Please pray for me.

[Neostarwcc]

So one of my closest friends told me this morning that they didn't want to hang around anymore and that basically our friendship of several years is over. They had found somebody else to play video games with and hang out with and didn't want to hang out with my wife and I anymore. It's true. My wife got a job in August and kept the job so she her time to hang out is limited. Especially when I demand so much of her free time because she's the only person who really talks to me anymore. She's the only person I can talk to about God, about theology, and about really any topic I could ever desire. My friend? He is only a Christian on paper. When it comes to actually making moves to BE a Christian he says away. He likes the get out of hell free card but he doesn't like the majority of what makes Christianity, Christianity. He won't ever read the Bible, he only picks the parts of christianity that he likes and completely ignores the rest. Just... all in all a Christian on paper. I'm probably acting childish but right now I don't care. We were supposed to be friends for decades and I promised him I would be his friend for the rest of my life but often times in life people just grow apart I guess.


It happened to me irl too I lost my best friend since second grade when we turned around 19 or so. We reconciled when he got married and then he stopped being my friend after that permanently. He will speak to my sister and my parents but he nor his wife will speak to me. So, why is it everytime God opens a new friendship in my life he closes it shortly afterwards? Even my pastor and I don't really see much eye to eye anymore and we used to hang out all the time. Often we would go to dinner and spread stories and email each other virtually everyday. And then when my wife found a job as i wasn't as much of a charity case anymore he stopped emailing me back and i haven't been to church in months or hung out with him since summer because my wife barely gets a Sunday off.

Its like the only reason we were inseparable was because he had money and my wife and I didn't so he gave us extra attention because we needed it and oftentimes the church would help us with food and everything when we needed it. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to sound ungrateful I just feel used. I feel like now that we don't need as much help with money that our church doesn't care about us much anymore. We are/were the only people in our presbytery that really needed help. The vast majority of our presbytery is financially well off so now that we make normal money and aren't a charity case anymore nobody wants anything to do with us anymore.


It makes me feel abandoned and used. Like everytime God brings somebody into my life I'm supposed to only be friends with them or talk to them for a short while and then God moves on to the next person. I know I'm being childish but, I don't care I guess. I'm just too upset and feel too betrayed to care. I mean everytime I make a friend within 2-3 years sometimes 5 or 6 we won't be friends anymore. I know welcome to life. But, I'm the kind of person who wants to be your friend for the rest of my life. I'm not the kind of friend that will abandon you a few years afterwards. But, that isn't how friendship works I guess. It's supposed to just be temporary. So why is this is the prayer section? Idk I guess I just want prayers that everything will work out in the end and that I will grow up. Let's hope.

 

[turkle]

I'm sorry that you are hurting. I can imagine how that must feel. Praying for you.

When I am the common denomination in a situation, I've found that the most productive solution is to look at myself. How did I contribute to this situation. What behavior of my own could have created it?

In your case, since this seems to be a recurring thing in your life, it could help to look at yourself through the eyes of your former friends. Were you a good friend to them? What behaviors could have pushed them away? Are you someone who contributes to the relationship as much as the other? If not, how could you be?

You say that you feel used by your pastor, but I don't see how. Pastors care for the needs of others, and it sounds like your needs diminished and his job was mostly satisfied. I don't see how his generosity to give you food and money shows that he used you. He sounds most gracious.

I've been on both sides of this situation. When people moved away from me, it was usually because I drove them to it with some kind of annoying behavior. I had to look hard at myself and discover what the behavior was, and correct it. Conversely, I have had friends that I have moved away from because of their behavior. That is a natural response if the relationship feels lopsided and unedifying.

All this to say that I encourage you to look at yourself and discover how you can be a friend that others want to spend time with, one that nurtures the relationship and is enjoyable to be around. I wish you well.

 

[William J]

I pray that God would bring true and loyal friends into your life. I pray that your relationship with other people at your church, especially the pastor, would improve. Overall, I pray that God would look out for you and provide everything you need.

 

[linux.poet]

Dear Lord, I pray for healing for this man's broken heart, and that you may strengthen his heart to deal in an understanding way with his friends, to better understand how other people have needs in addition to his own, and how they quickly fly from one person to another because their needs change ever so quickly, perhaps unlike his own needs.

I pray that You would surround him with understanding companions who can attend to his needs and whom he can form profitable relationships with. In Christ's Name, Amen.

