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pantingdeer

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Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?
 

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Per your last thread, you aren't even sure that you will marry. If that is the case, you will be having sex with a women who is destined for another man. That isn't even considering what the Bible says on the matter.

When you are at the grocery store, is it okay to take a cookie from an unopened package and leave the remainder of the package on the shelf where you found it? (That is called grazing and it's a form of stealing.)

An argument can be made that it is okay, if you put it in your cart and pay for it [make it yours legally...].
 
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Petros2015

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If you have married, you have a commitment to join families together and stay together and raise children. In most cases, if you do this outside of marriage, you run the risk of unwanted pregnancy. Especially in the old days - birth control is a modern invention, but even now it's not infallible and often misused or not used. Creating another human being and leaving a mother to care for it (who is now dishonored at least in old time society's eyes is NOT a nice thing to do (either to the new human being or the mother). The commitment seems like a reasonable thing to ask for, given the outcome of the action, vs the selfishness of engaging in it and leaving someone else to 'clean up the mess', emotionally at the bare minimum. I haven't even touched on disease transmittal.

Most people do ignore this rule; but it is there for good reasons and there consequences to breaking it, some of them very severe which can impact innocent lives, or lead to a female aborting a pregnancy. There's a lot less mess and pain downstream if the rule is followed. Most rules are there for our benefit.
 
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A_Thinker

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When you are at the grocery store, is it okay to take a cookie from an unopened package and leave the remainder of the package on the shelf where you found it? (That is called grazing and it's a form of stealing.)
This is quite a good point ...
 
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pantingdeer

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If you have married, you have a commitment to join families together and stay together and raise children. In most cases, if you do this outside of marriage, you run the risk of unwanted pregnancy. Especially in the old days - birth control is a modern invention, but even now it's not infallible and often misused or not used. Creating another human being and leaving a mother to care for it (who is now dishonored at least in old time society's eyes is NOT a nice thing to do (either to the new human being or the mother). The commitment seems like a reasonable thing to ask for, given the outcome of the action, vs the selfishness of engaging in it and leaving someone else to 'clean up the mess', emotionally at the bare minimum. I haven't even touched on disease transmittal.

Most people do ignore this rule; but it is there for good reasons and there consequences to breaking it, some of them very severe which can impact innocent lives, or lead to a female aborting a pregnancy. There's a lot less mess and pain downstream if the rule is followed. Most rules are there for our benefit.
Are you from Bulgaria?
 
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...home of the "let's have sex on date #3 and see if it works out" brave.
Brave would not be the word that I would use.

Home of the [third base] knave...?
 
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Petros2015

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third date rule

3 month rule would work better, I think even secularly. If I'm going to wake up next to someone, I want to look forward to waking up next to them again, not be thinking 'oh crap, how did I get into this, and how am I going to get out of it?' I think it takes at least 3 months to really start to get to know someone, whether you enjoy their company on a non-sexual basis, whereas it usually only takes about 5 seconds to know whether you enjoy their company on a sexual one.
 
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pantingdeer

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3 month rule would work better, I think even secularly. If I'm going to wake up next to someone, I want to look forward to waking up next to them again, not be thinking 'oh crap, how did I get into this, and how am I going to get out of it?' I think it takes at least 3 months to really start to get to know someone, whether you enjoy their company on a non-sexual basis, whereas it usually only takes about 5 seconds to know whether you enjoy their company on a sexual one.
100% agree.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?
fornication
for·ni·ca·tion | \ ˌfȯr-nə-ˈkā-shən \
Definition of fornication
consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other.

Galatians 5
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, [f]murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.


Can't get any clearer than that.
Blessings
 
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Dave G.

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It doesn't matter what society has morphed it into and deemed acceptable. The bible/scripture/ The Word calls sex without marriage fornication and fornication a sin that needs to be confessed, forgiven and repented from. And that's that, no three month anything or what ever else man wants to count as an excuse. It defines sex within a marriage context, which is between a married man and woman.
 
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FireDragon76

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Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?

Most don't, that's just being realistic.

