How do I reconcile my desire with God's will?

[BelieverInMostHigh]

In every single place in my life, I pray that God's will be done in my life. It doesn't matter what I want, I just want to do what God wants for me. He knows better than I do what is best for me, and we are to go to God as children, which is what we are anyway in the grand scheme of things. I accept God's will in my life always.

EXCEPT..... one problem. I want to decide who my future wife will be.

I don't even want to get married, but I will do it because I will abide by God's will, and I won't be able to live my life without a woman. Since I can't have sexual relations outside of marriage, I will have to get married. Don't worry, I won't be a bad husband that regretfully entered into marriage. I will be a good husband.

But my problem is.... what if God's will for my life, the wife he is going to give me, is not as attractive to me as I want? This is the -ONE- and only area of my life that I will not sacrifice in again. I love God, and his will be done, but not in this.

I already sacrificed for 5+ years with an average/ugly woman who I was engaged to, and she left me anyway. I already did the whole "looks don't matter, compatibility and love is what matters"... I already did it. And guess what, she betrayed me anyway and our relationship was over.

I have also sacrificed a lot of my youth with no sex, even though I am a man with STRONG libido and urges. I have sacrificed a lot already and I am done in this department.

So I am over it. I don't care about it anymore. When I have a wife, I want to be very sexually satisfied, take care of my family, and keep my family happy. I don't want to compromise in this area ever again. I want a woman who I think is physically gorgeous and also believes in God.

So I am having trouble within my heart. If God brings me a wife, when it's time, who is "good for me" but is not what I want physically, I am not going to be able to accept God's will in this part.

Do you think it's possible for God to help me out here and make an exception and allow me this one thing, or am I screwed and have to accept God's will or else bring trouble upon myself by "going it my own way" ???

 

[DreamingDay]

I really don't think God will ask you to marry a woman you are not in love with. If you were to enter into a marriage that you didn't want, that would ultimately hurt your relationship and cause it to break down, which would lead to anger/resentment or even divorce (definitely not God's will). I think we often think that God's will and our wills never match up, but this isn't true. Sometimes the things we want are the things God wants for us. And I believe this is especially true for marriage. Marriage is a covenant between two people and God to be committed and love each other through everything in life. It requires a deep love and partnership to maintain. So you being forced to marry a woman who you didn't love or were attracted to would ultimately ruin the marriage and therefore not be God's will. I think it's great you pray for God's will in your life and should continue to do so. Don't worry about your future Mrs. Right, she will be right for you, a perfect partnership blessed by God. Remember, he always has your best interest in mind.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I haven't deeply considered this before, so I'm going to be limited in what I can tell you.

First, yes, God wants you to have a stable marriage, so I don't think you're going to have Him plop a woman down in front of you who you think is ugly and demand that you marry her anyway. It doesn't work like that. (Not trying to insult you and say you think that, but just making a point.)

However ... I also find that often God won't answer my prayers while I have a certain preference that might override His will. It may not work that way for you, but it is something He has always demanded of me. Then again, I've had to sacrifice and agree to many things, and not small things. It may just be something He teaches me. But I do think it's something of a spiritual principle to at least some degree for most or all people.

And I'm going to be honest with you ... in placing a greater importance on your desires than on God's will, you are essentially setting up an idol in your heart of a standard of beauty you hold for your future wife, IMO. It is very possible, imo, that God will expect you to deal with that.

The Bible also says that our prayers will not be answered if we pray amiss - especially that we are praying out of wanting to satisfy our own desires. So asking God to bring you someone while you have this kind of heart might be a prayer that goes unanswered.

I understand how you feel, and what you've been through. If I were in your position, I would be honest with God. Let Him know how you feel, and let Him know this is important to you. And admit that right now, it's even more important to you than His will. But you WANT to want His will (if you do ... and if not I think you should pray that He will bring you to that point). You can also let Him know that you want an attractive wife and that it's important to you. But at least reach the point and acknowledge that His will is more important, or ask Him to help you get there.

