What should be the boundary if...

[thelord's_pearl]

you're friends with the opposite sex who is married? I don't want to sin and I want to be considerate to a man's wife if I'm friends with a male who is married. What should be the boundary? for instance, should it be that it's ok to be friends as long as you will only be friends or if the wife doesn't like it then we shouldn't be friends or should the wife trust the husband? I'm wondering what the correct answer would be. Thanks for the discussion.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

If you have no other feelings besides brotherly love for said man and if the man's wife is comfortable with you and him being friends and if you don't feel any conviction from The Holy Spirit, then you can probably be friends with him.

Having a serious discussion about this with his wife would be a good place to start. Of course, you should pray about it and ask God for guidance beforehand.

 

[Aussie Pete]

you're friends with the opposite sex who is married? I don't want to sin and I want to be considerate to a man's wife if I'm friends with a male who is married. What should be the boundary? for instance, should it be that it's ok to be friends as long as you will only be friends or if the wife doesn't like it then we shouldn't be friends or should the wife trust the husband? I'm wondering what the correct answer would be. Thanks for the discussion.

It's a tough question. The boundary should be at minimum no physical contact. Repeat, none. Think of him as a brother and make it clear that's how you see him.

 

[LoveGodsWord]

you're friends with the opposite sex who is married? I don't want to sin and I want to be considerate to a man's wife if I'm friends with a male who is married. What should be the boundary? for instance, should it be that it's ok to be friends as long as you will only be friends or if the wife doesn't like it then we shouldn't be friends or should the wife trust the husband? I'm wondering what the correct answer would be. Thanks for the discussion.

Men and women were not designed by God to be just friends. I have never met anyone that can be just friends with the opposite sex. Either one will like the other and the other will not or both will like each other and feelings progress to other areas which can lead to fornication or marriage. If your needing to ask this question as an OP then perhaps God is telling you it may be time to leave this temptation alone in order to have a closer walk with him. Are you having temptation in this area? If you are you know the answer to your question. If you are not that does not mean the guy is not being tempted to stray away from his wife under your leading.

God bless.

 

[thelord's_pearl]

I think if there are boundaries it could be ok, if it is stated that you're just going to be friends. You say that men and women were not designed by God to be just friends but then are married people just going to talk to their own gender and never be friends with the opposite sex? What I'm trying to say is that if each couple could have trust in each other that they're loving and staying with each other it shouldn't be a problem, should it?

 

[thelord's_pearl]

I feel confused. I find that Christians can be very restrictive and not realize that what they say is damaging and perhaps unnecessary and untrue. And it's also considerate to see how it would be like for you if you were in the same situation, I'm politely saying that it's easy to quickly tell someone that something is not right, we have to assess this thoroughly.

 

[LoveGodsWord]

It's more about removing temptation away. If your having problems with sin we should not put ourselves in temptations way. Sin starts with our thoughts and feelings.

 

[bèlla]

We all have first-hand experiences with platonic connections: parents, siblings, relatives, teachers, employers, etc. They provide examples of acceptable behavior and boundaries in human relations.

Desire and intimacy are the primary components of carnal connections. Attraction, romantic fantasies, emotional dependency, and sexual stirrings are indicative of carnal interests. Distinguishing between the two isn’t difficult. Recurring thoughts and feelings are truth serums.

As for the OP, I’m comfortable befriending couples with my spouse. But I wouldn’t take a single man under my wing or support him doing the same. Nor would I maintain a connection with the opposite sex when marrying.

For me, leaving and cleaving encompasses my former self and the oneness I’ve embraced with him. I don’t develop close relationships with men I’m not involved with. In my experience, most have difficulty setting aside personal wants in deference to propriety. Their want for companionship always come first.

Married men are off limits. I don’t need to bear my soul, get his feedback, or anything else. Craving their attention is wrong and that’s usually the culprit in these situations.

She doesn’t need help. She wants his help. And that’s a problem.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[thelord's_pearl]

So you can't talk to the opposite sex like a friend who is married? That is different right? So you always have to talk to your own gender???

 

[LoveGodsWord]

So you can't talk to the opposite sex like a friend who is married? That is different right? So you always have to talk to your own gender???

No one has said that to you thelord's_pearl. I think @bèlla gave you a very good explanation from a godly women's perspective. I think God has given you the answer to your questions in both of your OP's you have started don't you think? If we want to remain faithful to God we do not put ourselves in temptations way.

 

[thelord's_pearl]

I would clearly state that we're just like friends talking to each other. I am not invested. I got what I understood from bella

 

[LoveGodsWord]

I would clearly state that we're just like friends talking to each other. I am not invested. I got what I understood from bella

If your not invested then this should not be too difficult for you. Nice to talk to you. I think you have your answers and I hope they are a blessing to you so you can have a closer walk with our Lord Jesus.

 

[thelord's_pearl]

If your not invested then this should not be too difficult for you.

I did not say that I had difficulty. I am fine with it. I was just asking a question on ethics as to just talking to the opposite sex like a friend who is married

 

[thelord's_pearl]

right, the other person could find you attractive but there are always going to be other people both wife and husband may find attractive or goodlooking, it doesn't mean they're going to pursue them, they're still going to love each other and be committed to each other, that should be key.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

For the sake of propriety and avoiding temptation such friendships should cease.

 

[bèlla]

No one has said that to you thelord's_pearl. I think @bèlla gave you a very good explanation from a godly women's perspective.

LGW,

Thank you for the compliment. I agree with your sentiments regarding men and women and my experiences confirm the same. Most single Christian men don’t view me as a sister. They’re looking for a wife. It comes out eventually.

Acts of kindness are viewed differently in that headspace. She’s being nice and you think she likes you. Befriending women is more edifying and less stressful. That’s who the Lord sends my way. He doesn’t bring me male bffs.

Yours in His Service,

~bella