I married the wrong person. Is this God's will?

[godsprincess549]

Thanks for your advice. I understand that I need to honor my vows but how about my husband? He's not honoring them. The reason why I started noticing the Christian man is because my husband didn't made me feel like I was the only woman in his life. He likes to chat with women he recently met even after being married to him. How can I be happy about it? And I've talked to him but since he's not a believer he thinks it's absolutely normal. And even tells me that I should be more social like him. It's almost like he wants freedom. Then I guess he doesn't even know what a marriage or wedding vow is!!! Not to mention that our intimate life is also bad. He has never really been passionate and as a woman I need to feel desired and loved. Yes, I want to honor God but I also have a flesh and I have needs I will continue praying but my situation is really not that good and I'm scared of keep making mistakes and having kids with someone I'm not currently happy with. Please pray for me. I will appreciate it a lot.

 

[381465]

Thanks for your advice. I understand that I need to honor my vows but how about my husband? He's not honoring them. The reason why I started noticing the Christian man is because my husband didn't made me feel like I was the only woman in his life. He likes to chat with women he recently met even after being married to him. How can I be happy about it? And I've talked to him but since he's not a believer he thinks it's absolutely normal. And even tells me that I should be more social like him. It's almost like he wants freedom. Then I guess he doesn't even know what a marriage or wedding vow is!!! Not to mention that our intimate life is also bad. He has never really been passionate and as a woman I need to feel desired and loved. Yes, I want to honor God but I also have a flesh and I have needs I will continue praying but my situation is really not that good and I'm scared of keep making mistakes and having kids with someone I'm not currently happy with. Please pray for me. I will appreciate it a lot.

Does your husband act or speak inappropriately to other women?
How is your communication with the Christian man friend different than your husbands chatting with other women?

You need to share these feelings with him, in my opinion.

 

[Monk Brendan]

In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God.

If he really loves God, he will stay away from you, and if you love God, you should stay away from him, and be a good wife to your husband. The vows you made are not to each other, but to God.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery.

 

[Hall]

So many good answers and to be honest haven't read all of them. Not sure if anyone mentioned that when he does accept Jesus in his heart and commits to Him 100% to do His will first, everything will change in your marriage because the love of God will reflect towards eachother making you two fall in love all over again. So I think that should be the main priority, to get him saved somehow.

 

[Dave G.]

So many good answers and to be honest haven't read all of them. Not sure if anyone mentioned that when he does accept Jesus in his heart and commits to Him 100% to do His will first, everything will change in your marriage because the love of God will reflect towards eachother making you two fall in love all over again. So I think that should be the main priority, to get him saved somehow.

There is truth in that but.
Mmmm, I think the main priority is to start thinking and working in God's economy. Right now what I'm hearing is a bunch of "stuff" from the worlds economy and thinking. If she is a believer, she is inexperienced or new at it. And that happens, we all start weak and He works with that.

God's economy: something is wrong and pray to the Lord about my weaknesses within that.
God's economy: He will fight the battle but I must show up.
God's economy: Pray endlessly for the other person, the convictions of a commitment with God.
The world economy: That person did something that wrongs me what about him, it's not me.
The worlds economy: I'll take this in my own hands and move on.
The worlds economy: self image, self satisfaction and more self.

When focus comes off of self and onto God , He can work with us. And then maybe together work on the spouse. Until then we just stumble over ourselves because of ourselves.

 

[christina Pickle]

Hi. I need some advice because I am depressed and hopeless right now. I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects. He thinks it's okay to talk to other women, he doesn't have manners, he yells at me for the smallest things, doesn't work hard and I feel unhappy, like I made a huge mistake. I've been married for 3 years and I don't have children with my spouse yet. In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God. Not only this, but he had many qualities I've always liked in someone and I felt like he completed me because we became friends and we have tons of things in common. And I thought to myself: "Maybe God has a different plan for me and is giving me the chance to fix my mistake and do things the right way." I prayed to God and told him that I felt attracted to my Christian friend because I wanted my family and children to go to church and to show me if HIS WILL was for me to be with a Christian man or stay in this marriage. It's been like 2 months since I've been praying about this and now I found out that he's moving to another country!!! I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it. In the past I prayed to God for a Christian man (when I went to church) and I will always get a NO for an answer every time I liked someone so this time I feel really depressed. "Why wouldn't God want me to be with a Christian man?" I know I was the one who married the wrong person but I thought God had my back and he was not going to abandon me and that he had heard my prayers. I didn't even met this guy at church so it felt like God himself had put him in my life for a reason because I was surprised when I found out he was a believer. But now I don't understand why I met him. Just to assume that I deserved a good man but suddenly God takes him away from my life. Now I feel worthless, like good things are not meant for me!! I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me. After all, I made the mistake and now I have to pay the consequences. I mean, I think God already answered my prayer because he's leaving to another country so it will be hard for me to see him and be with him. Can you tell me how can I move on? I feel that I can't accept what's happening. And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