There's no reason to think God wouldn't let a person have a spouse that appealed to them. It's just that you can cause yourself problems spiritually, and you can delay or prevent answer to your prayer, until you get your heart right with Him. I can almost guarantee you that having your heart right is much more important to Him that whether or not you ever get married. (Not meaning to be harsh, just that's generally the way it is.)

I hope something here helps.

 

[thatforumguy77]

Sorry to be the one to say this, but you are counting your ducks before theyre hatched. You're counting how much sacrifice you've given to God before God even recognizes such sacrifice, and yet, you say that "you've had enough." Unless you're willing to give 100% of yourself to God, you can't expect him to lead you anywhere. You will be like a horse or a mule rebelling against the hand of his master. Remember, sacrifice is worthless if we do not obey him. Obedience is greater than sacrifice.

Regarding your future mate, don't use human wisdom to decide who you will marry. Most likely that is what led to marrying the "ugly" woman - that you sought compatibility over appearance. But is your own judgement on who is compatibility to yourself trustworthy? Are you also not fallible in choosing what you think is "perfect" for you? What if having an attractive wife is also within God's will for you?

We often think that God's Will for us is the hardest, most difficult road we can take for it is where our faith is tried. But this is not true. Have you considered how easy Isaac got Rebecca? How perfect a match Abraham and Sarah was? How an old guy managed to get married to Ruth? These are examples of how God's will can sometimes coincide with what we want - so it is less about following WHAT HURTS, as it is following WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO.

So, yeah, my post will be super long if I posted a whole guide here on how to find God's will for you - so Ill just post my favorite indian pastor below. Feel free to click and read what he has to say:

Zac Poonen: Sex, Love and Marriage - Book

Zac Poonen: Finding God's Will - Book

 

[LoricaLady]

Why do you feel that Abba wants you to have a woman you are not sexually attracted to?
There is no data, no reason, to assume any such thing. I am not saying she has to look like a super model. Do you look like a super hunky male model? If so, maybe you can aspire to that. If not, well, you can still be sexually attracted to someone who is not physically ideal (per this culture, which is how we have all been sorta brain washed) and she can still be sexually attracted to you if you are not (statistically most likely) physically ideal yourself.

Just pray for Abba to send you someone, a believer of course, you will feel sexually attracted to as a wife and will have terrific marital sex with. Guess what? That's what HE wants for you!

Praying you have all that.

 

[parsley]

Where in the Bible does it say that God will choose our mate for us?
You have put yourself into a totally yielded position, which is good, but more is not necessarily better. Taking your self completely out of the mix is not a relationship with God -- it is blind servitude that can lead to resentment.

Look at the examples of patriarchs who argued with God, negotiated, wrestled, pleaded... they knew who was Father, but they treated him with recognition that He works with us, not against us. As long as we have our hearts turned toward Him.

Your comments on regretting the imperfections of your previous fiancee show a bit of resentment lingering, which is natural. But it is as though you are blaming your first fiancee for the looks she was born with, and a random force for the choice you made. When you approach your future relationships, catch yourself in this -- are you expecting a woman to live up to all your dreams, or are you bonding with another human who also has hopes and dreams.

What if one of you had a debilitating accident, a severe burn, a skin disease... these things happen all the time. For better or for worse is a good reminder that "for worse" happens continually over the decades. Will the two of you make each other better people, support each other in difficulties, increase your effectiveness with synergy? Or are you just looking for a blondie on your arm.

So, in wanting to choose your future wife... look through the Bible and see if that is not possible. I see no reason that you would not be the one to choose your wife. And then to live with your choices. Religiosity can overspiritualize things, beyond the limits God put in place.

 

[RedWingInCo]

Why on earth would you think that "God's will" is to give you someone for a wife that you find "ugly/unattractive"? I work for a very well known Marriage & Family Christian Ministry and I would recommend that you visit the Boundless.org website. It is designed for single adults who want to date and get married while honoring God at every level. I would also recommend that you go to the FocusOnTheFamily website and click on the "broadcast" button at the top. They had a broadcast on 2/13/14 with Gary Chapman speaking to singles about marriage and how to have healthy loving relationships.

The "will of God" is something that is not hard or difficult to figure out because it flows out of our relationship with Him. "Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God which is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2). The only time it is less than "good, pleasing, and perfect" is when we think we have a better way. We then resist, fight, and end up in a place where sin and self always take us - death (separation from the life of God).

