What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

Interesting. You must really have a drive to improve yourself. You don't think you're good the way you are now? Or are these just areas you're really interested in you'd like to learn from?

I’m naturally goal-oriented and enjoy learning and personal growth. Skill acquisition and proficiency are satisfying. I’ll always have something I’m working towards or improving. It’s in my DNA.

I didn't know there were professional coaches on so many topics. I wonder if there's men versions of beauty coaches. Maybe that'd help me......I doubt it, but I could at least say I'm giving everything. Wonder what some other topics of coaching for men there are.

You can find a coach for everything. There are Christian coaches who apply a biblical approach to their teachings. I’m sure there’s some for men and more.

Everyone I talk to about that says that's not true, & point out while it can be challenging for me, I've met many people & have had many friendships & experiences.

I’m no expert on shyness. I don’t typically attract shy men or introverts. I don’t know why they’d find me appealing. We’re very different.

I've had people advise I should move South (for many many different reasons), but I live in a city that generally shares my beliefs & values or is at least split you could call it even.

Would you consider it? I don’t want to move there. I could tolerate stints in the winter but it isn’t home. I like New England most. Winter escapes are fine.

There's a few Christian colleges in my city. I've thought moving to a real college town could help, tho I think I'm starting to get too old for that demographic.

I live near several universities and a Christian college. A church I went to was filled with students. Ninety percent of attendees were 40 and under. It was a mecca for prospects. That’s one of the rare instances I might have considered a church member.

 

[Niels]

There's a lot going on, and last night I didn't get much sleep. It will be interesting to see how productive I am tonight.

 

[bèlla]

Listening to the presentations from a recent event with the relationship coach. This is getting deep and we’re 20 minutes in. Sometimes you know you’ll encounter something that changes your trajectory. That’s how this feels.

 

[bèlla]

@Multifavs prayer request for her job in case you missed it.

 

[DragonFox91]

Oh boy, here's a mega post response.

Congrats! I’m glad they’re done. Now you can restore order and enjoy your space. I understand the clean-freak gene. I inherited the same.

Thank you! The gene is nowhere near as freaky as theirs, but seems to be freaky enough.

When you say everyone are you speaking of Christians or the general population?

General population

No it isn’t. Why am I fortunate?

B/c a stranger of a man was interested in you, came up to you & you hit it off. A lot of women would love that!

Women respond in subtle ways but some are overt and won’t hide their interest. You can communicate agreement through the eyes, tone, and body language.

Sometimes that’s the case and sometimes it isn’t. Someone has to make a move to get the ball rolling. The more you do it the more comfortable you become.

Truth be told, most people ignore them. They’re invisible to the ones they serve.

Assume the best unless the person demonstrates otherwise. If she’s being nice return the favor and see what happens.

Hmm, did you cashier or waitress?

I'll try that. It's not always easy tho!

You should! Cultural events are great venues to meet likeminded company. People are usually friendly and talkative.

I have a few in mind......ugh this pandemic needs to end, tho. I don't care if you think they're necessary or not, NO ONE should like living thru these lockdowns.

I’m naturally goal-oriented and enjoy learning and personal growth. Skill acquisition and proficiency are satisfying. I’ll always have something I’m working towards or improving. It’s in my DNA.

That's good!

You can find a coach for everything. There are Christian coaches who apply a biblical approach to their teachings. I’m sure there’s some for men and more.

Who knows. Men are very 'figure it out yourself!'

I’m no expert on shyness. I don’t typically attract shy men or introverts. I don’t know why they’d find me appealing. We’re very different.

Right. I am looking for a kind of shier girl, but my best friend in college was very outgoing. He can talk to anyone about anything forever. Sometimes I wonder if a girl like that would be best for me, but probably not. I don't think I'd have a chance w/ that kind of woman anyways.

Would you consider it? I don’t want to move there. I could tolerate stints in the winter but it isn’t home. I like New England most. Winter escapes are fine.

