I guess I would just like for once in my life to feel happiness in whatever I'm doing. I've never been happy, EVER. I would think that if God would bless me with happiness while I was serving under him I would be a tremendous servant. If I could like what I was doing, I would wholeheartedly give every ounce of energy I had into doing my job (so much as I have done so in the past for brief moments of time).
I don't get the whole control his children with a thorn concept. Wouldn't he encourage healthy lives so they could serve him better? Maybe I'm a different type of person, but I can tell you one thing, when someone treats me right I tend to view them in a better perspective. All this keeping me right where he wants me is causing me to go practically insane and cringe at the mere thought of serving God. Why serve him if he continuously beats me down?
Happy servants are good servants.
I think God would say:
Humble servants are good servants. "Happiness" is just a matter of perspective. You or anyone else has the potential with in them to find
happiness in what ever it is they are doing.. If you take a good look at what Paul actually went through (Can be found in the later chapters of Acts, and in some of his letters to the various churches) Paul's situation was Grave, but if you read, "joy" can be found in nearly all of his greetings or in the progress reports that are contained within the letters. you will find a man/servant of God content, if not joyful in places.. This man had nothing in this world to be joyful about.
Because he switched the currency used to buy and sell happiness from the things this world offers, to the currency that God Recognizes. His perspective, his Heart changed.. The things of this world no longer made him happy in the way it would for most people.
Now given your gifts, and potential would it not benefit God to greater glory if you also switched the currency that your heart uses to find happiness, to that of God? Would it not benefit your relationship with God better if now the only thing in your heart is what God put there, and not your own or the world's Ideas of what happiness is.
Know that,
Happiness in any form is only an illusion anyway. the only thing true and stable in the way of happiness is Joy. Joy can be found as a Gift from the Holy spirit (Gal.5) Joy is the currency that God uses to help us find contentment..
If you spend the rest of your life and a billion dollars in search of happiness you'll never find it, but If you simply humble yourself to God and what ever situation he has lead you into, not only will you find Joy in what you do, but you will also find contentment. Being content with what you have should be your goal. Because between Happiness and contentment.. Contentment is the only thing attainable.
Whether you agree with the method God uses or not, they have been Identified to you in scripture, and in what I have written. again you are left with a choice, do it your way or learn to do it his way. Either way, the choice is yours to make.
If you wish to stay your course a little while longer God has time.. About 3 more years in just this trial, if memory serves me correctly.. Who knows maybe you will find the happiness you seek in all of the misery you are in..
Or if you wish to do it God's way, but don't know how to get there from here, Just ask him to show you the way. Tell him your tired of being miserable, you don't want to hold your faith for ransom (Suicide threats) and you want to find the Gift of Joy and contentment that you have been promised. In a relationship with the Holy Spirit. Ask him to help you become that great servant you think he wants you to be, and help you change anyway you need to.. When you do, just know things won't get easier right away, it took a long time to get you where you are now and it may take longer to bring you back.. It all depends on you and where your heart is.