There is a better way - trust. Rest in His love and know that He can be trusted with everything. Blessings on you!

 

[parsley]

This just arrived in the mail from Rabbi Daniel Lapin:

[FONT=Arial,sans-serif]"Animals are driven only by a biological imperative in which the healthiest and showiest male catches the eye of a fertile female. In contrast, people are driven also by a spiritual imperative. In the human world, females are most attracted to the male capable of subduing his egotistical drive and proclaiming himself part of the team, a wearer of the uniform."[/FONT]

Thought Tools | Rabbi Daniel Lapin

It flows out of our relationship with Him. "...Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God which is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will."

A human tendency is to regiment and structure things so predictably that we do not need God, and can assure ourselves of our own perfection. God's perfect pattern includes a vulnerability, where we do not always build up every possible edifice to ensure our safety and contentment. There is always an element of risk. And dependence upon Him.

God has stated in scriptures that He does recognize the desires of our hearts, so our natural interests are part of His perfect will for us.

 

[seeingeyes]

I already sacrificed for 5+ years with an average/ugly woman who I was engaged to, and she left me anyway. I already did the whole "looks don't matter, compatibility and love is what matters"... I already did it. And guess what, she betrayed me anyway and our relationship was over.

Why on earth did you do that?

 

[parsley]

John 5
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

(Relational yieldedness to God.)

 

[Pal Handy]

leaving this marriage/mate thing out of God's hands is dangerous as
you could end up with someone you think you will love based on her
outward beauty alone, only find out when it is too late that she is a disaster
to your life in every other area.

God wants to bless you and He knows best and besides, God isn't going
to force you to marry someone you do not have the capability to love.

You are the problem here, not God.

If your will of having someone beautiful over the wisdom of a partner that is a balance
of inner and outer comeliness, your will could be tying the hands of God to bring the
right person into your life.

You are not trusting the Lord to bless you but you are afraid that
He wants to torement you and cause you to be with someone
that you could never love.

God will bless you if you get your heart right and trust in Him.

When you trust in God you will begin to see that He is never the hold up
but it is our own stubborn and untrusting heart that prevents God from
preparing our hearts for His blessings by our willingness to allow Him
access to our very thoughts, desires, heart and soul.

The woman that God sends you will be totally lovable and you will
want to be with her...she may not be the worlds idea of beauty but
in your eyes she will be the one that you desire above all others,
if your heart is ready for real love and instead of the lust of the flesh.

Pray and ask God to make you a person that He can trust to bring
someone special into your life, a person that He loves and entrusts to
your care so that you can be a blessing to her as she will be a blessing to you.

Trusting God is a sure thing as God is love and so He knows how to
bless us beyond what we could ever find or contrive on our own.

Hope this helps...

 

[iambren]

I'm always amused by these types of questions. It's like you sat down for tea this morning and you think YOU-a mere man,wormy,selfish are going to have crystal knowledge with the King of the Universe?!

Sure,we know His Word,guidance and teaching that reveals His nature but do we presume to have His will carried in our hip pocket? We must make wise,prayerful decisions and trust His presence with us.

You don't know His will. Maybe His will is for you to marry a prostitute and the world will marvel how much love and patience God gives you to win her salvation.(Never thought about that one?) Trust Him.

"The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord "

 

[Pal Handy]

We know God's will through His word to us through those
he gave his wisdom to and allowed that wisdom to be handed down to us in the Bible...

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.

Genesis 2:18
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

 

[LoricaLady]

Where in the Bible does it say that God will choose our mate for us?
You have put yourself into a totally yielded position, which is good, but more is not necessarily better. Taking your self completely out of the mix is not a relationship with God -- it is blind servitude that can lead to resentment.

Look at the examples of patriarchs who argued with God, negotiated, wrestled, pleaded... they knew who was Father, but they treated him with recognition that He works with us, not against us. As long as we have our hearts turned toward Him.

