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- Apr 26, 2006
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- Married
I know, but Roman Catholics in Vietnam are pretty eager to marry white Christians. Even the non-religious women in Vietnam act more Christian than most whites in America.
This right here. I have no problem with people from that part of the world. But the way it came across was more of a "marry so she can move here" Type situation which is at best similar to prostitution as far as im concerned.
Their are options in college? Have you been to a college recently? They arn't exactly bastions of christian virtue, nor do they promote it.
I don't have a choice, not a real one. If I want to live out the faith and pursue God through the life of the church I need a partner who is 100% on board, otherwise it will be a living hell. Holy week alone is hard and thats when its just me Ive got to get there, it would be even more difficult with a spouse who doesn't see the value in it. IF she isn't orthodox she sure isnt' going to be happy about keeping the kids at church till 2am or 3am a couple times out of the year either.
Its not a "choice" for me and its silly to pretend it is. Pursuing someone who isn't orthodox would only cause pain for both parties.
well, at least there is one out there lol.
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I think one of my biggest frustrations is that it feels impossible. I'll be blunt, even if religion wasn't an issue i would have trouble finding someone. Ive never been particularly good with dating, when I was younger I wasn't very sociable and while I'm fine at socializing now I missed out on that whole period in the teenage years where you learn the whole song and dance when it comes to dating. I'm fine talking with women its just I don't know HOW to pursue anything more than a friendship (which I do have with some women who have been helpful when I have questions!). So I'm already at a pretty big disadvantage. Now add into the fact that there is no one to be interested IN or to get to know and I'm suddenly left in a situation where I can't really learn because thats very much a "learn by doing" type of thing. you can't learn to date unless you date.
Now add onto that the fact that I don't typically enjoy things that most people bond over. I have no interest in sports or most of pop culture, I don't get references , and most of the music I listen to is not mainstream. Its not that those things are bad i just don't have an interest in them so I don't bond with people over them.
But I think the biggest issue is the one that everyone here seems to be missing. On a fundamental level I am looking for someone who can walk beside me where we both help each other grow in the spiritual life. That is the absolute top priority in the relationship. I'm not looking for someone perfect (I'm not), and I'm not someone who thinks they are a modern saint or that they could become one. I'm not looking for a zealot. I'm looking for someone who wants to know God and wants to shape their life around that. THAT is what I want my relationship to be based on. Not on happiness (Though a relationship should have plenty of happiness) , not on wealth, not on social status or any of the other worthless stuff I hear people in christian communities talking about.
I won't try to give you advice, but will say that I have been where you are. I married my wife at 33 years old. I was 32 when I met her, and she was my first date, my first kiss, and my first girlfriend. I spent my adolescent and college years in an icon studio painting with any free time that I had. In my twenties I had the realization that I was now living alone, working from home where I had no interactions with women, and going to a parish that had very few people, male or female in my age range. I began to despair that I would never find anyone, and that if I did she would almost definitely not be Orthodox, and even if she was, she wouldn't want someone who had no experience dating at all.
I met my wife on the internet in 2008. I had given up on the notion of being married. In fact my first email from her was on the day after deciding that I would pursue a life of celibacy and or monasticism. I was not even enthusiastic about responding to her in the first place because I thought I had a plan for the rest of my life. In ten months time we went from stilted email conversations to long telephone conversations, to occasional trips to visit one another, to me moving across the country and marrying her. It was not always smooth sailing, but God provided in ways to make it all possible. We are coming up on our tenth anniversary, we have three children together, and I was ordained to the priesthood in November.
I have all the things that I had hoped for and more, things that I had given up hope of ever having. In retrospect, I realize that all of the not dating that I did was tremendously successful in keeping me from making big mistakes early in my life. My wife is very glad that she was my first date and my first kiss, which I would not have been if I had dated a lot. I am grateful for how things happened in my life even though I spent a lot of time thinking that I had ruined everything for myself.
I assume that you don't know what God's plan is for your life and that you are still figuring all of that out. You're at a difficult age when the world seems like it should be wide open in front of you, but seems strangely closed off, especially when you try to live by faith, and not by the way of the world. I think that the best we can do is to live by faith, to seek first the Kingdom of Heaven. When we do this, God provides for us. Not always how we want or when we want, but He provides. He can bring that person into your life, even if it seems impossible. The worries and the concerns you have are your worries and concerns, and not necessarily the concerns of the woman you will meet. And even if a woman never makes it into your life, God can provide the strength, and the consolation that you may require to persevere in the absence of that.
I pray that God will give you some peace of mind in the present, and that in His time, He will fulfill your requests for your salvation.
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