Yes. I have family in Georgia. Someday I think they'll move up here to be w/ the rest of the family, but I keep telling them, the South is where it's at, especially considering you have a big city in Atlanta, there's so many job opportunities there. Also have a friend in Florida, so that could be a possibility someday too.

I live near several universities and a Christian college. A church I went to was filled with students. Ninety percent of attendees were 40 and under. It was a mecca for prospects. That’s one of the rare instances I might have considered a church member.

I'll take a look at the Christian colleges' by me websites. Maybe they have services or events geared more to the community (that a lot of the students & other younger people will attend) that aren't specifically for students. I think of meeting women my age or younger, but I also think I'd have a better shot w/ older women. IDK if that's just b/c I meet more older women now & aren't really meeting women in their 20s & 30s, but even back when I was in college, my female "friends" were a few classes higher.

 

[DragonFox91]

I see a lot of stories on sexual assault. Those numbers must be insane, crazy high. We need better men so much. Why can't men learn discipline & respect? The woman is a person, a living human being.

 

[bèlla]

Thank you! The gene is nowhere near as freaky as theirs, but seems to be freaky enough.

Cleanliness is an admirable trait. You’ll assist your wife in keeping things orderly without request or pressure. That’s a wonderful asset.

B/c a stranger of a man was interested in you, came up to you & you hit it off. A lot of women would love that!

Technology wasn’t always a focal point in society. Fun meant connecting with friends and getting out. In the course of doing so you encountered the opposite sex. Flirting was common. Even on school field trips. We noticed one another much more.

Hmm, did you cashier or waitress?

No, we dined out on Fridays and I visited my aunt on weekends frequently. We shopped and went to restaurants often. I had opportunities to observe behavior and she encouraged the practice. Over time you notice differences in address, tone, and candor. Sometimes affluence diminishes politeness.

I have a few in mind......ugh this pandemic needs to end, tho. I don't care if you think they're necessary or not, NO ONE should like living thru these lockdowns.

I think it’s nice you’re looking forward to resuming activities and getting out. I read a poignant piece on the impact the pandemic had on opera companies and joined a streaming service. The thought of never seeing a live performance was pretty jarring. I’m sure others have compiled a list as you’ve done.

Who knows. Men are very 'figure it out yourself!'

You discover a lot through that approach. It can be tempting to ask for help but a little digging usually yields more than a question would. Unless you’re being handy. In that case, ask away!

Right. I am looking for a kind of shier girl, but my best friend in college was very outgoing. He can talk to anyone about anything forever. Sometimes I wonder if a girl like that would be best for me, but probably not. I don't think I'd have a chance w/ that kind of woman anyways.

I want to paint the town and see the world. Getting out once in a while isn’t an authentic expression of my heart.

Yes. I have family in Georgia.

You have options. Maybe you’ll consider it when you marry and start a family.

I'll take a look at the Christian colleges' by me websites. Maybe they have services or events geared more to the community (that a lot of the students & other younger people will attend) that aren't specifically for students.

Many do. A local school hosted a yearly conference and our church was one of the venues. The students brought a different energy. It was electric and engaged.

I think of meeting women my age or younger, but I also think I'd have a better shot w/ older women. IDK if that's just b/c I meet more older women now & aren't really meeting women in their 20s & 30s, but even back when I was in college, my female "friends" were a few classes higher.

I asked myself a question this morning. What are you genuinely attracted to in a man? Not what I should find appealing or other’s believe is important. But what stirs my waters.

Physically, what gives me butterflies. What engages my mind and allows me to soak up his knowledge. What does he say and do that makes me feel valued and secure. What fuels my respect and admiration and compels my trust. What do we do. Where do we go. What do we enjoy. Paint a picture.

That’s the truth. Unfiltered. Uninfluenced. That’s my soul speaking. That’s what I need to carry to the Lord. This is the desire of my heart. Wholly me.

