Maybe we all need a little "spice" in our love lifes, within marriage of course if possible. Sex aids, a little spanking every once in a while, Tickle feathers, blindfolds, unconventional sex (oral/anal,etc.), flying trapeze (nahh, that one is a little too high risk for injury), even within Biblical parameters of sex only within marriage, I don't see a thing wrong with.
Exactly.
Though I agree with your overall point, its of course also the case that for many Christians divorce ("If you are that dissatisfied in your relationship, do you AND your partner a favor and either suck it up, seek marriage counseling, or get out") is not an option except in the case of adultery - there's no grounds of biblical divorce due to refusal to allow physical intimacy
Though I agree with your overall point, its of course also the case that for many Christians divorce ("If you are that dissatisfied in your relationship, do you AND your partner a favor and either suck it up, seek marriage counseling, or get out") is not an option except in the case of adultery - there's no grounds of biblical divorce due to refusal to allow physical intimacy
Alright, I'll allow that if you both belong to a religion that requires one or both of you to act dishonestly in order to get out of an arrangement neither of you wish to continue, then adultery may be your 'only' option.
However, if you are not willing to divorce because your god says no, you prolly also follow a god that says adultery is wrong, which would kind of go against Muslimsoldier's favored course of action.
Please stop.
Just because they're Christian doesn't mean they're wrong either.Yeah, just because they're Christian authors doesn't mean they're worth taking advice from. The vibe I got from that one snippet was "if you're a 'frigid wife' you should stop complaining and just lie down and take it." Which, you know, is a pretty messed up way to deal with it.
It's about 3-4X, if that, in this "Christian" home.Originally Posted by Larry MondelloIf a wife only "allows" her husband the "privilege" of enjoying her body maybe 2X a year -- if that -- can mess-up a husband.
Two times a year? Really?
That's uh, wow. Okay I'll admit that's a little extreme.
Am only saying it's not wise for one spouse to REGULARLY withhold.Originally Posted by Larry MondelloA spouse CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY refusing to make themselves sexually available to the other is playing a deadly game, and causing unnecessary friction and hostility in a marriage, which the refused spouse also shares.
Is it really unnecessary?
(EDIT: as in, of course the fricition and hostility is an unwanted result, that's not what I meant)
I mean, if you say you've spoken to your wife and she hasn't told you if anything's wrong... well, that doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong. If they recoil and withdraw you KEEP PRESSING. You should really show them that you want them to open up and that you're concerned and perhaps look into relationship counselling if it's not going anywhere and really creating such a space between you.
No woman (or man) denies their spouse sex for such a long time just on the basis of "nah", something is always up.
Instead of trying to justify his own dishonesty and blame someone else for his actions (she MADE me do it!) he should act like a freakin' adult and tell her honestly that he can't be in a relationship where there is no sex happening and that if something doesn't change (her allowing more sex, him being allowed to seek it elsewhere with her knowledge and blessing) then he will have to leave.
The situation I presented, happens more than women like to admit. Women have way more power than men in the judicial system, especially family court. A woman can have an affair, and not allot will happen to her. Women hardly have to pay allimony and even less are enforced to pay child support.*The 'refusing to divorce' aspect I find unrealistic. If she says she won't let him divorce, then he should sue her for it, because she is being deliberately controlling and manipulative. In such a case I would not advocate dishonesty and cheating, but if he had to he could tell her outright that he was going to start seeing other women until she set him free. A relationship where one partner is trapped against their will has more problems than a mere lack of sex.
I haven't read through this whole post but it is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I cheated on my husband after being denied sex for years. It is no excuse for my behaviour and I wish I would have instead simply asked for a divorce instead of being so sinful. I regret my cheating. At the time I was not practicing my faith at all although I still always talked to God. I was a loving, nurturing and committed wife for a long time. I tried to get him to stay home with me instead of wanting to go out. I asked for counseling but he said no. We did not have a faith-based marriage at all. Once I found my church I asked him to attend and he wouldn't. I felt unloved, confused and was sexually frustrated; so easy to slide down the slippery slope when one is feeling unloved and doesn't really know God or Jesus. I was tempted and did not make the right choice. I fell madly in love with someone else and it opened the door to more temptation, more sinful behaviour until God finally saved me.
My divorce will be final here shortly. This is no excuse whatsoever because I chose to be unfaithful and that is a choice I will have to live with forever but had my husband stayed home with me more often, spent time with me, ate dinner with me at the table, prayed with me, been a father to his son with me, hugged me, kissed me like a wife, slept in bed with me and yes- MADE LOVE WITH ME then our lives together would not have fallen apart. I will never be perfect in the eyes of God because I won't ever enter into a relationship with someone again until I know we are not only compatible in every day life together: problem solving, paying bills, praying... but also intimately. I won't enter into a marriage with someone who refuses to hold me, kiss me and make that wonderful connection with me because it left me feeling lonely, unloved and inconsolable and call me weak but it was not a feeling that even God could take from me. I learned a lot from my lessons, and I wish I had not been unfaithful but it also opened my eyes.
