I married the wrong person. Is this God's will?

[godsprincess549]

Hi. I need some advice because I am depressed and hopeless right now. I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects. He thinks it's okay to talk to other women, he doesn't have manners, he yells at me for the smallest things, doesn't work hard and I feel unhappy, like I made a huge mistake. I've been married for 3 years and I don't have children with my spouse yet. In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God. Not only this, but he had many qualities I've always liked in someone and I felt like he completed me because we became friends and we have tons of things in common. And I thought to myself: "Maybe God has a different plan for me and is giving me the chance to fix my mistake and do things the right way." I prayed to God and told him that I felt attracted to my Christian friend because I wanted my family and children to go to church and to show me if HIS WILL was for me to be with a Christian man or stay in this marriage. It's been like 2 months since I've been praying about this and now I found out that he's moving to another country!!! I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it. In the past I prayed to God for a Christian man (when I went to church) and I will always get a NO for an answer every time I liked someone so this time I feel really depressed. "Why wouldn't God want me to be with a Christian man?" I know I was the one who married the wrong person but I thought God had my back and he was not going to abandon me and that he had heard my prayers. I didn't even met this guy at church so it felt like God himself had put him in my life for a reason because I was surprised when I found out he was a believer. But now I don't understand why I met him. Just to assume that I deserved a good man but suddenly God takes him away from my life. Now I feel worthless, like good things are not meant for me!! I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me. After all, I made the mistake and now I have to pay the consequences. I mean, I think God already answered my prayer because he's leaving to another country so it will be hard for me to see him and be with him. Can you tell me how can I move on? I feel that I can't accept what's happening. And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

 

[Traveling teacher]

Sister
God can work out your marriage for good.......
Their is no perfect marriage anywhere..even the best christian marriages...
I would encourage to get back to church get some encouragement from others and build up your spirit so the devil will not tempt you with another man.....

I knew a lady like you that married a nonchristian.......
She prayed and it took time but he did end up going to church after some years and is now a faithful church member and they seem very happy.....
Thats been about 10 years now...so pray and be faithful...and God will bless...

make these corrections that you have needed to make for many years....
and watch God move in your life and your marriage.......

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Hi
It occurred to me that you might idealizing this new guy who is Christian. I'm sorry if your marriage isn't working but the good points of someone else might blind you to the good points of your current partner. There must've been something about him that attracted you in the first place.
But it is hard to give the right advice, when we don't know the whole story. Good luck.

 

[least]

Hi. I need some advice because I am depressed and hopeless right now. I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects. He thinks it's okay to talk to other women, he doesn't have manners, he yells at me for the smallest things, doesn't work hard and I feel unhappy, like I made a huge mistake. I've been married for 3 years and I don't have children with my spouse yet. In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God. Not only this, but he had many qualities I've always liked in someone and I felt like he completed me because we became friends and we have tons of things in common. And I thought to myself: "Maybe God has a different plan for me and is giving me the chance to fix my mistake and do things the right way." I prayed to God and told him that I felt attracted to my Christian friend because I wanted my family and children to go to church and to show me if HIS WILL was for me to be with a Christian man or stay in this marriage. It's been like 2 months since I've been praying about this and now I found out that he's moving to another country!!! I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it. In the past I prayed to God for a Christian man (when I went to church) and I will always get a NO for an answer every time I liked someone so this time I feel really depressed. "Why wouldn't God want me to be with a Christian man?" I know I was the one who married the wrong person but I thought God had my back and he was not going to abandon me and that he had heard my prayers. I didn't even met this guy at church so it felt like God himself had put him in my life for a reason because I was surprised when I found out he was a believer. But now I don't understand why I met him. Just to assume that I deserved a good man but suddenly God takes him away from my life. Now I feel worthless, like good things are not meant for me!! I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me. After all, I made the mistake and now I have to pay the consequences. I mean, I think God already answered my prayer because he's leaving to another country so it will be hard for me to see him and be with him. Can you tell me how can I move on? I feel that I can't accept what's happening. And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

God's Princess,
I would encourage to look into God's word for counsel. 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 says,

"If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

First of all, as long as your husband is willing to live with you despite your faith in Christ, then you should continue living with him. This will likely not be easy for you, but as you have stated, you went against God's will for your life and now you are where you are. But this doesn't mean God can't redeem your situation.