Obviously, the Church should be a place of forgiveness rather than judgement. The main thing in our sexual ethics in our denomination (ELCA) is to not sleep with somebody you are unwilling to love, that is clearly abusive. We also encourage people to seek the legal protections of marriage for any intimate relationship of that nature.
 
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Kate30

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Where in the bible does it say that you can't have sex before marriage? And if there is a verse on this topic, why is it so important? How do couples manage to abstain from sex for years before getting married - it seems weird in this day in age. For example, if I saw a couple I would automatically assume that they are intimate with each other.
Do you not make the same assumptions?
Andrew there are probably a lot reasons why. And probably many more than I shall give here. When you enter into sexual union you become one body and soul with each other and that means emotionally and spiritually as well. Marriage is a way to protect that union. And as the saying goes why buy or commit if your able to sample beforehand. Yes many people including Christians do go on to have happy and successful marriages who have done so. But many also don’t. Andrew sex is only one aspect of the married life. And those of us who have been married truly know this. The reason for courtships without sex was to see if both were truly compatible before coming one. You assume when you see a couple together that they are intimate. In our era that is what the world wants us to do and encourages us to believe. But our bible says do not be conformed to the ways of this world for this world is passing away. The very reason why we should refresh our minds with the word of God everyday.
 
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pantingdeer

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Andrew there are probably a lot reasons why. And probably many more than I shall give here. When you enter into sexual union you become one body and soul with each other and that means emotionally and spiritually as well. Marriage is a way to protect that union. And as the saying goes why buy or commit if your able to sample beforehand. Yes many people including Christians do go on to have happy and successful marriages who have done so. But many also don’t. Andrew sex is only one aspect of the married life. And those of us who have been married truly know this. The reason for courtships without sex was to see if both were truly compatible before coming one. You assume when you see a couple together that they are intimate. In our era that is what the world wants us to do and encourages us to believe. But our bible says do not be conformed to the ways of this world for this world is passing away. The very reason why we should refresh our minds with the word of God everyday.
But then do people not get married too quickly in order to have sex?
 
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pantingdeer

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Andrew there are probably a lot reasons why. And probably many more than I shall give here. When you enter into sexual union you become one body and soul with each other and that means emotionally and spiritually as well. Marriage is a way to protect that union. And as the saying goes why buy or commit if your able to sample beforehand. Yes many people including Christians do go on to have happy and successful marriages who have done so. But many also don’t. Andrew sex is only one aspect of the married life. And those of us who have been married truly know this. The reason for courtships without sex was to see if both were truly compatible before coming one. You assume when you see a couple together that they are intimate. In our era that is what the world wants us to do and encourages us to believe. But our bible says do not be conformed to the ways of this world for this world is passing away. The very reason why we should refresh our minds with the word of God everyday.
You seem like a nice person. Would you mind looking at my other posts please? I've struggled sexually for over 3 years now and it has really ruined my life. It has made me very depressed and lonely and I would appreciate any of your advice. Thank you.
 
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Dave-W

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fornication
for·ni·ca·tion | \ ˌfȯr-nə-ˈkā-shən \
Definition of fornication
consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other.
The bible was not written in english so english definitions are not really needed.

The Greek word that translates to "fornication" is inappropriate contentia. Look up how it was used and understood in the 1st century Greek speaking Jewish diaspora.
 
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thecolorsblend

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But then do people not get married too quickly in order to have sex?
When I spoke to the marriage coordinator at my (Catholic) parish, she said that Millennials tend to marry someone they’ve known for a long time. She said it’s normal for her to talk to couples who knew each other for four or five years before they even started dating.

Not sure how things play out in other communities but one thing Millenial Catholics can’t really be accused of is rushing into marriage just for the physical stuff.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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The bible was not written in english so english definitions are not really needed.

The Greek word that translates to "fornication" is inappropriate contentia. Look up how it was used and understood in the 1st century Greek speaking Jewish diaspora.
It is still sexual immorality and we do speak English.
Blessings
 
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Petros2015

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The Greek word that translates to "fornication" is inappropriate contentia. Look up how it was used and understood in the 1st century Greek speaking Jewish diaspora.

Hmm.

What is inappropriate contenteia to a 1st Century Jew?
 
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