K, what you're explaining here as I understand it, is what I had a problem with - it sounds like you don't have a close relationship with Christ -
no intimacy w/ Him.
So in your mind & heart, you're obeying RULES, not WANTING to obey
them out of love for God becuz you believe in God, you don't have
a deep love built w/ Him personally.
If we're just obeying rules becuz we have to, it becomes like a diet -
you do good & then you binge & pig out becuz you didn't replace the
food w/ anything else.
The food becomes the main focus - just like sex will.
Unless God is replacing the restriction, you won't have good success in
abstaining... there isn't enough reason to and your hormones will
end up ruling the day - the more failure in falling into sin, the
more guilt you'll attain & it becomes a cycle of repetitious failure
& that causes damage emotionally & spiritually if you actually have
a real desire to follow the Lord.
Living in sin knowingly - cuts off our intimacy w/ God - so the longer
we go with unrepented sin & not seeking obedience, the more we
drift away from Him - then the more we fall into sin & backsliding.
I lived that way nearly all my life until I got married & finally got
a real relationship with the Lord.
I'd say seek the Lord & get an intimate relationship w/ Him.
& the way to do that is to hit your bible & read about Him.
If you're going to reject the Bible, you'll just have more trouble
finding Him to know Him becuz He revealed Himself in that bible
& speaks to us thru it...
Gal. 5
16But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.
17 For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.
18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.
19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality,
20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions,
21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.
- - -- -
The closer you are w/ the Lord, the less sin & other wordly
desires get strong enough to overtake us.
I wasn't strong enough to have victory - it really overtook me.
So I know it's NOT easy - esp. today, so I pray for you in this.