Single - how to find a partner?

[blessedintrovert]

Please.

 

[dms1972]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

I went through this in my early twenties. I'd never had a girl-friend. I started to talk about it in hopes of others maybe knowing someone who was looking to meet someone - that may work out sometimes, but it didn't for me at that time is all I can say. A few years later I placed a short personals advert in a local paper - that brought a few written replies. Met one girl for a month or two through it, but it didn't go anywhere - nice girl, but in recovery, and we were too far apart in other respects.

Basically I am somewhat intellectual like yourself, but you should not think of that as a bad thing, all the same you need to be able to come down from those intellectual heights at times too - just depends on if you want to meet someone who can engage you on that level, but it might be better to meet a woman with a temperment that can compliment yours.

Really I think making looking for someone your main concern is not always helpful, just get on with your life, develop your interests through outdoor pursuits, or in a church and be open to it happening. And if you find yourself chatting away to a woman with whom you seem to connect with (granted she is single of course) be ready to ask her to go for a coffee and talk some more if she likes, much more natural that way.

 

[blackribbon]

If you want to have an intellectual woman, you have to go to where they are. I don't know that many who spend time looking for a date with PoF or Tinder...or any online dating forum at that. They are at classes, lectures, volunteering, working... they are using their brains and living life. No it isn't easy to find them because it isn't easy to find a spouse. However, sitting at home and swiping on your computer is a guaranteed way to not meet many people at all.

 

[blackhole]

If you want to have an intellectual woman, you have to go to where they are. I don't know that many who spend time looking for a date with PoF or Tinder...or any online dating forum at that. They are at classes, lectures, volunteering, working... they are using their brains and living life. No it isn't easy to find them because it isn't easy to find a spouse. However, sitting at home and swiping on your computer is a guaranteed way to not meet many people at all.

Can you think of additional places to try?

Thanks!

 

[dms1972]

Fun runs. Groups meeting to run a community garden together. Night classes. Local History groups.

 

[blackribbon]

Can you think of additional places to try?

Thanks!

Check the library board for local activities. Meetup groups that are topic minded (not just those intended for singles to meet singles). What are your interests? There will be women at environmental events and community gardens. Volunteering for causes they believe in. Working (and leading) events at the church. They join their professional organizations and participate.

Chances are she won't always be in full makeup or have her hair perfect. She might not be the best dresser in the room because those are trivial matters and not things that are high priority in her thought process. I mean, how deep can a conversation get when discussing your favorite lipstick or how long you spend styling your hair...or even fashion (unless those are her career).

Intellectual and intelligent Christian women exist all over the place however they aren't spending all their time "looking for a man" to complete them. They are using the talents that God gave them to serve Him.

Use your brain. If you can't find them, then question your own level of intellectualism. Smart women who like to think are everywhere. They like to be out learning and exercising their minds.

 

[Bible Highlighter]

...

 

[RaymondG]

"4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

 

[blackribbon]

"4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

So if we don't find a spouse, it is because we aren't being Christian enough????

 

[RaymondG]

So if we don't find a spouse, it is because we aren't being Christian enough????

So if I believe that I am following the scripture I wrote, and fail, does that mean that the bible is telling lies?

 

[blackhole]

So if I believe that I am following the scripture I wrote, and fail, does that mean that the bible is telling lies?

Can we NOT turn my thread into an exposition of the prosperity gospel? I'm not interested.

 

[RaymondG]

Can we NOT turn my thread into an exposition of the prosperity gospel? I'm not interested.

I didnt know the poster who replied to my verses was talking about prosperity.....I thought the thread was about finding a partner.

Didnt know so many could find offense in quoting scriptures. I thought I was encouraging...not offending.

 

[Seville90210]

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

Got a question for you. Would you like to meet this type of woman?

Proverbs 31:10-31 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
The Perfect Wife
10 How hard it is to find the perfect wife.
She is worth far more than jewels.
11 Her husband depends on her.
He will never be poor.
12 She does good for her husband all her life.
She never causes him trouble.
13 She is always gathering wool and flax
and enjoys making things with her hands.
14 She is like a ship from a faraway place.
She brings home food from everywhere.
15 She wakes up early in the morning,
cooks food for her family, and gives the servants their share.
16 She looks at land and buys it.
She uses the money she has earned and plants a vineyard.
17 She works very hard.
She is strong and able to do all her work.
18 She works late into the night
to make sure her business earns a profit.
19 She makes her own thread
and weaves her own cloth.
20 She always gives to the poor
and helps those who need it.
21 She does not worry about her family when it snows.
She has given them all good, warm clothes.
22 She makes sheets and spreads for the beds,
and she wears clothes of fine linen.
23 Her husband is a respected member of the city council,
where he meets with the other leaders.
24 She makes clothes and belts
and sells them to the merchants.
25 She is a strong person, and people respect her.
She looks to the future with confidence.
26 She speaks with wisdom
and teaches others to be loving and kind.
27 She oversees the care of her house.
She is never lazy.
28 Her children say good things about her.
Her husband brags about her and says,
29 “There are many good women,
but you are the best.”
30 Grace and beauty can fool you,
but a woman who respects the Lord should be praised.
31 Give her the reward she deserves.
Praise her in public for what she has done.

Proverbs 31:10-31 NKJV;ERV - The Virtuous Wife - Who can find a - Bible Gateway

 

[dms1972]

.

 

[blackribbon]

I didnt know the poster who replied to my verses was talking about prosperity.....I thought the thread was about finding a partner.

Didnt know so many could find offense in quoting scriptures. I thought I was encouraging...not offending.

It isn't encouraging to Christians who would like to be married but haven't found a spouse. God does not at any point guarantee a spouse to any good Christian who "desires one in his/her heart". Our job isn't to pray to get the desires of our heart but rather learn to desire that which God has for us.

 

[blackribbon]

Thats a Proverb - most of us men will have to settle for a bit less, and I'd be happy to. After all it says this sort of wife is hard to find. But having spent some time on a christian dating site in the past, I suspect there were a lot of women on it who had never read those verses.

I would not roll that out on a first date or do anything super-spiritual or plain daft or you might not see your date for dust. Maybe if the relationship was getting serious, I'd mention it - to see what she thought. But I think it sounds like someone of mature years, its a goal, not the starting point.

The Prov 31 wife is not a newlywed. Those are characteristics that she grew into with the support of a healthy marriage and a godly supportive husband.

 

[dms1972]

The Prov 31 wife is not a newlywed. Those are characteristics that she grew into with the support of a healthy marriage and a godly supportive husband.

Thanks that was what I was trying to say, but you put it a little better.

 

[dms1972]

It isn't encouraging to Christians who would like to be married but haven't found a spouse. God does not at any point guarantee a spouse to any good Christian who "desires one in his/her heart". Our job isn't to pray to get the desires of our heart but rather learn to desire that which God has for us.

You know I have known girls who when I got up the courage to ask out, said to me "I think God maybe wants me to be single." I find this daft and annoying, and am tempted to reply "Are you sure you heard Him right, could He be just saying - He wants you to remain a virgin till you get married?"

 

[trophy33]

If I knew the answer...

And even better, how to find a girl, if you are an introvert as I am, who is practicaly unable to start a convo with a stranger.

 

[dms1972]

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