yourselves rooted in Him.

~bella

 

[busywriting]

When I think about the fact that marriage is forever it just makes me more cautious about choosing someone to spend the rest of my life with. The red flag for me would have being the unbeliever bit, however I totally understand how tempting it could be. You made the right decision.