Your comments on regretting the imperfections of your previous fiancee show a bit of resentment lingering, which is natural. But it is as though you are blaming your first fiancee for the looks she was born with, and a random force for the choice you made. When you approach your future relationships, catch yourself in this -- are you expecting a woman to live up to all your dreams, or are you bonding with another human who also has hopes and dreams.

What if one of you had a debilitating accident, a severe burn, a skin disease... these things happen all the time. For better or for worse is a good reminder that "for worse" happens continually over the decades. Will the two of you make each other better people, support each other in difficulties, increase your effectiveness with synergy? Or are you just looking for a blondie on your arm.

So, in wanting to choose your future wife... look through the Bible and see if that is not possible. I see no reason that you would not be the one to choose your wife. And then to live with your choices. Religiosity can overspiritualize things, beyond the limits God put in place.

I don't know which Bible you are reading but the Bible I read, I believe the actual one, does say to submit to the Almighty in everything. "Trust in YHWH [aka God] and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." There are many, many Bible verses saying the same thing in various places. Perhaps you should go on a search for them?

 

[Hospes]

...I want to decide who my future wife will be...I don't even want ...I will do it ... I will abide ... I won't be able ... I can't have ...I will have to ... I won't be ...I will be ...my problem is ... will for my life...not as attractive to me as I want ... area of my life that I will not ... I already sacrificed ... I already did ... I already did it ... I have also sacrificed ... I am a man with STRONG libido and urges... I have sacrificed a lot ... I am done ... I am over it... I don't care ... I have a wife, I want to be ... my family...my family ...I don't want ... I want a woman who I think ... I am having trouble ... I am not going ... God to help me ... and allow me ... am I screwed ... bring trouble upon myself by going it my own way... ???

Do you not see in your own words who your god is?

You do not desire a woman who worships the great I AM, you want a woman to join you in worshiping the little YOU.

 

[BelieverInMostHigh]

UPDATE : I suspect that my fears came true, but I am not sure yet.

There is a girl in my bible study group. She likes me. She has made it clear. I have ignored it and try to keep the focus of my time in the group on God.

But..... then a sign showed up. This girl said "I should give you a nickname... how about X".....

I was shocked. That WAS my nickname growing up. It is a unique and odd nickname, and we do not know each other at all. How this name popped into her head, I have no idea. But to me, I was shocked. HOW did she know this??? She doesn't even realize that her "quirky" random attempt at being funny, hit the nail right on the head and she correctly stated my unique nickname growing up.

And it might be a sign. This girl is a god fearing, loving girl. The problem is, I am not attracted to her. Ironically, the other guys in the group are attracted to her. Several of them have crushes on her, but personally, she's not my type. So I don't want to even waste my time there.

Sigh. Why can't God allow me this one thing and allow me to be sexually satisfied and happy with my wife???? I feel like this is another one of those "God gives you what you need, not what you want"....... but I am sick and tired and irreversibly HEART BROKEN over the loss of my first love. And with her, I did the whole "looks don't matter, only love and compatibility does".... I was above her in looks but I did not give that ONE thought (now I do, but not then). I was convinced love mattered more, and I was so happy and she was happy with me. But in the end, this girl STILL fell out of love with me after years together..... so I wasted my time and I just don't want to do it again. This time I want a beautiful woman who I am ALSO compatible with.

Apparently I am going to have to deal with inner issues that I don't want to compromise. I am most unhappy, and yet I realize I am being selfish. I am NOT supposed to think about myself, or what I want. Christianity is about sacrifice, not self interest. I am conflicted.... I just want to be happy.....

 

[~Anastasia~]

I went back and re-read my last answer before replying again. I think I have to stand by it.

First, apparently you have heart issues that need to be dealt with in setting your will above God's. That does need to happen if you're going to grow.

But your most recent post - don't take what seems to be an impossible "sign" and attribute it to God. Did you ask God to reveal that nickname to her if she's the one? I doubt that you did. Observing "signs" after the fact and attributing them to God can very easily lead one to be deceived into thinking something is God's will when it is not. There are other reasons she could have gotten that name - including random chance (no matter how unlikely - if it's 1 chance in 100,000 - that still means that statistically it's going to happen to a number of people), or if you believed God revealed it to her, then you need to just as easily believe a demon somehow did. Even if she's godly. I'm not saying she conjured up a demon and asked him, but demons can interject words and thoughts into the minds of godly people. It's a way of tempting us. So it's certainly possible.

