I don't know what to do but this has to stop.

[Neostarwcc]

So the story goes that I got an oxygen test sometime last fall because I need to be put on oxygen at night for my sleep Apnea. My insurance decided not to cover the test for whatever reason, my mother could explain it to you better than I could. I tried talking to my insurance worker about it but he said "I have no clue what that is." and my wife said "Oh, you'll never get billed for that." and I kept telling her, yes I will. Sure enough, insurance didn't cover it and the oxygen company sent me a bill in November that my mother opened up and claimed it was an accidental opening (Yeah right, I'm not stupid. Any bill I get that my mother sees in the mail, anytime my wife runs through an ez pass and gets billed for it, anytime I have pretty much ANY kind of bills whether its food or anything my mom pays the bill for me. Making me to be such a disgrace as a man and to my wife.) and she paid the bill without telling me and then eventually told me that the bill existed, sent us the bill that she paid and I was really mad at her but thought it was the end of it.

Then mom goes through my mail again just a few days ago because that's what my mom does. Only this time she didn't open the mail but told me to tell her what it was and what it said immediately after I open it. So I opened it and it was another bill for the same test plus a $5 test that never existed and was done. So, stupidly I called my mom about it but only because it was a bill that had already been paid and because I had no clue what the $5 test was that was NEVER done. My mom was a nurse for over 40 years so I thought maybe she had an inkling of what it was. If she did, she wouldn't tell me.

So instead of paying it for me or having me pay it (my mom thinks my wife and I are so poor that we cannot afford anything, I mean we are poor don't get me wrong. But, I'm not such a failure that I cannot afford to pay a $44 debt!) my mother listened to my oxygen provider who ordered this test and refused to pay the bill! Despite this bill saying that they've been trying to collect for over 6 months and I'll go into collections if I don't pay it this time. The oxygen provider just told her to put "cannot afford" onto the bill and apparently I'll be exempt from paying it. No! I'd go into collections! Any moron can see that! But, this kind of sneaky fraud behavior is common among my parents and one of them claims the label of Christian.

But, of course I cannot handle my own medical bills. I'm such a failure to my wife and to my family that I cannot afford anything and I shouldn't be giving any of my money away to Charity and to other people doing God's work (despite my mom doing it all the time) because, I cannot afford it because people on disability, food stamps, and rental assistance (Which makes me feel enough of a failure in the first place but I cannot help that, I cannot work and my wife hasn't worked since we met and she only worked for like 3 months) cannot afford anything.

Here's the thing. I don't care. I just don't care. Jesus told us to sell our possessions and give them to the poor, so I do. Jesus told us to give money to the poor, so I do. Jesus said that that poor widow who gave hardly anything gave a lot in God's eyes because she gave all that she had, so I try to do that. Who gives a rats behind if I'm poor? The point is, TO DO SOMETHING. The point is what I give is usually all or most of what I have left over in a month. I usually don't have very much leftover in a month when all is said is done. You don't think God doesn't see that? You don't think one day I'm going to be rewarded for that? I didn't mean to sound a fanfare there and declare myself holier than other people by the way, I just stated something that EVERY Christian should do and be like. We should be doing the right things, not the wrong.

I don't know. Maybe going into collections is part of God's plan for my wife and I but it personally makes me feel like a failure. I was raised by two grandfather's who told me (and the rest of our family) that your job as a man is to support your family. To not support your family is a disgrace. My mother opening my own bills without my permission and then saying "I'll take care of that." makes me feel like a disgrace and like I cannot support my family. It makes me feel worse than an infidel.


And you know what the stupidest part is? My parents think I'M a loser and I'M a failure because I don't take my disability check and stick it in a safe and hide it from the government and then lie and commit perjury and say "I don't have any savings."

There was one point where I was going to give into that but, THAT'S FRAUD! My parents know that I have a history of fraud and I wanted to get away from that life after God found me but, they don't care! They just want me into that old lifestyle! Because, I'm a failure because I refuse to commit FRAUD? Which, God will see and know about? It's as if they don't know that God sees EVERYTHING! Not only that but I can go to PRISON again for that and be slapped with an etremely large fine if I'm caught? Minimum security prison mind you but still prison and still time away from my family. And it won't just be for a few months to a year it would be for a LONG time because you scammed the government. "Oh you'll never be caught and a member of your family does it all the time."

Yeah, because that makes something evil and sinful excusable right? I used to steal money from people so that means that everyone should do that right? No! That's inexcusable!

I'm glad that the Bible says that those who suffer for doing what is right and resist this evil nonsense, such is pleasing in the sight of God.

Sorry for the rant. I just.... feel like such a failure right now. And of course they can't send you an online bill so I can pay the bill behind my parents back. Of course in the year 2021 we still get physical bills that we have to pay with a check. This isn't the 1930's anymore for crying out loud. I've had a checking account since 2007 after I graduated highschool but I've only written probably 20 checks since then. And probably 15 of those were rent payments to my mother because she insists on receiving a check for rent. I'm just... such a massive failure.

