Is it wrong to refuse sex with someone you are married to?

[muslimsoldier4life]

Oh nice, let's attack my religion shall we. You do realize I was born and raised in the United States, and am not married to a Muslim woman right? My wife is from a great Polynesian country, and she is strong, confident and stands by her man. I don't beat her or force her to do anything. Obviously the fact that I'm Muslim, automatically got you assuming I subjicate my wife to be a slave. Typical Infidel logic by all means

 

[mandyangel]

Its not about the sex, its about taking care of the needs of your partner.

Lets say the wife is having problems at work and is highly stressed. She comes home and needs to talk to her husband about it. Does the husband have a right to say no?

Sure, the husband has the "right" to say "no" but that would be a pretty horrible thing to do to his spouse, in effect, it's a hostile form of neglect that is tantamount to abuse.

Women withholding sex from their husbands is equivalent. Now I'm not saying its a wife's duty to be her husband's sex toy every time he wants sex, but it is her duty to fulfill his needs just as its his duty to fulfill her needs.

A sexless marriage would be akin to a slow death... If the woman is not into sex then she should be honest about it prior to the marriage...

I agree a wife refusing sex to her husband makes no sense whatsoever. First I don't know why she wouldn't wanna have it, I mean come on right! But its really unfair to her husband. And then if he cheats on her, she will freak out?!? Please! If she is denying him his needs then she shouldn't whine if he goes out and gets it somewhere else. That leads to affairs, whos fault is it REALLY? jmho but Think about it.

 

[quatona]

Personally, I´m not interested in having sex that isn´t mutually desired.
Therefore I´m somewhat surprised to see that the issue at hand is supposed to be solved by means of "right/wrong".

 

[dgiharris]

Personally, I´m not interested in having sex that isn´t mutually desired.
Therefore I´m somewhat surprised to see that the issue at hand is supposed to be solved by means of "right/wrong".

Imo, its not so much about "sex" as it is about seeing to your partner's needs and taking care of your partner.

 

[helplesslylost]

Firstly, any sex without consent is rape. Rape. No ifs, no buts. And rape must never ever be tolerated and there should never be excuses made for rapists.

That said, sex is part of a healthy adult relationship. I'm not saying a woman needs to have sex every single time her husband wants to have sex. She might be tired, might have a headache or have had the worst day ever. But if she is denying him every time, there is definitely a problem within the relationship.

 

[wannabeadesigirl]

I agree a wife refusing sex to her husband makes no sense whatsoever. First I don't know why she wouldn't wanna have it, I mean come on right! But its really unfair to her husband. And then if he cheats on her, she will freak out?!? Please! If she is denying him his needs then she shouldn't whine if he goes out and gets it somewhere else. That leads to affairs, whos fault is it REALLY? jmho but Think about it.

Well a woman might not want to have sex for multiple reasons. Hormonal changes and fluctuations may alter her libido, stress and fatigue can be real mood killers, her partner may forget to give her TLC and so make her feel like her needs are not being met, her body may go through PH changes that make sex painful, she might be on her period and not tell her husband, or she might just not feel like doing anything more than holding and kissing.

And guess what, these same issues (with the exception of the period) affect men.

It is a mans fault if he has an affair. His wife is not forcing him to turn to another woman for sex, since there are ways to relieve yourself that don't require breaking the marriage vows you made before GOD to love and to cherish each other through thick and thin. I know a young man who was married for 8 years, and of those 8 years 2 of them were spent in a sexless marriage, and he stayed faithful to her during those years. Eventually he got a divorce because there was alot of bitterness and anger in the relationship that just wasn't working itself out, but not having sex is NOT a valid reason to have an affair, and it is possible to resist that temptation.

Just because you're married does not automatically give you free access to their body. Also, the belief that if you go ahead with it, even if you're not in the mood, will put you in the mood doesn't always hold true. Sometimes it just makes things awkward.

 

[motherprayer]

I agree a wife refusing sex to her husband makes no sense whatsoever. First I don't know why she wouldn't wanna have it, I mean come on right! But its really unfair to her husband. And then if he cheats on her, she will freak out?!? Please! If she is denying him his needs then she shouldn't whine if he goes out and gets it somewhere else. That leads to affairs, whos fault is it REALLY? jmho but Think about it.

Wait. So you are saying adultery is justifiable? Would God be okay with adultery for this reason?

 

[mandyangel]

Wait. So you are saying adultery is justifiable? Would God be okay with adultery for this reason?