 

[TPop]

So one of my closest friends told me this morning that they didn't want to hang around anymore and that basically our friendship of several years is over. They had found somebody else to play video games with and hang out with and didn't want to hang out with my wife and I anymore. It's true. My wife got a job in August and kept the job so she her time to hang out is limited. Especially when I demand so much of her free time because she's the only person who really talks to me anymore. She's the only person I can talk to about God, about theology, and about really any topic I could ever desire. My friend? He is only a Christian on paper. When it comes to actually making moves to BE a Christian he says away. He likes the get out of hell free card but he doesn't like the majority of what makes Christianity, Christianity. He won't ever read the Bible, he only picks the parts of christianity that he likes and completely ignores the rest. Just... all in all a Christian on paper. I'm probably acting childish but right now I don't care. We were supposed to be friends for decades and I promised him I would be his friend for the rest of my life but often times in life people just grow apart I guess.


It happened to me irl too I lost my best friend since second grade when we turned around 19 or so. We reconciled when he got married and then he stopped being my friend after that permanently. He will speak to my sister and my parents but he nor his wife will speak to me. So, why is it everytime God opens a new friendship in my life he closes it shortly afterwards? Even my pastor and I don't really see much eye to eye anymore and we used to hang out all the time. Often we would go to dinner and spread stories and email each other virtually everyday. And then when my wife found a job as i wasn't as much of a charity case anymore he stopped emailing me back and i haven't been to church in months or hung out with him since summer because my wife barely gets a Sunday off.

Its like the only reason we were inseparable was because he had money and my wife and I didn't so he gave us extra attention because we needed it and oftentimes the church would help us with food and everything when we needed it. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to sound ungrateful I just feel used. I feel like now that we don't need as much help with money that our church doesn't care about us much anymore. We are/were the only people in our presbytery that really needed help. The vast majority of our presbytery is financially well off so now that we make normal money and aren't a charity case anymore nobody wants anything to do with us anymore.


It makes me feel abandoned and used. Like everytime God brings somebody into my life I'm supposed to only be friends with them or talk to them for a short while and then God moves on to the next person. I know I'm being childish but, I don't care I guess. I'm just too upset and feel too betrayed to care. I mean everytime I make a friend within 2-3 years sometimes 5 or 6 we won't be friends anymore. I know welcome to life. But, I'm the kind of person who wants to be your friend for the rest of my life. I'm not the kind of friend that will abandon you a few years afterwards. But, that isn't how friendship works I guess. It's supposed to just be temporary. So why is this is the prayer section? Idk I guess I just want prayers that everything will work out in the end and that I will grow up. Let's hope.

Hello, my friend. (Not a play on words)

Friends. Are they important to you? Or the relationship? Or the time invested? Or the end of? Or what? Somethings maybe you need to ask yourself. Is it a loss? To what degree?

My spouse has lifelong friends. None of which are Born from Above. She does not press them. That is probably why they are still friends. She has a balance that I don't fully agree with. But it is her life.

I have few to no friends. In that, I communicate with them much. I am bad at it. If I move away, I am not a phone person nor email. Partially because for work for decades I have taken 20 to 90 calls a day and/or 50 to 300 emails a day. If they say they are visiting me or tell me to come up I will.

Are you being fed by them? Are they feeding you? How much argument and debate is involved? Not everyone likes that. I love Iron sharpening Iron. But many > most do not enjoy confrontation of any type.

I have, as stated, a spouse. I also have 3 kids. My time for watching the NFL due to kids went from crazy too much, to 1/2 time, to 1/3 time, to nothing. Then nothing because of the woke NFL.

You sound insecure. And that is OK. But does it bleed onto others? That is a burden that others cannot always endure for long.

It is part of life. My spouse's friends are all College friends and work friends. People with a long history of like interests.

Friends can't fill a void. Not a spiritual one nor an emotional one.

Christians, the closer we get to scripture, the further many 'friends' become.

I have no direct answer for you. And God does not take away your friends. It is up to you to keep them. And with guiding wisdom, you can know how much effort you will need in each case, and still, there will be those that move on.

You are hopefully also growing and maturing and changing, and you will not always or for long meet other people's needs. And their needs may not be healthy and have nothing to do with you.

Perhaps what you desire is control. But you don't have much control over that.

Find another good church to visit. See if you make friends there. If you lose them over time, maybe that is just how it is. Maybe there is something you are not recognizing and need to figure out and improve. Only you with the Holy Spirit guiding you can answer that. But we don't always want the answers, or better, embrace the answers. I know I don't.

Peace and Blessings