Second thing is this, as long as you can live peaceably with your unbelieving husband, then you have an opportunity to witness to him on a daily basis. Your desire should be for his salvation, is it not? How can you do this? By submitting to his authority as husband, as long as it doesn't go contrary to God's authority. Be graceful and considerate. Pray for him. And pray for yourself, that God will grant you wisdom and energy to be the wife God wants you to be. History is full of husbands who have been won to Christ in this way!

Third is the caveat. If this man is abusive or seeks out adulterous relationships then you are permitted by the Lord to seek a divorce (Matthew 5:31-32). Do this prayerfully and with pastoral counsel!!

I think your Christian friend moving away is a blessing from God. I know you wouldn't want to drag your friend into a sinful relationship and he wouldn't want to do that to you. Could this be God's way of delivering you both from that sin?

You ask whether God wants you to be married to a Christian man. He absolutely does! But remember, God doesn't force our hands to do right. And when we do wrong we must live with the consequences of our choices. But always remember that God is with you and he has a wonderful knack for redemption!

 

[Dave G.]

You're compounding your mistake by seeing another guy or taking an interest even. By Word of God, it's that simple.

Divorce is not encouraged generally, some churches allow annulments of the marriage within a certain time frame but I don't think you will find that in the Word. Infidelity on the part of your spouse is a cause for divorce found in the bible. And death of the spouse allows for the woman to remarry according to Word of God ( don't think about killing Him, the thought alone convicts you of the sin). Someone else mentioned the unbeliever initiating separation. I know people who are separated but remain married.

I can't speak of your situation and I can't judge any part of it. I'm just passing on the info as I know it in a general way. Most churches will encourage you to work it out.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me.

It is good to be appreciated. But we need to first be concerned about what God appreciates. You can read and feed on 1 Peter 3:1-4 and see how God makes this good for you.

And >

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

Right now, you are being tested by things. But you can test these things for the good that you with God can do with them Even your own failures now can be used for His good.

We love you Any of us could have done the same thing.

 

[381465]

Are you trying to improve things with the man you're married to?
Have you discussed your problems and your problems with him?
He might feel some negative things too.
Maybe try some marriage counseling.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic.

Hey, Catholics don't mind going to Church.

 

[Winken]

Are you trying to improve things with the man you're married to?
Have you discussed your problems and your problems with him?
He might feel some negative things too.
Maybe try some marriage counseling.

Before I retired I had a Christian approach, Agape M&F intervention. Perhaps seek a similar organization in your area. Remember to keep children in mind.

 

[Dave G.]

I know of a Jewish girl who converted Christian and she married a non practicing Catholic. This is not a knock on Catholics in general but I have noticed that the worst kind to deal with in a relationship is a non practicing one who holds on to the convictions of the church. It's a complete oxymoron and often they hold a guilt trip over the Christian ( non Catholic Christian) spouse, while they themselves are living in a deceptive kind of sin. This dear Jewish girl had it from both sides, the husband and her Jewish family. So that is why I said I can't get into the OP's situation, I know it can be particular sticky in dealing with non practicing Catholics in mixed faith relationships.

 

[Take Heart]

Fight for your marriage. Fight together, not eachother ♥. I recommend watching the movie Fireproof if you haven't already. It's a Christian movie about a marriage that's close to divorce and how they handled it. Another great movie is War Room.

 

[LadyCrosstalk]

Hi. I need some advice because I am depressed and hopeless right now. I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects. He thinks it's okay to talk to other women, he doesn't have manners, he yells at me for the smallest things, doesn't work hard and I feel unhappy, like I made a huge mistake. I've been married for 3 years and I don't have children with my spouse yet. In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God. Not only this, but he had many qualities I've always liked in someone and I felt like he completed me because we became friends and we have tons of things in common. And I thought to myself: "Maybe God has a different plan for me and is giving me the chance to fix my mistake and do things the right way." I prayed to God and told him that I felt attracted to my Christian friend because I wanted my family and children to go to church and to show me if HIS WILL was for me to be with a Christian man or stay in this marriage. It's been like 2 months since I've been praying about this and now I found out that he's moving to another country!!! I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it. In the past I prayed to God for a Christian man (when I went to church) and I will always get a NO for an answer every time I liked someone so this time I feel really depressed. "Why wouldn't God want me to be with a Christian man?" I know I was the one who married the wrong person but I thought God had my back and he was not going to abandon me and that he had heard my prayers. I didn't even met this guy at church so it felt like God himself had put him in my life for a reason because I was surprised when I found out he was a believer. But now I don't understand why I met him. Just to assume that I deserved a good man but suddenly God takes him away from my life. Now I feel worthless, like good things are not meant for me!! I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me. After all, I made the mistake and now I have to pay the consequences. I mean, I think God already answered my prayer because he's leaving to another country so it will be hard for me to see him and be with him. Can you tell me how can I move on? I feel that I can't accept what's happening. And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

