Single - how to find a partner?

blackhole

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Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?
 
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Monk Brendan

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Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

There are many things worse than not getting married. Most of them are marrying the wrong person.
 
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timewerx

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the good churches don't have very many members.

That's so true!

I think I know your problem. Unfortunately, there's not many womeny out there who might be compatible with you.

Other than getting out more often (other than church) like community activities etc. You'll just have to wait longer, meet more women until you find the right one.
 
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com7fy8

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feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals
In case God has a lady who is right for you . . . you could be in for a big surprise how love can be better than intellectual :) Ones say, opposites attract. Also, a lady of no education but who has learned how to love can be more intelligent in God's word than many a scholar might be.

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

A lady who helps you grow in Christ and find out how to love can be the example you need to bring up your children.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

I once had my list of all I wanted in a really Christian woman, and along came someone who could show me every thing I was looking for. But that was show. I knew I needed to make sure with God, but she swayed me elsewhere. And plenty of elsewhere happened, but God had mercy on me and I got out.

Make sure with God.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?
My advice is that you give up trying to find the equivalent of the virgin Mary, and you might meet a good woman who is not looking for the equivalent of the Messiah! Often, when we are searching for the ideal woman, we seem to be blind to many good prospective partners all around us. I don't believe that there is just one special person to be a life partner. Once hindrance may be that women who come across your path may not feel that they are holy enough, or intellectual enough for you.

I have an M.A. and a M.Div. so I guess that makes me an intellectual, but 28 years ago I married an office receptionist and we have been happily married ever since.
 
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timewerx

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but 28 years ago I married an office receptionist and we have been happily married ever since.

The intellectual level of an office receptionist is criminally underrated, trust me.

Many people don't want that work for a good reason!
 
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Tree of Life

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Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

What about moving to a bigger city?
 
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Darkhorse

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You sound like someone who likes mental athletics. People like that don't necessarily work in academia or higher education.

Pursue activities that you enjoy, and try to meet people who also pursue those activities.

Consider every social invitation or opportunity, unless it is highly questionable in some way (drugs, immorality, etc.).
You never know who you might meet...

Keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready for opportunities when they arise.
Often they pop up unexpectedly.

Don't rule anyone out for minor or superficial reasons.
Your assumptions may not be correct.

Each date is a learning experience, and should be approached as such.
I learned a lot about women and myself from each one.

Be willing to explore. Don't hold out for perfection.
As the song says, "We start out walking and learn to run"...

PM me if you like.
 
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blackhole

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Leave intellectual discussions like the following off the menu when you dine out. You may have already distanced some on this very thread, udderly. Yes, I'm serious.

Prove me wrong: modesty/skin exposure

If you think it's so damning, why would you link to it here? It seems that you've made your intention clear.

In any case, I don't mind. If someone would reject me over that viewpoint, they're someone I wouldn't want. This goes back to being intellectual.
 
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blackhole

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What about moving to a bigger city?

I've been thinking about it, but finances don't allow. I finish school in about 3 years (debt free), so maybe then; but, that's getting pretty old for marriage...
 
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Tree of Life

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I've been thinking about it, but finances don't allow. I finish school in about 3 years (debt free), so maybe then; but, that's getting pretty old for marriage...

I know a lot of guys who got married in their late 30s or 40s for the first time.
 
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blackhole

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You sound like someone who likes mental athletics. People like that don't necessarily work in academia or higher education.

Pursue activities that you enjoy, and try to meet people who also pursue those activities.

Consider every social invitation or opportunity, unless it is highly questionable in some way (drugs, immorality, etc.).
You never know who you might meet...

Keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready for opportunities when they arise.
Often they pop up unexpectedly.

Don't rule anyone out for minor or superficial reasons.
Your assumptions may not be correct.

Each date is a learning experience, and should be approached as such.
I learned a lot about women and myself from each one.

Be willing to explore. Don't hold out for perfection.
As the song says, "We start out walking and learn to run"...

PM me if you like.

I've seen the worst of what our universities produce, and it's terrifying. You're correct, and I'll go further: mental athletics are often unwelcome in universities. Debra Soh, for example: she was a neuropsych researcher, and she left academia because they tend to only accept data that supports the prevalent ideology.

