Is it wrong to refuse sex with someone you are married to?

[KittyPryde]

'Twas a joke . I do want kids but...check my gender. Girlfriend and I will adopt when we're ready and married.

Oh, okay. I see. I don't really understand your situation with your girlfriend. (Not my thing. Sorry, ick), but I still wish you two be blessed with children. Maybe even invitro, if one of you are up to it, but adoption would be great too.

 

[Mling]

Oh, okay. I see. I don't really understand your situation with your girlfriend. (Not my thing. Sorry, ick), but I still wish you two be blessed with children. Maybe even invitro, if one of you are up to it, but adoption would be great too.

Thanks (though hey now...I don't ick your relationships) She's very determined to carry one kid. I'm ambivalent about it for myself, for a lot of reasons. Maybe.

 

[homeofmew]

That's a terrible thing for one spouse to make another spouse endure.



Of course, but one spouse shouldn't unilaterally decide he/she isn't going to let the other have sex with them.
That's not only incredibly wrong on so many levels, but is immature and shows some selfishness on that "marriage partner's" part.

I don't know what you mean by this you mean like teasing?
Anyway consensual only.

 

[ivanthegood]

if you treat your wife like the bible teaches you will never have to ask for anything

 

[Contented]

if you treat your wife like the bible teaches you will never have to ask for anything

Lol. I agree

 

[Larry Mondello]

Originally Posted by groups postings

That's a terrible thing for one spouse to make another spouse endure.



Of course, but one spouse shouldn't unilaterally decide he/she isn't going to let the other have sex with them.
That's not only incredibly wrong on so many levels, but is immature and shows some selfishness on that "marriage partner's" part.
​

I don't know what you mean by this you mean like teasing?
Anyway consensual only.

You may not be living in the real world, gal.
Doesn't appear you're married.

Talking about when a spouse unilaterally, without any discussion or input from the other, decides the two aren't going to have sex anymore.
Or... if they do have it, only once every 3 mos. or so.
And it's "duty sex," where she's not really into it....

The other partner TRIES to get her to give-in to him (intensifying cuddling, kissing, etc.), but he gets repeatedly blocked. Each and every time.

This does happen.

And this from a "Christian" woman who wasn't so "unwilling" with me before marriage...
Yes, we both know it was wrong and have since repented ....


Talkin' from personal experience.

What's so consensual about that?

 

[Livesbyfaithandwilldiebyf]

What I posted may have been a bit controversial here regarding atheists so I took it off.

 

[Livesbyfaithandwilldiebyf]

If one partner is refusing to have sex for long periods of time but the couple is otherwise happy with each other, it may be time to arrange for the needy partner to find sex elsewhere. This is best done with both partner's agreement and understanding--cheating would be wrong, but it would also be wrong to expect someone you love to ignore their biological needs for many months or even years at a time.

Should this be done in case where one spouse has an accident and can't have sex for say 6 months. I mean bible and other religions say that till death do us apart, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. I am just asking to see how atheists think in this, so I can make a better choice in future regarding my spouse. And I know not every single atheist or believer shares a same view.

 

[Jade Margery]

Should this be done in case where one spouse has an accident and can't have sex for say 6 months. I mean bible and other religions say that till death do us apart, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. I am just asking to see how atheists think in this, so I can make a better choice in future regarding my spouse. And I know not every single atheist or believer shares a same view.

I don't really think 'in sickness and in health, til death do you part' is actually in the bible. Could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the common marriage vows were invented long after it was written.

I figure, it doesn't really matter what religion you follow (or don't). You're either the type of person who would keep a marriage vow (which could say anything, plenty of people write their own) or you're not. And you may not even know if you are or not until you someday find yourself in the position to break one. Plenty of people believe in following their vows... but then don't actually do so. And others never have an official ceremony, but live with and care for each other their whole lives anyway.

 

[Fantine]

Every relationship is unique, and hopefully they are built on good communication and mutual respect.

Sometimes the asker is the one who is being unreasonable; sometimes the person asked is.

If the person asked is exhausted or ill (or, if people are practicing NFP, fertile) then maybe the asker is the unreasonable one.

If the asker has had one too many drinks, then maybe the asker is the unreasonable one.

If the person asked just isn't "in the mood' then maybe the person asked is the unreasonable one.

There are lots of factors to consider.

 

[bricklayer]

The exculpatory is never empowering and the empowering is never exculpatory.
Determining who's "wrong" is exculpatory and therefore not empowering.
It might win the argument but it won't get you laid.

 

[Larry Mondello]

Every relationship is unique, and hopefully they are built on good communication and mutual respect.

Sometimes the asker is the one who is being unreasonable; sometimes the person asked is.

If the person asked is exhausted or ill (or, if people are practicing NFP, fertile) then maybe the asker is the unreasonable one.

If the asker has had one too many drinks, then maybe the asker is the unreasonable one.

If the person asked just isn't "in the mood' then maybe the person asked is the unreasonable one.

There are lots of factors to consider.

What if the asker is ALWAYS rejected?
He/she only allows him/her "the privilege" like once every 1-3 months?

Using both sexes as men refuse their wives in about 50% of the cases, from what I've read. Yeah, unbelievable I know.

None of the above scenarios apply. (drinking, family planning, "too much" sex -exhaustion)
This is in a longtime Christian marriage that is generally in good standing.

 

[Mling]

What if the asker is ALWAYS rejected?
He/she only allows him/her "the privilege" like once every 1-3 months?

Using both sexes as men refuse their wives in about 50% of the cases, from what I've read. Yeah, unbelievable I know.

