• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.

Featured Single - how to find a partner?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by blackhole, Jun 22, 2019.

  1. blackhole

    blackhole Member

    190
    +81
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

    I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

    And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

    I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

    So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Monk Brendan

    Monk Brendan Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,762
    United States
    Melkite Catholic
    Private
    US-Others
    There are many things worse than not getting married. Most of them are marrying the wrong person.
     
    • Agree Agree x 7
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  3. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +4,425
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    That's so true!

    I think I know your problem. Unfortunately, there's not many womeny out there who might be compatible with you.

    Other than getting out more often (other than church) like community activities etc. You'll just have to wait longer, meet more women until you find the right one.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  4. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,469
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    In case God has a lady who is right for you . . . you could be in for a big surprise how love can be better than intellectual :) Ones say, opposites attract. Also, a lady of no education but who has learned how to love can be more intelligent in God's word than many a scholar might be.

    "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

    A lady who helps you grow in Christ and find out how to love can be the example you need to bring up your children.

    "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

    I once had my list of all I wanted in a really Christian woman, and along came someone who could show me every thing I was looking for. But that was show. I knew I needed to make sure with God, but she swayed me elsewhere. And plenty of elsewhere happened, but God had mercy on me and I got out.

    Make sure with God.
     
  5. Oscarr

    Oscarr Senior Veteran Supporter

    +7,315
    New Zealand
    Pentecostal
    Married
    My advice is that you give up trying to find the equivalent of the virgin Mary, and you might meet a good woman who is not looking for the equivalent of the Messiah! Often, when we are searching for the ideal woman, we seem to be blind to many good prospective partners all around us. I don't believe that there is just one special person to be a life partner. Once hindrance may be that women who come across your path may not feel that they are holy enough, or intellectual enough for you.

    I have an M.A. and a M.Div. so I guess that makes me an intellectual, but 28 years ago I married an office receptionist and we have been happily married ever since.
     
  6. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +4,425
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    The intellectual level of an office receptionist is criminally underrated, trust me.

    Many people don't want that work for a good reason!
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  7. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,994
    Christian
    Single
    Leave intellectual discussions like the following off the menu when you dine out. You may have already distanced some on this very thread, udderly. Yes, I'm serious.

    Prove me wrong: modesty/skin exposure
     
  8. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain Supporter

    +5,556
    United States
    Reformed
    Married
    What about moving to a bigger city?
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  9. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,994
    Christian
    Single
    Yep, you can increase your odds like that and in doing more in all aspects of this, that is if you haven't already.
     
  10. Darkhorse

    Darkhorse just horsing around

    +2,858
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    US-Republican
    You sound like someone who likes mental athletics. People like that don't necessarily work in academia or higher education.

    Pursue activities that you enjoy, and try to meet people who also pursue those activities.

    Consider every social invitation or opportunity, unless it is highly questionable in some way (drugs, immorality, etc.).
    You never know who you might meet...

    Keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready for opportunities when they arise.
    Often they pop up unexpectedly.

    Don't rule anyone out for minor or superficial reasons.
    Your assumptions may not be correct.

    Each date is a learning experience, and should be approached as such.
    I learned a lot about women and myself from each one.

    Be willing to explore. Don't hold out for perfection.
    As the song says, "We start out walking and learn to run"...

    PM me if you like.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  11. blackhole

    blackhole Member

    190
    +81
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    If you think it's so damning, why would you link to it here? It seems that you've made your intention clear.

    In any case, I don't mind. If someone would reject me over that viewpoint, they're someone I wouldn't want. This goes back to being intellectual.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
  12. blackhole

    blackhole Member

    190
    +81
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I've been thinking about it, but finances don't allow. I finish school in about 3 years (debt free), so maybe then; but, that's getting pretty old for marriage...
     
