Need advice please?

[lovepink774]

I'm 15 I have grown up in a christian/baptist household. My family has never been conservative clothing wise. There is no debate concerning wearing short shorts or tank tops. I personally want to change my dress to very conservative. I feel that the right thing to do would to be wearing skirts and more modest apparel. How to I go about this? If anyone has lived like this how do you deal with the temptation to wear jeans or shorts? How do you respond to the questions? I also don't know what I'm going to do with all of my clothes I mean they're expensive clothes that I wear for worldly purposes but I love them? Also, how do you go shopping seeing all of the clothes and wanting them?

 

[lovepink774]

Please?

 

[Albion]

Hi, lovepink. Thanks for asking us about this. I do indeed respect your feeling and think the matter that you've put to us is important. You deserve to be supported in your decision.

I, however, am probably not at all the appropriate person to be telling you how to proceed, since my own religious beliefs, age, and gender are all different from you. HOWEVER, if I can suggest something based on general principles it goes something like this--

There is nothing wrong with your intentions, but you could smooth out the transition and get a feeling for how it is going, whether there are little modifications you need to make, when and exactly how to proceed, and so on IF you phase in the change over. It's always easier to see where you are going and how it's working, not to say keeping other people from noticing too much and questioning you, etc. if you approach it gradually. It could be that the basic idea is good and workable, but there's a part of it here or there that on second thought you'd decide is 'too much' or something like that. If you do everything at once, it's harder to make any adjustments.

That will also help solve the issue of abandoning the clothes you have. I do not think doing what I'm suggesting means compromising your principles, but it's a big change and would benefit from being treated as a process rather than an overnight 100% change.

 

[WinBySurrender]

Hi, lovepink. Thanks for asking us about this. I do indeed respect your feeling and think the matter that you've put to us is important. You deserve to be supported in your decision.

I, however, am probably not at all the appropriate person to be telling you how to proceed, since my own religious beliefs, age, and gender are all different from you. HOWEVER, if I can suggest something based on general principles it goes something like this--

There is nothing wrong with your intentions, but you could smooth out the transition and get a feeling for how it is going, whether there are little modifications you need to make, when and exactly how to proceed, and so on IF you phase in the change over. It's always easier to see where you are going and how it's working, not to say keeping other people from noticing too much and questioning you, etc. if you approach it gradually. It could be that the basic idea is good and workable, but there's a part of it here or there that on second thought you'd decide is 'too much' or something like that. If you do everything at once, it's harder to make any adjustments.

That will also help solve the issue of abandoning the clothes you have. I do not think doing what I'm suggesting means compromising your principles, but it's a big change and would benefit from being treated as a process rather than an overnight 100% change.

Yep, what he said.



One thing (and I'm sorry to go here, but its just how I think, given my own history and those of the people I deal with daily): It seems as though you might be dealing with a little compulsive behavior here. You know, see it, want it, buy it. If I'm wrong, forgive me. I applaud your efforts to change your appearance to more accurately reflect your faith. In addition to the great suggestions Albion made, how about talking to a youth pastor or someone else of maturity whom you trust about what to do about your desire to acquire? Maybe I'm reading it wrong, and if so, please forgive me. But it might be something you want to ask God about, seek inside yourself about, and if necessary, do something about. Just a brother thinking out loud ...

 

[lovepink774]

Yep, what he said.



One thing (and I'm sorry to go here, but its just how I think, given my own history and those of the people I deal with daily): It seems as though you might be dealing with a little compulsive behavior here. You know, see it, want it, buy it. If I'm wrong, forgive me. I applaud your efforts to change your appearance to more accurately reflect your faith. In addition to the great suggestions Albion made, how about talking to a youth pastor or someone else of maturity whom you trust about what to do about your desire to acquire? Maybe I'm reading it wrong, and if so, please forgive me. But it might be something you want to ask God about, seek inside yourself about, and if necessary, do something about. Just a brother thinking out loud ...

Yes it is more of a compulsive behavior. This is also challenging because I see others not dressing like I believe and I convince myself I'm just overdoing things and no one will ever notice me.

 

[WannaWitness]

I'm 15 I have grown up in a christian/baptist household. My family has never been conservative clothing wise. There is no debate concerning wearing short shorts or tank tops. I personally want to change my dress to very conservative. I feel that the right thing to do would to be wearing skirts and more modest apparel. How to I go about this? If anyone has lived like this how do you deal with the temptation to wear jeans or shorts? How do you respond to the questions? I also don't know what I'm going to do with all of my clothes I mean they're expensive clothes that I wear for worldly purposes but I love them? Also, how do you go shopping seeing all of the clothes and wanting them?

My suggestion is to follow your heart (with a lot of prayer, of course) and to do whatever you feel God is convicting you to do. It's nice to see a Christian young person (or person of any age, for that matter) honestly seeking God when it comes to a variety of situations.