Hello There,
I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time. All of us make mistakes, but God can work those mistakes out for our good. He does have your back. Romans 8:28 ..If you want to escape the trap you are in right now, you must trust God. Start following him in every aspect of your life. If you decide to do more wrong, then you will have more pain and suffering. Start doing what God has told you to do like going to church. I don't know what your situation is with your husband...sounds pretty bad if he is leaving, but you can serve God with or without him. Endeavor to serve God. Just remember; as Christians, we do have the ability to love people who do not love us. After all, we have Christ's Spirit and that is exactly what he did for us. I hope this helps you in some way.
God Bless

 

[RisenInJesus]

Thanks for your advice. I understand that I need to honor my vows but how about my husband? He's not honoring them. The reason why I started noticing the Christian man is because my husband didn't made me feel like I was the only woman in his life. He likes to chat with women he recently met even after being married to him. How can I be happy about it? And I've talked to him but since he's not a believer he thinks it's absolutely normal. And even tells me that I should be more social like him. It's almost like he wants freedom. Then I guess he doesn't even know what a marriage or wedding vow is!!! Not to mention that our intimate life is also bad. He has never really been passionate and as a woman I need to feel desired and loved. Yes, I want to honor God but I also have a flesh and I have needs I will continue praying but my situation is really not that good and I'm scared of keep making mistakes and having kids with someone I'm not currently happy with. Please pray for me. I will appreciate it a lot.

I will be praying for you. Marriage is not easy and especially to an unbeliever. I have a close friend who has been married to a non-believer for almost 40 years. She was saved in the first year of their marriage and it has been a long road, but the Lord has really answered many prayers and blessed her. Her husband is still a non-believer, but he has truly changed in his attitude toward her and Christianity and she still has hope for his salvation. I think often God uses difficult situation, including hard marriages, to draw us closer to Him. It is too easy to think that we can find happiness and satisfaction in another situation or person, husband or wife, but Jesus is supposed to be our first love. When we are close to Him above anyone else and find our satisfaction in Him. Then often other relationships become better as we gain God's perspective.

You have said your husband does not honor his vows. In what way do you think he doesn't? As others have posted, the Bible indicates that the believing spouse should stay with the unbeliever as long as they remain with you or their is no adultery. I would say the only other important reason to leave is domestic violence and abuse.

 

[Mrs.PGL]

Fight for your marriage. Fight together, not eachother ♥. I recommend watching the movie Fireproof if you haven't already. It's a Christian movie about a marriage that's close to divorce and how they handled it. Another great movie is War Room.

You wrote:Fight for your marriage. Fight together, not eachother ♥.
That is the best advice I have seen in a long, long time. Excellent! God bless you.

 

[Buckeyefor Jesus]

Hey, Catholics don't mind going to Church.

I was born/raised Catholic. That is a very difficult form of Christianity to find God. The Catechism is a Book that is written within the Catholic Church. Catholics still to this day ask for forgiveness through a third party. When the curtain was torn when Jesus died on the cross that was our direct link to God.

 

[RisenInJesus]

I was born/raised Catholic. That is a very difficult form of Christianity to find God. The Catechism is a Book that is written within the Catholic Church. Catholics still to this day ask for forgiveness through a third party. When the curtain was torn when Jesus died on the cross that was our direct link to God.

I was raised Catholic, too. My extended family is still Catholic and you are so right it is difficult to find and realize the need for a direct relationship with God in the religion of Catholicism.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

That is a very difficult form of Christianity to find God. The Catechism is a Book that is written within the Catholic Church. Catholics still to this day ask for forgiveness through a third party. When the curtain was torn when Jesus died on the cross that was our direct link to God.

I don't like everything about the Catholic Church or even Catholicism. But is your current denom. perfect? My concern would be making the Bible sole authority, when there are so many interpretations of it.

 

[Dave G.]

I don't like everything about the Catholic Church or even Catholicism. But is your current denom. perfect? My concern would be making the Bible sole authority, when there are so many interpretations of it.

Yes, including the catholic interpretation.
Catholicism has:
Put an authority on earth ( actually more than one) between the believer and God. There is supposed to be a direct link and that link is Jesus Christ, He is our intercessor with the Father. The Holy Spirit our teacher. And you don't need any denomination to see that clearly in the bible and you will find most reliable bibles will describe this.