Sounds like your husband is an unbeliever (even though raised Catholic). I would encourage him to talk out his faith issues with people here. What you must do is pray for him. You have likely made an idol of the Christian man you are attracted to and that is not good--you need to repent of that. I would not bring children into an unstable marriage (and a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian is inherently unstable). God often moves in response to the prayers of His children--and always if it is in accordance with His will. If you pray diligently for your husband, you might be amazed at the results. We will pray for you as well.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects.

You say he's Catholic just after you say he doesn't like going to church. Is it that he doesn't like going to your church or doesn't even like going to a Catholic church? If he's down on even a Catholic church I'd say he isn't much of a Catholic even if he grew up that way or has Catholic relatives. When you married him did any of that matter? Now that you found someone else, does your vow still matter? It's a pickle.

 

[Saucy]

I find it odd that one of the reasons you list against your husband is he talks to other women, but here you've 'met' other guys that you're spending time with because you're attracted to them and seriously considering leaving your husband for. That should be something YOU immediately fix right now.

Marriage is a serious deal and if you're unhappy, you can fix it. There are things you can do to become happy rather than just sitting around and waiting for another guy to come along. If you're frustrated at your decisions so far, leaving your husband for another guy will lead you down a worldly road.

the reason why you're unhappy is because of selfishness on both you and your husband. You should be concerned with meet his needs and learning how to be happy and making the most out of the situation. He could be going through a phase as well. What if, by actually putting in more effort, showing him more love, and being a more selfless person, that he changes and becomes better at this husband thing? Give him a better shot. Go to counseling. Do whatever you have to do to make the marriage better.

 

[Kenny'sID]

And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

First. I'm very sorry to see you in this fix, and I wish there were some easy answers.

God told you what his plan was before you got married. The Bible teaches all he expects of any of us, and that once married, it's till death do you part...the vow even drives that point home. Also, you do realize he doesn't necessarily have a personal hand in this at all? Pretty sure, at least for the most part/in general, we are on our own with our decisions when we make them and in having to live with them.

Not quit the advice you wanted I'm sure and, I can't say that I blame you. Also, it's not just you, this type thing happens to a lot of people.

You touched on how you need to deal with this, and maybe it won't be that bad, once you get over the fact you probably are not going to be rescued, and if anything, God is sending that guy away because you are thinking he sent him to you. Keep in mind, we can tell ourselves anything is true and eventually believe it if we want it bad enough. However, you had the wherewithal to come here and ask, so you're far from over the edge of reality.

This is all very tough to tell you, and a lot for you to deal with when you're already in a depressed state so, think I'll leave it there, except to say, when you feel like it, read the bible, it tells you how to deal with this, and again, it may not be so bad.

 

[megabuff]

