Is there a reason prospects thin out as you get older?

[Nom De Guerre]

Hey that's cool, to each their own; but as for me, no thanks. I will definitely look at somebody elses' child(ren) as a liability. I don't know your child(ren), I don't love your child(ren), and you'd suddenly expect me to for no other reason than that they're attached to you; nah man.

Nature has discerned that ability in wild animals, and yes we're supposed to be better than animals but a lot of the time I'd like to question just whom is better exactly? God doesn't judge animals, or at least he hasn't written a book about it lol They live without the knowledge, and act, of sin.

Now, I'm not sayin' that I'm attempting to mimic animals either here; rather, I'm saying that I've been there and the only children that have touched my heart were children that I was able to get attached to at birth, otherwise I generally have no desire to be around 'em. I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there whom would love to inherit your children as their own, but not me; ever. And that's just a natural instinct.

 

[septemberskies]

The more time goes on, the less favorable conditions are to find a spouse.

It's a social stigma that the older you are the more baggage you carry, the less attractive you are, you're stuck with less options, or that you're simply "damaged goods" because you're older and single.

People find hope with youth because we think that age is a numerical representation of the possibilities for the future.

To be honest I am not all that confident that I will find my better half because I know that with each year that goes by, I am less desirable. I am trying to be positive but it's tough. These days I've intentionally buried myself in work and degrees to keep busy.

 

[Im_A]

Are they married or going after younger women? I'm curious on your thoughts. It appears from some personal experiences more guys my age that I've known for years seem to go 5-7 years younger, while before they were closer to their own age. And after 35yrs old, it seems like many men are less interested.

And hello to everyone, I wish I could be more involved but still doing intetnet on the go and contending with health changes.

I can't answer on some for sure level for everyone, but my theory is:
The older we get, the more disillusionment we go through. The more let downs we go through. The more comfortable we get. The more set in our ways we get. The more baggage we carry(regardless if we have kids or not, because kids aren't baggage...parenting someone else's child is baggage). Our needs and desires change as we get older.

Then again, you have men and women who are mid-age to older finding people. Cougars and Tom Cats going after the youngens and find happiness.

Strange world we live in eh?

 

[Irrkunst]

I disagree with the premise of the OP. I have increased my value as I’ve gotten older. You would be surprised how much you can improve your prospects by being physically fit. Add dressing well, having a decent career, and something of value to add to conversations and you have a winning combination at any age.

 

[sampa]

Since I last posted it seems this conversation has been flowing

This thread reminds me of what it was like to be single in my twenties. The women in my age group generally preferred older men. There were exceptions of course, but those who dated younger men were few and far between.

Miles, yes that's very true. Was opposite for me though.

It's funny because I've had another man tell me that (offline), but most women I know date guys within 5 years of their age, sometimes younger. I wonder if we're just weird in my area. I mean, prior to 2010, I had only dated guys who were my age (sometimes a year younger or older, but within 2 years of my age)...it just worked out that way. My cousin dates younger guys (though not exclusively) and another relative is engaged to a guy several years younger. Plus former coworkers and friends..... Well, you get the idea.

Historia, for my generation it was girls going for older guys (traditional small towns are like that also). But when I was in highschool I always liked younger and dated a freshman my senior year. I tend towards 7 years younger and 2 years older. Under 30 is too young for me anymore, but its flattering to hang with under 30.

One of my coworkers lives with a woman almost 10 years his senior. ....I used to crush on older women, but quickly learned not to get my hopes up. It's rare for a younger man to be taken seriously as a dating prospect by an older woman. Few young men who are starting out in their careers are financially able to take on a mortgage etc. Older men are more likely to be at a place in life where they can afford what many young women expect. Again, there are exceptions, but those exceptions are pleasant surprises, rather than something that one sees every day.

That said, it's nice to be at a stage in life where I can date the kind of "older women" that I wanted to date back in the day. Now they're around my age or younger. That said, what matters most to me is chemistry and being at a similar place in life. Although I have a rough age range in mind when it comes to dating, it isn't set in stone. If she's a couple years older than me, but everything else is right, I wouldn't write her off.

I've a co-worker that is 40 and his girlfriend is 50 of ten years, things have worked well for them. They won't marry because they've both been through bad marriages. Another friend in church is 28 and her boyfriend is much younger. They've been together for 3 years, he was 19 and her 25 when they started dating but knew each other for a couple of years in church. Good thoughts miles

 

[Wren]

Historia, for my generation it was girls going for older guys (traditional small towns are like that also)

I believe I'm the same generation as you, though I'm starting to think it's just different in my area. We're weird here for all kinds of reasons.