In any case, university is just the best singular place I could think of. Depending on the school, there's a higher rate of intellectuals. And college women outnumber men at 3:2, so there's a large pool of candidates.

I'd love to try more activities in my area, but I've been having a very difficult time finding any to participate in.

I'm attending a different church on Sunday mornings. I might have luck there, I think it has candidates. But, no luck so far.
 
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Rebecca4Christ

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I've been thinking about it, but finances don't allow. I finish school in about 3 years (debt free), so maybe then; but, that's getting pretty old for marriage...
There's an age limit?!:scratch:
 
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Kenny'sID

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If you think it's so damning, why would you link to it here? It seems that you've made your intention clear.

In any case, I don't mind. If someone would reject me over that viewpoint, they're someone I wouldn't want. This goes back to being intellectual.

The reason I linked was two fold. 0ne, because of what I already mentioned which won't necessarily be a problem but could very well, two, because I knew how you would react to it, then I could show you, you need to lighten up a little, at least when you date. Relax, learn to laugh at yourself, be a little less stiff, and don't take disagreements so seriously. I think "easy going" is what I'm trying to describe. :)

I'll be happy to remove the post at your request.
 
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Jordan1989

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Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

I can empathize with you, as I will be 30 this year and have looked around Christian Mingle and other online sources. My church is quite small and there aren't any women there my age.

For me, I am remaining patient until I believe God wants me to be with a woman again, or at all. I understand that God does not command us to be married, in fact the Bible says that the man who doesn't marry does even better and that he can devote his time to Lord. Meditate on 1 Cor 7:32-38.

I also am coming to terms that If it's the Lord's will, I may have to end up moving to find a Godly woman. Is that something you would consider? It would be hard for me, as I have security in my workplace and a job that I love, yet I believe finding a Godly woman would be far more valuable than a preferable job in a preferable location.

Good for you for refusing to marry outside of Christianity - you are making a wise choice and the Lord I'm sure is pleased with this!
 
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blackhole

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The reason I linked was two fold. 0ne, because of what I already mentioned which won't necessarily be a problem but could very well, two, because I knew how you would react to it, then I could show you, you need to lighten up a little, at least when you date. Relax, learn to laugh at yourself, be a little less stiff, and don't take disagreements so seriously. I think "easy going" is what I'm trying to describe. :)

I'll be happy to remove the post at your request.

Nah, leave it. As I said, I really don't care.

And excuse me, I mistook you; my apology. I've had very extreme reactions on other forums when I post similar things, so I thought I had gained a hateful stalker.
 
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Kenny'sID

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Nah, leave it. As I said, I really don't care.

And excuse me, I mistook you. I've had very extreme reactions on other forums when I post similar things, so I thought I had gained a hateful stalker.

Can't really blame you, it could easily have looked that way.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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If you think it's so damning, why would you link to it here? It seems that you've made your intention clear.

In any case, I don't mind. If someone would reject me over that viewpoint, they're someone I wouldn't want. This goes back to being intellectual.
There is nothing wrong with being intellectual. As I said in a previous post. I have an MA in English Literature, and a M.Div. I would hate it if people were intimidated and rejected me because of those academic achievements. I purposely don't advertise these achievements, in fact, my conduct around my friends at church don't give them any clue to my educational achievements. I am still a "Yeah, gidday" type of person, and don't speak in some posh accent like many university trained types.

I found that many first year university students, even though they are ordinary New Zealanders, put away their normal NZ accents and put on false English ones, probably to impress people that they are more intellectual. It seems that some are ashamed of the basic NZ "hoe-down" sheep farmer accent, thinking that being themselves as NZrs somehow shows some type of hillbilly ignorance.

I believe that we can be fully educated in literature, classics, theology, and divinity, without being anyone else than just who we are. My wife knows that I am highly educated, but she is not impressed, and I have to do the dishes and put out the garbage just like any other husband.

If you want to be a good husband to a good woman, learn to enjoy doing the dishes, putting out the garbage, hanging the washing on the line, cooking the evening meal regularly, making the cups of tea, pushing the supermarket trolley for her, feeding the cats, cleaning the toilet, making the bed, and doing the hoovering. Mowing the lawns, trimming the shrubs, weeding the garden, sweeping up the leaves would be an extra bonus. After 28 years of marriage, I have learned that my wife appreciates those things much better than me having two academic degrees.
 
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