Work on your relationship with God and getting your priorities in order. That needs to be done no matter what. I believe problems like these will solve themselves once you do.

And don't accept "signs" you didn't ask for. (And asking for signs can be problematic too - if we ask for a sign in wanting to go against God's will, He may allow us in our rebellion to be deceived.)

Bottom line - seek God first and get right with Him. The rest will work itself out (and all these things shall be added unto you).

 

[DeonCruywagen]

There has been so much good advice, I have very little to add. There are a few things that crossed my mind and I will come to them. First let me just tell you a little bit about myself. I am 43, unmarried and also still a virgin (I have never had sex, of any form). I am also looking for a wife, but I want the one God wants for me. Here are a few thoughts:

1. Your fiancee was someone YOU chose. I am quite sure it was NOT God who chose her for you.

2. God LOVES you and He is JEALOUS of you. Do you really think that the One who knows you better than yourself will give you someone that you will not like? You are severely underestimating His love for you.

3. I understand you need for a woman in your life. I myself have never even had a girlfriend yet, never mind a fiancee. I know loneliness. Therefore I am NOT going to trust my own wisdom in such an important decision as the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I will marry the one God chooses for me, because not only does He know me better than I know myself, but he will know my wife too, and he will know who fits with who.

My friend, spend time and prayer and let God soften your heart in this aspect. When he does send you the wife He has chosen for you, you will be SO glad you waited on Him. Trust on Him, He really does know best.

Blessing,
Deon

 

[aiki]

How do I reconcile my desire with God's will?

In every single place in my life, I pray that God's will be done in my life. It doesn't matter what I want, I just want to do what God wants for me. He knows better than I do what is best for me, and we are to go to God as children, which is what we are anyway in the grand scheme of things. I accept God's will in my life always.

EXCEPT..... one problem. I want to decide who my future wife will be.

This is a decision that has always been yours to make. You're the one who has to live with her the rest of your life, so why wouldn't it be your choice who you marry?

I don't even want to get married, but I will do it because I will abide by God's will, and I won't be able to live my life without a woman. Since I can't have sexual relations outside of marriage, I will have to get married. Don't worry, I won't be a bad husband that regretfully entered into marriage. I will be a good husband.

With this as your attitude toward marriage, you most definitely are not ready for it! Your sexual drive has very little to do with being married. Sex with one's spouse makes up only a relatively small part of married life. Really. You'll be be spending a lot more time working, or sleeping, or doing laundry, or traveling somewhere than you will having sex. And satisfying your libido is not ever going to be at the top of the list of your wife's priorities. Sex is the delightful by-product of a healthy marriage relationship which requires self-sacrifice, patience, grace and sensitivity. You're living in a dream world if you think it's gonna' be sex, sex, sex, whenever you want it. Your wife wants to know you love her, that she can trust you, that you put her before yourself, that you will lead spiritually. And when she is sure of these things, then she'll take joy in sexual relations with you.

But my problem is.... what if God's will for my life, the wife he is going to give me, is not as attractive to me as I want? This is the -ONE- and only area of my life that I will not sacrifice in again. I love God, and his will be done, but not in this.

This is silly. God does not have one special person picked out just for you. He expects you to apply His wisdom, and truth, and spiritual principles which He has laid out for you in His Word, the Bible, to make your choice in a mate. Think about it: If just one person marries the wrong person, then an enormous chain of wrong marriages follows. Bob marries Sally when he should have married Nancy. So, Nancy marries Shaun instead, who should have married Chantelle, So, Chantelle marries Rick, who should have married Susan and so on ad infinitum. Do you honestly believe God would have a marriage strategy that is so susceptible to such catastrophic failure? I don't.

I have also sacrificed a lot of my youth with no sex, even though I am a man with STRONG libido and urges. I have sacrificed a lot already and I am done in this department.

I have a strong sexual drive, too, but I didn't marry 'til I was 39! I kept myself for my wife, who is the only woman I have kissed romantically and is certainly the only woman with whom I have had intimate relations. If I could restrain myself for so long, so can you.

