Ok so my mom says some really hurtful things.

[Neostarwcc]

My mom won't stop harassing the Presbyterian church I go to. Especially our head Pastor/Elder Larry. Larry and I are really close. He likes my wife and I a lot and has blessed my wife and I financially for years.

He has money as would any elder of the PCA but here's the offensive part. My mom is always calling Larry a thief and a crook and keeps saying that he steals money from the collection plate, from me, and from everyone who attends my church.


I find this deeply offensive because thats just a no no in the PCA. You can't just scam your members out of money. He and his wife made their money because he has a Doctoral Degree in theology and being the head Elder of the Presbytery he makes a lot of money in a SALARY. Whereas Larrys wife worked all her life in various different kaces. She's accusing him of stealing from the collection plate every church when in reality the church is very small and probably only gets $50-$70 in donations every Sunday.

Our Presbytery pays Larry's salary and that's how he can afford to go on vacation 3-4 times a year. How he can help my wife and I out with food and gas and really anything we need. And how he can regularly take my wife and i out to eat in really fancy restaraunts. It's just SO highly offensive that i want to scream at her.

Larry doesn't even want to get a speeding ticket to ruin his iimage. He takes being a pastor and the lead elder of the presbytery seriously.He wouldn't be stealing money from his congregation because it would completely destroy his Career and relationship with God. He's a very Godly man which is why I'm so angry at my mom because he is the exact opposite of a con artist.

I'm bringing this up because we went out to eat and they (he and his wife) took us to a really expensive restaurant. The meal ended up costing the 4 of us over $100 plus tip. They of course covered it all but when I got home my mother sent me a really angry Facebook message stating "he is probably just showing off his money hoping you and Jen will give him a big donation in the church basket."


How offensive is that! How can my mom even SUGGEST such a thing when Larry has done nothing but bless us and has become my best friend. Ok first of all mom. Aside from 2 weeks ago I haven't been to church since Easter. My wife is far too busy with her new job at Walmart and barely gets a Sunday off. So we haven't been able to attend. If Larry was a con artist he would be telling us to go to church anyway so he can make his 3 freaking dollars from us.


Second of all the largest bill we've EVER stuck in the collection plate was $10. And that was once. 4 years ago!!! Plus he's probably given my wife and I THOUSANDS over the years to help us with food and whatnot. For how charitable my mom claims she is you'd think shed recognize charity when she sees it for real. Usually we only put $2-$3 in and Larry has NEVER cared. He appreciates the donations from the congregation no matter how big or small because it helps our Presbytery keep the church running and everything. It's true I stick something in every Sunday that I attend but it's probably not been more than $100 over the last several years we've been attending our church.


But no, my mom doesn't look at it that way. My best friend is a crook and a thief and a monster. My church is a cult and our deacon is the world's worst person in the world for liking hunting and selling guns to people of age.



What can I say to her to make her stop? How can she see just how kind Larry really is? He loves blessing my wife and I because he has money and SHOULD be blessing the poor. That's what Jesus commanded the rich and the poor to do. But my mom wouldn't know that of a brick anvil dropped on her head. Just SO offensive!



Oh and by the way. The "church" that my mom attends? THAT'S a cult. THATS ticking peoples ears into hearing what they want to hear so that they can live a life of sin and not feel guilty about it. That's being drawn in by an antichrist.

But, I've NEVER told her this. Never will. So if anybody is getting ramboozled it's my mom. Not me.


Oh and I've offered like 15 times to pay for part or all of our dinners together and Larry insists on paying all the time BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US. His words, not mine. Crook? I think NOT!!!

 

[PloverWing]

Based on everything you've told us about Larry, and based on what I know of the Presbyterian Church in America, you're right: Your mom is slandering Larry and the PCA without evidence, in a terribly offensive way, and she should stop.

As to dealing with your mom, is it possible to cut off the conversations? Something like: "Mom, that's an awful thing to say about somebody. Stop it. I don't want to talk about it any more." And then move the conversation to something else, or walk out of the room.

You mentioned that your mom goes to a different church. (You may have said earlier, but I've forgotten what kind of church she attends.) Is it possible that she's insulting Larry as a sideways way of insulting the PCA -- that she thinks you're in a cult led by the antichrist, just like you think she's in a cult led by the antichrist, and this is her clumsy way of striking out at the PCA? If that's the case, the two of you might do best to avoid talking about religion with each other at all. Some topics with some people just lead to fireworks, and it's best to talk about other things with them.

 

[MForbes]

1) Quit going to dinner with Larry
2) Don’t talk about Larry when you’re with your Mom
3) If your Mom brings Larry up, tell her you don’t want to talk about Larry
4) If she keeps talking about Larry, leave the conversation. If she’s at your place of residence tell her to quit talking about Larry or leave
5) Realize that this may be a hard thing to do, but many times it’s better to take the hard “right” over the easy “wrong” in order to solve a problem

 

[Neostarwcc]

Based on everything you've told us about Larry, and based on what I know of the Presbyterian Church in America, you're right: Your mom is slandering Larry and the PCA without evidence, in a terribly offensive way, and she should stop.