 

[MehTeh]

Just have to remember that while the raw values might not change the percentages do.
Let's say that at 18yo 5% of people don't want to get married. Now if by 30yo 50% of people are married that 5% now comprises 10% of the remaining market. Same number of people, larger market share. Perhaps 20% of people share your faith closely enough for you to marry them (assuming that is important for you) but 75% of christians are married at 30 that would mean only 5% are going to be compatible with you.

Please note that all numbers were completely made up and there are many other factors involved.

 

[MarkSB]

Hey that's cool, to each their own; but as for me, no thanks.

Well, TBH I don't know if its for me exactly - but I don't think I would close the door on it entirely. In my early twenties I dated a girl who had a child, and since then I haven't been very open to the idea. But if the right girl came along... who knows.

 

[sampa]

Absolutely. Listen - as a Christian, we should NEVER LOSE HOPE. There is NOTHING that God cannot do, and that includes helping us find a mate who is the right age (whatever that may be) and who thinks that we are the cat's pajamas and the most delectable, intoxicating creature they ever met. DON'T settle for less. The world's opinion shouldn't mean much more than dirt to us. Seriously.

I agree.

By this age, if a guy is not like what you said at all, if he is not married, not divorce, doesn't have baggage, has no kids...O.K., let's say, he is a virgin- would you ladies think that there is something wrong with him? I bet many would.

Nope, I've dated or started dating online conversations with virgins my age, later to find out. Like sometimes attracts like and then there are the opposites that attract. Its not something that is put up front, but sometimes we find ourselves attracted to our like in some areas or opposite. It will work out for you puffca. as I believe for myself.

Age itself doesn't bother me. I'd be happy to date someone 10 years younger and even a few years older than me.

Unfortunately - it's what comes with age that is harder to deal with.

....

Most definitely Stravinsk. I can see that. I'm glad I don't have a lot of it to contend with, its weeding out those that do. Too many times it comes after the fact of months I find this hidden baggage I really can't carry - alchol, bitterness from prior relationships, maybe a kid or two that takes much of their time, constant striff with the ex and their kid between and maybe some descending faith issues. Most of this came with guys 5 years younger on average than me.

Im in my early twenties and you would be amazed at the amount baggage the women in my age group carry.

I can believe it rodsorp, unfortunately pop culture encourages women to be like this as a way to get a man or an attractive quality. And there are many christians trying to follow the trends and confused on where they stand.

 

[sampa]

Dating women with children may present new problems, but I wouldn't go so far as to view a child as a 'debt.' Children are always a blessing and should be viewed as such. ....

I can't answer on some for sure level for everyone, but my theory is:
The older we get, the more disillusionment we go through. ....

Yes Im_A I'd agree, its seeming that way and I think there's a concesus (sp?) here on that.

I disagree with the premise of the OP. I have increased my value as I’ve gotten older. You would be surprised how much you can improve your prospects by being physically fit. Add dressing well, having a decent career, and something of value to add to conversations and you have a winning combination at any age.

I'd agree but thats not everything, especially in the online world. As for me, check, check, check and check - I usually don't have a problem if I'm out and about striking a conversation (restaurants and such) but time wise I don't have as much time to mingle with like minded as I'd like. I think the percentages presented by Paldasan tells a lot, to find a like attraction and someone whose christian (not married) seems quite difficult, even being involved with a church.

I believe I'm the same generation as you, though I'm starting to think it's just different in my area. We're weird here for all kinds of reasons.

Yep, you are HIstoria. Wasn't meaning that I think I may have mixed some stuff. A bit tired. But area can make the difference definitely.

Just have to remember that while the raw values might not change the percentages do.
Let's say that at 18yo 5% of people don't want to get married. Now if by 30yo 50% of people are married that 5% now comprises 10% of the remaining market. Same number of people, larger market share. Perhaps 20% of people share your faith closely enough for you to marry them (assuming that is important for you) but 75% of christians are married at 30 that would mean only 5% are going to be compatible with you.

Please note that all numbers were completely made up and there are many other factors involved.

Paldasan, yes I"ve thought about these kinds of percentages and definitely good. I've just got to figure a way to get around these statistics.

 

[puffca]

...
Nope, I've dated or started dating online conversations with virgins my age, later to find out. Like sometimes attracts like and then there are the opposites that attract. Its not something that is put up front, but sometimes we find ourselves attracted to our like in some areas or opposite. It will work out for you puffca. as I believe for myself.
...