Here is one thing to remember, though, as you carry on with this decision: to try to maintain a humble heart as you carry out your final decision, and keep in mind that convictions will vary from Christian to Christian when it comes to certain things, including this (I, for one, don't have this conviction). And there will, without doubt, be people you see often who will notice this change. Some will not say anything (probably due to shyness, or just not knowing whether they should say or ask anything), but don't be surprised if they start studying you. If this happens, try not to take it personally, as when something about someone looks noticeably different, it seems to be natural human instinct to look (admittedly, I am one one of those people who gets tempted to do this, but I do not mean anything by it -- something I have to work on, I guess). Others, who are a little more bold, might come right out and ask you. What you could do, in this instance, is tell them that it is a personal choice you have made. Try to do it without going into any (well, for lack of a better word) "detail", as it would only succeed in making it look like you're rubbing it in people's faces about your decision and coming off as "holier-than-thou". That would turn people off, especially people who aren't Christians (and those who are, but are quite new to the faith) and don't understand the situation. What you should do, however, is concentrate on leading by example, continue to pray, and God will give you the right words to say to people when the time is right. Then, you'll truly come off as set-apart, only in a more positive way (although there will still be some who will have their own ideas).

As far as what to do with your old clothes, I honestly don't know what to tell you on that. The only thing I can say is that you donate your old clothes to some sort of thrift store. Not only are there people who have not been convicted in the same way, but there are some pretty needy people who are desperate to have clothes of any kind at an inexpensive price. And there will be differences of taste, even among such people. They will be in the store for those who want them, but whoever does not want them (for whatever reason, including situations similar to yours) will simply choose not to spend their money on them. Think of it along the lines of "recycling" clothing (not unlike recycling aluminum cans, glass bottles, etc.) - which is actually not a bad thing, really.

Hope this helps, as I have explained this the best way I possibly know how.

God bless you and your endeavors.

 

[miamited]

hi lp774,

You wrote: Yes it is more of a compulsive behavior. This is also challenging because I see others not dressing like I believe and I convince myself I'm just overdoing things and no one will ever notice me.

I know this is hard at such a young, impressionable and difficult age, but I encourage you to dress modestly, but not for others, but because you love the Lord and the instructions of God for His people are that they should dress modestly. Unfortunately, and it really seems to me to be more with women than men, although I understand that we are caught up in it too when I see the cover of GQ magazine, especially at your age, there is a desire and temptation to set oneself apart through dress and appearance.

How many women have 15 pairs of shoes of all the different colors? Why? Because they feel like they can't go out unless their shoes match their outfit. Here's the truth! Shoes are to protect one's feet from the courseness of the surface upon which they are walking. In Jesus' day most everyone had one and maybe two pairs of sandals. They wore the same sandals with pretty much the same tunic or cloak every day. People didn't have closets full of clothes and shoes. One would have to be a very royal and weathy person to waste their money on such things.

I know that I sound like, and probably am, just an old stick in the mud, but I would encourage your to consider quite seriously the dress worn in Jesus' day and the dress worn today and ask yourself why is it so different? Why do men and women have closets full of clothes and shoes and dressers so packed that one can hardly close them properly. Why do the rag journals make such a big thing of the fine clothes worn at the Emmy's and the Golden Globes and other such ceremonies? Why do men wear speedos that are nearly obscene at the beach and women wear bathing suits not much wider than a piece of dental floss? I think that when you get down to the very bottom of it; when you've scraped away all the claims and stories about what a great deal it was or I like the color, you'll find that God says it's our pride. It's basically our 'look at me' attitude.

God bless you and I encourage you to follow the teaching of the Scriptures in your clothing choices. Hey, try shopping at the thrift stores and you'll find more selection for what you're trying to achieve in your dress and save a ton of money in the bargain.
In Christ, Ted

 

[WannaWitness]

And also... one does not have to deliberately dress frumpy or ugly to be modest. That can draw the wrong kind of attention, as well, and can look as though a person doesn't want to take care of themselves. There are lots of ways (yes, it's there if we look hard enough) to dress reasonably modest - even wearing only skirts - and still look nice (and even classy). And it is not the same as "vanity" to simply want to look nice.

I mean, there is nothing wrong with appreciating clothing, and even having a favorite outfit. The same concept stands for TV, computers/technology, food/cooking, and even certain hobbies, and these things are all okay in moderation and with the practice of good judgment. What's wrong, however, is when one gets so wrapped up in any (or all) of these things that it begins to affect our relationship with God. That's where we need to start examining our lives, and God will show us, as individuals, what He wants each of us to do. Everyone is different.

 

[miamited]

hi again lp774,

One other note. Today, just below your thread here there is a thread regarding 'dressing up for church' and many on there are making claims that they dress up because they think it honors God. Their argument is that if they were going to visit a worldly king or monarch or president or very special person they would dress up. My argument is that, yes, if I were going to go see some worldly king or monarch or president or very special person I would probably dress up too, but not because I felt they deserved it so much as I know that's the 'accepted' practice. I think it's wrong thinking to think that we honor people by the clothes that we choose to put on to appear before them.

