Single - how to find a partner?

[buzuxi02]

If you are a traditional Christian holding to traditional values, then you are limiting yourself if you only seek a spouse within the all too big Christian camp which can encompass anything and nothing. Most non-Christian societies still tend to be traditional so you should not overlook women from them. Western society is post-traditional and post-christian so you really cant afford to be limited to women from western [christian] society.

 

[BigRed009]

I can definitely sympathize with you.

I'm 29 and I've never been in a relationship. I would like a companion but nothing's ever happened. Between several years not caring about relationships, and years in social isolation, a relationship wouldn't have happened. Things are a little different now but I still have several obstacles making it hard for me.

I tried those dating apps as well and it was just a waste of time and money for me.

The only thing I can think to tell you is to commute to places and events Christians your age go to. Maybe through volunteering? Ask God to lead you to places where you can meet Christian women your age, and then look.

I can understand how much harder it can be for intellectual-types. I don't know if I'd call myself an intellectual or not, but I would often find more interest in discussing current events rather than small talk. That being said, a candidate who isn't intellectual shouldn't be a deal-breaker. If you find a woman you're interested in, but you can tell she might not be that type of person, talk to her anyway. She might have a personality you love or she has a heart for something else you like.

I'm sure you've already been praying on this a lot. Regardless, keep praying for God to prepare you for a relationship and to place you with the woman He has chosen for you. God should be your matchmaker. He has His own timing. It might be weeks, months, years. However long it takes, it's very important not to allow yourself to be let down by being without a partner.

I'm still waiting for someone to enter into my life too; and with some upcoming surgeries happening this year, I'll probably be waiting even longer. But I've been learning very slowly that although I'm at this age without ever having a relationship, I'm no less valuable as a person. As children of God, we already have someone special in our lives: Jesus. When we remember that we are here FOR Jesus first, and not ourselves, it takes a load off.

I'll pray that God manifests the right person in your life at the perfect time.

 

[Seville90210]

Thats a Proverb - most of us men will have to settle for a bit less, and I'd be happy to. After all it says this sort of wife is hard to find. But having spent some time on a christian dating site in the past, I suspect there were a lot of women on it who had never read those verses.

That said I think that chapter refers to a mature couple who have been married for some time.

I wanted blackhole to answer the question I posted since he's the one asking for help. Many women already know the answer to Proverbs 31:10 but a vast majority of men in the world aren't aware she's there in front of him. Every women is seeking the man who can find her. I believe blackribbon is on the right track.


@blackhole

You don't have to move to another city to find the woman you want, she's already living in the city you're in.

 

[Seville90210]

I wanted blackhole to answer the question I posted since he's the one asking for help. Many women already know the answer to Proverbs 31:10 but a vast majority of men in the world aren't aware she's there in front of him. Every women is seeking the man who can find her. I believe blackribbon is on the right track.


@blackhole

You don't have to move to another city to find the woman you want, she's already living in the city you're in.

Here is additional wisdom. The woman below is not another woman. She is the same woman in Proverbs 31:10. She is whatever the man makes her to be, in other words, you get what you pay for.

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 25:24
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:19
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 27:15-16
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

Proverbs 19:13
A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

Proverbs 12:4
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 17:1
Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.

 

[blackhole]

You don't have to move to another city to find the woman you want, she's already living in the city you're in.

I guess that if I move for any reason before I've found her, that I'll be forever alone; after all, she's here.

P.S., excuse my sarcasm. I'm used to hyper spritualized (and blatantly false) interpretations of such matters, but it's very possible you didn't mean it that way.

 

[Seville90210]

I guess that if I move for any reason before I've found her, that I'll be forever alone; after all, she's here.

I was just about to log off but caught your post in time. I'll log after this message.

But to answer your question, no, she's everywhere you are. I was just trying to tell you you don't need to go elsewhere to find her. It be a shame if you moved to a larger city and still end up in the same situation.

 

[blackhole]

I was just about to log off but caught your post in time. I'll log after this message.

But to answer your question, no, she's everywhere you are. I was just trying to tell you you don't need to go elsewhere to find her. It be a shame if you moved to a larger city and still end up in the same situation.

Looks like you quoted me before I edited my message. See my P.S. section.

 

[mama2one]

@blackhole do you consider yourself a high status man? Re post on another thread


a Christian woman may not be impressed by high status nor high intellect
what impressed me on dates with husband was his kindness and thoughtfulness

 

[dms1972]

I wanted blackhole to answer the question I posted since he's the one asking for help. Many women already know the answer to Proverbs 31:10 but a vast majority of men in the world aren't aware she's there in front of him. Every women is seeking the man who can find her. I believe blackribbon is on the right track.


@blackhole

You don't have to move to another city to find the woman you want, she's already living in the city you're in.

I apologise for that, just felt that if one is a bit discouraged it might be misunderstood.

 

[dms1972]

My own view on this is you need to meet women and use wisdom with each one you meet or ask out, not wait for 'the one' to come along. You have got to have had a bit of interaction to have something to exercise wisdom in regard to. So to give an example someone spending a lot of time in prayer before asking someone for a cup of coffee I think is really too hesitant.

Rather I'd say be in prayer about your life and knowing Christ more seeking to grow more mature anyway whether you are happy single or searching for someone.