This is in a longtime Christian marriage that is generally in good standing.

Then there is a problem that needs to be discussed and dealt with. Depending on what the problem is, it may or may not be reconcilable, or it might only be reconcilable by opening the relationship.

Or, it might be a matter of needing to adjust other aspects of their lives.

The solution is not to tell the person who wants sex less that they just need to lie back and think of England because it's cruel to deny their partner.

 

[Chajara]

What if the asker is ALWAYS rejected?
He/she only allows him/her "the privilege" like once every 1-3 months?

Using both sexes as men refuse their wives in about 50% of the cases, from what I've read. Yeah, unbelievable I know.

None of the above scenarios apply. (drinking, family planning, "too much" sex -exhaustion)
This is in a longtime Christian marriage that is generally in good standing.

Thing is, the pair bond in humans only lasts so long. I'm talking about the rush of feelings and infatuation you feel with someone new. Those of us in the poly community refer to it as "New Relationship Energy". It fades. After it's gone, in a lot of cases sexual desire for that person fades, and you start taking interest in someone new. You might still genuinely love each other, you might not want to leave your partner for a new one because you're perfectly happy with your relationship, but you sure as heck would love to get your hands all over that person you know who's suddenly become far more attractive than anyone else. This happens even to people who have fantastic sex lives with their long-term partners.

Monogamous folks suppress the desire for others, of course, because that's what you've agreed to do, and it's what you should do. However, if your partner is flat-out not meeting your needs... something needs to give. I honestly don't know what advice to give you, because I know you feel that sex outside marriage is wrong, but honestly these are the situations that make me glad my husband and I are polyamorous. We've never been particularly sexually compatible with each other, but with our arrangement we can seek fulfillment elsewhere. It works.

 

[Livesbyfaithandwilldiebyf]

I don't really think 'in sickness and in health, til death do you part' is actually in the bible. Could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the common marriage vows were invented long after it was written.

Romans 7:2-3 says

2 For a the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3 So then b if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

Romans 7:2-3 tells us, “For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.” Even with divorce occurring in 50% of marriages today, most wedding vows still contain the phrase “till death do us part.” This phrase may not be specifically from the Bible, but the principle is biblical.

This was taken from another site.

Plenty of people believe in following their vows... but then don't actually do so

I sort of agree although I don't have the exact statistics, I wouldn't say "plenty" of people don't keep their vows but yes I know some believers as well that couldn't follow the word in regards to marriage.

I think part of the problem from what i've observed is young people (including believers) get into important commitments like marriage much sooner than they should have. They don't have patience (don't take enough time) to really see if they are compatible with their partner.

 

[brohammer26]

No it is not wrong to refuse sex. Could it be that the bible verse on this is saying to not cheat? That the body of the man and women belong to each other and no one else? Maybe people are taking it too litteral. I can't imagine how good sex could be if someone is doing it out of mere obediance.

 

[Larry Mondello]

No it is not wrong to refuse sex. Could it be that the bible verse on this is saying to not cheat? That the body of the man and women belong to each other and no one else? Maybe people are taking it too litteral. I can't imagine how good sex could be if someone is doing it out of mere obediance.

It is wrong to refuse sex on a regular basis, as Scripture states. We're not to "defraud" each other.

Any grounds for refusal should be legitimate, like illness, childbirth, etc.

 

[Gadarene]

Repeatedly? I don't know if I'd call it morally wrong, but it certainly will end up denying the other's needs at some point. As people have already stated though, this requires counselling, not coercion into sex. That is never cool.

 

[Livesbyfaithandwilldiebyf]

No it is not wrong to refuse sex. Could it be that the bible verse on this is saying to not cheat? That the body of the man and women belong to each other and no one else? Maybe people are taking it too litteral. I can't imagine how good sex could be if someone is doing it out of mere obediance.

Yes but biblically speaking if one partner is not getting enough sex from his/her partner, it would be a sin for him/her to look elsewhere for sex until their marriage is dissolved according to on biblical grounds.

And I agree with you on second point that sex wouldn't be enjoyable or good until both parties are interested in having it. Speaking from a religious point of view, sex should be seen as enhancing the already strong bond of partners and taking in that sense an obliged sex wouldn't help the bonding at all, in fact it might do the opposite.

 

[Larry Mondello]

One spouse regularly and routinely withholding can cause big problems in a marriage.

Not talking about an occasional rejection or saying no bec. of a headache or late hour, work night, etc., but to
ALMOST ALWAYS reject the other, that's clearly wrong and a violation of their marriage vows, IMO.

It's causing problems in my marriage.

Am not going to be a "doormat" anymore.
Am tired of being this "Nice Guy" whose so concerned about her feelings and has held off -- even to the point of withdrawing early or while in cuddling and sex play, stopping just before consummation where could normally proceed as she drops her resistance....

Did that all bec. of her comfort and trying to show her I truly love her and care for her feelings more than my satisfaction, which I greatly need....

But it's clearly not getting me anywhere.

She never "reciprocates," meaning, she never says,
"Larry, I know you were worried about my comfort.
I love you and want you to satisfy me, so will try this weekend..."

There's NEVER time on the weekend and she forgets what I did earlier.
Stopped early a couple of times a month or so ago, but wasn't "thanked" or appreciated for that.

Methinks I was a little too timid in relationships when I was single as well, so am ending this hesitancy and will take it where it goes...

Am speaking up more and not putting-up with her deflecting my moves for no legitimate reason when otherwise any man, Christian wife or not, would've proceeded with his bride....