So I am over it. I don't care about it anymore. When I have a wife, I want to be very sexually satisfied, take care of my family, and keep my family happy.

LOL! You've got your list here totally backward! And God no where asks a father "to keep his family happy." God's ultimate goal in making each of us is that we might know Him, and in knowing Him become more like Christ, and in being like Christ bring Him glory. Happiness may or may not result from the pursuit of these fundamental life purposes but you will find meaning, and fulfillment and joy in them.

I don't want to compromise in this area ever again. I want a woman who I think is physically gorgeous and also believes in God.

Are you physically gorgeous? How "gorgeous" are you as a person? From what you've shared in your OP, you have a few inner ugly spots that God still needs to smooth away...


Selah.

 

[BFine]

UPDATE : I suspect that my fears came true, but I am not sure yet.

There is a girl in my bible study group. She likes me. She has made it clear. I have ignored it and try to keep the focus of my time in the group on God.

But..... then a sign showed up. This girl said "I should give you a nickname... how about X".....

I was shocked. That WAS my nickname growing up. It is a unique and odd nickname, and we do not know each other at all. How this name popped into her head, I have no idea. But to me, I was shocked. HOW did she know this??? She doesn't even realize that her "quirky" random attempt at being funny, hit the nail right on the head and she correctly stated my unique nickname growing up.

And it might be a sign. This girl is a god fearing, loving girl. The problem is, I am not attracted to her. Ironically, the other guys in the group are attracted to her. Several of them have crushes on her, but personally, she's not my type. So I don't want to even waste my time there.

Sigh. Why can't God allow me this one thing and allow me to be sexually satisfied and happy with my wife???? I feel like this is another one of those "God gives you what you need, not what you want"....... but I am sick and tired and irreversibly HEART BROKEN over the loss of my first love. And with her, I did the whole "looks don't matter, only love and compatibility does".... I was above her in looks but I did not give that ONE thought (now I do, but not then). I was convinced love mattered more, and I was so happy and she was happy with me. But in the end, this girl STILL fell out of love with me after years together..... so I wasted my time and I just don't want to do it again. This time I want a beautiful woman who I am ALSO compatible with.

Apparently I am going to have to deal with inner issues that I don't want to compromise. I am most unhappy, and yet I realize I am being selfish. I am NOT supposed to think about myself, or what I want. Christianity is about sacrifice, not self interest. I am conflicted.... I just want to be happy.....

*"Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of Yahweh."

Whoever "finds"-- finding requires searching, diligent prayer and effort put
forth in obtaining a godly woman who is suitable for you.
Are you husband material? Are you up for the job of being a husband, leader
in the home, how have you prepared for all that?

As for the love you lost... In the quest to find the suitable help-meet you
may discover people who aren't suitable for the job... this isn't uncommon
for many of us have been there/done that.

There's a female at church who happened to guess your odd nickname--
So what? A friend of mine guessed something quirky about me, that doesn't
mean that friend was to be my future spouse.
I had guys who told me that God sent him/them to be my husband... this has happened more than once to me...you don't know the lengths folks will go to in pursuit of a spouse!

You have to be very careful when it comes to seeking a woman
who is suitable for marriage. The Bible gives many clues as to what to
look for in a spouse--help-meet. Purposed, a diligent prayer, knows that forming a binding bond with an unsaved person isn't wise/ nor is it wise to join one's self to someone who is unwilling to grow in the faith.

Marriage is a serious commitment and people should sit down and count the
cost of what is required of them to honor the wedding vows and what is require to agape someone who may not always see eye to eye with you.

It is wise to find out first what core values do you have in
common...the more core values you have in common the better.

Singleness--
Enjoy your singlehood and being free to live/work for the Lord. Marriage
isn't a cure all. Marriage requires sacrifice, many acts of forgiveness,
willingness to learn to get along, tons of prayer and constant work/and
or attention. It's the on-going task of two sin-positive people learning
to become one.

I recommend at this time...that you put aside the search for a
wife and focus on your faith walk/relationship with the Lord, it is VERY much needed...more so, than finding a wife.