Hi. I need some advice because I am depressed and hopeless right now. I'm Christian but I had stopped going to church for while and I decided to do my own will instead of God's will because I was never patient in waiting for the right person God had for me. I ended up marrying a guy that doesn't like going to church. He's Catholic. I thought the fact he was a good guy was enough to marry him but now I'm paying the consequences and I realize how different we are in all aspects. He thinks it's okay to talk to other women, he doesn't have manners, he yells at me for the smallest things, doesn't work hard and I feel unhappy, like I made a huge mistake. I've been married for 3 years and I don't have children with my spouse yet. In the midst of all this, another guy came into my life who happened to be Christian like me and loves God. Not only this, but he had many qualities I've always liked in someone and I felt like he completed me because we became friends and we have tons of things in common. And I thought to myself: "Maybe God has a different plan for me and is giving me the chance to fix my mistake and do things the right way." I prayed to God and told him that I felt attracted to my Christian friend because I wanted my family and children to go to church and to show me if HIS WILL was for me to be with a Christian man or stay in this marriage. It's been like 2 months since I've been praying about this and now I found out that he's moving to another country!!! I understand that God's plans are not my plans but for some reason I feel like I can't accept it. In the past I prayed to God for a Christian man (when I went to church) and I will always get a NO for an answer every time I liked someone so this time I feel really depressed. "Why wouldn't God want me to be with a Christian man?" I know I was the one who married the wrong person but I thought God had my back and he was not going to abandon me and that he had heard my prayers. I didn't even met this guy at church so it felt like God himself had put him in my life for a reason because I was surprised when I found out he was a believer. But now I don't understand why I met him. Just to assume that I deserved a good man but suddenly God takes him away from my life. Now I feel worthless, like good things are not meant for me!! I'm so sad right now and I feel like it's just best for me to settle for what I have and not expect a good man by my side that will love God and appreciate me. After all, I made the mistake and now I have to pay the consequences. I mean, I think God already answered my prayer because he's leaving to another country so it will be hard for me to see him and be with him. Can you tell me how can I move on? I feel that I can't accept what's happening. And I don't know if I should continue with my marriage because I don't know what God's plan really is.

Hi, i can feel for you as i have been in a position of feeling like i have made a mistake.

Can i just say a few things.
1/ the grass is generally not greener. no one is perfect and when i live with someone you get to know all their fault (and they yours). there is a wolrd of diffence between knowing someone, socializing with them, dating them..... living with someone. all the for mentioned ones you are together with them for the fun times only. not the up and downs, trials and tribulations.
2/ If and i say If, this guy you like would have been interested in marrying you, then you would have to question his character, that he would be willing to play a part in breaking up a marrage.

 

[megabuff]

if 2 people want a marriage to work then it will work.
obviously, it would have been better for you to marry a Christian in the first place, but too late now (and i have said the same thing to my son who is getting married in july to a nonbeliever, please Lord bless their marriage). can i encourage you to stick with your commitment and see what God can do

I would recommend

The 5 love Languages Gary Chapman and
Love is a decision Gary Smalley awesome books.
and this series is very good. Ps Mark Gungor delivers great practical teaching in a very entertaining manner

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Actually, you and your spouse be very much alike...
You both do what you want and live as you want...you're both rebelling against God and His Word.
Repentance is needed, so is marriage counseling.

 

[longwait]

You have to settle for what you have and what you are given. The devil knows where you are at and he will send someone in front of you who is perfectly tailor made according to your wants or your preferences. Don't succumb to all that. You have to honour your marriage vows and if you pray for your marriage and your future then God will work things out for you.

 

[Ron Gurley]

DIVORCE PRINCIPLES...The GENERAL "will of God"

Malachi 2:16 (all NASB)
For I hate divorce,”
says the Lord, the God of Israel,
“and him who covers his garment with wrong,”
says the Lord of hosts.
“So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Matthew 5:32 Jesus:
but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife (spouse),
except for the reason of unchastity,
makes her (spouse) commit adultery;
and whoever marries a divorced woman (spouse) commits adultery.

Matthew 19:9 Jesus:
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (spouse),
except for immorality,
and marries another woman (spouse) commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:6 Jesus:
So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Genesis 2:24...LEAVE + CLEAVE!..The FIRST model marriage
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and be joined to his wife;
and they shall become one flesh.

Have you BOTH done the above verse?

SEE ALSO: Paul's exceptions on Marriage and Divorce: READ ALL of 1 Cor. 7

Are you BOTH true John 3 born again from above spiritually changed BELIEVERS??

2 Corinthians 6...TO "believers"!!
14 Do not be bound together (YOKED!) with unbelievers;
for what partnership have
righteousness and lawlessness, or what
fellowship has light with darkness? 15 Or what
harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a
believer in common with an unbeliever? 16 Or what
agreement has the temple of God with idols?
For we are the temple of the living God

Romans 12:2
And do not be conformed to this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
so that you may prove what the "will of God" is,
that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (mature)