Every interaction beyond that point is a journey to him. I don’t need to find someone. I need my heart song beside me. His melody is distinct. It will speak to me in ways none can.

Time for the daily DIY. I’m finishing the sideboard and making a hostess drawer. It contains small gifts for guests. Like candles, pocket devotionals, inspirational sayings, and so on. Simple thinking of you reminders.

Enjoy your day back at work.

 

[sampa]

So it's been on my mind for a while -kindness. At the start of and during this pandemic I have noticed traffic patterns of speeding, but less traffic. Aggressive drivers and some almost running me over in parking lots.

And my hope at the beginning of this pandemic was that it would draw people together with even more compassion for each other because of the virus. I did see some of that happening in neighborhoods of drawing together but in everyday interactions not so much. But not to lose hope though there have been some extraordinary actions of kindness that sometimes you only experience around Christmas time.

I paused to think about this even more today when I stopped in a Starbucks and they had the quote that you see in the attached photo.

The moments of kindness that stick out on my mind is September of 2020 when I visited Chicago and there were people that had mask on of be kind and I actually experienced that. Even with the mask on people seem to notice if I was lost or wanted to stop and offer me help. From directions to finding coffee or a stranger stopping to let me know that the sizes of the mask we were looking at run large. In my own local area, I had just unloaded my shopping cart and was going to put it away outside in the parking lot. A man stopped and said let me take your cart so you don't have to in this wind and cold.. I noticed he was a veteran and that started a small conversation while his wife waited in the car for him for his return.

Anyways this is a long-winded thought, but this year I have been seeing people with mental breakdowns more than ever. I've made it a focus in my workplace as a wellness representative to focus on mental health. Physical is important but we need to make sure to maintain the mental. please be kind, you just never know what the person next to you is experiencing.

 

[MehGuy]

I have to say my situation with that one woman at work has improved. Ever since ignoring her in a friendly context she's been a lot more nice to me and doesn't act obnoxious. She seems somewhat sad.. and even kind of giving up talking to me the same way as before.

Today she even picked another man to work with. I was so happy about that. Think she kind of likes this guy too, although he's probably too young for her. She still likes to be around him. While I'd feel bad for him.. I think he's a little naïve about her and doesn't seem to have the same issue with conversing with her as I do. Hoping she just latches on to him from now on.

 

[sampa]

@sampa

This looks right up your alley. I recall we have other runners on the forum. They might enjoy it too.

View attachment 294303

As a runner, you want to accomplish your physical goals. But deep down, you long for your training to be a more meaningful experience, engaging your body, mind, soul, and spirit.

Walk, Run, Soar is a 52-week devotional and training journal designed for runners who hope to experience God's presence, purpose, and glory in a deeper way as they run. Dorina Gilmore Young, and her triathlete husband, Shawn, will get you moving with a new motivation: improving your spiritual health.

Along with weekly devotions to inspire you, Walk, Run, Soar includes
- practical running/training tips
- training schedules from a running and triathlon coach
- advice on how to fuel your body well
- reflection questions and action steps
- space to journal and record your running progress

Whether you are new to running or a longtime runner, Walk, Run, Soar will motivate you to hit your fitness goals while strengthening your faith.

It came today!

 

[MehGuy]

I have to say my situation with that one woman at work has improved. Ever since ignoring her in a friendly context she's been a lot more nice to me and doesn't act obnoxious. She seems somewhat sad.. and even kind of giving up talking to me the same way as before.

Today she even picked another man to work with. I was so happy about that. Think she kind of likes this guy too, although he's probably too young for her. She still likes to be around him. While I'd feel bad for him.. I think he's a little naïve about her and doesn't seem to have the same issue with conversing with her as I do. Hoping she just latches on to him from now on.

Also the original manager is back in charge.. she can't really make me work with her anymore either since she isn't as close friends with this one.. I checked the board and so far (it can change) I'm not scheduled to work with her tomorrow either.