As to dealing with your mom, is it possible to cut off the conversations? Something like: "Mom, that's an awful thing to say about somebody. Stop it. I don't want to talk about it any more." And then move the conversation to something else, or walk out of the room.

You mentioned that your mom goes to a different church. (You may have said earlier, but I've forgotten what kind of church she attends.) Is it possible that she's insulting Larry as a sideways way of insulting the PCA -- that she thinks you're in a cult led by the antichrist, just like you think she's in a cult led by the antichrist, and this is her clumsy way of striking out at the PCA? If that's the case, the two of you might do best to avoid talking about religion with each other at all. Some topics with some people just lead to fireworks, and it's best to talk about other things with them.

My mom considers herself Catholic. But refuses to listen to priests who are "too strict" with teaching about faith in Jesus being necessary for salvation. My mom has nothing but an intellectual faith in Jesus. She doesn't believe Jesus died for her sins and doesn't believe she needs to accept Jesus to go to heaven. She like many other deluded people thinks and listens to priests who say that not only Jesus will forgive you when you die if you ask for it but that he will forgive you based on your merit and based on your good works. She doesn't want to believe that "good" people will end up in hell. She considers herself a very good person and doesn't want the harsh God of reality.


Religion in general is just a bad topic for my mother and I because we have different views. She has nothing against me believing in what I do or that I adhere to the reformed faith but she does have a hard time accepting that neither my sister nor I became Catholics despite our "Catholic" upbringing. I cannot even bring up happy and good parts of scripture with her without her getting super offended and saying that her parents (who were real devoted Catholics. My grandfather was anyway I don't know enough about my grandmother to make a judgement). But it makes me feel super bad that I cannot even bring up happy parts of the Bible because all my mom thinks is that her dad tried teaching her and her other 8 brothers and sisters the Bible and what the Bible has to say about God.

You're right it does need to stop. But, I don't know what to do or say to get her to stop. Often times I won't even bring up going to church or Larry with her unless she asks if I have any plans for my Sunday because her and my dad want to hire somebody to work on our trailer or whatever. I rent from my parents so they're often working on our trailer. And then if I tell her I have plans to stay for dinner at church she gets all offended and starts calling Larry a thief. When Larry doesn't even bring food to the church it's the congregation that makes the meal. I don't think either he or his wife really knows how to cook that well.



I love my mother so much which makes me feel nothing but pain that she doesnt have faith and that she has to insult true churches of God. Had she lived 3-400 years ago things might have been different because the majority of churches in the world were either Catholic or Protestant all having perfect views of Christ and the Godhead. You had to believe in Jesus or claim you did or you would be executed. Idk. Just a thought. But I'm stuck with the Godless family I have. I can only really talk about God to Jen or to my friends.

 

[Neostarwcc]

1) Quit going to dinner with Larry
2) Don’t talk about Larry when you’re with your Mom
3) If your Mom brings Larry up, tell her you don’t want to talk about Larry
4) If she keeps talking about Larry, leave the conversation. If she’s at your place of residence tell her to quit talking about Larry or leave
5) Realize that this may be a hard thing to do, but many times it’s better to take the hard “right” over the easy “wrong” in order to solve a problem

I don't get to spend much time with Larry so he's always inviting us to dinners whether it be at the church or with Marge and Larry personally. I'm shy and typically don't stick around after service is over so we don't get much time to spend together. So we email back and forth quite often and

Oh and I don't really bring my church up unless I have plans to go that Sunday and my mom has to know. In the beginning I used to talk about Larry all the time and I stopped after she started openly insulting him. The last comment she made was because she asked if I had plans Sunday and I told her I had plans to eat dinner with them and she was like "he's probably taking you to a fancy restaraunt because he has to flaunt his money that he steals from the collection plate off."


But, I don't know what I expect. My mom dislikes everybody rich really because she/we grew up poor and weren't so fortunate. It could be a jealousy thing. Larry had to go through 12 years of school and marge had to work odd jobs to support and take care of their children. Despite him being rich idk why my mom doesn't like him because they help the poor and their children all the time and my mom does that with my sister and I and the poor too. All the time. And my mom has a little money. She has far more money than I do anyway and my sister is terrible with her money.



Idk she can not like him I guess. She doesn't have to like every major part of my life. It's just growing up and being a young man I could tell my mom anything and everything but even since my conversion to Christianity there are many things my family and I can't talk about anymore.

 

[timf]

One way to throw cold water on unfounded accusations is to ask them to "prove it". If someone is accused of being a thief, one can as for the evidence to support such a charge. With the example of the possibility that an expensive dinner is given in order to obtain more money, one might ask to explain how such a scheme might work. One inclined to throw out accusations often is less inclined to substantiate them.