Taking criticism..and how to handle it

[Hannah66]

My older sister, who is a christian, came to stay with me for a few days.

She has always been a bit critical of me and cannot understand me at the best of times.

She says I frustrate her because I am not listening sometimes or don't read her instructions.


She came to stay with me a few days, bringing her daughter (who is an adult) with her
There was a miscommunication regarding some sausages(we are Australian) and my brother brought some sausages over
but she told me in two emails and a text message that they wouldn't be eating the sausages as her daughter may be allergic to them.

I did say, when she was with me, that we could perhaps eat them.
She got very angry with me and raised her voice and her arms and hands went up in the air
She was frustrated with me because she said she had clearly wrote in the emails and text messages that they were buying
the food and the sausages wouldn't be eaten.

I apologised sincerely for the mistake I made and she replied, "mistake? ...you make many mistakes!!

I encouraged her to focus on the things I was getting right.
I had prepared for their visit, I bought them each a nice towel to use, new pillows, cleaned the house
did the gardens, etc.

I feel at a loss now because I can never please her, although I know I only have to please God
but it seems, my life life has been one of 'disappointing her' because I frustrate her and make many mistakes.

I love my sister dearly.

What can I do not to make the mistakes again and improve our relationship?

She raises her voice at me and gets very angry when I forget something she has told me.
I have told her I have a lot on my plate now as a single person, focusing on paying bills,
making sure I have enough food, etc.

I feel deeply grieved and sad.

 

[eleos1954]

My older sister, who is a christian, came to stay with me for a few days.

She has always been a bit critical of me and cannot understand me at the best of times.

She says I frustrate her because I am not listening sometimes or don't read her instructions.


She came to stay with me a few days, bringing her daughter (who is an adult) with her
There was a miscommunication regarding some sausages(we are Australian) and my brother brought some sausages over
but she told me in two emails and a text message that they wouldn't be eating the sausages as her daughter may be allergic to them.

I did say, when she was with me, that we could perhaps eat them.
She got very angry with me and raised her voice and her arms and hands went up in the air
She was frustrated with me because she said she had clearly wrote in the emails and text messages that they were buying
the food and the sausages wouldn't be eaten.

I apologised sincerely for the mistake I made and she replied, "mistake? ...you make many mistakes!!

I encouraged her to focus on the things I was getting right.
I had prepared for their visit, I bought them each a nice towel to use, new pillows, cleaned the house
did the gardens, etc.

I feel at a loss now because I can never please her, although I know I only have to please God
but it seems, my life life has been one of 'disappointing her' because I frustrate her and make many mistakes.

I love my sister dearly.

What can I do not to make the mistakes again and improve our relationship?

She raises her voice at me and gets very angry when I forget something she has told me.
I have told her I have a lot on my plate now as a single person, focusing on paying bills,
making sure I have enough food, etc.

I feel deeply grieved and sad.

People need to "lighten up" .... miss communication mistakes happen and we do forget things ... sort them out, forgive and move on ... otherwise it's a stumbling block in relationships. Intensions often go misunderstood.

Pray for her ... if you tend to forget things often and have told her so ... she should understand and accept that.

Criticisms may be more of a reflection of that person than of you. “Sometimes people are critical because they're projecting their own insecurities on you ..

Overly critical people criticize others often to validate their own insecurities and to reaffirm the negative perception they have of themselves

not saying this is the case ... but something to consider

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

People need to "lighten up" .... miss communication mistakes happen and we do forget things ... sort them out, forgive and move on ... otherwise it's a stumbling block in relationships. Intensions often go misunderstood.

Pray for her ... if you tend to forget things often and have told her so ... she should understand and accept that.

Criticisms may be more of a reflection of that person than of you. “Sometimes people are critical because they're projecting their own insecurities on you ..

Overly critical people criticize others often to validate their own insecurities and to reaffirm the negative perception they have of themselves

not saying this is the case ... but something to consider

I agree with eleos.

When she tells you things you are "supposed" to remember. Repeat them back to her. This is a good communication skill no matter what. Repeating or paraphrasing what someone says validates your interest and that you are paying attention.

 

[com7fy8]

Well, I like how you could ask her to put herself in your place, but also we need to put ourselves in her shoes. You would think something like this sausage issue would already be well known, by now, that you two are adults. And in case the daughter is dangerously sensitive even to the aroma's molecules, make sure about this.

I think there are people so allergic to peanuts, that they can't even smell the dust of peanuts without a deadly reaction, or something like this.

So, even if your sister is being anxious and Jesus would say, "Do not fear," you might communicate so you are very clear about what her daughter needs.

You can pray for God to have us do better to hear . . . understand . . . and remember things we need to remember.

And we need to not get angry and upset and unforgiving about things.

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (James 1:19-20)

In case the mere presence of sausage on the table could put out an aroma with molecules she could breathe and have a harmful reaction > her saying not to have sausage should mean enough to you so you don't have it present. However, in case it could just be not nice for her daughter to see something she would like but can't eat > it could be considerate to not tease or tempt her, but they could be mature enough to say it's all right and enjoy it. Everyone should be able to handle this nicely, humbly.

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

So, I dare think you both could handle it better . . . be strong and wise to not get angry, and be strong and wise not to get hurt about it.

 

[Hannah66]

Well, I like how you could ask her to put herself in your place, but also we need to put ourselves in her shoes. You would think something like this sausage issue would already be well known, by now, that you two are adults. And in case the daughter is dangerously sensitive even to the aroma's molecules, make sure about this.

I think there are people so allergic to peanuts, that they can't even smell the dust of peanuts without a deadly reaction, or something like this.

So, even if your sister is being anxious and Jesus would say, "Do not fear," you might communicate so you are very clear about what her daughter needs.

You can pray for God to have us do better to hear . . . understand . . . and remember things we need to remember.

And we need to not get angry and upset and unforgiving about things.

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (James 1:19-20)

In case the mere presence of sausage on the table could put out an aroma with molecules she could breathe and have a harmful reaction > her saying not to have sausage should mean enough to you so you don't have it present. However, in case it could just be not nice for her daughter to see something she would like but can't eat > it could be considerate to not tease or tempt her, but they could be mature enough to say it's all right and enjoy it. Everyone should be able to handle this nicely, humbly.

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

So, I dare think you both could handle it better . . . be strong and wise to not get angry, and be strong and wise not to get hurt about it.

 

[Hannah66]

Thank you for your reply. It turns out she could eat the sausages but my sister just gets frustrated because she said I don't read instructions properly. It's more than that she's critical about everything in my life. She kept turning the mat around in the bathroom because it apparently was the wrong way. She was upset that I didn't have a small plastic container to put the cream in. I think she felt I fussed too much over my cat. Sadly it has been going on for many years and I do love and pray for her

 

[com7fy8]

Thank you for telling us such personal things.

My lady friend is such a fusser over her dog.

Yes, love her and pray for her.

I myself have done different things, including living out with the homeless on purpose, in order to reach them as their neighbor. And I ignored my family's efforts to help me arrange for later in life when I could need money and a place to stay. And my mother and brother could react to me, very hotly and nastily, over things I might say or do.

Often, I just kept quiet and prayed not to get hurt or resentful. And I kept investing in being kind and helpful. Now I use the help, and try to make it nice for others helping me. And we all seem to do better.