Because I have religious OCD, I am tending to wonder whether or not I am a Christian. Therefore, this is being posted in “Struggles by Non-Christians.” A person with religious OCD has the OCD doubt machine attack their belief in their own salvation frequently. In my today’s Bible reading, I read one of the places where Jesus says to take up one’s cross and follow him. I believe in salvation in a moment. In some places in the Bible, such as when Jesus counseled the rich young ruler, it says harsh things like take up one’s cross and follow Jesus. In other places, it indicates instantaneous salvation. For instance, in the gospel of John, a man has travelled from another city to meet Jesus. He begs Jesus for the life of his dying son. Jesus said, “Your son lives.” I think this was about one o’clock in the afternoon. The man returned to his own city. As he approached his house the next day, his servants met him and said that the fever had left his son. He inquired about when this happened. They told him the time his son was healed and he realized it was at the same time Jesus had told him his son lives, the day before. It says, then, simply, “Then he believed and his whole household.” At another point, Jesus told the sinful woman who was washing his feet at a dinner party, “Your sins are forgiven.” He said the same to the paralytic who was let down in front of him through the roof of a house. He told the woman at the well that he had living water for her. She believed and asked for the living water. Each of these instances were where the person believed and got saved in a moment. He did not say to any of them, take up your cross and follow me. Based on my knowledge of Christian/gospel doctrine, I suppose that the “instant believers” each, in their heart, along with “believing,” immediately decided to take up their cross and follow Jesus.
I have long concentrated on the moment of salvation. I have long sought the moment of salvation. That is because I know that after that moment, one’s sins are permanently forgiven. Salvation cannot be yanked from you after you have it, no matter what. Anybody who says otherwise I vehemently disagree with. Salvation occurs in a moment. But that is one incredible moment! Jesus said tough things like “count the cost” and that he who places his hands to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the kingdom of heaven. So, my question is, what does one have to do to really be saved? On the one hand, they have to deny themselves and take up their cross; on the other hand, the moment one believes, they are saved. I suppose it has something to do with trusting Jesus. I forgot to mention at the start of this that besides OCD, I have wavering faith. For me, trust and following Jesus can come and go on the scale of moments. I can seriously give my life to Christ at one moment, and the next be back to the way I normally am, which I suppose is: living for myself. I try to say to Jesus, ‘since you save in a moment and you do not waver, Ephesians 1:13-14 apply to me.’ Ephesians 1:13b says that believers HAVE trusted Christ, past tense, and that they were then sealed by the Holy Spirit. I want to believe that I HAVE trusted Christ, whether or not I am continuing to trust him at the present moment, and am therefore sealed by the Holy Spirit. But my OCD and wavering faith conspire to make me doubt my salvation again, shortly. How much psychological prepping, for how long, does one have to do to decide to bear one’s cross and follow Jesus? If one supposedly trusts Christ for a moment, but then their faith wavers away two seconds later, then they can wonder about the reality of their conversion.
What must I do to be saved?
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