No, thats NOT what I said. I'm just saying that a man doesn't just cheat on his wife for no reason. My mother did this to my dad when I was little and I know all about who is really at fault for this. Women have responsibility in this too, its not just all the guy's fault considering what their needs are.

Well a woman might not want to have sex for multiple reasons. Hormonal changes and fluctuations may alter her libido, stress and fatigue can be real mood killers, her partner may forget to give her TLC and so make her feel like her needs are not being met, her body may go through PH changes that make sex painful, she might be on her period and not tell her husband, or she might just not feel like doing anything more than holding and kissing.

And guess what, these same issues (with the exception of the period) affect men.

It is a mans fault if he has an affair. His wife is not forcing him to turn to another woman for sex, since there are ways to relieve yourself that don't require breaking the marriage vows you made before GOD to love and to cherish each other through thick and thin. I know a young man who was married for 8 years, and of those 8 years 2 of them were spent in a sexless marriage, and he stayed faithful to her during those years. Eventually he got a divorce because there was alot of bitterness and anger in the relationship that just wasn't working itself out, but not having sex is NOT a valid reason to have an affair, and it is possible to resist that temptation.

Just because you're married does not automatically give you free access to their body. Also, the belief that if you go ahead with it, even if you're not in the mood, will put you in the mood doesn't always hold true. Sometimes it just makes things awkward.

And you think that he lived in a sexless marriage had nothing to do with the divorce?

 

[Illuminaughty]

If a person has a really high sex drive and "needs" sex all the time they should just come to an agreement with their perspective husband or wife before the wedding takes place. Make a pledge to one another that you will have sex at least "x" times a week.

In the future this probably wont be much of a problem anymore though. People will have human partners for love and intellectual stimulation and all their sexual desire that were not properly handled by the human partner could be taken care of via "technological" means like virtual reality (maybe involving brain computer interface) or robots. I would be the king of nerds if I had robot girlfriend.

 

[motherprayer]

No, thats NOT what I said. I'm just saying that a man doesn't just cheat on his wife for no reason. My mother did this to my dad when I was little and I know all about who is really at fault for this. Women have responsibility in this too, its not just all the guy's fault considering what their needs are.


And you think that he lived in a sexless marriage had nothing to do with the divorce?

The Bible doesn't give the okay for divorce from a sexless marriage.

Men need to control themselves, just as women do. I DON'T believe a woman should withhold sex from her husband, but if she does, and he cheats, it is his fault and his fault ONLY. Saying it is her fault is the same as saying a girl who got raped is responsible because of the clothes she was wearing.

 

[mandyangel]

I DON'T believe a woman should withhold sex from her husband, but if she does, and he cheats, it is his fault and his fault ONLY.

That is false. Marriage = a partnership, successes and failures are the fault of both. You cannot deny your man his #1 need for years on end and then whine that your a victim when he goes out and gets it somewhere else. No, actually not only is it mostly your fault but you've got bigger problems than your man cheating on you. Believe me, I know how my mom was with my dad and I know that what happened when I was little was 99%, if not 100% her fault.

 

[motherprayer]

That is false. Marriage = a partnership, successes and failures are the fault of both. You cannot deny your man his #1 need for years on end and then whine that your a victim when he goes out and gets it somewhere else. No, actually not only is it mostly your fault but you've got bigger problems than your man cheating on you. Believe me, I know how my mom was with my dad and I know that what happened when I was little was 99%, if not 100% her fault.

So then, if a girl is walking down the street wearing sexy clothing, she shouldn't whine when a man who sees her cannot control himself either right?

 

[mandyangel]

So then, if a girl is walking down the street wearing sexy clothing, she shouldn't whine when a man who sees her cannot control himself either right?

That has NOTHING to do with what we are talking about. Rather than address what I actually said, you change the subject. WHY?

 

[motherprayer]

That has NOTHING to do with what we are talking about. Rather than address what I actually said, you change the subject. WHY?

Because it is the same principal. A person who commits adultery is just as responsible if they are getting it at home as they are if they aren't. There is NO excuse, NO justification. It is wrong, plain and simple, and those who publicly defend the monsters who would do that to their wives or husbands are just as wrong as they are about the subject.

Yes, a failed marriage is the result of both partners being wrong. But adultery is the result of ONE partner being wrong, and using the wrongs of the other to justify it. In the case of rape, it is the same problem. Many rapists have defense attorneys who will rip apart victims on the stand, claiming "that skirt was so short, you should have been aware." But wearing a short skirt is no more justification for rape than a lack of sexuality is justification for adultery!

