How do I deal with my 13 year old gay grandson?

[pdudgeon]

Mkgal1 - its definitely about his sexuality. He thinks he is gay and says he is nonbinary - so he wants to be called a girl name. This is so hard for me. I dont want to condone this - Im against it. I feel like Im condoning this behavior or agreeing with it.

Agree.
13 is a difficult age to be. It's also a pivotal age between childhood and adulthood: between doing what you are told, and deciding for yourself.
Your grandson seems to recognize that fact, but at the same time he seems to be lacking a solid foundation, and good examples for what kind of person he wants to become.

13 is an age when boys most need the influence of a father figure in their lives, in order to properly learn how to become a man. If that figure is lacking, and if instead they have encouragement to be feminine, then it's no wonder that they will accept teachings like his mother is encouraging.

 

[Junia]

Thinking on this maybe I should put Matthew 19 it another way for Jesus is answering the question is it better not to marry. In verse 10 -The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Most men will want to have a wife but some will not want to. Some boys are born who will grow up not wanting to marry, while the world will make some not to desire women and there will be others who put God's work before marriage and if that is what they have decided let them get on with it.

Simple really:- Love all people and let them get on with their lives so they can come to a loving and personal relationship with Jesus and Our Heavenly Father. Hate no-one and try to understand their life is theirs not yours.

So Grandma love your Grandson call him by the name he wants, and please support your daughter by showing her and her family God's love. Jesus' love is such that we cannot decide for him who he loves and who he does not for that is not our role,He is God's one and only Judge.

You cant compare celibacy or asexuality with being trans because celibacy and asexuality are not considered sins in the Bible. I do agree with a kind loving approach though

 

[Junia]

13 is young enough that there’s a reasonable chance they will change their mind about gender. But they’re less likely to forget how you treated them. They will also remember that this rejection was in the name of Christ. Luke 12:53 is about Christians being persecuted by others. It’s not telling us to break up our own families.

What I find weird is that you seem not to have been bothered that they are non Christian, but you’re expecting them to follow your views on gender. This just seems like an odd set of priorities. Why would you expect someone who isn’t a conservative Christian to follow conservative Christian rules?

I

Usually when gender dysphoria starts in teenage yeArs it is a phase and they will grow out of it

A small child with severe gender dysphoria tendencies is.Usually the kind where a child has always felt a mismatch between sex chromosomes and how they feel . Not so much a phase...

love him, wait for him to.recover.from this.....

 

[Junia]

A 13 year old is not a little child. By all means love the child, but it is not "loving" to ignore and pander to sin. This kid is in the rebellious adolescent age range and has turned his back on God. He is at the age when he knows the difference between right and wrong. He is accountable. In Australia, some 13 year olds are sex offenders who cannot be prosecuted, violent car thieves, violent burglars, shoplifters and general pests. They mock the "revolving door" legal system. Maybe when a bleeding heart's home is broken into, her car stolen, the car used to commit crimes and kill other motorists, then set on fire when the kids (usually a gang) get bored (if the car survives that long), just maybe some real attempt to end this reign of terror will be made.

No, I do not believe every 13 year old is a criminal. Neither are they innocent little children.

Yes age 13 is the Biblical age of accountability. Children of 13 years upwards are accountAble to God for their actions I believe

 

[Junia]

My grandson told me when he was 18 that he is gay. I love him unconditionally but I pray for him every day that God will lead him on the right path. I don't think rejection is the way to go.
Just keep loving and praying for him.
As for calling him Nova....that's a tough one. I'd probably keep calling him Noah.

I

I agree. I don't believe the Bible tells us to disown or reject.family.members. Tell him the truth about what bible says by all means. No rejection though

 

[Junia]

How.does.God treat US when we are in unrepentent sin?

he loves us
he tells us the truth
he doesn't reject us
he waits.for us to repent

 

[Junia]

Gays are more mentally ill because most have been subjected to almost unrelenting emotional abuse as soon as they realize they’re gay. A lot have had to deal with being abandoned to homelessness and other types of financial abuse . Thinking your family hates you and wants you to die is a horrible burden to put on a child . Even being questioned and accused constantly is burdensome and upsetting.

I grew up with a toxic male chauvinist idiot father who had an extremely limited idea of what was acceptable for women to do. The fact that I wanted to learn how to use tools or run track and hang out with my best friend was enough for him to continually accuse me of being a lesbian . Since I’m not gay it bothered me until I realized he was an ignorant and immature man. This is why I told Judith to leave her grandson alone . My uncle also used to do this to his oldest son who also wasn’t gay and I remember him being in tears because this is so distressing . I have sympathy for gay people because I couldn’t imagine being gay for real and being subjected to even more toxic emotional and verbal abuse along with the fact that it’s semi acceptable among some religious people to physically abuse and even murder gays.

I’ve got a biology degree and being gay is a part of the range of human behaviors and it’s natural . The gender switch happens during fetal development and it’s permanent. You’re just lying to yourself if you think you can change someone’s sexual orientation by brainwashing them . You’re just gaslighting and harassing them.

I am sorry that you went through that Brightmoon. I had aN abusive father and can relate.

I am glad.you have been true to your own desires and interests and recognise that being a girl who likes boy things is not wrong. I don't hold with all this girls can't Play with trucks or be good at STEM careers and boys can't play with dolls or like pink stuff. Toys are toys. Children are children. I don't believe the whole church n position on gender.roles.and am ok to be a woman who seeks.a.career.and doesn't want babies...God made us all.different and that is ok

I think rejecting gender roles in terms of toys, hobbies, career plans, or fertility is fine but I would say thAt the Bible is not happy with men trying to be women or vice versa though based on the verse in Deuteronomy about cross dressing. That is where I draw the line. But the OP needs seem God on this one as bible may have had different contextual meanings on subject of LGBT

 

[Junia]

Including cutting a 13 year old child out of your life because you think they have made a mistake?

