Is there a reason prospects thin out as you get older?

[white dove]

Exactly. Guys get wrinkles, often gain weight, hair falls out or turns gray, less energy, etc...but that's all sexy, manly stuff on them and hideously unattractive on a woman. Grrr.

While I'm feeling "grrr," I should warn you all that I might sound crabby.
I'll have you all know that you can bite me if you think that I have an expiration date. Just because I'm a certain age doesn't mean I'm so very old looking and either expired or nearing an expiration date. I may be over 30 years old, but you all (well, male CFers) would be darn lucky to get the fabulousness that is me.

It's funny that while there's talk of "shelf life" and all, younger guys seem interested in women in their 30s around here (my city) in increasing numbers. A 23 year old was interested in me late last year and early this year, a family member older than me is engaged to a guy 8 years younger, and I could go on. So, apparently we're not all seen as expiring products and maybe society is slowly changing.

You don't have an expiration date. The only time that "dating" a person like that comes into play is when women want biological children (we like to ignore that adopting and fostering children just isn't an option - also that being childless is some kind of curse) because that is something important for women to consider if that is something they strongly desire to have someday. Men can stay potent (or should I say, able to procreate) for a lot longer than women, although their ability to perform may or may not be affected by age.

I would say that men do age more gracefully than women, but that more than likely has to do with my sexual preference. I want to grow old with a man and so that is attractive to me on some level (not that I go for much older men). I do, however, like to point out women who look so damn good at an "older" age. Women like Drew Barrymore who is just so smoking hot right now.. back when she was younger? Not so much. Now? Bombshell. Demi Moore, Blythe Danner, Mariska Hargitay, Famke Jannsen.. all these women who've taken care of themselves who look damn fine for their ages. But we like to focus on the negative. I blame women, to be honest. If women weren't so hard on ourselves, if we didn't believe all the lies we're told about our appearances, maybe we wouldn't have to deal with this whole expiration mentality. I don't. I mean, I want to look like a young bride for my future husband, but that's only because of a pre-conceived notion I've had about what age I would be at/what I would look like when I married. If it doesn't happen, oh well. I still want to take care of myself to look as good as I can for myself.


Anyway... you got on your soapbox, I got on mine. ;P

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[white dove]

Sometimes, I'm really sorry I clicked on "View Post."



Remain hidden!

 

[Wren]

You don't have an expiration date. The only time that "dating" a person like that comes into play is when women want biological children (we like to ignore that adopting and fostering children just isn't an option - also that being childless is some kind of curse) because that is something important for women to consider if that is something they strongly desire to have someday. Men can stay potent (or should I say, able to procreate) for a lot longer than women, although their ability to perform may or may not be affected by age.

I would say that men do age more gracefully than women, but that more than likely has to do with my sexual preference. I want to grow old with a man and so that is attractive to me on some level (not that I go for much older men). I do, however, like to point out women who look so damn good at an "older" age. Women like Drew Barrymore who is just so smoking hot right now.. back when she was younger? Not so much. Now? Bombshell. Demi Moore, Blythe Danner, Mariska Hargitay, Famke Jannsen.. all these women who've taken care of themselves who look damn fine for their ages. But we like to focus on the negative. I blame women, to be honest. If women weren't so hard on ourselves, if we didn't believe all the lies we're told about our appearances, maybe we wouldn't have to deal with this whole expiration mentality. I don't. I mean, I want to look like a young bride for my future husband, but that's only because of a pre-conceived notion I've had about what age I would be at/what I would look like when I married. If it doesn't happen, oh well. I still want to take care of myself to look as good as I can for myself.


Anyway... you got on your soapbox, I got on mine. ;P

I actually do want a biological child (I changed my stance on that issue about a year ago). Though I wasn't strictly referring to fertility. It seems to me that guys often see women as less desirable for looks reasons alone after age 30...or what they assume women will look like past 30. The women in my family tend to age well according to societal standards.

And I was agreeing with you on a double standard, not that I have a problem with men aging. I'm not particularly superficial. And I'd love to say more, but I need to head out now.

 

[GQ Chris]

Like I said, it is Attrition Warfare out there, sometimes general rules don't always apply like the ones where if a woman is past the age of 30, her quality has gone way down. I have seen some amazing women 35+, I mean some absolute fender benders waiting to happen.

 

[white dove]

I actually do want a biological child (I changed my stance on that issue about a year ago).

Did... not... know. :/ Wow, where have I been?

Though I wasn't strictly referring to fertility. It seems to me that guys often see women as less desirable for looks reasons alone after age 30...or what they assume women will look like past 30. The women in my family tend to age well according to societal standards.

It depends who's doing the talking. You can't always listen to the loudest gong - or dong. Most men in real life have no problems with dating women in their 30's if they're in their 20's and beyond (even dating a woman in her 40's+). It really depends on the person, the individuals involved.

I've been told that I don't look my age, which is cool because I still use words like "cool" and "totally awesome." You seem to be someone likewise who can age pretty well. At the same time, I know that I at least need to welcome the attributes that come with old age at some point... at some point.

I think that sometimes men have unrealistic expectations of women because of society. It's not just ingrained into their psyches. Take, for example, stretch marks. Those are viewed as unattractive both by men and women. I have a hell of a lot of them now that I've had my son. But.. I actually had them back when I was 16 (don't tell anyone). I wasn't pregnant at 16. I wasn't overweight at 16. I wasn't having a Benjamin Button experience back then. Stretch marks don't have anything to do with old age, but many times we associate them with aging because as women get older, we get as I said "saggier, stretchy, whatever." Stretch marks just means the skin stretched in a short period of time and boom. They're also inherited. But we think, any kind of wrinkle: gross, aging, don't want.

