How Long Should I Allow an Unbelieve to Stay with Me?

[EnriqueNye]

Hello all,

Recently, a former coworker of mine broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years that he was living with. He's an unbeliever, but he's been receptive/interested in the gospel as long as I've known him. He has not accepted Christ yet as he said he doesn't want to give up his vices, he's not convinced he's deserving of God's wrath without Christ, and he's not sure that the Bible is 100% trustworthy/accurate. My wife and I decided to invite him to stay with us for a couple of weeks, as his ex and him said that they would need that much time away from each other before deciding if they could live together as roommates until he finds a more permanent solution.

He's come to church since he's been staying with us, but hasn't really had any takeaways. He's also met with one of the pastors and connected with a bunch of other guys in the church. He declined invitation to a bible study, and he's still not wanting to give his life to Christ. We thought it would only be for a couple of weeks, but the other day, he was getting some stuff from his apartment, and his ex and him got into an argument. She tried to leave but he tried to hold her back (non-violently). She left and called the cops and he was arrested and now he can't go back there or be near her. So it looks like he might need to stay with us longer.

My question is how long should I allow him to stay with us? I understand we should be more generous and helpful towards believers rather than unbelievers. It's gotten a bit much and you can understand the emotional state he's in has put a toll on my wife and I along with having to buy food for and cook for an additional person, as well as give up our privacy and alone time. I'm wanting to be generous and an example of Christ, but what's the cutoff point for an unbeliever? Or is it completely up to personal conviction? Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks!

 

[Solo81]

You have graciously extended charity to him, which is commendable, but if his presence is taking a toll on the peace in your and your wife's home, then he needs to begin looking for somewhere else.
There is no strict biblical guidance on this topic but he can/should begin searching to move along as soon as possible.

 

[Joseph G]

You have graciously extended charity to him, which is commendable, but if his presence is taking a toll on the peace in your and your wife's home, then he needs to begin looking for somewhere else.
There is no strict biblical guidance on this topic but he can/should begin searching to move along as soon as possible.

Agreed. Said a prayer that the Holy Spirit would give you and your wife discernment in how to proceed, and that your demonstration of His love would be rewarded in His time.

 

[eleos1954]

Hello all,

Recently, a former coworker of mine broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years that he was living with. He's an unbeliever, but he's been receptive/interested in the gospel as long as I've known him. He has not accepted Christ yet as he said he doesn't want to give up his vices, he's not convinced he's deserving of God's wrath without Christ, and he's not sure that the Bible is 100% trustworthy/accurate. My wife and I decided to invite him to stay with us for a couple of weeks, as his ex and him said that they would need that much time away from each other before deciding if they could live together as roommates until he finds a more permanent solution.

He's come to church since he's been staying with us, but hasn't really had any takeaways. He's also met with one of the pastors and connected with a bunch of other guys in the church. He declined invitation to a bible study, and he's still not wanting to give his life to Christ. We thought it would only be for a couple of weeks, but the other day, he was getting some stuff from his apartment, and his ex and him got into an argument. She tried to leave but he tried to hold her back (non-violently). She left and called the cops and he was arrested and now he can't go back there or be near her. So it looks like he might need to stay with us longer.

My question is how long should I allow him to stay with us? I understand we should be more generous and helpful towards believers rather than unbelievers. It's gotten a bit much and you can understand the emotional state he's in has put a toll on my wife and I along with having to buy food for and cook for an additional person, as well as give up our privacy and alone time. I'm wanting to be generous and an example of Christ, but what's the cutoff point for an unbeliever? Or is it completely up to personal conviction? Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks!

You should be encouraging him to actively pursue his own independent living ... if he's not doing that then you need to let him know that his stay will you is only temporary ... regardless you determine the time frame .... if it's too much of a burden then you need to let him know that.

 

[LizaMarie]

You have graciously extended charity to him, which is commendable, but if his presence is taking a toll on the peace in your and your wife's home, then he needs to begin looking for somewhere else.
There is no strict biblical guidance on this topic but he can/should begin searching to move along as soon as possible.

Yes agree. It's commendable that you have helped a friend in need, but your wife and family come first, and you can start to help him find his own independent living.

 

[com7fy8]

In case you decide he stays awhile, I do not know if it would be wise to talk about how he has been an emotional strain. That could be between you and God and your wife, maybe praying for you two to become stronger so things don't get to you so much, whether you talk with him about this or not.

May be he can have things to do for your church or members, at times, so you have private time.

 

[Sketcher]

Believer or not, I'd say this should be as short as possible. Not that you should put him out on the street, but my point is that the longer someone crashes with you, the more of a chance there is for rifts to develop in the relationship. Help him get his own place. I'm not sure what his legal options are for getting his stuff back, but help him w/ that too.

 

[Christfollower7]

First of all, I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Praise God for your willingness to extend a Christ-like loving hand to someone...you have the gift of hospitality and mercy. Galatians 6:10, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith."

You are right, putting a fellow brother or sister first should come over an unbeliever. Never the less, you should kindness to someone in need.

Okay, so you have invested in your co-worker and have tried to lead him to the Lord, church, Bible study, etc., but he keeps rejecting your attempts to point him to the Lord. You keep investing in him financially (food, heat, internet, electricity, etc.), but yet he still rejects your kindness. Meekness does not always have to equate to weakness!

Matthew 7:6, "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." Let me explain what this means. If you are extending time, money, resources on an individual and they are not doing anything to come to the Lord or better themselves, the Lord calls you to stop investing/pouring into that individual, because then you are enabling and allowing a person to take advantage of you.

In my own estimation, this co-worker has overstayed his welcome and it is time to cut him loose. No more pearls before swine. That is what the Word of God calls him. And you are to be a good steward of your time, money, and resources, to use it wisely.

Matthew 10:14, "And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet." This guy will not receive your words by the Spirit, for his sins to be forgiven and eternal life. It's time to dust your sandals from him.

Also, he has already determine his course and path currently...to stay in his vices! That is also another reason to cut ties, because his deeds are evil. John 3:19-21, "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."

Ephesians 5:11, "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them."

Lastly, you are to put your wife's needs and security before all others! Your wife comes first. You might be able to strong arm the situation, but your wife is the weaker vessel in sensitivity and I guarantee you her peace is more robbed then yours. She comes first! And as you stated, there is already a disruption in the force...time to exercise the gift of "good-bye."

Often times, our strengths can become our weaknesses. The enemy loves to exploit those areas we are gifted in...especially in the area of giving and being a servant. This is not to say that your extended and welcoming hand was not right. I commend you for being hospitable, but that only lasts for a time.

I have been in your shoes many times before, with friends. Here is what I have done with one particular. A dear friend of the family was going to be on the street and so we extended our hand to let them in for a month, so that they could get back up on their feet, find a job, and provide for themself. After a month to no avail and spending a lot of time playing games, I was at my wits end. I knew after this, I was enabling by providing 100% handout. However, I offered grace and extended the stay an extra month with an absolute understanding that staying past the additional month, would not be an option, even if that meant the person going to live on the street. That person never took the initiative to do something with their life. They left our place to live with a guy that was 20 years older than her (a non-believer) and they ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend...and their life never was the same after that.

Everyone has to make the right choices in life. We have to take ownership for our actions. The best thing for your co-worker is to hit rock bottom, so that he cries out "Jesus, save me!" If the Lord wants him, this guy is going to learn the hard way. Sometimes we don't know Jesus is all we need, until He is all we have left!