Then we have the whole "needs" issue. Yes, men have needs. So do women. Many women use their husband's lack of affection as justification for their own adultery. Is it okay for a woman to date a man outside of her own marriage because "she has needs her husband isn't meeting"? NO!

Did I address your question better this time?

 

[PreachersWife2004]

That is false. Marriage = a partnership, successes and failures are the fault of both. You cannot deny your man his #1 need for years on end and then whine that your a victim when he goes out and gets it somewhere else. No, actually not only is it mostly your fault but you've got bigger problems than your man cheating on you. Believe me, I know how my mom was with my dad and I know that what happened when I was little was 99%, if not 100% her fault.

You're half right. A marriage is a partnership. However, NOTHING justifies cheating. I don't care if you're not getting any, it doesn't give you the right to get some on the side. A good husband will delve into why his wife isn't interested in sex and he won't seek it outside of his marriage.

I firmly believe that no matter the circumstances, if you decide to go cheat, it IS your OWN fault.

 

[muslimsoldier4life]

Saying it is her fault is the same as saying a girl who got raped is responsible because of the clothes she was wearing.

So basically saying that a woman is complicit in her man cheating on her, is the same as saying a woman is to blame for a rape? What are you smoking to make such ignorant statements?

If a woman does not have sex for two years with her husband, even though they have been through counelings and she refuses to divorce him, are you telling me that it's ONLY HIS FAULT that he goes and cheats on her?

 

[motherprayer]

So basically saying that a woman is complicit in her man cheating on her, is the same as saying a woman is to blame for a rape? What are you smoking to make such ignorant statements?

If a woman does not have sex for two years with her husband, even though they have been through counelings and she refuses to divorce him, are you telling me that it's ONLY HIS FAULT that he goes and cheats on her?

I don't get it. I really don't. Are men really so out of control?

If a man doesn't show affection to his wife, is it okay for her to cheat on him?

 

[Jade Margery]

If a woman does not have sex for two years with her husband, even though they have been through counelings and she refuses to divorce him, are you telling me that it's ONLY HIS FAULT that he goes and cheats on her?

Yes.

The woman is being honest and upfront about her desire not to engage in sexual activity.* There is nothing about that which makes it okay for the man to lie to her and go behind her back to have an affair.

Instead of trying to justify his own dishonesty and blame someone else for his actions (she MADE me do it!) he should act like a freakin' adult and tell her honestly that he can't be in a relationship where there is no sex happening and that if something doesn't change (her allowing more sex, him being allowed to seek it elsewhere with her knowledge and blessing) then he will have to leave.

And yes! That goes for women too, who think their husbands aren't giving them enough affection or sex either. If you are that dissatisfied in your relationship, do you AND your partner a favor and either suck it up, seek marriage counseling, or get out. Unlike the only option you seem to favor, all of these simply require one to be a decent human being who treats people with honesty and respect.



*The 'refusing to divorce' aspect I find unrealistic. If she says she won't let him divorce, then he should sue her for it, because she is being deliberately controlling and manipulative. In such a case I would not advocate dishonesty and cheating, but if he had to he could tell her outright that he was going to start seeing other women until she set him free. A relationship where one partner is trapped against their will has more problems than a mere lack of sex.

 

[motherprayer]

Yes.

The woman is being honest and upfront about her desire not to engage in sexual activity. There is nothing about that which makes it okay for the man to lie to her and go behind her back to have an affair.

Instead of trying to justify his own dishonesty and blame someone else for his actions (she MADE me do it!) he should act like a freakin' adult and tell her honestly that he can't be in a relationship where there is no sex happening and that if something doesn't change (her allowing more sex, him being allowed to seek it elsewhere with her knowledge and blessing) then he will have to leave. If she says she won't let him divorce, then he should sue her for it.

And yes! That goes for women too, who think their husbands aren't giving them enough affection or sex either. If you are that dissatisfied in your relationship, do you AND your partner a favor and either suck it up, seek marriage counseling, or get out. Unlike the only option you seem to favor, all of these simply require one to be a decent human being who treats people with honesty and respect.

Exactly.

 

[mandyangel]

So basically saying that a woman is complicit in her man cheating on her, is the same as saying a woman is to blame for a rape? What are you smoking to make such ignorant statements?

If a woman does not have sex for two years with her husband, even though they have been through counelings and she refuses to divorce him, are you telling me that it's ONLY HIS FAULT that he goes and cheats on her?

thats what i have been trying to say, thankyou!