Is sex before marriage wrong?

Maria Billingsley said:

It is still sexual immorality and we do speak English.
Blessings

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But inappropriate contentia includes so much more than just premarital sex.

Petros2015 said:

Hmm.

What is inappropriate contenteia to a 1st Century Jew?

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A good start, but you also have to take into account Lev 15 and Lev 20.

BTW - what we think of as premarital sex, in scripture is often called "playing the harlot." That is part of inappropriate contentia also.

Andrew98 said:

Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?

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Cheating on your income tax by $0.50 is still cheating on your income tax.

And why are you assuming that all couples you see are having sex? inappropriate contentography can exist in the mind as well as on a page or screen, but God is not fooled by externals.

Andrew98 said:

Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?

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Kate30 gave such a great answer in post #14, if one reads all the sentences.

And I say this as someone who was already aware even before I married of how mistaken it is for people to just have an wedding ceremony and imagine that means they are married in truth.

As I've tended to say in the past (but now I like Kate30's wording better, at least at the moment), "marriage is the real commitment, in the heart, not the outward appearance". Some may also point out the fact that if the 2 consummate their love, and it's really love, then that bonds them together, and that's 'marriage' also.

So far as the Bible says, to my knowledge, on this we simply have, instead of praising weddings, the truth that "the two become one".

That doesn't mean a wedding has no value. It's one thing to think in your heart "I'm really in love with her, and I intend to stay with her" and be even some very good level like 75% committed. That's good, and it's better than what many do in their own weddings we may fear. But, a wedding can be very helpful, because it's a process also where you can take the plunge, and commit more fully, right then and there -- you could that is.

Even more (or better), you might sincerely pray there even that God intervene and help you. That He bless this marriage. That would be big.

Andrew you do write about many things. Some that are too personal for me to be able to reply. But with that dark deep valley of despair and loneliness that you now find yourself now in. This may also be the time when you discover the true love and the wonderful peace of God. Do search the scriptures for his power and strength Christ said I am the good shepherd and my sheep hear my voice. Now it some late I must sleep.

Andrew98 said:

I have prayed for many years for the Lord to return my desire of women. How much longer must I stuggle and be depressed. All I want is to be able to have a female companion with me

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You either desire women or you don't.

I recommend talking to a professional counselor or a licensed clinical therapist.

Kate30 said:

You assume when you see a couple together that they are intimate.

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This is what Kate says about how people of this world can see a couple who is in a close relationship. But physical intimacy is not real intimacy.

Ones assume that sex is intimacy. But we see what happens to a lot of unmarried and married partners, though they have had sex. There is even more than a fifty-percent divorce rate of married people who claim to be Christians. So, even from this statistical standpoint, I think we can see how sex is not really a measure or guarantee of intimacy. And so, if ones are mainly attracted because of feelings for sex, they likely are being tricked.

Sex, then, is not a reliable measure of maturity, or of advancement in relating well in love.

And I have been able to imagine having sexual activity with women; but this does not make me truly loving and caring for them. In fact, it can be simply a selfish way to feel pleasure. And then I can break down in my weakness for seeking the pleasure. Instead, I need to first care about every woman I see and think about, caring in prayer for every one. My attention needs to be first to loving, not merely to what a woman looks like or how charming her voice can sound.

You can see the pattern > undeveloped people take a shortcut to sex, instead of learning how to love > ones married can do this, too. They do not first make sure they get with Jesus and God's real correction to bring us into real loving Matthew 11:28-30, Hebrews 12:4-11. And so, in their weakness for the pleasure they also keep on staying weak so they can suffer all the pain they do, and broken relationships.

Because you need to be strong in love, in order to do well in a close relationship. Pleasure can not keep you satisfied enough to stay together; pleasure certainly will not make you strong enough to stay out of arguing and frustration and unforgiveness and bitterness and and loneliness and other torments of fear and worry > only God's love with His almighty power can keep us from fear and its "torment" > 1 John 4:18.

But ones can stay with each other, in hopes of using each other. But, this does not make them truly loving and truly intimate. And so, in their weakness they will keep on giving in to arguing and frustration and hurts, if they stay with each other, and unforgiveness.

But the immoral sex is not the real enemy!!!!

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" Jesus says in Matthew 5:46.

There are plenty of married couples who are mainly about loving only their own spouses and children and certain friends and favorite family members. But this can have them staying in worldly love, versus how God's all-loving love will have us caring even for any and all people > following the example of Jesus on the cross.

So ones are isolated, not intimate, with only certain ones they care about, perhaps because they hope to use those ones they choose to love. Ones can really love the pleasure they use another person to get. This is a major problem, how various people have a preference not for God and being all-loving, but their preference is for pleasure. They are not about producing children of God who know how to love.

So, this is another thing. Whom are you first trying to please? God wants "godly offspring" > Malachi 2:14-15 < who know how to love, because of your example feeding your children how to relate in a close relationship.