Oh yeah, and then another thing. Apparently my sister gets amazon prime (something I've been paying for for a really long time) for $6 a month (It's a $15 a month service) and my parents have been using her amazon prime for free for years. The same goes with my sister mooching netflix, internet, you name it off of my parents for years.

I'm considered a loser to them if I don't mooch all of these things from them too. It just feels so massively wrong to me because these are all against the TOS to do. Not necessarily illegal to use netflix in a different family members house but, I don't feel right doing it. And ofc, I have to be a loser because I pay for my own TV services (And my own TV but don't get me even started on that.) I sometimes just wish my parents didn't live so close to my sister and I. My sister is just so... idk too.

If my grandparents were still alive, they'd be kicking butt if they knew. You don't mooch things, you get a job get off your lazy behind and you get a job. You support your wife and family or else you aren't anything of a man. That's just... the way it is and was with them.

They seemed to be okay with me being on disability because I couldn't help it. But, that was just the old fashioned ways and the way things should be. I'm just so sorry that's so... "archaic" today.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Erm, 34 and your mother rifles through your mail? Right, well that's enough to get her banged up for three years straight away.

I hope she knows that.

 

[A_Thinker]

So, ... perhaps you are unable to work to make a living ? And yet, have medical expenses that might be beyond your ability to pay ?

If that is the case, ... consider that your family members are bestowing love upon you ... to try to keep you out of debt which you might not be able to pay.

The Bible says that that we should not owe anyone. Your family members are helping you not to owe anyone.

Now, your mother shouldn't open your mail, though she is just trying to shield you. Perhaps your wife could open the bills, and be responsible to work out how they are to be paid ... with you, ... and others willing to help.

There are some people in this world ... who, through no fault of their own, ... are dependent upon the kindness of others. This is obviously the will of God for some of us. Your task ... is to find PEACE with what God provides to you.

Looking at it another way, however, ... if there is any way that you could become more healthy and productive, ... it is incumbent upon you to do so. It would be the loving thing to do ... for all concerned.

And I agree that you should strive to avoid doing anything illegal or unethical.

Best of God's blessings to you ... love your family, as they clearly love you ...

 

[Sabertooth]

I found the OP difficult to follow. I picked out that

1. You have a medical bill that should have been paid for by insurance but won't go away.
2. You peppered your OP with a lot of serious self-deprecation because of (I presume) your disability. I found that to be very distracting.

Did I miss anything?

There are logical steps that you can take to figure out #1.
(I am disabled [autistic] and a legal guardian of my severely autistic, adult daughter. That includes managing her medical bills.
I also have a CPAP for my sleep apnea.)

#2 will take some therapy and a good local church that can deal with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

In the interest of #1, may I ask what your disability is
and what kind of insurance you have?
(Don't give any of your membership numbers to me or any other stranger.)

 

[ReesePiece23]

^ I agree with the above.

We need bullet points on a postcard.

 

[Sabertooth]

Also, @Neostarwcc, is your wife better than you at managing your money?
If she is, you should let her take over your family finances (at least to fix this problem). They are her finances, too.

If she is stronger in finances than you are, that doesn't make you less of a man. It is God's answer to your family's need, because your strengths lie elsewhere.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Erm, 34 and your mother rifles through your mail? Right, well that's enough to get her banged up for three years straight away.

I hope she knows that.

Yes, she goes through my mail. I had to get all of my credit card statements delivered online because she would go through my credit card statements, see the balances and freak out to me over Facebook about how I'm paying for games and how much I'm paying for games, and sometimes both of them will freak out how much I'm giving to charity and that I have recurring gifts to them every month.

I think the reason they freak out so much is because my sister went bankrupt twice over credit cards.

But get this I'm 34 almost 35 years old. I've had credit for almost 10 years and a few times when I had to borrow money for college, my credit is flawless I've never missed one single payment in my life. Any creditor that pulls up my report gives me a credit card instantly because, I'm smart with my money and the last 10 years have proven it.

I sometimes do charge large amounts to my credit cards, in fact I frequently do but, I always get an interest free card every year pay off the balance within the year and cancel the card. I mean... I don't get what my parents want from me. I make things work with my food stamps, I'm never late on rent and haven't been since I moved out of her house when I was around 23-24 years old. I've been on my own for several years now and married for almost six years. Not ever been late for anything. Not trying to brag, just trying to point out I don't get why my finances are my parent's business.

Yes, I'm poor. Yes, I live off of disability and money the government gives me and that isn't a lot of money but, I've made it work since the early 2010's. I've never gone hungry, my wife has a roof over her head, we're warm every winter, our Dog never gets loose (He's a violent dog and doesn't like pretty much anybody but us and my dad.). Just.. you know? I'm doing my job here. I'm a man but, in my parent's eyes I will NEVER be a man. Not unless I do all this illegal crap because of course, "I'm poor and can't afford the stuff that I'm buying and giving away."