I dunno, maybe that made no sense. But, I kind of can't wait until you can come back and type more.

 

[Wren]

Did... not... know. :/ Wow, where have I been?

Yeah. I could PM/email you my little story if you'd like. Though I can't promise it's all that interesting. I still challenge those who make ignorant comments about the child-free community, though, and that may confuse people into thinking I'm still a part of that community.

all these women who've taken care of themselves who look damn fine for their ages. But we like to focus on the negative. I blame women, to be honest. If women weren't so hard on ourselves, if we didn't believe all the lies we're told about our appearances, maybe we wouldn't have to deal with this whole expiration mentality. I don't. I mean, I want to look like a young bride for my future husband, but that's only because of a pre-conceived notion I've had about what age I would be at/what I would look like when I married. If it doesn't happen, oh well. I still want to take care of myself to look as good as I can for myself.

I don't really blame women. It's hard to fight back against the media and people around you telling you that aging (and any signs of it) is a terrible thing. I especially don't blame single women because we're constantly fed the message that you have to look youthful in order to attract a man and keep him. I'm a strong "I am woman, hear me roar" type, but I'm definitely not immune to body image and age related self-consciousness issues. I imagine it's even harder for women who weren't raised to be as strong.

Maybe I should just ignore remarks (or insinuations) about women and expiration dates, but frankly, I like challenging it....or maybe I just really like saying "bite me," who knows. Though I've noticed that the men who talk like that (in general, not necessarily CF) aren't guys who'd be right for me at all anyway.

 

[MehTeh]

I don't really blame women. It's hard to fight back against the media and people around you telling you that aging (and any signs of it) is a terrible thing. I especially don't blame single women because we're constantly fed the message that you have to look youthful in order to attract a man and keep him. I'm a strong "I am woman, hear me roar" type, but I'm definitely not immune to body image and age related self-consciousness issues. I imagine it's even harder for women who weren't raised to be as strong.

Maybe I should just ignore remarks (or insinuations) about women and expiration dates, but frankly, I like challenging it....or maybe I just really like saying "bite me," who knows. Though I've noticed that the men who talk like that (in general, not necessarily CF) aren't guys who'd be right for me at all anyway.

Just to throw this out there, but aren't the guys who talk like that victims of the same messages being fed to them? So if you can't blame women for thinking this way wouldn't it be fair to say you can't blame men too? I do note that you didn't specifically say you blame men. But the implication is there regardless of whether you meant it or not.

 

[Wren]

Just to throw this out there, but aren't the guys who talk like that victims of the same messages being fed to them? So if you can't blame women for thinking this way wouldn't it be fair to say you can't blame men too? I do note that you didn't specifically say you blame men. But the implication is there regardless of whether you meant it or not.

I blame men (and women) who spread the message further, if they do so.

ETA: I don't see men as victims in this case because they are not fed the message that they must be eternally youthful to have full value, women are. Society has other ways it messes with men's minds, though, I do acknowledge.

 

[MehTeh]

I blame men (and women) who spread the message further, if they do so.

ETA: I don't see men as victims in this case because they are not fed the message that they must be eternally youthful to have full value, women are. Society has other ways it messes with men's minds, though, I do acknowledge.

There is an increase, or perhaps an increasing awareness of body image disturbance skiing males (as if having a strong jawline and a muscular physique hadn't been touted since at least the 60's, but that isn't what I'm talking about, I mean that men are fed the view that 'their woman' has to be young and/or young looking. This then creates an additional source of pressure on the woman but there is rarely an attempt to look at the societal engines that drives a man to feel this, instead he is roundly castigated as the originator.

I would write this better but it would be far longer and it is a pain to write this on a phone.

 

[Wren]

There is an increase, or perhaps an increasing awareness of body image disturbance skiing males (as if having a strong jawline and a muscular physique hadn't been touted since at least the 60's, but that isn't what I'm talking about, I mean that men are fed the view that 'their woman' has to be young and/or young looking. This then creates an additional source of pressure on the woman but there is rarely an attempt to look at the societal engines that drives a man to feel this, instead he is roundly castigated as the originator.

I would write this better but it would be far longer and it is a pain to write this on a phone.

If men insist on continuing to spread the message, then I think they are a part of "societal engines" that create this problem. I don't blame men as whole, just those who spew that nonsense; the same way I blame women who spew the same nonsense. When I said I didn't blame women, I meant for being hard on themselves about being pressured to be eternally youthful. I still blame women who promote that nonsense. Though I very rarely ever hear that from women.

I understand that society tells men he should have a hot wife and that "hot" means young looking, but I don't think that gives men a free ticket to promote the message of expiration dates and such. Society tells me that I should be with a man who has a successful career and makes lots of money. That doesn't give me a free ticket to make men feel like less of a man if he doesn't have a lot of money or a high powered career. And you won't be hearing/seeing me promote that nonsense either.

 

[peacechild4]

I am very sure we become less attractive in some senses as our bodies age and lose their youthful looks.. and we have more baggage too.. But I think as to our prospects.. I hope that we wise up in our older years and that people can see past all the other stuff to what really counts.. Money and look are fleeting.. security whats that in a world where stock markets crash and thieves break in and steal.. but a heart that cares.. a friend that holds your hand.. someone to talk too.. and be there through thick and thin.. can be any age.. and that priceless.. Its looking past the faults and even youths stumble and fall.. and seeing whats inside.. then age... looks and status means nothing..