 

[DragonFox91]

Cleanliness is an admirable trait. You’ll assist your wife in keeping things orderly without request or pressure. That’s a wonderful asset.

What wife???

But yes, it's a useful trait to have.

Technology wasn’t always a focal point in society. Fun meant connecting with friends and getting out. In the course of doing so you encountered the opposite sex. Flirting was common. Even on school field trips. We noticed one another much more.

Technology has ruined everything IMO. And the pandemic is making it worse. And no one thought of the long-term repercussions it would have. It’s already having short-term ones.

No, we dined out on Fridays and I visited my aunt on weekends frequently. We shopped and went to restaurants often. I had opportunities to observe behavior and she encouraged the practice. Over time you notice differences in address, tone, and candor. Sometimes affluence diminishes politeness.


I think it’s nice you’re looking forward to resuming activities and getting out. I read a poignant piece on the impact the pandemic had on opera companies and joined a streaming service. The thought of never seeing a live performance was pretty jarring. I’m sure others have compiled a list as you’ve done.

Yes, I go to restaurants & activities when things are open. That won't be new for me. But it's just w/ other men. I didn't really think of trying what we were talking about tho....well, I wanted to but doubts & untruths crept in, so I can't wait to ignore them when things are more open. Things are open, but not fun things, & fun things are where good things happen.

You discover a lot through that approach. It can be tempting to ask for help but a little digging usually yields more than a question would. Unless you’re being handy. In that case, ask away!

I want to paint the town and see the world. Getting out once in a while isn’t an authentic expression of my heart.

Being shy doesn’t mean you don’t like going out.

You have options. Maybe you’ll consider it when you marry and start a family.

The time would've been before I bought my place. I can always sell, but I feel like my place is here now. As you said, I have options, for down the road.

Many do. A local school hosted a yearly conference and our church was one of the venues. The students brought a different energy. It was electric and engaged.

I went to a big Christian conference once at a university. It was a blast! As a Christian am I allowed to say it was magical? It felt that way!

I asked myself a question this morning. What are you genuinely attracted to in a man? Not what I should find appealing or other’s believe is important. But what stirs my waters.


Physically, what gives me butterflies. What engages my mind and allows me to soak up his knowledge. What does he say and do that makes me feel valued and secure. What fuels my respect and admiration and compels my trust. What do we do. Where do we go. What do we enjoy. Paint a picture.


That’s the truth. Unfiltered. Uninfluenced. That’s my soul speaking. That’s what I need to carry to the Lord. This is the desire of my heart. Wholly me.


Every interaction beyond that point is a journey to him. I don’t need to find someone. I need my heart song beside me. His melody is distinct. It will speak to me in ways none can.

It seems strange you're still asking those questions after having dated so much. I guess that's a good thing tho. You've been able to better find what you traits like & what traits you don't like. Now you just need someone w/ all the traits you do like.

Time for the daily DIY. I’m finishing the sideboard and making a hostess drawer. It contains small gifts for guests. Like candles, pocket devotionals, inspirational sayings, and so on. Simple thinking of you reminders.


Enjoy your day back at work.

You must be quite the partier to have a hostess drawer!

 

[bèlla]

Today was really productive. The sideboard is done and I moved the household trinkets in. I have a collection of recorded teachings that would be nice to listen to while sewing or exercising.

 

[bèlla]

What wife???

You know what I mean!

But yes, it's a useful trait to have.

Helping around the house is the number one thing women complain about. You’ll avoid it.

Technology has ruined everything IMO. And the pandemic is making it worse. And no one thought of the long-term repercussions it would have. It’s already having short-term ones.

I have a lot of old fashioned hobbies for that reason. I wanted activities I could do at home while in the company of my spouse and loved ones that allowed us to converse and engage. I specifically looked for interests which benefited my family or allowed me to share with others.