Too poor yet, somehow I've been making it work for over 10 years now. I hate the handouts because it makes me look like I cannot do my job and I failed my household. But, I can NEVER say no.

 

[Neostarwcc]

So, ... perhaps you are unable to work to make a living ? And yet, have medical expenses that might be beyond your ability to pay ?

If that is the case, ... consider that your family members are bestowing love upon you ... to try to keep you out of debt which you might not be able to pay.

The Bible says that that we should not owe anyone. Your family members are helping you not to owe anyone.

Now, your mother shouldn't open your mail, though she is just trying to shield you. Perhaps your wife could open the bills, and be responsible to work out how they are to be paid ... with you, ... and others willing to help.

There are some people in this world ... who, through no fault of their own, ... are dependent upon the kindness of others. This is obviously the will of God for some of us. Your task ... is to find PEACE with what God provides to you.

Looking at it another way, however, ... if there is any way that you could become more healthy and productive, ... it is incumbent upon you to do so. It would be the loving thing to do ... for all concerned.

And I agree that you should strive to avoid doing anything illegal or unethical.

Best of God's blessings to you ... love your family, as they clearly love you ...

I don't work but I get Social Security and government assistance, I have an income and can pay this bill. $44 is not a lot of money and like I stated, I've paid back many, many thousands of dollars over the course of the last ten years or so. I've made it work for years.
'
I hate the idea of going into collections just because I don't have the paper bill that my mom sent out yesterday. I mean, maybe I'm overreacting and they knew what they were talking about. If she put "can't afford" on the bill maybe they will excuse the debt. It's just the point.

I might be immature and not think $44 is a lot of money. But, idk. To me it's not beacuse it costs me that much pretty much whenever I buy our dog a bag of a dog food (50 pound bag). A hard drive costs about that. You know? It's not a lot of money to go into collections for. If I did work $12 is the minimum wage these days I think so it's 4 hours wage. Just... not a lot of money to potentially screw up my financial future and destroy my credit that I've worked on for over 10 years. Maybe this is God's way of saying I don't need credit to give people money or pay my bills or to pay for my wife and I's computers or whatever we need. I don't know. The maximum I've ever borrowed at one time was close to $5,000 so I guess I don't really need credit. Could always go to the bank of mom and get a loan from her. But she usually writes off any money I borrow from her because "I can't afford things"

Dunno. Just upsetting.

 

[aiki]

Here's the thing. I don't care. I just don't care. Jesus told us to sell our possessions and give them to the poor, so I do. Jesus told us to give money to the poor, so I do. Jesus said that that poor widow who gave hardly anything gave a lot in God's eyes because she gave all that she had, so I try to do that. Who gives a rats behind if I'm poor? The point is, TO DO SOMETHING. The point is what I give is usually all or most of what I have left over in a month. I usually don't have very much leftover in a month when all is said is done. You don't think God doesn't see that? You don't think one day I'm going to be rewarded for that? I didn't mean to sound a fanfare there and declare myself holier than other people by the way, I just stated something that EVERY Christian should do and be like. We should be doing the right things, not the wrong.

2 Thessalonians 3:7-12
7 For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you,
8 nor did we eat anyone's bread without paying for it, but with labor and hardship we kept working night and day so that we would not be a burden to any of you;
9 not because we do not have the right to this, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you, so that you would follow our example.
10 For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.
11 For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies.
12 Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread.

1 Timothy 5:8
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

God does not need your money.

"He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine,
He owns the rivers and the rocks and rills, the sun and stars that shine."

But your family does. And God supplies to you funds so that with those funds you may obey Him in supporting your family materially.

Under your thinking, the money you give in charity, should pass from one person to another, given endlessly, no one actually using the money to supply for their own needs, in obedience to biblical commands to act charitably. Does this actually make sense to you?

 

[Sabertooth]

The oxygen provider just told her to put "cannot afford" onto the bill and apparently I'll be exempt from paying it. No! I'd go into collections! Any moron can see that! But, this kind of sneaky fraud behavior is common among my parents and one of them claims the label of Christian.

There was one point where I was going to give into that but, THAT'S FRAUD! My parents know that I have a history of fraud and I wanted to get away from that life after God found me but, they don't care! They just want me into that old lifestyle! Because, I'm a failure because I refuse to commit FRAUD?

There are legitimate ways to keep your assets below a minimum without committing fraud. (We had to do so when my wife was on SSI.)

1. Make an extra payment toward any current debt(s) you may have.
2. Make an expensive repair to your home or car, if necessary.
3. Upgrade or replace one or more of your major appliances, if necessary.
4. If you have a mortgage, make an extra payment toward its principal.

All of these are completely legal & legitimate.