Put Mary as equal to Jesus in these modern times. Jesus did not say my Mother and I are the Way the Truth and the Life. Mary is not out link to the Father, Jesus is, at least according to Jesus and the Father. They state clearly there is to be no one else in this position ! Just because John Paul II had a love relationship with Mary doesn't make that all right.

Jesus abolished Annual confession of sins through the priests in the Holy of Holys. Catholicism carries it on to every sin or any time you confess, and that is against His will. He might just as well have not died on the cross then.

I can continue but I won't because I am not here to bash Catholics. I've just lived both ways and I was freed through the blood of Jesus and saved right in my own bedroom when I turned to Him there. I shed decades of anxiety that day. Everything I spoke of can be clearly read in the bible without a denomination and probably in your Catholic Bible as well but they dishonor it.

I won't even get into who is to be a priest but it has to do with being married to one woman, and they didn't mean Mary. And they didn't mean single sodomites either.

Nuff said, I'm sorry you are deceived into believing that there is truth in that religion..

 

[Blade]

NOT the best place to ask. Godsprincess549. Jesus is real. This is NOT one of those things where you ALONE. Some of us KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. I been married over 30y. Been there.. and far worse. But JESUS IS REAL! Tell HIM how you feel.. no..tell Him really how you feel.. all the pain all the hurt.. tell HIM what you need. See we have to make the choice. He can not do it for us. And being married .. asking about another man.. is NOT of God. That is sin. IF you were not married.. be different.

Godspringcess549.. God loves you. No matter what..that will not change. What you do is not our choice. This is between you and God. Talk to your husband..about how you feel. This is NOT a one sided marriage. He is in this also. I truly know the pain.. what did I do? Not boasting.. but I have seen to much to say JESUS is not real. Then to KNOW what He likes and wants. Yet.. NEVER once did HE say.. STAY MARRIED OR ELSE!

No.. nothing.. it was always my choice. He wasnt leaving.. Hes love didnt change. But my choice in this world could have a great effect on others. So.. what I wanted.. I let go. So.. He gave what I didnt have in me. I wanted His way. No matter how bad it was.. I would love her like He loved me. It was no longer about me.. but her. For ME...this is what pleased my Father and my savoir.

Jesus is real.. cast all your cares on Him.. if you cant love ..tell Him.. you dont care? Tell Him..you want out ..tell HIM! There is NO ONE On this planet that can fix this.. HE CAN! Praying for you..

 

[Open Heart]

I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it.

God's ways are not our ways. I wanted to remarry after my divorce from an abusive man. I even had an annulment. I was so lonely. But God had other plans. Now I'm too set in my ways to make a good wife. I've settled into lifelong celibacy, and you know what? I've decided it's not so bad after all. There's a lot to be said for being independent -- it has it's problems, but then marriage has its problems too.

I'm glad you didn't end up having an affair. It is never God's will to commit adultery.

It doesn't really sound like your marriage is all that bad. It just sounds like your husband isn't prince charming. Welcome to the real world.

BTW, a good Catholic would be attending church every Sunday too. Have you thought of inviting him to Mass?

Did you marry in a Catholic church? If not, the Catholic church does not consider your marriage valid because HE is a Catholic and was so bound -- he should have known better. You can get an annulment from the Church, and remarrying would not be adultery. The other route you can go is having your marriage blessed by a priest, so that it is recognized as sacramental.

I'm so sorry you don't have children. Is it because he doesn't want any? Is it that you've been trying and just haven't had luck?

When you say he doesn't work hard, just how bad is it? Does he refuse to hold down a full time job for example? Is he constantly losing jobs because he doesn't show up for work? Please explain.

Let's talk about things that might invalidate a marriage. A person can have a civil piece of paper stating they are married, and not be married in the eyes of God (or even in the eyes of the state). IOW, the marriage is not REAL. In such cases, an annulment can be obtained, certainly in the Catholic church, and more than likely in the State. If you are unmarried in the eyes of God, but don't qualify for a State annulment, go ahead and get a divorce -- God understands what is really going on. You can remarry without sin.

Your husband, since he is Catholic, should get an annulment from the Church. It will be due to "defect of form," (he was Catholic and didn't marry in the Catholic Church) will cost practically nothing, and will go through very quickly.

How young were you when you married, too young to appreciate what you were doing? Were either of you drinking or drugged when you took your vows? Was anything pushing you into marriage when you felt inside that it wasn't a good idea? Were you deceived about him in any way? Do you think that either you or your hubby misunderstood what a marriage is? Are either of you unable to be a good spouse because of some mental disorder? Did either of you get married in order to obtain something else, like money or a green card? Did your husband go into the marriage planning not to have children? Is there a condition attached to the marriage, like "I'll marry you, but only if you..." Did your husband enter marriage intending that he would be unfaithful? Did either of you marry with the idea that divorce is an option? Did either of you marry thinking that marriage was ONLY a civil contract, rather than a sacred relationship?