I didn't mean to say that and lead (or mislead) people to think I'm a virgin. What I meant was that sometimes people say they like gorillas, and when a real, big gorilla shows up, they get scared. I'm guilty of that myself.

Back to the topic of the age thingy- When I was younger, I have always liked older women. It might have to do with my childhood experiences. I grown up with two extremely caring Chinese older sisters.
Thinking back, I should have known that nothing would work out anyway. It is rare that a woman would consider a younger brother type as a husband figure.

Right now, as I'm older, I don't care about age anymore. My lower age limit is that she is mature enough to understand well and communicate well with people of my age (if I have to draw a line, it is probably somewhere around 24-26), and the upper limit is that she is still physically appealing to me and biologically capable of having children.

In general, my observation is that a woman ages faster than a man. Fair enough? Maybe. Think it this way- it's a blessing to get old and die earlier than your spouse.

 

[broken_one]

Shhhhh....don't bring up the "shelf life" concept. It upsets them.

 

[white dove]

In general, my observation is that a woman ages faster than a man. Fair enough? Maybe. Think it this way- it's a blessing to get old and die earlier than your spouse.

I wouldn't say that. I've seen some aged 20-something guys in my day (partying heavily takes a lot from a person). When women age though, how we age is viewed as less-attractive by society's standards than how society views men when they age. Men get distinguished. We get wrinkly/saggy/stretchy. But, you're talking about health, no? I thought men do die earlier, which would mean I should be looking for someone younger. I don't see that happening.

 

[MehTeh]

I wouldn't say that. I've seen some aged 20-something guys in my day (partying heavily takes a lot from a person). When women age though, how we age is viewed as less-attractive by society's standards than how society views men when they age. Men get distinguished. We get wrinkly/saggy/stretchy. But, you're talking about health, no? I thought men do die earlier, which would mean I should be looking for someone younger. I don't see that happening.

So you could say that the women have the last laugh (i think on average by 4 years in western societies anyway)

 

[Wren]

I wouldn't say that. I've seen some aged 20-something guys in my day (partying heavily takes a lot from a person). When women age though, how we age is viewed as less-attractive by society's standards than how society views men when they age. Men get distinguished. We get wrinkly/saggy/stretchy. But, you're talking about health, no? I thought men do die earlier, which would mean I should be looking for someone younger. I don't see that happening.

Exactly. Guys get wrinkles, often gain weight, hair falls out or turns gray, less energy, etc...but that's all sexy, manly stuff on them and hideously unattractive on a woman. Grrr.

While I'm feeling "grrr," I should warn you all that I might sound crabby.
I'll have you all know that you can bite me if you think that I have an expiration date. Just because I'm a certain age doesn't mean I'm so very old looking and either expired or nearing an expiration date. I may be over 30 years old, but you all (well, male CFers) would be darn lucky to get the fabulousness that is me.

It's funny that while there's talk of "shelf life" and all, younger guys seem interested in women in their 30s around here (my city) in increasing numbers. A 23 year old was interested in me late last year and early this year, a family member older than me is engaged to a guy 8 years younger, and I could go on. So, apparently we're not all seen as expiring products and maybe society is slowly changing.

 

[GQ Chris]

If you take your eyes off of Jesus all you will see is hopelessness and impossibility all around you.

A Christian woman told me that.

 

[GQ Chris]

Anyhow it is absolute Attrition Warfare out there, but you gotta keep going.

 

[GQ Chris]

I have increased my value as I’ve gotten older.

I agree with this. What I have learned through hard experience I will never trade for youth. Youth, at least for men, imho is overrated, fun at times, but ultimately overrated.

Like a very fine Cognac that has aged extremely well over time, the value increases exponentially, and you will have to plunk down a whole lotta coin to buy.

 

[GQ Chris]

It's funny that while there's talk of "shelf life" and all, younger guys seem interested in women in their 30s around here (my city) in increasing numbers. A 23 year old was interested in me late last year and early this year, a family member older than me is engaged to a guy 8 years younger, and I could go on.

Younger guys have buckets and buckets of hormones and get horny? Wow, who knew?! lol

 

[Wren]

Younger guys have buckets and buckets of hormones and get horny? Wow, who knew?! lol

It's a little more than horniness or did you miss the part where I mentioned an engagement? (And the guy interested in me wanted a relationship, not casual dating.)