I will forever be one who does not agree when a spouse cuts off sex. I feel unless that person is mentally or physically unable to do so then those needs should be fulfilled as long as there is a balance found between both parties. It is unfair for a wife to deny deny deny for weeks, months, at a time and then expect a man to want to be loving in all other ways. In my opinion sex helps keep the connection strong and is a need for some people. I know it is for me and I won't feel guilty for that, 1 Corinthians or not.
And yeah I know tons of you won't agree with me and that's fine.
very honest words - as you say undoubtedly some people will rush to cast metaphorical stones.I haven't read through this whole post but it is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I cheated on my husband after being denied sex for years. It is no excuse for my behaviour and I wish I would have instead simply asked for a divorce instead of being so sinful. I regret my cheating. At the time I was not practicing my faith at all although I still always talked to God. I was a loving, nurturing and committed wife for a long time. I tried to get him to stay home with me instead of wanting to go out. I asked for counseling but he said no. We did not have a faith-based marriage at all. Once I found my church I asked him to attend and he wouldn't. I felt unloved, confused and was sexually frustrated; so easy to slide down the slippery slope when one is feeling unloved and doesn't really know God or Jesus. I was tempted and did not make the right choice. I fell madly in love with someone else and it opened the door to more temptation, more sinful behaviour until God finally saved me.
My divorce will be final here shortly. This is no excuse whatsoever because I chose to be unfaithful and that is a choice I will have to live with forever but had my husband stayed home with me more often, spent time with me, ate dinner with me at the table, prayed with me, been a father to his son with me, hugged me, kissed me like a wife, slept in bed with me and yes- MADE LOVE WITH ME then our lives together would not have fallen apart. I will never be perfect in the eyes of God because I won't ever enter into a relationship with someone again until I know we are not only compatible in every day life together: problem solving, paying bills, praying... but also intimately. I won't enter into a marriage with someone who refuses to hold me, kiss me and make that wonderful connection with me because it left me feeling lonely, unloved and inconsolable and call me weak but it was not a feeling that even God could take from me. I learned a lot from my lessons, and I wish I had not been unfaithful but it also opened my eyes.
I will forever be one who does not agree when a spouse cuts off sex. I feel unless that person is mentally or physically unable to do so then those needs should be fulfilled as long as there is a balance found between both parties. It is unfair for a wife to deny deny deny for weeks, months, at a time and then expect a man to want to be loving in all other ways. In my opinion sex helps keep the connection strong and is a need for some people. I know it is for me and I won't feel guilty for that, 1 Corinthians or not.
And yeah I know tons of you won't agree with me and that's fine.
Agree but can certainly understand the temptation.I cheated on my husband after being denied sex for years. It is no excuse for my behaviour and I wish I would have instead simply asked for a divorce instead of being so sinful. I regret my cheating.
That's wise but isn't always a "guarantee."I will never be perfect in the eyes of God because I won't ever enter into a relationship with someone again until I know we are not only compatible in every day life together: problem solving, paying bills, praying... but also intimately.
100% agreement.It is unfair for a wife to deny deny deny for weeks, months, at a time and then expect a man to want to be loving in all other ways. In my opinion sex helps keep the connection strong and is a need for some people..
This is key here... and the kind of thing I'm talking about.had my husband stayed home with me more often, spent time with me, ate dinner with me at the table, prayed with me, been a father to his son with me, hugged me, kissed me like a wife, slept in bed with me and yes- MADE LOVE WITH ME then our lives together would not have fallen apart.
Am not going to be a "doormat" anymore.
Am tired of being this "Nice Guy" whose so concerned about her feelings and has held off -- even to the point of withdrawing early or while in cuddling and sex play, stopping just before consummation where could normally proceed as she drops her resistance....
Did that all bec. of her comfort and trying to show her I truly love her and care for her feelings more than my satisfaction, which I greatly need....
But it's clearly not getting me anywhere.
She never "reciprocates," meaning, she never says,
"Larry, I know you were worried about my comfort.
I love you and want you to satisfy me, so will try this weekend..."
There's NEVER time on the weekend and she forgets what I did earlier.
Stopped early a couple of times a month or so ago, but wasn't "thanked" or appreciated for that.
Yeah, I read how some Christian women weren't so discerning and dated and lost their innocence to such guys (before marriage)...Methinks I was a little too timid in relationships when I was single as well, so am ending this hesitancy and will take it where it goes...
Am speaking up more and not putting-up with her deflecting my moves for no legitimate reason when otherwise any man, Christian wife or not, would've proceeded with his bride....
It's gotten worse.
I cannot remember the last time we made love.
Oh.... maybe on my 50th birthday, but that was last year... in the spring.
This morning, for ex., woke her up holding her close. Nonverbally, it was very clear how "interested" I was...
We've "come close" as I earlier posted. But me being a "gentleman," care more about her feelings and comfort than my own satisfaction.
Again, am not gonna do that anymore... stop short... Plan to proceed.
Have put-up with this UNCHRISTIAN behavior long enough..
This is a very sexist statement. People are people. Some are lazy and some are very hard working. Sex: male or female has NOTHING to do with that.The end result has been, in our culture, that women tend to do a metric ton more overall work than men do.
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