As for these worldly kings and such that we would seek to impress, however, there is one major difference in appearing before them and appearing before God. All they can see is what's on the outside. You can take the slickest liar, fornicator or thief and dress him up to make a good appearance. Criminal defense attorneys do it all the time in courtrooms. They get this poor guy that's never owned a suit in his life all dressed up for court in hopes that their clean cut appearance will make the judge think better of them or be sympathetic, but the heart inside is still just as wicked.

When we appear before God there is no chance of such duplicity. The moment you stand before God, whether it is when you're praying or attending a worship service, He's looking at your heart. He doesn't give one wit as to what you have clothed your body with. Again, look at the very earliest church. As I posted before people had one pair of sandals and maybe two tunics so they could wear one while they washed the other. Yet, the first believers, such as Paul and the 12 never once, ever, not in all of the Scriptures, speak of putting on some sort of different clothing to appear before God or meeting with the fellow believers.

Friend, a lot of what we believe today about worship and honoring God is waaaaaay different than what we find exemplified in the new covenant writings of the early church. My encouragement is if you want to know what it means to worship and honor God, don't even look at the fellowships today. Get out your Scriptures and read the book of Acts and do some study on how the first fellowships of Jesus' church gathered. Wear what they wore and believe what they believed and live as the Scriptures encouraged them to live. Clothing has it's place. It is to protect the body and cover the immodest parts. Any desire to achieve something through our clothing beyond that comes from Satan and our own selfish pride.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[Albion]

One other note. Today, just below your thread here there is a thread regarding 'dressing up for church' and many on there are making claims that they dress up because they think it honors God.

Possibly people would understand the point better if it were phrased differently. What is meant is closer to "showing respect." God does not demand a certain level of dress, but by our dress and demeanor we do indeed announce to everyone else our regard for the person who is the cause of us being in the building in the first place.

 

[a pilgrim]

And also... one does not have to deliberately dress frumpy or ugly to be modest. That can draw the wrong kind of attention, as well, and can look as though a person doesn't want to take care of themselves. There are lots of ways (yes, it's there if we look hard enough) to dress reasonably modest - even wearing only skirts - and still look nice (and even classy). And it is not the same as "vanity" to simply want to look nice.

I mean, there is nothing wrong with appreciating clothing, and even having a favorite outfit. The same concept stands for TV, computers/technology, food/cooking, and even certain hobbies, and these things are all okay in moderation and with the practice of good judgment. What's wrong, however, is when one gets so wrapped up in any (or all) of these things that it begins to affect our relationship with God. That's where we need to start examining our lives, and God will show us, as individuals, what He wants each of us to do. Everyone is different.

Good point, sister. There are seven women in my household! (pray for me!, just kidding,) My wife and daughters have adopted, (since onlg ago,) dressing in a more "outwardly" modest fashion. We know and minister among some Amish in our area. We were in a leather shop one day and my wife had on a floral dress, (they only wear solids,) Well, in discussing modesty and such, the Amishman said, "I think your dress is modest." Now they reject floral prints, but he recognized the "type" of dress, not just the color.

And, yes, like other convictions, don't let it go to your head. When the day is over, all the saved is the body of Christ and we have to work together, love one anther and see to it that CHRIST is KING in our lives and to a lost and dying world.

My wife covers as well and the Lord has used it let us witness to Muslims because they asked why we do it. Now, I don't think every sister has to do it, it is what WE think the Lord wants us to do. But, because the attitude is right, God can use it.

 

[lovepink774]

Thank you everyone for your advice.

 

[WannaWitness]

When I get time, I can try to find some links to some online catalog shops which might contain ideas for you as far as what you might be searching for, or anyone else who may be interested. I found some Websites not too long back, but I'll have to relocate them, as since that time I have had to redo my bookmarks. Some of these had really nice outfits, in various colors and patterns, and suited to every age group. They are modern as well as modest, so you don't have to worry about looking like you're from the last century, but you can be sure you're dressing appropriately, and according to your conviction.

To start you off:

http://www.biblicalgarden.com/

http://www.funkyfrum.com/

http://www.hannahlise.com/

There are no pants anywhere on these sites, from what I can see; only skirts and dresses, modest tops/blouses, and various accessories.

Hope this helps.

 

[1watchman]

Its all about honor to God, if one is a real Christian. What others think might not be essential, unless our appearance stumbles them.

 

[Ave Maria]

I would say to go with your conscience when it comes to modesty. I would say that if you wouldn't feel comfortable wearing it in church or at a funeral then you shouldn't wear it all. Or maybe if you wouldn't feel comfortable wearing it in the presence of your grandma you shouldn't wear it at all.