I sew, can and preserve, make homemade soaps and body products, cook and bake, enjoy crafts, scrapbooking, and digital photography. Knitting, quilting, and needlework are on my to be tackled shortlist.

I enjoy music too and have a full size keyboard. The piano, harp and violin are my favorite instruments. Playing in a chamber ensemble is a long held goal and I’ll have time when my studies end.

I didn't really think of trying what we were talking about tho....well, I wanted to but doubts & untruths crept in, so I can't wait to ignore them when things are more open.

That’s understandable. But there’s a lot to look forward to. What are itching to do first?

Being shy doesn’t mean you don’t like going out.

That isn’t what I meant. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I have many social requirements with my work I can’t ignore. It can be overwhelming if you don’t enjoy socializing or a busy schedule.

I went to a big Christian conference once at a university. It was a blast! As a Christian am I allowed to say it was magical? It felt that way!

Of course! I bet it was amazing.

It seems strange you're still asking those questions after having dated so much. I guess that's a good thing tho. You've been able to better find what you traits like & what traits you don't like. Now you just need someone w/ all the traits you do like.

I’m revisiting the questions because I’ve grown. Some qualities are more appealing now I’ve matured. Others are missional or long held desires I’m preparing to manifest.

Intention is key as you know. It sets the tone. You need the guideposts to stay on track. It doesn’t matter how many you have or haven’t dated. What’s most important is who you are in the process.

That’s the barometer for attracting the right person. You’re going to draw the wrong ones too. But you have to know the difference. Taking stock allows you to see what you’re projecting and make adjustments.

We’re going to meet amazing people. They’ll take their time to know us and enjoy the process. It won’t happen all at once like a flash in the pan. The momentum will build and their eagerness will be balanced. It won’t be frantic or erratic. We’ll see a steady progression of interactions and intimacy. That will be wonderful.

You must be quite the partier to have a hostess drawer!

Or I shop a lot.

Seriously, I enjoy entertaining and look forward to resuming it. I want to host dinner parties and afternoon gatherings to encourage fellowship.

 

[bèlla]

It appears Jeff Bezos is stepping down as the CEO of Amazon in the third quarter this year. He’s been with the company for 27 years.

The news was a little sad. I’m uncertain if the move was voluntary or recommended by the board.

 

[DragonFox91]

You know what I mean!

If I'm to have a wife

Helping around the house is the number one thing women complain about. You’ll avoid it.

For sure! Older women I meet are always talking about how their husband didn't clean X or Y & just sits around.

What would happen to me is I'd clean but it won't be to her standards!

I have a lot of old fashioned hobbies for that reason. I wanted activities I could do at home while in the company of my spouse and loved ones that allowed us to converse and engage. I specifically looked for interests which benefited my family or allowed me to share with others.


I sew, can and preserve, make homemade soaps and body products, cook and bake, enjoy crafts, scrapbooking, and digital photography. Knitting, quilting, and needlework are on my to be tackled shortlist.


I enjoy music too and have a full size keyboard. The piano, harp and violin are my favorite instruments. Playing in a chamber ensemble is a long held goal and I’ll have time when my studies end.

That's great! Very diverse. All build yourself & something else. Making something. Creation. For others' benefit too.


I wonder sometimes if I should try learning an instrument.

That’s understandable. But there’s a lot to look forward to. What are itching to do first?

Going to dine-in restaurants & sporting events, for sure.

That isn’t what I meant. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I have many social requirements with my work I can’t ignore. It can be overwhelming if you don’t enjoy socializing or a busy schedule.

Of course! I bet it was amazing.

It was so much. I met so many people & developed existing friendships. All loving God, wanting to worship & praise & learn.

Maybe someday there'll be another conference I can go to & have the same experiences.

I’m revisiting the questions because I’ve grown. Some qualities are more appealing now I’ve matured. Others are missional or long held desires I’m preparing to manifest.