So, first you need to feed on God's example through Jesus, and all His word says about how to relate in His love, and this will have us more and more intimate with God and others who are doing this with us >

1 Corinthians 6:17

Ephesians 3:17

Philippians 2:13-16

Ephesians 4:31-5:2

Colossians 3:19

1 Timothy 2:1-4

Actually, any scripture can be used by God to help us find out how to love the way Jesus wants. And as we become more mature in deeply caring for any and all people, this makes us intimate with Jesus our Groom so we are compatible with Him so we can spend eternity with Jesus and one another > 1 John 4:17-18 >

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

So, what can be wrong, about immoral sex but also other selfish things, is what we are not doing, that we need to do.

Andrew98 said:

Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?

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It's funny how the guys usually ask this question; in the meantime how many women get burned by not having legal recourse when 'lover boy' splits the scene?

Andrew98 said:

it seems weird in this day in age.

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Yes, even among so called Christians, this and other sin is thought to be ok in this day and age. However it's always been OK to the world, but none of that matters, it's just as not ok as it always was and always will be, because God said so.

FireDragon76 said:

Most don't, that's just being realistic.

Obviously, the Church should be a place of forgiveness rather than judgement. The main thing in our sexual ethics in our denomination (ELCA) is to not sleep with somebody you are unwilling to love, that is clearly abusive. We also encourage people to seek the legal protections of marriage for any intimate relationship of that nature.

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God does more than "encourage it", and what judgment do you see here...is answering the OP's question "judgment"? "Our sexual ethics"? Did you all once consider it should be about God's ethics, and God's only?

Yeah man, it's all about forgiveness, love and all the pretty words that make it not so bad at all, or even just fine as long as we follow "your" rules....while you blatantly promote fornication.

You tread on dangerous ground.

Dave-W said:

But inappropriate contentia includes so much more than just premarital sex.

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Couples may be intimate, but that does not make it right.

Fornication, which is sexual activity outside of marriage, is mentioned, and condemned 39 times in the bible (KJV)

Sex before marriage is sinful, it's as simple as that.

Halbhh said:

Kate30 gave such a great answer in post #14, if one reads all the sentences.

And I say this as someone who was already aware even before I married of how mistaken it is for people to just have an wedding ceremony and imagine that means they are married in truth.

As I've tended to say in the past (but now I like Kate30's wording better, at least at the moment), "marriage is the real commitment, in the heart, not the outward appearance". Some may also point out the fact that if the 2 consummate their love, and it's really love, then that bonds them together, and that's 'marriage' also.

So far as the Bible says, to my knowledge, on this we simply have, instead of praising weddings, the truth that "the two become one".

That doesn't mean a wedding has no value. It's one thing to think in your heart "I'm really in love with her, and I intend to stay with her" and be even some very good level like 75% committed. That's good, and it's better than what many do in their own weddings we may fear. But, a wedding can be very helpful, because it's a process also where you can take the plunge, and commit more fully, right then and there -- you could that is.

Even more (or better), you might sincerely pray there even that God intervene and help you. That He bless this marriage. That would be big.

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No

Silverback said:

No

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No to commitment as being at the heart of marriage? (remember what a vow is also-- if sincere, it's a commitment) No to praying during a wedding? Hard to guess what you mean there.

Halbhh said:

No to commitment as being at the heart of marriage? (remember what a vow is also-- if sincere, it's a commitment) No to praying during a wedding? Hard to guess what you mean there.

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Unless you go, and get a Marriage License, stand before someone legally authorized to to conduct a marriage, then you are not married.

Being in love with someone, committed to someone, engaged to someone is all great, but you are not married to that person.

You can give each other rings, stand on the beach before the rising sun, and say some words to each other, and call each other hubby, and wifey.

In the end, all you are doing is living a lie.

Silverback said:

Fornication, which is sexual activity outside of marriage, is mentioned, and condemned 39 times in the bible (KJV)

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Actually it includes some sexual activity within marriage as well.

Dave-W said:

Actually it includes some sexual activity within marriage as well.

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You are correct, all things in moderation

Silverback said:

Unless you go, and get a Marriage License, stand before someone legally authorized to to conduct a marriage, then you are not married.

Being in love with someone, committed to someone, engaged to someone is all great, but you are not married to that person.

You can give each other rings, stand on the beach before the rising sun, and say some words to each other, and call each other hubby, and wifey.

In the end, all you are doing is living a lie.

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Adam and Eve then? What about their status of being married, or instead not married?

God joined them.

But is it merely a judge or pastor that causes them to join?

Wait a moment. I think possibly the problem is you have assumed I was saying something different than I actually did say.

To simplify very sharply, I said: Get Married. That would be the 2 word version of what I said above.

Does that help?

Kenny'sID said:

God does more than "encourage it", and what judgment do you see here...is answering the OP's question "judgment"? "Our sexual ethics"? Did you all once consider it should be about God's ethics, and God's only?

Yeah man, it's all about forgiveness, love and all the pretty words that make it not so bad at all, or even just fine as long as we follow "your" rules....while you blatantly promote fornication.

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I'm not promoting fornication. Stop twisting my words.

It would be nice if you didn't demonize my religion just because we don't agree with your legalism.

Halbhh said:

Adam and Eve then? What about their status of being married, or instead not married?

God joined them.

But is it merely a judge or pastor that causes them to join?

Wait a moment. I think possibly the problem is you have assumed I was saying something different than I actually did say.

To simplify very sharply, I said: Get Married. That would be the 2 word version of what I said above.

Does that help?

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I agree with getting married