I’ve been in this situation and it’s hard. Specially hard when people don’t understand the moral struggle and the pain in the heart. It hurts to feel you are constantly failing God. It also hurts when people pretend it’s easy and they are successful in overcoming without fail, when for most that is just unrealistic and impossible even.
I interpreted my struggles as a calling to pursue a relationship. Temptation was so pervasive and stressful it made me cry, feel inadequate, feel distant form God, be rejected by church friends who were judgmental, it was very very painful.
What helped me deal with this is:
1. Don’t torture yourself, as you’ve said it’s a natural desire God has placed on humans and that doesn’t make you a demon possessed individual. Most single Christian’s people struggle more than they are willing to openly admit.
2. Keep yourself occupied. Tire yourself, work long hours, exercise, create personal projects, spend time with people, volunteer, this helps keep the mind at bay and helps you fall asleep faster than temptation can come to you lol.
3. Remember the benefits of celibacy. No STD, no emotional harm by being sexually used or abused and discarded by men, you won’t drag past bad experiences into a new relationship, no unplanned pregnancy. Give thanks to God being celibate is good for you in more significant ways than abstinence causes suffering. You won’t regret it.
4. Pursue dating. I was single for 8 years and struggling, but I was never approached by any guy let alone any Christian so, contrary to common advice I took a more active approach to this situation. I started going to Bible study, I talked to guys I found attractive, I faced rejection, I was more open to dating men who were not necessarily my type. I finally met someone and now I’ll be getting married soon.
5. Be careful while dating and I mean it. In my country men are mysoginists. While I tried to be more proactive I faced disrespect, unwanted advances, manipulation and one time a guy restrained me. My life was endangered by a Christian guy from church. Don’t think a guy being Christian inmediately grants him the opportunity to be with you. Avoid being alone with men, try keeping some company with you. I didn’t have anyone who would help make us company me and that’s why I ended up in that tricky situation.
6. Learn what is a healthy relationship and how abuse looks like and avoid it. Don’t stand disrespectful men just because they are Christian. Manipulators, liars, jealousy, avoid that like the plague.
7. Be honest with yourself. It takes two to have a healthy relationship, try to see what you can do better, whether I’d be being more patient, more open minded, less superficial, more tidy, whatever it is. You can ask help from friends, family, pastors, elders. Make sure they are people that love you sincerely.
8. Be careful with people. I had fake friends at church that tried to sabotage me, the only explanation I can think of is that they didn’t want me to find a partner.
Choosing a partner is a very important decision, seek as much guidance as you deem necessary, but know that at the end of the day there will always be doubts.
Don’t do it alone, involve people because that will protect you in more ways that you may be aware of. Abusive men will not harm you if that would destroyed their reputation, always let them know people know what you are doing and that you are keeping them updated on how things go. Avoid being in dangerous situations like being isolated, alone in a room or a car with a man you don’t know much.
I wish you the best of luck ❤️ God sees your tears and knows your heart desire to please him, I believe that is way more important that having a perfect performance.