Intention is key as you know. It sets the tone. You need the guideposts to stay on track. It doesn’t matter how many you have or haven’t dated. What’s most important is who you are in the process.


That’s the barometer for attracting the right person. You’re going to draw the wrong ones too. But you have to know the difference. Taking stock allows you to see what you’re projecting and make adjustments.


We’re going to meet amazing people. They’ll take their time to know us and enjoy the process. It won’t happen all at once like a flash in the pan. The momentum will build and their eagerness will be balanced. It won’t be frantic or erratic. We’ll see a steady progression of interactions and intimacy. That will be wonderful.

We? Maybe you will.

"Steady progression. Not a flash." I need to remember that.


That's good you do all that. You'll avoid trouble, at least more trouble then you've probably already run into, at least. You're maturing so much. You'll attract the right one, the kind you're looking for. He is probably doing the same, or if he's not, has wisened to a level he's confident w/ & just has to do the waiting game till he meets you now.

 

[DragonFox91]

I wish looked less like an evil smirk or plotting something devilish & looked more like a genuine smile. Hmm, maybe it's supposed to look like that

 

[bèlla]

If I'm to have a wife

I don’t believe limited opportunities means no. Most people called to singleness have an internal certainty that isn’t the result of circumstances. And they have peace.

For sure! Older women I meet are always talking about how their husband didn't clean X or Y & just sits around.

It can be difficult to live with an untidy person if you value order.

What would happen to me is I'd clean but it won't be to her standards!

Or you’re better than her and she hands it off!

That's great! Very diverse. All build yourself & something else. Making something. Creation. For others' benefit too.

Thank you. I was influenced by Proverbs 31 and period films. Togetherness is powerful. We had a standing game night on Friday. I brought in treats and we played board and video games. I think the combination of quality time, family time, and time alone is ideal.

I wonder sometimes if I should try learning an instrument.

It opens up another avenue for connecting. That’s why I love the violin. Every school of music or lay society has a chamber ensemble. Practicing and performing together is nice. What would you take up?

Going to dine-in restaurants & sporting events, for sure.

What are your favorite dishes and sports?

Maybe someday there'll be another conference I can go to & have the same experiences.

Maybe you can search for annual conferences to see the calendar and make a note of the ones which look interesting. The majority rotate locations and may be coming your way in the near future.

We? Maybe you will.

Yes we.

That's good you do all that. You'll avoid trouble, at least more trouble then you've probably already run into, at least. You're maturing so much. You'll attract the right one, the kind you're looking for. He is probably doing the same, or if he's not, has wisened to a level he's confident w/ & just has to do the waiting game till he meets you now.

Thank you. That was kind of you to say.

Christian dating is relatively new for me. I wasn’t raised with the ideals many reference. I don’t want to be in a state of overthinking or micromanaging my dating life.

I want an equal. That implies a mutual sense of contentment, worthiness, and wisdom. He values himself to the degree he’s willing to wait. He doesn’t pull the trigger on the first person who shows interest or chases fantasies.

He’s able to make an honest assessment of himself and what he’s seeking. Sometimes you encounter the one you want but you aren’t ready for them. Especially when you’re ruled by scarcity and fear. You establish walls and roadblocks. They’re relational barriers.

His why is important. It isn’t because he’s lonely, wants someone to talk to, desires a family, or is afraid of being alone. That can’t be the reason I’m his choice. You can fill that void with anyone.

 

[Multifavs]

I may come back to this forum, but we'll see...

Please pray for me as I'm not doing very well mentally right now. I've about had enough of secular sites, and I don't know what ever made me think that going back to one was a good idea.

 

[TenthAveN]

I may come back to this forum, but we'll see...

Please pray for me as I'm not doing very well mentally right now. I've about had enough of secular sites, and I don't know what ever made me think that going back to one was a good idea.

I find that Facebook brings me a lot of stress, considering it’s social media where people socialize. I understand your frustration. Will be praying for you.