 

[LoricaLady]

Unless your husband is abusive or commits adultery, he's your husband. Try not to always be looking toward where the grass seems greener. You can pray for your husband to be a better spouse. But you are even more likely to get results if you pray to be a great spouse yourself.

 

[Sketcher]

If he wasn't married to someone else or divorced when you got together, then he certainly wasn't the "wrong" man. Now, you married him, and every other man is the wrong man for you. It is God's will that you stay in this marriage and work on it. Don't be fooled by the grass appearing greener on the other side of the fence. That's a lie from the pit.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I didn't get to read all the responses but I will say it was not Gods will to marry him. As much as people think we only have one route that God decides, its not true. He sees all our routes. So in this case marrying that man was of your own free will. However your sort of stuck now. Best thing to do is pray more, read more, talk to a pastor or elders. Talk to your husband. Try to make the marriage as good as you can. Never divorce. Its not even biblical. Though depends on your views of course.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

God hates divorce. If your husband has sex with another then you are free to leave or if he divorces you, you are once again free.

Best to never be unequally yoked.

M-Bob

 

[PeaceJoyLove]

God's Princess,
I would encourage to look into God's word for counsel. 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 says,

"If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

First of all, as long as your husband is willing to live with you despite your faith in Christ, then you should continue living with him. This will likely not be easy for you, but as you have stated, you went against God's will for your life and now you are where you are. But this doesn't mean God can't redeem your situation.

Second thing is this, as long as you can live peaceably with your unbelieving husband, then you have an opportunity to witness to him on a daily basis. Your desire should be for his salvation, is it not? How can you do this? By submitting to his authority as husband, as long as it doesn't go contrary to God's authority. Be graceful and considerate. Pray for him. And pray for yourself, that God will grant you wisdom and energy to be the wife God wants you to be. History is full of husbands who have been won to Christ in this way!

Third is the caveat. If this man is abusive or seeks out adulterous relationships then you are permitted by the Lord to seek a divorce (Matthew 5:31-32). Do this prayerfully and with pastoral counsel!!

I think your Christian friend moving away is a blessing from God. I know you wouldn't want to drag your friend into a sinful relationship and he wouldn't want to do that to you. Could this be God's way of delivering you both from that sin?

You ask whether God wants you to be married to a Christian man. He absolutely does! But remember, God doesn't force our hands to do right. And when we do wrong we must live with the consequences of our choices. But always remember that God is with you and he has a wonderful knack for redemption!

Good, scriptural advice, Least.
I was married to an unbelieving man (still with him ) and it was a tough go. Many times I was at my wits end on what to do. I hunkered down and studied scripture pertaining to marriage. Something that stuck out to me firstly was how we are to conduct ourselves within the household of God and HIS order of things. And that is (and always will be) God, Christ, husband, wife. Even if our husband is an unbeliever, we must honour him.

We do not have the power to change him. We cannot pray against free will to choose...but we can pray for God to prepare his heart to receive (be prepared for what that might mean!) We must learn what it means to be a godly wife. That is our rightful duty and place within the household of God...and by learning that (by the grace of God) amazing things will begin to happen within your household. Our conduct as a wife is of the utmost importance...regardless of what we THINK in our minds, God has it covered in the scriptures.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

...without saying a word (our conduct alone...being godly wife) might win them over to the LORD. And I can testify that this is TRUTH and works. My husband was an atheist. God could not be discussed in our home without much strife and argument. Blessed is the peacemaker! So, I did not discuss or speak about God...but I did learn all I could from scripture on how to conduct my self and lots of prayer for HIS grace to do it.

I used to lay my hands on hubby while he slept, and prayed. I stopped attending church because it caused animosity in the home and hubby did not want me to go. For there was a time it seemed right to me to go to church anyway...that by doing so was serving God, when in fact it was dishonouring my husband. Doing things like that create havoc and that is not the way of peace...The story of Abigail and Nabal is a good Old Testament story to read on the very situation, as Nabal was tyrant.

I began to pray for God to give an encounter to my husband where he would have absolutely no doubt that it was God. My husband had a very serious heart attack and it took two weeks for him to tell me that when it happened, he felt surrounded by peace and LOVE...so much love and he said, "The LORD told me I was going to be alright." That was two years ago and he still weeps as he shares it with his friends, telling them that Jesus Christ is real! He speaks about his repentance and forgiveness! And I NEVER spoke/preached a word to him.

So God can still work things for the good. All is not lost. Do not despair. Seek HIM in all your ways and HE will guide you. Learn what it means to be a godly wife and walk in it. You will be amazed at what can happen.

Praying for you God'sPrincess!!