  13. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain Supporter

    +5,556
    United States
    Reformed
    Married
    I know a lot of guys who got married in their late 30s or 40s for the first time.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  14. blackhole

    blackhole Member

    190
    +81
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I've seen the worst of what our universities produce, and it's terrifying. You're correct, and I'll go further: mental athletics are often unwelcome in universities. Debra Soh, for example: she was a neuropsych researcher, and she left academia because they tend to only accept data that supports the prevalent ideology.

    In any case, university is just the best singular place I could think of. Depending on the school, there's a higher rate of intellectuals. And college women outnumber men at 3:2, so there's a large pool of candidates.

    I'd love to try more activities in my area, but I've been having a very difficult time finding any to participate in.

    I'm attending a different church on Sunday mornings. I might have luck there, I think it has candidates. But, no luck so far.
     
  15. Rebecca4Christ

    Rebecca4Christ New Member Supporter

    64
    +50
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
    There's an age limit?!:scratch:
     
  16. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,994
    Christian
    Single
    The reason I linked was two fold. 0ne, because of what I already mentioned which won't necessarily be a problem but could very well, two, because I knew how you would react to it, then I could show you, you need to lighten up a little, at least when you date. Relax, learn to laugh at yourself, be a little less stiff, and don't take disagreements so seriously. I think "easy going" is what I'm trying to describe. :)

    I'll be happy to remove the post at your request.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  17. Jordan1989

    Jordan1989 Member

    59
    +62
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
    I can empathize with you, as I will be 30 this year and have looked around Christian Mingle and other online sources. My church is quite small and there aren't any women there my age.

    For me, I am remaining patient until I believe God wants me to be with a woman again, or at all. I understand that God does not command us to be married, in fact the Bible says that the man who doesn't marry does even better and that he can devote his time to Lord. Meditate on 1 Cor 7:32-38.

    I also am coming to terms that If it's the Lord's will, I may have to end up moving to find a Godly woman. Is that something you would consider? It would be hard for me, as I have security in my workplace and a job that I love, yet I believe finding a Godly woman would be far more valuable than a preferable job in a preferable location.

    Good for you for refusing to marry outside of Christianity - you are making a wise choice and the Lord I'm sure is pleased with this!
     
  18. blackhole

    blackhole Member

    190
    +81
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Nah, leave it. As I said, I really don't care.

    And excuse me, I mistook you; my apology. I've had very extreme reactions on other forums when I post similar things, so I thought I had gained a hateful stalker.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  19. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,994
    Christian
    Single
    Can't really blame you, it could easily have looked that way.
     
  20. Oscarr

    Oscarr Senior Veteran Supporter

    +7,315
    New Zealand
    Pentecostal
    Married
    There is nothing wrong with being intellectual. As I said in a previous post. I have an MA in English Literature, and a M.Div. I would hate it if people were intimidated and rejected me because of those academic achievements. I purposely don't advertise these achievements, in fact, my conduct around my friends at church don't give them any clue to my educational achievements. I am still a "Yeah, gidday" type of person, and don't speak in some posh accent like many university trained types.

    I found that many first year university students, even though they are ordinary New Zealanders, put away their normal NZ accents and put on false English ones, probably to impress people that they are more intellectual. It seems that some are ashamed of the basic NZ "hoe-down" sheep farmer accent, thinking that being themselves as NZrs somehow shows some type of hillbilly ignorance.

    I believe that we can be fully educated in literature, classics, theology, and divinity, without being anyone else than just who we are. My wife knows that I am highly educated, but she is not impressed, and I have to do the dishes and put out the garbage just like any other husband.

    If you want to be a good husband to a good woman, learn to enjoy doing the dishes, putting out the garbage, hanging the washing on the line, cooking the evening meal regularly, making the cups of tea, pushing the supermarket trolley for her, feeding the cats, cleaning the toilet, making the bed, and doing the hoovering. Mowing the lawns, trimming the shrubs, weeding the garden, sweeping up the leaves would be an extra bonus. After 28 years of marriage, I have learned that my wife appreciates those things much better than me having two academic degrees.
     
Loading...