I

The Bible never says we should disown our children. I agree.this is bad as ice to cut someone out . Cut someone out if they abuse you but not otherwise....

 

[Brightmoon]

I am sorry that you went through that Brightmoon. I had aN abusive father and can relate.

I am glad.you have been true to your own desires and interests and recognise that being a girl who likes boy things is not wrong. I don't hold with all this girls can't Play with trucks or be good at STEM careers and boys can't play with dolls or like pink stuff. Toys are toys. Children are children. I don't believe the whole church n position on gender.roles.and am ok to be a woman who seeks.a.career.and doesn't want babies...God made us all.different and that is ok

I think rejecting gender roles in terms of toys, hobbies, career plans, or fertility is fine but I would say thAt the Bible is not happy with men trying to be women or vice versa though based on the verse in Deuteronomy about cross dressing. That is where I draw the line. But the OP needs seem God on this one as bible may have had different contextual meanings on subject of LGBT

I don’t use the bible to understand natural phenomena, any natural phenomena! Even though I don’t understand what it feels like to be gay . I do know what toxic emotional abuse feels like . Bronze Age ignorance should stay in the Bronze Age.

 

[Victor in Christ]

beat him over the head (not literally) with scripture/books about sodomy and its sin

 

[Junia]

I don’t use the bible to understand natural phenomena, any natural phenomena! Even though I don’t understand what it feels like to be gay . I do know what toxic emotional abuse feels like . Bronze Age ignorance should stay in the Bronze Age.

Sure. I understand as I went through that type of abuse too . And have been through same sex attraction.

 

[Aussie Pete]

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I agree. I don't believe the Bible tells us to disown or reject.family.members. Tell him the truth about what bible says by all means. No rejection though

'A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Matthew 10:36. I know exactly what that means from my own experience.

 

[Junia]

'A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Matthew 10:36. I know exactly what that means from my own experience.

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well you may feel at emnity with them at times I guess and I guess that grandchild could choose to walk away from the fAmily when they turn 18.

I am still friends with my Christian LGBT friends. I have told them what I believe the Bible says about it and left the rest to God. I won't disown them because God doesn't disown us when we mess up. We all struggle.

 

[Junia]

'A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Matthew 10:36. I know exactly what that means from my own experience.

Well yes I guess an unbelieving child could walk away from.their Christian home and break off all contact with their parents when they come of age. But the Christian parents BiblicL response would be to keep loving for them and welcoming them with open arms if they choose to reconcile with them. I don't mean you have to allow them to live with you in your home because they need to be providing for themselves if possible but it means reconciling with them, not disowning themdid

we are to live like Jesus did...his love for us does not end. People reject
God not the other way round

 

[Aussie Pete]

I


well you may feel at emnity with them at times I guess and I guess that grandchild could choose to walk away from the fAmily when they turn 18.

I am still friends with my Christian LGBT friends. I have told them what I believe the Bible says about it and left the rest to God. I won't disown them because God doesn't disown us when we mess up. We all struggle.

One of my kids has a problem, the other is fine. I stopped having much to do with the problem child because she made it crystal clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. That's fine, her choice. I'll be here if she ever changes her attitude. I will not allow my kids and/or grandchildren to hinder my walk with Lord Jesus. Their real problem is with Lord Jesus, not with me.

 

[Tony B]

If Paul learnt that someone in a church was claiming to be LBGTI, he would tell the members of the church that they should withdraw from that person in the hope they may be brought to repentance.

He held a different view about how we ought to relate to people on the 'outside' (of the World), which was that we should walk towards them in holiness, but not withdraw from them.

Walking in holiness includes not giving in to or supporting any kind of ungodly philosophy, which would include not giving in to or supporting any aspect of homosexual behaviour.

By not giving in to any aspect of homosexualty, the OP is fulfilling her obligations to God and to her grandchild and daughter.

 

[NerdGirl]

I think we need to realize, though, that the way you'd treat a wayward 40 year old is not the same way you'd treat a wayward 13 year old.

 

[Tony B]

I think we need to realize, though, that the way you'd treat a wayward 40 year old is not the same way you'd treat a wayward 13 year old.

True.

I haven't read anything in any of the OP's posts that would suggest she is not considerate of that need.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think her grandson and daughter don't claim to be Christian.

 

[NerdGirl]

True.

I haven't read anything in any of the OP's posts that would suggest she is not considerate of that need.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think her grandson and daughter don't claim to be Christian.

I believe you're right. I'm just pointing out that we can't "cast out" a child like we might an adult. They're a child, they're still growing, still developing, and obviously still in great need of being cared for and protected.

 

[Tony B]

I believe you're right. I'm just pointing out that we can't "cast out" a child like we might an adult. They're a child, they're still growing, still developing, and obviously still in great need of being cared for and protected.

Obviously gentleness has to be paramount. However, gentleness doesn't mean compromise.

If I had an influence in a fellowship where a 13yo was expressing homosexual tendencies, I would have to ask their parents to stop him/her.
If they were not successful, then I would have to ask the parents not to bring the child along to any more assemblies whilst he/she has the homosexual tendencies. I would have to do that in order to continue to honour God in our assemblies, and to protect the moral welfare of our church family, in particular that of other children.