My psychiatrist refused to answer this question

[Neostarwcc]

Apparently asking this question is faking psychosis and schizophrenia but I know I have it, im not stupid. I was born schizophrenic and had symptoms of schizophrenia from oh so long ago. But anyway I really want to know the answer to this question. Is a delusion from a schizophrenic episode lying?

Like for example somebody who is schizophrenic swears a traumatizing event really happened and it might not have, is that a lie?

Dont get me wrong, im a pathological liar. As a schizophrenic, thats a given. But these specific traumatizing events I SWEAR happened. I have memories of them happening and yet at the same time I have this feeling that they never really happened at all. And for some of these events im told they never happened. Whats going on here?


I know many of you arent psychiatrists. And I really wish mine would answer the question instead of question my mental illness that HE diagnosed in the first place. He's seen me at my most psychotic. I know im psychotic and I have been ever since I was born. Many people here on CF know that im schizophrenic. People can tell from my posts and from my general speech difficulties. You cannot fake being psychotic. Well you can, but not for an extended period of time. Not since from as far back as you can remember. Not from when you didnt realize hallucinations and delusions were not a normal part of everyday life. Not when you learned not to talk about them or your problems.


But anyway on topic. I have memories of these events happening. But, they might not have happened at all. Is such a thing lying or even possible? And, does God counts these as lies against our record? Because we're telling people they happened because we have memories of them happening. But, they likely never happened at all. Is that.... Likely?

 

[mikeforjesus]

I don’t think you would be lying one can have memories of things that didn’t happen though it could have happend. In my dreams I sometimes have false memories of places I visited with others I know as a child that I never did but it felt real that I really used to visit that place

 

[jacks]

If you are saying what you truly believed happened, then there is no intent to deceive. Even though what you say may be wrong, I wouldn't consider it lying.

 

[Neostarwcc]

If you are saying what you truly believed happened, then there is no intent to deceive. Even though what you say may be wrong, I wouldn't consider it lying.

Yes I do believe these things happened to me. I even have memories of them happening. But they might have never happened.


A few examples. This is confirmed to be true by my father. I had confronted him about this years after it happened and he confirmed he did it "because he wanted to put the fear of God into me"

My father used to pick me up from school. I was in high school when this happened. When we got home my dad and I were arguing like we always argued. The argument moved into my room. He was trying to get me to confess something (I dont remember what it was) and I was lying on my bed. He eventually got angry with me, put himself on top of me so I couldn't move and nearly strangled me to death with a pillow. Had I not decided several minutes later to muffle out "okay, okay ill tell you." I probably would have died. I really was lying, my father knew it and thats why he got so enraged at me. So i told him the truth about what really happened and he let go. Again, true confirmed story. He even admitted doing it to my mom and their marriage nearly broke up because of it.


Yet, I have memories of me attacking him in later years and basically "going psycho" on him. I remember blacking out several times when I was attacking him. My mother was an apparent witness to this because my father had woken up my mother im the delusion before I attacked him. Yet, both of my parents insist that this never actually happened when I ask them about it. I have memories of attacking him, I insist it actually happened but yet, the entirety of that night apparently never really happened.

I believe them.because My mother has been a medical nurse for over 40 years and I attacked my wife once for real when I was not in my right mind. (It was during a long 2 month episode which i have almost no memories of) i do remember attacking my wife, I remember also that it really happened because after I attacked her I had to go away for a little while. You'd think if those memories of me attacking my father, and that whole night were real, I would have been sent away too by my mothers urging.

But yet, I'll swear it happened. Both events were just as real. Yet, one of them never actually happened. When I talk about it as if its truth, is it a lie?

 

[bèlla]

Neostarwcc,

I’m sorry you didn’t receive an answer to your question. I’m sure you asked with good intentions. The therapist may be reluctant to respond to alleviate harm or possible upset.

If you are told you’re lying, how will that impact your self-esteem and trust? Will you second guess your thoughts or grow despondent and assume they’re false without further discovery?

On the other hand, acknowledging it isn’t a lie could encourage you to validate everything without discrimination. The therapist is privy to details we lack regarding your condition and coping mechanisms.

But the Great Physician knows your heart and I would leave the burden with Him. Acknowledge your uncertainty. Confess the events you believe are true and pray for forgiveness and His address for all involved.

In this way, if you’re correct you’ve brought the matter to Him and He knows the remedy. If you’re wrong you’ve lifted everyone in prayer and that always helps.

May God grant you peace.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Neostarwcc]

I have almost no trust. I trust my psychiatrist because he and i are usually friends. I've become attached to him over the years. Then I stopped seeing him because he cussed at my parents one time. That's apparently another thing that I have memories of but apparently never happened. I almost cost him his job because I reported it to other people who work in the building. Yet it apparently didnt really happen.

I forgave him a few years ago though and started seeing him again. Whether or not he called my parents that not nice name is irrelevant to me now. Its water under the bridge and psychiatrists are very overworked and stressed.

Yeah youre right. I dont like being told "you lied" when my parents tell me that. Especially if I insist its true and factual. One thing he did tell me when I was first diagnosed is that a lot of times schizophrenics habe a hard time distinguishing reality. To us, something that is false, is actually real. But its really weird when you have memories of these events happening. Like I know what its like to be manic or have an episode of psychosis. Psychosis is completely different than these events.

 

[Gottservant]

Lying isn't wrong, if you don't force people to think it through.

I have false memories, too - like someone on a bike that isn't really there, or a mother and her kids waiting on the street for something that aren't really there.

Struggling to understand your memories, is normal, but you are right schizophrenia can take what is normal and exaggerate it, to an unbearable degree.

Step 1: confess your sins

Step 2: get wise to the Devil.

Step 3: praise the Holy Spirit, for the victory.

And of course, if you get better, make a sacrifice of some kind (a gift to charity) to mark the change (if possible).

 

[Amittai]

Whatever your diagnosis, cognitive dissonance in events, not created by you or I (but by rough moments we lived through when someone else was going beyond good bounds) is hard for us to believe. Evidently your mother felt the same sometimes. Perhaps your therapist is inclined to believe you but sometimes doesn't assert that clearly. Part of the time, we need to teach ourselves this, in case there isn't going to be someone else around. This is how inference helps a lot. (I speak as having been mentally seriously slow over the years.) So, stopping to figure it out (in privacy) definitely isn't lying. I think most people have to keep revisiting a lot of things in this light: we can remind ourselves why we basically believe ourselves, and on ever sounder grounds.

 

[bèlla]

Neostarwcc,

Thank you for expounding. Given the circumstances its understandable why he’d tread carefully because of your welfare and the professional consequences that may follow.

In light of your connection and the negative impact you’d experience, the loving response in this scenario is silence. There’s no practical benefit of answering the question right now.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Unqualified]

Your mind might be playing tricks on you. I agree with @LaBèlla . Don’t obsess over this thought. Would it help in your therapy to know if it’s true? So many things come and go that we are not sure of. Trust God if it’s important He will tell you.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Your mind might be playing tricks on you. I agree with @LaBèlla . Don’t obsess over this thought. Would it help in your therapy to know if it’s true? So many things come and go that we are not sure of. Trust God if it’s important He will tell you.

Okay. Thank you.