But you need to get talking to more women first naturally, then rather than going up to someone you have not talked to much, and asking her out, which might come over as a bit sudden to some women, instead get some conversations going, wait till half way through an engaging conversation, and say "hey you want talk about this a bit more over coffee?" If she brushes off your offer, well just move on there are other fish in the sea, sometimes "your miss is your mercy." But try not to over analyse it.

If you are quite intellectual you need to come down from those heights, so if you are reading a lot, give that a break for a while, you can go back to it, and maybe take up something like gardening and learning a bit about plants. At least find topics that are engaging to discuss and you enjoy for their own sake.

 

[Peter J Barban]

I agree with those who suggest that you expand your vision to include less intellectually endowed women. As long as the woman likes intellectuals herself, things can work out well.

I encourage you to expand your ability to see others as better than yourself and learn to more deeply appreciate their superior qualities.

The best strategy is for you to decide what qualities you admire in others and seek women that have an abundance of that quality.

So, if you admire caring people, date a caring woman who admires intellectuals. This balance of strengths can be more stable than two overly-similar people.

 

[dms1972]

.

 

[Seville90210]

but it's very possible you didn't mean it that way.

Elaborate on this please.

 

[Seville90210]

I think we live in different times and to be honest I prefer meeting women who are not just "waiting to be found", if I don't see a few smoke signals, why bother? What the use of speaking in 'code' for so long that the guy thinks she works for GCHQ! LOL

Proverbs 31:10-31 is not a guide on how to pick up a stranger. They already know each other. It's what you do with her after you two have met that counts. But you don't wait till after you're married to find her.

Proverbs 31:10-13
10 How hard it is to find the perfect wife.
She is worth far more than jewels.
11 Her husband depends on her.
He will never be poor.
12 She does good for her husband all her life.
She never causes him trouble.

 

[dms1972]

Proverbs 31:10-31 is not a guide on how to pick up a stranger. They already know each other.

Proverbs 31:10-13
10 How hard it is to find the perfect wife.
She is worth far more than jewels.
11 Her husband depends on her.
He will never be poor.
12 She does good for her husband all her life.
She never causes him trouble.

I think we have established this is an ideal for married couple to grow towards. The OP is asking about meeting women for the first time.

Sure its nice if one gets introduced, but that doesn't always happen, I have christian friends who lack the common courtesy at times to even say "have you met....this is..."

You speak as if I was talking about picking up a stranger, but that was not what I was talking about at all. For a person may have contact with others in their workplace, or some other social setting that have resulted in small-talk, and casual conversations, and common tasks that is normal in human interactions. At some point then one may want to know if the other person is interested in perhaps meeting up and talking some more, going out with the other person with a view starting something more steady, and would like to have some clues if they should broach that possiblity. So no I wasn't talking about picking up a stranger. Its about getting to the point of knowing whether to ask someone out, that you already know but not very well.

 

[blackribbon]

Go to events that are things you are interesting and start to talk to people....even same sex and different aged people. As you get older, people like to introduce friends who have things in common so the guy may have a sister or the old lady may have a grand-daughter or niece. If like to talk about history things...go on a few tours or history lectures (also check out the local colleges for guest lecturers)...if you like astronomy, join an astronomy club. If you are into Bible history, take a class in ancient Greek from a local Bible college. Even if there aren't a lot of women, you will increase your ability to socialize and meet a social need...but even that one woman there, may end up being the right woman. It only takes one, the right one. I think finding a spouse with similar interests is sort of significant.

 

[RaymondG]

It isn't encouraging to Christians who would like to be married but haven't found a spouse. God does not at any point guarantee a spouse to any good Christian who "desires one in his/her heart". Our job isn't to pray to get the desires of our heart but rather learn to desire that which God has for us.

My apologies for quoting the scripture I quoted. I did not know people viewed them negatively. Thanks for explaining this to me.

 

[Robin Mauro]

But there are many names you could have chosen. As a woman, if were I seeking a mate and I saw the name black hole, I would go no further.

 

[Tolworth John]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

Scroll through the singles posts making contact with single girls and communicate with them.

or look for friendship among the single Christian girls.
You both don't have to be knowalls, just humble enough to care for each other.

check out what wintery knight has to say about marriage:-
marriage | Search Results | WINTERY KNIGHT

 

[Darkhorse]

I can definitely sympathize with you.

I can understand how much harder it can be for intellectual-types. I don't know if I'd call myself an intellectual or not, but I would often find more interest in discussing current events rather than small talk. That being said, a candidate who isn't intellectual shouldn't be a deal-breaker. If you find a woman you're interested in, but you can tell she might not be that type of person, talk to her anyway. She might have a personality you love or she has a heart for something else you like.

I'm sure you've already been praying on this a lot. Regardless, keep praying for God to prepare you for a relationship and to place you with the woman He has chosen for you. God should be your matchmaker. He has His own timing. It might be weeks, months, years. However long it takes, it's very important not to allow yourself to be let down by being without a partner.

Einstein's wife wasn't an "intellectual", but she still loved one.

A commitment to prayer is important. God brought my wife and me together at the right time.

God can match you and your wife in ways you would never expect...

(This is for both Big Red and Blackhole)